June 2023

"Eden!" Calum yells from the front of the bus, loud enough for the entire state we're currently in to hear him. I sigh, my phone pressed up to my ear as it rings painfully slow as I wait for Jamie to pick up.

"Just a minute, Cal."

Just as I'm yelling that, Jamie's voicemail begins to play. I've heard it so many times I have it memorized, silently mouthing along to it. It seems nowadays, I'm listening to his answering machine more than I'm hearing his actual voice... and I'm sure he feels the exact same way.

I hang up without leaving a message, throwing my phone onto my bunk before sliding out and walking to the front of the boat, where the boys, Sierra and Crystal, are sitting. "You good, babe?" Crystal asks, her brows furrowed as I plop down beside her on the couch tiredly.

I hum, resting my head on her shoulder, "What's going on, Tim Tam?"

I glare at Luke across the bus as the use of their new nickname for me, playfully rolling my eyes. The boys had introduced me to Tim Tam biscuits, which they'd brought from Australia for the bus... and I might have gotten slightly addicted.

Apparently, eating an entire packet of Tim Tams a night is enough to earn the nickname Tim Tam. We had to order more from a specialty website the other night after running out, the boys pretending to be annoyed as we ordered every flavour.

They weren't really annoyed; I could tell they found me amusing.

"Haven't talked to J in a while," I admit, pulling my legs up to my chest and hugging my legs around them, "we just keep missing each other. I thought after everything that happened the night of my album release party, things would get better."

"And there not?" Michael asks, frowning as he pours a cup of coffee from the machine we have on the bus. I can't help but smile as he grabs a second cup down, the cup I've claimed as my own.

I shrug, "We text a lot. He's always sending me pictures of London, and I send him photo's from our shows every night. I shouldn't even be complaining. It's just..."

"Not the same?" Calum asks, finishing my sentence when I hesitate.

"Exactly," I nod, "it feels like he's on an entirely different planet or something. Whenever I can talk, Jamie's busy, and when he finally can, I'm too busy getting ready for the show... and by the time that's over, he's asleep."

Michael sits down beside me, nudging me with his arm as he passes me my coffee, made just how I like it. "We did long distance for a while," He admits, nodding over to his wife, "it wasn't easy. I remember there would be days it felt impossible, but we did it."

Before I can respond to Michael, my phone begins ringing loudly from my bunk, "That's him." I pass my coffee to Crystal quickly, practically tripping over my own feet as I sprint to my bunk. I don't want to miss him again.

I can't miss him again.

I press answer quickly, relief flooding through my as Jamie's face appears on my screen, "Oh my god, hi." I sigh, smiling. He looks tired, his hair a mess, as he smiles at me, clearly in bed. I can see his bare shoulders on camera, longing to be there and rest my head on them.

"Hey, Trouble," He smiles tiredly, "that was the longest game of phone tag ever."

He's right. We've been trying for days to find a time when both of us would be able to talk. Whenever I had downtime, he was filming, and whenever we weren't rehearsing or performing, Jamie was suddenly crazy busy. And then, before we knew it, he'd be in bed, asleep, waking up while I was asleep.

"A new record for us," I crack a smile, pulling myself into my bunk. Mine is in the middle, right above one filled with luggage and below Calum, who likes to wake me up in the morning by hanging upside down and scaring the shit out of me.

Jamie turns on his side, moving his phone as he rests his cheek against his pillow, "I miss you," he says, quietly as if sharing a secret, "like a lot."

I follow his actions, inhaling as I rest my head against my pillow. Before I left, I sprayed the shit out of my pillow with a sample of Jamie's usual cologne, loving how it smelt of him. The smell is beginning to fade now, "I miss you." I say, "How's work?"

"Busy," Jamie sighs, exhausted, "I know it'll be worth it in the end. It always is. But I'm so tired."

I mentally count what time it is in London, a frown adorning my face when I finally have my answer, "Jamie, it's past 2," I say, feeling like a parent scolding their child for staying up too late. No wonder he looks so tired, his blue eyes heavy. I wish I were there, tucked in his arms, reaching up to kiss his temples as we drifted to sleep. "Do you work early tomorrow?"

"I've got a 6 o'clock call time," he nods, a yawn he's been holding in escaping past his lips, "but I wanted to talk to you."

I want to talk to him too. I wanted to hear him aimlessly talk about whatever random topic came to mind, his accent comforting me. I didn't want this.

"You need sleep, J." I frown, hating to say goodbye so soon, longing to stay on and talk for hours, "you look exhausted."

Jamie playfully frowns, muttering under his breath, "Ouch."

"You know what I mean. You've got work tomorrow. You should sleep."

Jamie sighs, "I know. I'm sorry."

I'm used to it, I almost say, biting my tongue before the words can fall past my lips.

"It's okay," I say instead, forcing a smile on my face, not wanting him to think I'm upset, "we'll talk tomorrow," I say, knowing that probably isn't true at all. Instead, we'll probably spend another few days playing phone tag before our schedules finally coordinate, "I love you."

"I love you." He mumbles tiredly before hanging up.

And just like that, I'm alone again, curled up in my bunk alone.

When I walk back out to the others, they're all watching me expectantly. I sit between Crystal and Michael again, the couple both reaching to comfort me. I rest my head tiredly against Michael's shoulder as Crystal reaches over to hold my hand, squeezing it comfortingly.

As if sensing I need it, Calum stands and moves into the small kitchen area, "would a Tim Tam make you feel better or worse?" He questions, searching for the snack.

I don't think anything could make this okay, but a little chocolate never hurt no one, "Better." I say, "Much better."

🖤

July 2023

"Yes, E!" Michael cheers, his voice ringing through the recording booth. Today was our first day off in who knows how long, and we've decided to spend it in a recording studio, playing around with some songs we've been working on during the bus rides. "Luke, get in there. Let's lay down some harmonies."

On my way out, Luke passes me, holding his hand up for a high five, "Nice work, Tim Tam."

I sit in the chair beside Michael, fascinated by the producing side of things, watching him play around with the buttons, knowing exactly what he's doing. I've recorded a full album, and yet, I still can't believe this is my life.

Lilly is going to freak out when she hears I'm featured in 5sos's next single.

"Cal, can you pass me my phone?" I ask, leaning back in my seat slightly to speak to the bassist. My green phone case is on display, resting on the sofa cushions. I haven't touched it once today. Too busy working on editing lyrics we weren't vibing with and listening to the other boys lay down their vocals, which were perfection, as always.

I quickly press Lilly's contact, holding up my selfie camera and signalling for the boys to get in. Ash and Cal both hold up rock-on gestures with their hands while I stick my tongue out, my one eye winking at the camera. I send it and quickly tease what the five of us might be up to today.

Lilly is typically the fastest replier I know. So, when she doesn't respond within seconds, I move to Instagram to scroll while I wait for her inevitable response, which will most likely be something about how jealous she is.

The first photo on my feed is one Ashton posted, a photo of me in the recording booth, teasing what's to come. I double-tap it and comment before moving on to the next post. The next photo is one from Trinity, a throwback of her and Jamie at one of the premieres, standing by posters of their characters. I remember taking this. Jamie is laughing at some stupid joke I made before capturing the photo.

God, I miss his laugh.

I go to keep scrolling when the long caption catches my gaze. My heart sank as I read on.

Shit.

I don't realize I've said that out loud until Crystal speaks up, "You okay, E?" She asks, noticing the panic settling in.

I'm definitely not okay, but my fingers are flying across my screen too fast to reply, my brain counting through the hours to figure out what time it is over there. It's only 11 PM there, so hopefully, he's not asleep yet.

"I'll be right back," I say, my chair screeching as I stand up, moving out of the studio.

It feels like an excruciatingly long time until my phone finally stops ringing, Jamie's voice greeting me, "Eden," He sounds tired and sad... Oh shit, he sounds really sad, "hey."

"Jamie, I'm so sorry," I'm pacing, my heart racing as I try to figure out how to make it up to him. If the roles had been reversed and he had forgotten me, I'd be a mess, stuck in bed, heartbroken. "It's no excuse, but we've been so busy, I hardly know what day it is anymore, and then today we're in the studio, and we've been working so much I haven't touched my phone."

"Eden, it's-"

"No, it's not," I cut him off sternly, "it's your birthday, and I am the worst girlfriend in the world. I get if you're pissed and don't wanna talk, I'd be the same way. I'm sorry."

"You're not the worst girlfriend in the world," Jamie sighs. Once I've finished, needing to catch my breath from how fast I was talking, "You were busy. I get it."

He's making it sound like I forgot something small and unimportant. I forgot his fucking birthday. I can hear the sadness in his voice, and my heart sinks at the thought of hurting him, of being the reason he feels this way. He deserves better.

"It's no excuse," I say, meaning it, not wanting him to make excuses for me, "I'm so sorry."

Jamie sighs, and I wish I could see his face to gauge his mood right now, "Eden, it's okay." He reassures, and it almost sounds like he has to reassure himself at the same time, "You're okay."

"I'm gonna make it up to you," I say, determined. Though how do you make it up to someone after forgetting their birthday? I've never found myself in this circumstance before, "okay?"

"Okay," He nods, and then I hear music playing in the background loudly, "I'll be out there in a minute," Jamie says to someone else. I can hardly hear the other person, though Jamie speaks with them for a few more seconds before finally saying, "Trouble, you still there?"

"I'm here."

"I've gotta go," he sounds guilty, but why? I'm the one who forgot his birthday. I'm the one who should feel bad, not him. "But we'll talk in the morning, okay? I love you."

"I love you, too." I say, "Happy Birthday, Jamie."

My heart sinks when the line goes dead, my feet feel frozen in place. Jamie doesn't deserve this. He deserves a girlfriend who can be there for him right now, sharing drunken kisses as he parties with his friends, celebrating. He deserves a girlfriend that woke him up with breakfast in bed and extra cuddles, adoring him even more than usual today.

He deserves so much more, and I can't give that to him.

I don't even realize I'm crying until someone turns the corner to the recording studio, Sierra's brown eyes connecting with mine, "oh, babe," she rushes over, letting me fall into her arms. A sob racks through my body as I hug her, allowing her to hold me up. "What happened?"

"It's just so hard," I cry, "I don't want to keep hurting him, "I don't want to keep hurting him. He deserves more."

Sierra doesn't question what happened yet, letting me cry in her arms, arms, "It's okay." She mumbles, running her fingers through my hair, "It's all going to be okay."

🖤

@edenbliss posted a photo!

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edenbliss
Happy birthday to my person❤️

tagged: @jamieflatters

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user1 I've been waiting all day for this one !!
— user2 same! I thought she was gonna forget!

user3 this photo. Oh my god.

calumhood happy birthday, mate!

lilgibs this caption. I'm crying
— michaelclifford same
— lukehemmings did she scream this time @jackchampion
— jackchampion yes...
— ashtonirwin ahhh never gets old.

jamieflatters thank you, love❤️ I miss you.
— user4 I need a Jamie and Eden reunion asap.

🖤

August 2023

   "Eden," a familiar voice calls into my dressing room, knocking on the door, "come out here. I want to hug you." 

    I rush over to the door at the sound of his voice. I'd been waiting all day for him to show up, constantly checking my phone, waiting for updates on when he'd been here. The boys reassured me he'd get a backstage pass, and one of the girls would go fetch him while I got ready for the show.

    "Jacky," I squeal, launching myself into the younger but much taller boy's arms, hugging him. While I've seen my sister, Lilly and Trinity at some shows, it's been since our first show in LA that I've seen Jack. He's been busy filming all over the place. Every time we talk, he's in a new place, getting ready to work on a new project. His name has been everywhere lately, with girls all over the world falling for the boy I considered my little brother.

    "I missed you, dude," he said, placing me back down on the ground. His hair is recently cut, no longer in the mullet style he'd had it in for his last role.

    I reach for his hand, squeezing it as I drag him into my dressing room, "ugh, I missed you too," I say, sitting back down at my vanity, turning in my chair to face Jack, who's found a spot on the couch against the wall, already eating out the bowl of M&Ms left behind for me. "Although, I feel like I see you every day via tik tok edits."

    Jack groans, his head falling back, "don't get me started." He playfully rolls his eyes, "Lilly sends me those all day."

    I laugh at the thought of that. The edits of Jack are mostly made by teenage girls, all simping over him, and I can only imagine Lilly sending them to her boyfriend all day, teasing him, "How is she?" I ask, turning to get started on my makeup. My hair is done, curled, and I'm in my glittery dress for the night. "How are you guys?"

    They've been long-distance for a few months now. I saw Lilly a few days before she left for Romania to film the new season of Wednesday with Jenna, which she's snagged a role in. She had been so optimistic, and I didn't have it in me to tell her how miserable long distance could be, how it feels like your heart is unwhole, the other half of it on the other side of the world.

    "She's amazing," Jack gushes, eyes wistful she he thinks of the blonde, "and we're amazing. I thought the long distance was going to be miserable, but we're doing super well. I mean, I miss her like crazy, obviously; but we've worked out a really good routine and talk all the time..."

    My heart stings, both happy and envious.

    "That's awesome," I say, though I don't sound enthusiastic. Jamie and I have been long-distance since April, and it's been awful, to say the least. After missing his birthday last month, things have only gotten harder, and the games of phone tag longer, the two of us constantly missing one another.

    It seems one of us is always disappointed. We both deserve more, and neither of us have the time to be that for the other.

    "It is," Jack nods, though I can see his brow quirked through the reflection in the mirror, "you alright, Eden?"

    "Why isn't it easy for us?" I question, genuinely. Everyone I've talked to about long distances all had great experiences. Michael and Crystal did it, and now they're freaking married. Jack and Lilly are doing it, and he's buzzing, glowing as he talks about her.

   I wish I could talk about Jamie and I's experience like that. Things could feel amazing from afar, the way it is for Jack and Lilly. I hate how jealous I feel toward Lilly and Jack, my stomach churning.

    These past few months have been the best of my entire life, and yet... I'm miserable.

    "What do you mean?"

     "I want to be everything for Jamie," I explain with a sigh, unsure how to put how I'm feeling into words. "I want to be his support system and his biggest cheerleader. I want to give him all of me and nothing less than that... Because that's what he deserves." My words get stuck in my throat as tears brim my eyes, "But I can't."

    "Yes, you can," Jack shakes his head at me, confused, "you are his everything, Eden."

     "And he's mine," I nod, smiling. He's my person, the only boy I've ever loved and could ever imagine myself being in love with, "but it's like we're both chasing one another down all the time and constantly missing one another." I turn around fully, sighing, "Jamie and I have attempted to call every day this month, and you know how many times I've been able to answer?" Jack shakes his head, "Twice. He calls and texts, and I'm so busy I hardly touch my phone until the end of the day. When we finally do talk, he's exhausted from the day, and I'm just about to go on stage." I continue when Jack doesn't say anything, "He is living his dream right now, and so am I... and no matter how hard we try, our dreams keep pulling us apart."

    "Eden, what are you saying?"

     My heart hammers in my chest as the tears brimming my eyes begin to fall. I don't want to do this, my heart longs for the moments when things were perfect when it felt like Jamie and I were the only two people in the world, and nothing could tear us apart. I wish I could go back and savour those moments.

    Because everything is different now, we're so different.

     "I think Jamie and I need to take a break."

Dun... dun... dun...
The breakup is coming, but next chapter is gonna be carrying on from where the last chapter left off, aka Eden and Jamie's convo on the roof!
Sorry if the jumping back in forth is confusing lol!! I really love it lol