I. What We Can't Have,

When Seo Yubin was seventeen years old, Park Jongseong broke her heart.

There's a lot Yubin wished she could've done to change the order in which the events occurred. Perhaps they could've communicated better, talked about their feelings and how they truly felt for one another instead of hiding behind a mask and pretending not to know each other. Or maybe they should've never gotten involved with each other to begin with, avoiding the smiles they gave each other in the hallway, thinking it was nothing more than a friendly smile — a courtesy, if you will.

But that's not what happened. Jongseong and Yubin became very involved with one another, their curiosity eventually getting the best of them as they developed feelings, ones that friends weren't supposed to feel, ones that would lead to their demise.

Yubin wanted to believe it wasn't her fault, that her words the night before hadn't scared Jongseong. She wanted to believe that there was another underlying factor beneath the reason for his cruel words towards her. Maybe his friends had teased him too hard, or maybe he simply didn't feel the same way for her as she did for him. But she knew that no matter how hard she tried to convince herself otherwise, nothing would change because in the end, she never really got what she wanted, did she?

"We should stop seeing each other." Jongseong's eyes avoided hers as he stood on her front porch, keeping his distance from where she stood in the doorway. "For the time being."

"For the time being?" Yubin repeated Jongseong's words, confused as to why he'd ever say such a thing. "What do you mean 'for the time being'?"

"You know what I mean."

"I don't, Jongseong."

"How could you not know what I mean?" he asked, frustrated, as if he couldn't have made himself more clear. (The truth was, he hadn't.) "I mean we should stop this."

"That's exactly what I don't understand, why we should stop seeing each other." Yubin didn't know why he was suddenly acting this way. Everything was fine, they had a good thing going and he wanted to stop that now? "Is this because of what I said?" Her brows furrowed, "You know you don't have to say it back."

"What you said wouldn't have made a difference," Jongseong spoke. "I just think this is for the best."

It should be made clear that Park Jongseong and Seo Yubin were perhaps too young to be experiencing such raw and intense emotions as the ones they felt when they were together. But it just couldn't be helped and because of that, Jongseong felt afraid. He was afraid that he would feel more, more than he could handle, more than he hoped for.

Jongseong was afraid that eventually what he first believed was just another fling would turn into something more, and he felt that he needed to escape before he couldn't anymore.

Yubin couldn't find any words to say to Jongseong. And even if she had found the words, there was nothing she could've said that would change his mind. No matter how intense those emotions had been, she knew they meant nothing to him, considering how coldly he'd decided to break things off with her. In the end, he was just another one of the things she couldn't have, and to ever have been so vulnerable around him sickened her.

And still, despite it all, she couldn't help but look for him in every smile she was given, every eye that crossed hers, every soul that passed by.

It just couldn't be helped.

II. Black Hole,

Jongseong had always been a quiet person, perhaps too quiet for his friends' liking.

It's always hard to tease someone when there's nothing to tease them for. But there was something about Jongseong's quietness, something deeper and solemn, that led him to Yubin. A girl with a plan, a plan so detailed she wouldn't dare let anyone get in her way of achieving her goals. She had a future, one that involved her career and herself alone, one where she'd succeeded and gotten everything she could ever want. Yubin had her life in order.

Perhaps that was the difference between the two.

Jongseong didn't know what he wanted or what he was going to do with his life. His friends knew this much too. So when Park Sunghoon found out that Jongseong had been seeing Seo Yubin (or at least had taken an interest in her), he was nothing short of surprised.

"Seriously?" Sunghoon asked, walking beside Jongseong as they made their way home. "But why her? She's so... strange."

Jongseong never said more than what he needed to, to get his point across. Maybe that was why Yubin could never tell what he was truly feeling, because he never cared enough to explain himself.

"Who else if not her?" Jongseong said in a quiet voice, staring ahead as he adjusted the straps of his backpack.

Sunghoon raised a brow, "Well, if she's so great, why'd you break up with her?"

If there's one thing Sunghoon knows about Jongseong, it's that his eyes speak more words than mis mouth ever did. He noticed the way his gaze shifted towards the ground, the way his shoulders dropped as he debated even telling his best friend why he'd stopped talking to the girl he'd been so head-over-heels for.

"It's— complicated," Jongseong hesitated. "It's just not right."

"What's not right?"

"I can't possibly be the one she wants."

Sometimes, Jongseong wished he could understand what Yubin had seen in him. A girl like her going after a guy like him — a guy who was barely getting by in school, someone who hadn't even applied to colleges yet despite the deadline approaching so soon. He just couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that someone so prepared to leave everything behind just to achieve her goals, someone who's world varied so drastically from his, would want someone like him.

But Jongseong had never been good at believing people when they told him they loved him.

It wasn't Yubin's fault. It wasn't what she'd said to him that night they laid in his bed, their bodies tangled together as the silence fell upon them and the darkness of the night slowly consumed their thoughts with tiredness because in all honesty, he felt the same. That feeling in the pit of his stomach, as if there was a black hole slowly consuming him and everything that he was — it was a feeling they both shared.

The problem was he hadn't realized it, and now that he'd drawn the line, he feared there was nothing he could do that'd let him back into her world.

III. Heart and Soul,

Yubin liked to pretend — pretend that her heart hadn't been crushed to pieces by Jongseong's hand, pretend that she didn't care about him anymore, that the only thing that mattered to her now was graduating and getting into her dream school (which was easy for a student like her).

But she'd never been good at pretending.

Sim Jaeyun noticed the way she spaced out in the library as they were supposed to be studying for finals, the way her pen stopped moving and the way she remained on the same page of her textbook for minutes on end before coming back to reality and flipping the page. He noticed it, the longing look in her eyes as she stared out the window and watched people pass by. He knew all the times she told herself she didn't care about Park Jongseong had been a lie.

But he didn't understand why it was so hard for her to move on.

"Let me ask you something," Jaeyun started, waiting for her to face him before continuing. "What's so special about him?" Yubin stared at him in silence, unable to come up with a response — or at least one that'd satisfy Jaeyun.

"He's a good person, Jaeyun," she said.

"He broke up with you after you told him you loved him, Yubin."

"That's not it." Yubin was frustrated. Every other girl would've been seething, plotting some sort of revenge against him. Or some simply would've moved on quietly, not bothering to spare him a second glance. But in that time that Yubin had gotten to know Jongseong, she felt she'd gotten to see who he really was, how he was so much more than the playboy everyone had described him to be. She felt she knew him, despite being unable to read his thoughts sometimes.

Though many may think otherwise, his heart and his intentions are pure. During their time together, he'd given his soul to Yubin, letting her carry it with her wherever she went. And even though he'd taken it back, he left her only with the good memories.

Park Jongseong is a good person.

Jaeyun found it hard to believe how tightly Yubin is wrapped around his finger; and the longer he observes her, the more clearly he can see that Seo Yubin would do anything for Park Jongseong. She'd let him keep her heart and didn't intend on taking it back any time soon.

"Do you think he loved you, though?"

It was never clear what Jongseong was thinking. He could say one thing and mean another, which is why Yubin found it hard to believe that they'd broken up because it was "for the best." It was the reason why she hadn't fought for him as hard as she wanted to — because in the end, she believed he would find his way back to her. But did Jongseong ever love her? Or was is simply the infatuation they had for one another?

"He did," Yubin spoke, convinced.

Jaeyun sighed, "Okay." He turned his body away from Yubin, facing his laptop as he continued to study. He knew there was nothing he could do to make her see that Jongseong was toying with her, that she felt this way because he wanted her to feel that way.

But Sim Jaeyun was ignorant. He didn't understand that what Yubin and Jongseong shared was something more than a simple "first love," something deeper. He didn't understand that something changed within Jongseong the longer Yubin remained in his thoughts, that he truly did love her despite his actions and cruel words.

Park Jongseong is a good person — a person Yubin believed was worthy of love.

And she hopes he realizes that she could never hate him, no matter how many times he broke her heart.

IV. Small World,

When Park Jongseong was nineteen, he met Seo Yubin again for the first time since their end.

It was unexpected, uncalled for. He wasn't expecting to run into her while he was working, at a job he hated with people he barely got along with. He wasn't expecting her to walk up to his register and set her things down, a look in her eyes that he couldn't quite decipher.

Jongseong avoided looking at her, focusing on bagging her items and hoping Yubin wouldn't acknowledge him or the past they had. He hoped she'd moved on and thought of him as a stranger — nothing more, nothing less.

But Yubin couldn't stand the silence. It was eating her alive.

"How've you been?" she asked. "I haven't seen you in so long."

"Well," he replied, scanning her last item.

"That's good to hear."

"$17.63."

There was a disappointed look on her face as she moved to take her wallet out of her pocket. She figured he was simply shocked to see her, after all this time. She was too, despite asking all their mutual friends about him every chance she got.

"I'd like to talk to you, Jongseong," Yubin said, handing him a twenty dollar bill. "It'd be nice to catch up."

Jongseong doesn't understand why it's so hard for him to speak to Yubin. Perhaps it was because he was at work, just trying to get through his shift after an already terrible day. But he knew it wasn't that. He was never really able to talk to Yubin, despite having so much he wanted to tell her. He felt like that seventeen year old boy he used to be — never expressing his true feelings, always bottling things up, ashamed that if he felt too much, she'd only turn away from him.

Why was it so hard to talk to someone he so desperately wanted?

He sighed, his lips forming a thin line as he finally looked up, reaching his hand out and giving her back her change. His fingers brushed against the palm of her hand and suddenly, he missed the feeling of her hands intertwined with his — even if it was behind closed doors. His eyes met Yubin's, holding her gaze. It was almost as desperate as his.

"Sure," he said. "That'd be nice."

Yubin waited for Jongseong outside as he went to tell his manager he'd be taking his break early. She waited for what felt like forever, her heart racing within her, her arms crossed over her chest and her leg bouncing slightly, anxious for what was to come. She didn't know why she was so afraid — it was Jongseong after all.

"I heard you got into Brown."

Yubin looked up at Jongseong, who was standing close to her, leaning against the wall grocery store he worked at, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans. How long has he been standing there? She cleared her throat, fixing her posture. "I did," she said.

"What d'you study there?"

"Neuroscience."

Jongseong cracked a smile. "I figured."

Deep down, he wished he'd forgotten about Yubin. He wished he didn't remember every little detail she'd told him about herself, about how it was her dream to study the human brain despite her mother wanting her to become a lawyer. He wished he could forget it all and say he'd finally moved on, but he couldn't.

"So you're just back for the winter?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said. "I'll go back once next semester begins." Yubin paused, looking down at her shoes. "It's my first day back, actually."

"You must be so happy to have run into me, no?" Jongseong joked.

"I am." She stared at him, watching his expression change. "I missed talking to you."

There was so much Jongseong wanted to say in that moment. He wanted to tell her the truth, that him breaking up with her wasn't the best, that his life had only gone downhill, that her presence frequented his dreams no matter how many times he tried to get her out of his head. It was as if she was haunting him, and he wanted to hate her for it.

But Jongseong could never hate Yubin.

"I missed you, too."

V. Where You Are,

It seemed Jongseong would run into Yubin whenever he went, whether he wanted to or not.

As much as he wanted to see Yubin, as much as he'd searched for her in every person that walked past him, he couldn't help but feel the need to avoid her now. There was no need for him to. After all, their conversation her first day back had concluded with them leaving on good terms, to the point where they'd consider each other friends.

But Park Jongseong found it hard to be friends with the girl he'd loved for so long, despite him never telling her so.

"Did you ever consider staying here for school?" Jongseong asked, holding her bags as he walked her home. They'd run into each other outside the corner store late at night, where Yubin had gone to get a late night snack while Jongseong carried a bag from the twenty-four hour pharmacy just a block away. She'd noticed the tired look on his face when their eyes had met and figured he'd just go about his night after saying hello. But that wasn't the case. Instead, he'd offered to take her home — since they were going in the same direction anyway.

"I did," Yubin said. "But everything's so familiar here."

"Isn't that usually the reason why people stay here?"

"I don't think I would've liked it," she said. "I needed a change of pace."

"And how's that going?"

"Good."

Jongseong paused. "That's all?" he asked. "Just good?"

"Yeah, it's good," she said. "New place, new people. I mean, I guess I miss home sometimes, but I get to come back every break, so it's not so bad."

In all honesty, Yubin missed her home terribly. She missed her friends, her mother, the corn dog shop around the corner from her house. But most of all, she missed Jongseong. She missed looking for him, even though she knew seeing him would only do more damage to her heart. If she could turn back time, she would've chosen a school closer to home just to be with him, just to be near him. But sooner or later, she had to learn to let go of a love that no longer searched for her.

Perhaps he, too, had some lingering feelings.

If only she knew he'd search the ends of the Earth just to see her again, even if it was from afar.

Jongseong walked in silence beside her, swinging her plastic bag back and forth gently, paying attention to every word she said. How her classes weren't as hard as she'd thought they'd be, how the people there were so different from the ones back home — so spirited, so lively. "It's such a nice place," she said. "But I always felt like there was something missing, you know?"

"Did you ever figure it out?" Jongseong asked, a shiver running down his spine as a cool breeze passed them by. "What was missing?"

"You weren't there."

Jongseong stopped in his tracks. He lifted his head to look at Yubin, who had stopped ahead of him, looking back at him with a serious look in her eyes. "What do you mean by that?" he asked quietly, afraid that he'd misunderstood her and was getting ahead of himself. "You don't mean that."

"Why would I lie?" Yubin felt she had nothing left to lose.

"We're friends."

"I don't want to be your friend, Jongseong."

There's always been a strong force of attraction between them. And even though they'd only been "friends" for a short period of time, Yubin had come to the realization that being Jongseong's friend was not enough. It's not what she was made for, not when she wanted him so desperately, to the point where she could barely breathe around him.

And the thing was, Jongseong felt the same. But he was so afraid of messing it up again, afraid that his thoughts and insecurities would get in the way and he'd only hurt her once more.

"You don't mean that," Jongseong repeated, his voice quieter than before. "You should get some sleep, Yubin."

"I just want to be with you."

"It's getting late. We should g—"

"Why do you always have to push me away?"

Jongseong watched the tears form in Yubin's eyes. He watched them fall, leaving a track on her cheeks beneath the dimly lit streetlights. He stood there, unable to speak, the words caught between his throat as he began to hate himself even more than he already did. "I never know what you're thinking," she said, "or what your words actually mean. But I'm telling you right now that I mean every word I've ever spoken to you." Yubin's voice cracked, "Then and now."

Jongseong knew, and it made him feel terrible.

There was hesitation in his voice, his mouth opening to say something, then closing again before he could say anything. Yubin waited. She waited for him to try and gather his thoughts, she waited for a response. He could say anything to her and truthfully, she'd still take it. As long as he said something.

"There's nothing good about me, Yubin," Jongseong spoke. "I don't want to hurt you any more."

"You missed me. Was that a lie?"

"No."

"Then what more do you need?" She felt pathetic, how desperate she was to convince him that she wasn't the only one that felt this way. She'd waited so long for him. She'd avoided other people in hopes that Jongseong would change his mind, that he'd come back and regret everything. She waited, hoping that maybe they could work out a second time around.

She'd wait forever, really, if it meant he'd come back. Why couldn't he realize that?

"Don't think about what will hurt me," she said, taking a step closer to him. "What do you want?"

Jongseong didn't know what he wanted. He knew he loved Yubin, that he'd frankly do anything for her. But was being with her truly the best decision? She wouldn't be here for long, a couple more weeks at most. Their relationship would primarily be long distance, and Jongseong couldn't really wrap his head around that idea. But it was Yubin telling him she wanted to be with him. It was her that was telling him she loved him despite it all.

So why was he hesitating?

"It's not gonna work."

"We can make it work."

"You're not gonna be happy with me."

"I've always been happy around you."

He sighed, "Why are you waiting for me?"

"Who else if not you?"

It took Jongseong longer than it should've to realize that Yubin didn't want anyone else besides him, and once she'd set her eyes on something, she'd do anything to have it. He realized it the moment his lips met hers, as he held her face gently in his palms — afraid to touch her, afraid to hurt her again. He realized it when she kissed him back, her arms wrapping around his waist as she pulled him closer, pulling on the fabric of his jacket.

Yubin would've done anything if it meant she got to be with Jongseong.

VI. Shame,

Park Jongseong and Seo Yubin were never meant to be friends.

After their conversation, Jongseong had come to the conclusion that no matter how hard he tried to fight it, his heart would always lead him back to Yubin without fail. No matter how far he strayed from the path, he would always find his way back in the end. So he caved. He let go of those insecurities and doubts he'd clung to since the day they met, deciding that perhaps his happiness was important too, that maybe he had a right to be with Yubin, despite her being so far out of his league.

But they were happy, and that seemed to be all that mattered to them.

"I bet a lot of guys tried to ask you out," Jongseong started, biting his ice cream. They were seated on a bench in the park near Yubin's neighborhood, watching people pass, wasting time. "Like they did here."

Yubin laughed, "No one ever asked me out here," she said, crossing her legs as she bit the cone of her ice cream. "Besides you, but even then that wasn't really asking me out, was it?"

Jongseong turned to look at her. "We went on dates," he said.

"Yeah, in your room."

"I thought you liked my room. You said you liked my Radiohead posters."

"I did," Yubin said. "But I can't help it if I want to go out, walk down the street, maybe sit on the side of the street and feet some of the strays." She sighed. "I felt like you were ashamed of me back then."

"I wasn't ashamed of you," Jongseong replied, staring at the cement beneath his feet. "I was ashamed of myself."

"Why?"

Jongseong shrugged. "I always thought you could do better than me," he said. "You're the smartest person I know. I mean, you got into Brown, and I never even applied to any schools. You can do so much better, you know? I don't know why you don't."

Yubin went quiet. She knew Jongseong had always had trouble talking about his feelings, but she never knew he actually felt this way. "Is that why you broke up with me?" she asked, staring ahead, a part of her afraid to hear the answer.

"Yeah," Jongseong said. He paused, looking back at her. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she said, bouncing her leg gently. "At least you told me, right?"

"I know. I never meant to hurt you."

"You don't have to worry about hurting me." Yubin looked at him, intertwining her hand with his. "I just want you to be happy."

Jongseong could never quite calm his heart down around Yubin. He always felt out of breath, the mere sight of her being enough to take the words straight from his tongue. But his eyes spoke all the words he couldn't say. Yubin knew that. It's why she didn't care for an explanation on why they'd broken up, or why she never hated him.

Because his eyes had always told her they loved her, despite him being unable to.

But even after she'd reassured him, even after they'd finally gotten to talk about their feelings towards one another, Jongseong couldn't help but feel he still wasn't good enough. Yubin should go on to do great things with her career, meet someone who is worthy of being loved by her. She shouldn't be dragged down by someone like Jongseong, someone with no future outside of their hometown, someone who'd only ruin her chances of a better life.

Seo Yubin was too good for Park Jongseong.

VII. Dream of Me,

Yubin answered the phone every time Jongseong called.

It didn't matter that it was 1 AM. Yubin answered the call, getting out of bed as quietly as she could so she wouldn't wake up her roommate, carefully closing the creaking door of the bathroom and turning on the light. "Hello?" she said, waiting for Jongseong to respond.

"Hey," he said. "Sorry to call so late. How've you been?"

Yubin rubbed her eyes, trying her hardest not to yawn so Jongseong wouldn't know how tired she was. "I'm okay," she said. "It's been a boring day. You?"

"I'm okay, too. I'm taking my break right now, so I thought I'd call you." She hummed, pacing back and forth in the bathroom. "What're you doing right now?"

"Nothing much," Yubin replied. "I was studying for my calc midterm — you know, typical college stuff." She could hear Jongseong chewing from the other end of the call, smiling subconsciously. "You eating?"

"Mhm. Granola bar and a Red Bull. I'm working a double today, so I'm gonna be here until—" He paused, checking the time and doing some quick calculations in his head, "—11 PM."

"You should eat more then. I don't think you'll be able to survive on that alone."

"I'll be alright."

Jongseong had never been fond of the idea of long distance relationships. What was the point in dating someone if he had to wait 4 months until the next time he'd be able to see Yubin? He didn't like that he wouldn't run into her anymore, that he couldn't hold her hand while they went on late night walks around her neighborhood. He didn't like that their timezones were so drastic, that when his day was starting, hers was ending. He believed it was inconvenient, too much effort.

But he figured perhaps it'd be worth it in the end.

"I had a dream about you last night," Jongseong said.

"Really? What was it about?"

"I can't remember." Yubin laughed again. "I just know you were in it and when I woke up, I missed you more than usual."

"I'll be back soon," she said. "If all goes well, maybe I can get a break in between the semester and I won't have to retake this stupid calculus class." Jongseong snorted. "See? I'm not that smart."

"You're still the smartest person I know," he said. "I gotta head back soon." Yubin heard him crumble the wrapper of his granola bar and push his chair back. "Mm, do me a favor."

"What is it?"

"Dream of me, will you?" he asked.

Yubin smiled, "I'm always dreaming of you." She could hear the smile growing on his face, a small giggle coming from his throat. "Okay, get back to work."

"Okay," he said. "Love you, bye."

Jongseong hung up before Yubin could say anything more. She stood there in her bathroom, staring at the screen of her phone, the time now 2 AM. It was an understatement to say that she was tired — perhaps exhausted was the correct word. She wanted to crawl into bed, close her eyes, and wake up a week later. She wanted to stop studying and throw her textbooks and notes out the window of her dorm. But most of all, she wanted nothing more than to be held in the arms of Jongseong again, a place where she could rest free of any worries.

But this was only temporary. Soon, she would be back in his arms.

Soon, she wouldn't miss him as terribly as she did in that moment.

VIII. Lingering,

"Again?"

Park Sunghoon gave Jongseong a look, his brow raised as he questioned his words. "You're telling me you're dating Seo Yubin again?"

"Yeah," Jongseong said. When he was met with silence, he turned to look at Sunghoon, who was still giving the same look. "It's better this time, I promise."

"What's better about it?" Sunghoon asked. "Besides the fact that you actually talk to her now. You never see her unless you FaceTime her or wait until she comes home for the break, and even then you don't know the exact date. Are you sure you're okay with that?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Lemme guess: because it's her?"

"Yeah. It is her. It's fine as long as it's her."

"But is it really? Or are you just saying that so you'll feel better about the situation?"

Park Sunghoon knew Park Jongseong well — well enough to know that even if he said otherwise, he still wasn't okay with being in a long distance relationship with Yubin. He wanted to see her, he wanted to hear her voice clearly and not through the phone. He wanted to hold her and talk to her while she was right in front of him. He wanted her to be with him, not some 7,000 miles away. Sunghoon knew this. He could tell just by looking at him.

"But things are good," Jongseong said. "I don't want to ruin that again."

"But you're clearly not happy."

"I'm happy because it's her, Sunghoon. I don't need much more of a reason."

"Are you sure you really love her, though?"

"You're crossing the line," Jongseong said. "I suggest you take a step back."

"Look," Sunghoon started, "I just want to know if you actually love her like you say you do, or if you're just stuck on some feelings from the past. Like, you feel guilty for how you ended things, so you're trying to make it up to her."

Jongseong stared at him, unsure if he should even respond. Sure, he'd felt guilty in the past, but it wasn't the reason why he was dating Yubin again. He was dating her because he loved her, not because he had some remaining lingering feelings from the past.

Right?

"I love her," Jongseong said, "and I'll be seeing her soon. That's good enough for me."

"Okay." Two years later and Sunghoon still couldn't understand what it was about Yubin that had Jongseong so head-over-heels for her. Was it because she waited for him? Was it because she claimed to love him like no one else could? Or was it simply because she was as good as Jongseong described her to be?

Did she really make Jongseong happy? Or was he suffering, afraid that if he cried for help, she'd see him as weak and abandon him?

Was Jongseong happy, or was he lost in the idea of being happy with someone that loved him?

IX. Yours,

On Yubin's flight home for the summer, it rained.

Jongseong waited at the airport anxiously, keeping his head low as leg bounced rapidly. For the past couple of weeks, he'd been trapped in his head, Sunghoon's words repeating themselves over and over like a broken record. He just couldn't stop thinking about it, about the fact that maybe — as much as he wished otherwise — he was right.

He was conflicted. Jongseong had done a lot to prove that he truly loved Yubin, so why did Sunghoon doubt him? Why did he question him when all he ever talked about was her, when all he ever thought about was her? For the past two years of his life, Park Jongseong had loved no one as much as he claimed to love Seo Yubin. But perhaps that was the problem.

How could Jongseong love Yubin when he didn't even love himself?

It was 12:38 AM. He'd been in the same position for the past hour and a half, thinking. I am happy, Jongseong thought. This is the happiest I've ever been. And it wasn't a complete lie. He truly was happy whenever he spoke to Yubin, but was that a strong enough reason to keep holding onto her?

Was it best for him to stop dragging her down and let her go?

Jongseong felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. His leg stopped bouncing as he took it out and held it in his hand, seeing that he had three unread messages from Yubin.

yubin
Arrived!
I'm about to go through customs
See you soon 😊

Yubin didn't know that Jongseong was waiting for her at the airport. She didn't know that he'd argued with Jaeyun for two hours until he finally gave up and let Jongseong pick her up. She thought he'd be asleep, or at least working (because Jongseong told her he could never sleep well when she wasn't around). So when she saw him ten minutes later, his eyes focused on the floor beneath him with one hand tucked in the pocket of his jacket and the other fidgeting with his car keys, she felt like crying. In fact, she did.

Jongseong looked up, his eyes meeting Yubin's instantly. He stared at her for a second, watching as she covered her eyes with her hand, her shoulders shaking as she cried. He walked towards her, shoving the keys into his pocket as he wrapped his arms around her, his eyes glossing over with his own tears.

"I thought you were busy." Yubin's voice was muffled as she spoke into his chest. "I thought Jaeyun was—" She hiccuped, "—picking me up."

"I convinced him to let me do it instead," Jongseong said, holding the back of her head with his hand. "I wanted to be the first person to see you."

"You're such a jerk," she said, her grip around him tightening.

"Why?"

"For making me cry," she said. She heard him laugh, which only made her cry harder. "I missed you so bad."

"I missed you more."

It was then that Jongseong realized it. What he felt for Seo Yubin was not a lingering feeling, one that he held on to for the sake of reminiscing. No, what he felt for her was real, a feeling he'd always associated with Yubin.

Park Jongseong loved Seo Yubin with every fiber that was his soul. From the moment he'd kissed her for the first time in his bedroom, believing that she truly was the most beautiful person he'd ever met, to now as he held her in his arms. Even on the day he'd broken her heart, he never once thought to take his heart back. He let her have it, for it was hers since the beginning.

He was made to be hers.

X. Completely,

"I talked to Jaeyun the other day," Yubin spoke as she sat in the passenger seat of Jongseong's car. He'd pulled over outside her parents' house, waiting for the rain to stop and passing the time as they talked to each other. "When I was packing."

"What'd he say?"

"He asked me why I chose you in the end," she said. Jongseong turned his attention away from the window and looked at Yubin. She wasn't looking at him. Instead, was watching the raindrops fall down the window, leaving tracks as they disappeared. "He asked me if I thought we were better off wanting each other than we were having each other."

"Do you think we were?"

"No."

"What'd you tell him?" he asked.

"The same thing I told you," she said, "because who else if not you, Jongseong?"

Jongseong's gazed softened as she turned to look at him, their eyes meeting. "All I did was hurt you," he said. "I'm sorry I ever did."

"I never held it against you," she said, exhaling. "I know it's hard sometimes and I understand why you did it. That's why I waited, because I know you didn't mean it." She paused, "Because I knew you still loved me either way."

Park Jongseong had always had a problem communicating his emotions, especially when it mattered the most. But he never had to with Yubin because she knew him. She knew how he felt, even if he couldn't find the words to describe it to her.

Jongseong felt tears form in his eyes the longer they held each other's gaze. As many times as she'd told him she loved him, his brain always told him he'd never be enough for her, that she would leave him and find someone better because that's what she deserved, someone who could love her wholly, completely. Not someone like him, who was always second guessing himself, who was always putting himself down because he simply couldn't fathom the thought that someone as great at Seo Yubin had chosen him. But sitting there in his car with her, listening to her tell him the same thing she always told him — he couldn't help but believe her this time.

"You know I love you," Jongseong said.

"I know," Yubin said, reaching out to hold his hand, a solemn smile resting on her face. "I've always known."

Once the rain had stopped, Jongseong helped Yubin get her luggage out of the trunk of his car, offering to take it inside for her. "I got it," she said, taking her suitcase from his hands. "It's late. You should go home and get some rest."

"I can't sleep without you," he said with a playful smile, pulling her close.

"Stop," she said, laughing. "Go to sleep. You'll see me tomorrow, okay?"

He looked down at her, holding out his pinky. "Promise?"

She at him smiled, hooking her pinky with his. "Promise."

"Okay," Jongseong said, letting her go. He watched as she opened the gate to her parents' house and closed it behind her, looking at him one more time as she blew him a kiss and waved. Jongseong waved back, pretending to catch her kiss. And he watched, waiting until the front door of the house closed before he got back into his car and drove away.

Jongseong doesn't know why he ever doubted his love for Yubin. Every time he thought back on it, he couldn't help but regret never realizing it sooner. It'd always been so obvious that Park Jongseong was in love with Seo Yubin.

Because who else would he love if not her?

THE END.