CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT:
SHADOW OF MINE
(episode nine: trapped)

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JJ MAYBANK WAS FIVE-years-old when he realised he wasn't alone in this cold, rotten world. His mother was nothing but a distant memory, someone whose face he wouldn't even recognise on the street. His father was more corpse than man, with decaying flesh and alcohol-infested organs. He never was allowed to see his grandparents, on either side of the family, and Luke Maybank spoke of his sister like she was the devil incarnate. For the longest time, JJ was never even told about Haven Murphy's existence. He just presumed that his aunt was unmarried with no children, because Luke saw his sister as someone impossible to love.

If his father had his way, JJ would've never found out about Haven.

Really, it was an accident, a slip of Luke's tongue after one beer too many. He lashed out as soon as JJ repeated the new name, but it did nothing to phase the little blonde boy whose hopes were yet to be dashed. For the next few weeks, he went around town with the name on his mind at all hours.

Haven, Haven, Haven, Haven.

It was Haven in the school-yard when the kooks would shove around pogues like him. It was Haven when he first failed a test. Haven at breakfast, when he sat alone at the dining table eating scraps from the fridge, and Haven at night, when he locked himself in his bedroom in fear that his father would come to hurt him.

He told his teachers about her, and even his first friend, John B, a boy he had met in the sand-box on their first day of school. It got to a point where everyone just presumed Haven Murphy was weirdo JJ Maybank's imaginary friend, someone who he dreamed up to fight against the genuine nightmare he lived in. Eventually, JJ started to believe it too, for the Haven he dreamed of as a kid, the girl who would care for him like he so desperately wanted from his parents, had never sought to contact him.

Perhaps JJ was just like his aunt, impossible to love, and even the cousin he had never met thought so.

Then, fast-forward a couple years, and the Haven Murphy that came barrelling into a freshly sixteen-year-old JJ's life was not what he imagined as a kid. For starters, his version of Haven was blonde and blue-eyed, whereas the teen version of her had dark, choppy hair and eyes to match. His version of Haven rarely left him alone, whereas this version didn't even say one word to him.

For a horrible moment, it confirmed his deepest fears. The cold-as-ice JJ Maybank really was unlovable.

That made him angry. Who was this random chick to decide who he was? Showing up with her mother and father, her dogs and her nice house and her expensive school, Haven was everything he hated and more. It actually relieved him to know that he hadn't been missing out on anything. The Haven who comforted him after every hit from his father, after every harsh word and night filled with tears, had never existed in the first place.

Of course, he realised he was wrong when one of his best friends quite literally dragged her into his life, and now he wouldn't change anything for the world. Ward could have offered JJ every bar of gold from the Royal Merchant and then some, and JJ would've given up every bit if it meant he never, ever lost Haven Murphy again.

Still, sometimes he wondered if he cared more than he should have. He worried that one day, despite everything they had been through together and how much everything had changed, she would disappear for good. She'd decide that it wasn't worth caring about someone so frayed at the edges, so impossible to fix. Even when she was sobbing and clinging to the front of his jacket, wanting just a shred of comfort from him, JJ wondered how long this purely good thing would last. She felt real, all skin and bone, but perhaps she truly was imaginary and he was slowly beginning to lose his mind in the isolation of loneliness.

Would Arden be next? Or one of the pogues?

Haven, too caught up in her own thoughts, failed to notice JJ's expression shifting from doubt to terror when a truck rumbled around the corner. Its headlights were sheer white beacons in the darkness, momentarily blinding the pogues as it drove past the ruins of Kie's car. Haven frowned, listening to the engine's fading roar, unsure why the driver didn't think to stop after seeing a group of teens stranded alone at night, when Pope let out a horror-filled shout.

"We've got to get back to the church," he demanded, frantically yanking on the sleeve of John B's jacket when he didn't move. "It's Rafe."

The pogues didn't hesitate after Pope's realisation. Taking off the way the truck had just come, Haven allowed JJ to drag her along behind the others, nearly slipping on the rain-slick asphalt but forcing herself to run even faster. Freedman's Church didn't look any different in the dim light of the moon, but the second they skidded to a stop outside the ancient doors, Haven knew what was coming. She tried her best to prepare, but as Pope shoved open the doors and found an empty room, she couldn't help the shattering impact of disappointment.

Rafe had beaten them to the cross. Limbrey had beaten them to the cross. It was Ward and the gold all over again; only this time, the pain was ten times harder to bounce back from.

"It's gone." Kie's voice was a mere echo in the crumbling church, shattering whatever barrier Haven had tried to put up between their newest loss and the hammering of her heart. She inhaled sharply, hand gripping JJ's wrist as the two of them stepped inside after Pope.

"Damn it," JJ cried all of a sudden, releasing Haven to kick one of the church pews. A bit of wood splintered beneath the toe of his boot, scattered across the floor. "Damn it! I knew I didn't hide it well enough."

"JJ..." Haven began, wanting to remind him that he wasn't to blame, though she was quick to trail off when he shot her a glare. There was something already fractured about his stare, like the loss of the cross was only the heat of the flames, the first spark prompted way before. She forced herself to look away, arms curling around her stomach as he kicked and kicked at the church pew until he put his foot right through the seat.

"Okay, what do we do? What do we do?" he muttered to himself, his hands tearing almost desperately at his hair. "Come on! Think, think, think... We need a plan, we need a plan―" He cut himself off with a gasp of realisation, brows settled in a grim but nonetheless determined line that made the rest of the pogues ― excluding Pope standing at the altar ― share a sceptical glance. "Okay, here's what we do. We'll grab some kerosene tanks from the Chateau, then we... we go to my dad's shop and grab some dynamite! And then we drive down to Charleston, and tell this lady who she's messing with! Because this is some bullshit, guys."

It was Sarah who voiced her doubt first. Haven was gaping at JJ incredulously when the blonde girl muttered, "That's not gonna help."

"Well, what is, Sarah?" he scoffed at her.

Sarah pursed her lips, eyes narrowed dangerously. She went to retort when John B intervened, voice calm but impatient. "Look, I'm thinking, okay? We can't just blow shit up, JJ."

Sighing, the last of JJ's anger bled away into sadness. He followed Haven's gaze towards Pope, sadness wavering into defeat as he took in the boy's hopelessly teary stare. "I'm sorry, Pope," he murmured, wishing like the rest of them that there was something, anything that he could do to help his friend. 

The reality was that JJ nor Haven could do anything. Limbrey had won, ripping Pope's history right out of his clutches.

"Denmark would have stood right here," the Heyward boy said at last, hands ghosting over the dusty platform. He didn't meet their eyes, but he didn't have to, he had every bit of their attention. "Preaching to everyone he set free. A slave, the sole survivor of the Royal Merchant, he got the gold and the cross and he brought them both to shore and used it to free every person who walked through those doors. He made a church, a family, a congregation... a home, and the Limbreys took everything from him. They stuck dogs on his wife and his kids, and when he tried to get her remains, they hung him."

With every word, he moved further away from the platform and closer to his friends, close enough that Haven could see he meant every bit of anger behind what he said. He was tired, they were all tired, but none more than Pope.

"Well, I'm done," he exclaimed. "I'm tired of that shit. That is not how this is gonna end. We need a freaking win, guys. I'm going to get my family's cross."

Haven felt a smile tug at the corners of her mouth, an expression soon mirrored by the others as Pope, their stubbornly determined friend, marched towards the doors with his head held high. He didn't need them to avenge his family, to make his ancestors proud, but he paused in the archway of Freedman's Church and turned to them with an almost hopeful stare.

"You guys coming?" he asked, as if the answer was anything but a yes.

"Well, if you put it that way," John B chuckled, hand intertwining with Haven's as she moved to stand at his side.

"Yeah, maybe we should think about it, you know?" JJ smirked before scoffing, "Hell yeah, we're coming, Pope!"

They found the Twinkie where they'd left it behind, quickly filing in and setting off towards the Cameron home. The air inside the van was charged, excited almost, despite the tricky situation ahead. There was no doubt in Pope's mind that he'd find the cross and take it from Rafe's cold clutches, no matter the lengths he'd have to take. JJ was quick to encourage him, mapping out what he called the 'Rafe Cameron Extermination Plan' all the while trying to call up Arden. He was sent straight to voicemail no matter how many times he called, but that didn't seem to concern him or anyone else ― well, it didn't until they rounded the corner and found police surrounding Kie's car.

"Ah, fuck," Haven cursed, instinctively curling into her seat when Shoupe and Plumb rushed to pull them over. Tension had chased away the last of their excitement, leaving them reeling as Shoupe came to a stop beside John B's window.

"Good evening, officer," John B stammered, to which Shoupe gave an unimpressed huff while pointing at his badge. "Uh, I mean... Sheriff."

For a long moment, Shoupe said nothing, merely shining his flashlight at each of their faces like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Only a few weeks had passed since John B was given back his freedom, and already he and the pogues were toeing the line of the law. Going red in the face at just the thought, he spat out, "I pulled the tags and I know whose truck that is."

Well, shit.

All eyes immediately drifted to Kie. She was sitting behind the passenger seat, head ducked low despite the blinding light of Shoupe's torch. She sighed, pushing herself up when he acknowledged her, "Well, hey, Kie. You drop your weed pen back there?"

Any other time and Haven would've laughed. But with Kie's truck laying in literal pieces on the road and John B fresh out of prison, a sinking feeling of dread had taken hold instead. What if they ― and by they she meant Plumb, who was hovering over Shoupe's shoulder like a bad smell ― tried to pin the blame on him? Then what? What would Kie's parents do when they found out what she'd done? Boarding School paled in comparison... and what about Melinda? How long would it take for her to hear what Haven was up to?

Almost like he was thinking the exact same thing, Pope leaned forward to catch Shoupe's gaze. "Sheriff, I just wanna say that this is all my fault. They had nothing to do with this, I take one hundred percent responsibility."

Shoupe rolled his eyes. "Nothing to do with it?" he echoed. "You wanna try that again?" He turned his attention back to Kie, impatience breaking past his stony exterior. "Your parents reported the truck missing four hours ago, and the keys were missing from the house. I'm taking you home, or I can put you all in for leaving the scene of an accident."

"Okay," Kie sighed, raising her hands in defeat.

"Good. Plumb."

Nose in the air, Plumb marched around the van to yank the door open. Kie moved to stand beside the officer but hesitated before Plumb could slam the door again. With one last sorrowful glance at the pogues, Kie said, "I've gotta deal. Hit me up later and make sure I'm still alive."

Slowly, the flashing red and blue lights disappeared as police cars departed the scene. All that was left was the wreckage of the Carreras' car, an officer organising a tow truck to collect it, and the twinkie sat on the side of the road missing not just one but two of the pogues.

"Hey, guys," JJ muttered from the backseat. He had his phone clutched in his hand, a frown tugging at his brows as he pressed a few of the buttons. "Arden's still not answering her phone."

"She's probably sleeping," John B shrugged, forcing himself to restart the van under the pensive stare of the remaining officer. They set off down the road at a slow pace, momentarily distracted from the end goal. "You know how Arden is."

"Yeah, but she always sleeps with her ringer on," JJ grumbled when he was once again sent to voicemail. "You know, just in case..."

"Look, I'm sure she's fine," Pope said, but even he didn't seem certain. "We'll head over to the Chateau once we're done at Sarah's, okay? Just try not to worry. It's Arden."

As it so happened, 'it's Arden' meant nothing when Rafe Cameron was involved. Pulling up outside the Cameron residence, the group was stunned to find Arden Kim accompanied by Rafe in the driveway, the boy's hand firmly grasping around the arm that wasn't cradling Logan. For a second that felt like a century, they stood frozen behind the fence.

Then, all at once, everything snapped.

"I'm gonna kill him," JJ fumed, lurching at the fence with every intent of going over to them. "I'm gonna fucking kill him."

"JJ, wait," both Haven and John B cried. Haven was quick to grab hold of his shoulder and yank him back, though even she had to fight the urge to chase after where Rafe was forcing Arden inside. "We have to think about this."

"Think about what?" JJ hissed at her. "That's my fucking girlfriend and my daughter, Haven. He's kidnapped by fucking girls!"

"Yeah, and we both know exactly what he's capable of," she retorted, stubbornly clutching onto his jacket when he tried to pull away again. "JJ, we're going to help her, okay? Just... think for a second."

Inhaling deeply, JJ nodded. Haven hesitated before releasing him, everyone lingering close like they expected him to lash out again. When he didn't, they slowly began to retreat, caught off guard by the sudden coolness of his stare. He seemed totally unbothered, like Arden wasn't in danger, like his daughter wasn't so close yet so far away from him, like everything wasn't falling apart.

"So what do we do?" Haven asked. She was the only one who stayed beside JJ, her shoulder pressed against his in a subtle gesture of comfort. He refused to look at her, gaze locked on the door Arden had just gone through, but he eventually relaxed into the touch, so much that Haven could feel the shudders of restrained tears. "If we go in guns blazing, we're risking Arden and Logan."

"We can't just give up," Pope grumbled. "I mean, how much do you wanna bet he has the cross in the back of that truck? We're so close."

Haven didn't know what to say. She was exhausted, her mind still reeling from when Pope crashed Kie's car, from when they found the church empty and Pope first crumbled. The reality of Arden's situation hadn't even sunken in yet. She was seeing it with her own eyes, but everything felt like a dream, a very realistic and terrifying dream where Rafe-the-killer-Cameron wouldn't hesitate to hurt Arden and Logan if it meant he got what he wanted.

"Okay," Sarah murmured, voice cutting through the silence like a knife. "I've got this."

"Got what?" Haven frowned, but discovered her answer almost immediately when Sarah began to hike herself up over the fence. "Whoa, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Like I said," Sarah said as the boys also voiced their concern. "I've got this."

"You're going to get caught," John B hissed at her.

Sarah merely shrugged. "I know how to handle Rafe."

At that, Haven scoffed. "He almost killed you the last time."

But Sarah Cameron was nothing if not stubborn, and Haven knew that. Nothing was going to stop her now, leaving Haven and the boys no choice but to watch her drop down on the other side of the fence. She was quick to dart across the lawn, circling Rafe's truck in an effort not to be seen through the windows.

"What is she doing?" John B frowned.

Almost like she heard him, Sarah whirled around and waved her arms at them in a confused gesture. I don't know what to do, her expression screamed as she dropped down from peering through the driver's side window.

The second she turned towards the house, Haven knew. Shaking her head desperately, she heaved a sigh of frustration when Sarah ignored her and began to march towards the door.

"Oh, my god, she's so dead," Pope gasped, which did nothing to help ease JJ's already frayed nerves. "We did tell her not to go inside, right?"

"I thought that was a given," Haven muttered, beginning to pace back and forth the second Sarah's figure disappeared.

"Quick, do the bird call," JJ told John B, who then cupped his hands around his mouth and made a gurgling sound.

Momentarily distracted, the others rounded on him incredulously.

"That is not what a bird sounds like," JJ scoffed. "What's that? A dying chicken?"

"Oh, like you could do any better."

"I could."

"Then why didn't you do the bird call?"

"Jesus, can we stop talking about the fucking bird call?" Haven snapped at them. "She's already gone, idiots."

"Alright, that's it," JJ heaved a fed up sigh. "I'm going over."

Not a moment after he said that, a sharp beeping sound followed by a pair of headlights came from around the corner. Haven froze, heart lurching into her throat when the barrel of a shotgun zeroed in on herself and the three stooges behind her trying and failing to climb over the fence. She breathed an almost immediate sigh of relief when the headlights faded to reveal an elderly man on a golf buggy, but the gun left behind some scepticism.

"Uh, excuse me, can I help ya?" was the first thing the man said as he gave a hearty laugh. "I got double-aught bucks in this thing, so I can't miss."

"Look, sir, we were just―"

"Ah, young lady, I don't want to hear it," Haven, shocked, went quiet when he merely waved her away dismissively. Gaze locked on the boys, he demanded, "Alright there, kids, come down off the wall now."

"Sir, it's not what it seems," JJ echoed Haven as he came to stand beside her.

"You kids are on the wrong side of the island," the old man said with a disappointed shake of his head.

"And how would you know that?" Haven glowered.

He shot her a pointed look as if to say 'are you seriously asking me that?' before setting his sights back on JJ, the one he had deemed the most untrustworthy. "Alright, kids, on your knees."

"Excuse me?" Haven grunted right before JJ yanked her down beside him, John B and Pope slowly copying them. "What's the matter with you? We told you this isn't what you think it is."

"I think I'm gonna call the police," he retorted like she hadn't even spoken.

"You don't have to do that, sir," JJ insisted.

"I'll decide for myself what I need to do."

"Sir, can I just talk to you for a minute? Just to explain?" When the man said nothing, JJ slowly rose to his feet, hands hovering awkwardly behind his head like he wasn't sure if he should put them down or not. "Sir, I know you think we're just some derelict kids from the Cut, but we weren't that to Mr Cameron."

"Sure weren't," John B scoffed under his breath.

"We were his yard workers, sir," JJ stammered, to which both Haven and Pope frowned at him in confusion. "We were just waiting for our... yard associate... uh, Tommy... to get back from planting a row of flowers for Mr Cameron's memorial!"

Haven struggled to smother her laughter as JJ hung his head and gave a dramatic sob. Slowly, the man's gun began to lower away from their faces until it was hanging by his side.

"Keep talking," he said, foolishly believing JJ's sorrowful act.

This was it, Haven thought to herself. This was when JJ fucked up, as usual, and they had to run for it. Haven sighed, preparing herself to sprint, when JJ took a bold step towards the man and smacked a hand onto his shoulder.

"The knight of Rhododendron lives on," he declared with a gesture towards the man's chest. "In here. That's why we planted those flowers. You smell that, right?"

The only thing Haven could smell was dirt and sweat, but the man must've noticed something she didn't. "What is that, night-blooming jasmine?" he questioned, to which Haven's brows furrowed.

Night blooming jasmine? she confusedly mouthed to John B and Pope as JJ shook his head in earnest. Both boys shrugged, clearly as lost as she was.

"No, sir, that's actually natural Viagra," he said, to which Haven finally let out that shocked laugh and the others quickly rushed over to intervene. They began tugging JJ away from the wide-eyed man, demanding Haven help them as her frenzied cousin continued shouting, "One sniff and bam! It's hammer time! You know what I'm saying, sir? I think you do, you seem like the wild type."

"JJ, stop," Pope hissed before turning towards the man and smiling painfully. "Uh... our associate, um... Tommy... he should be out any minute."

"We'll be quiet, okay?" JJ promised, nudging away his friends to pat the man on the shoulder. "And we'll finish up here. I'm sorry to bother you."

Slowly but surely, he began to shuffle back towards his buggy, his shotgun long forgotten as he slung it over the passenger seat. "I've gotta get some of those flowers," a disbelieving Haven heard him mutter right before he drove off into the night.

The second he was gone, she rounded on JJ. "Seriously? Yard workers? Viagra?"

"Well, I didn't see you coming up with anything."

"That doesn't matter right now," Pope hissed, already retreating towards the fence. "He's gone, so let's hurry before the next kook comes along."

One-by-one, they hopped the fence, Haven last of all. As John B helped lower her to the ground, the front door opened and Rafe stepped out again, a baby cradle clutched in his hands. Even from the other side of the yard, they could hear Logan's cries as the boy carelessly shoved her seat inside the truck and slammed the door, leaning against it with his arms folded impatiently over his chest.

"JJ, don't..."

"Arden, hurry the fuck up!" Rafe's voice echoed through the cold night.

A moment later, the door opened, and Arden appeared. It took Haven a moment to recognise her, but in the twenty or so minutes since she'd disappeared with Rafe, he'd managed to change her whole appearance. Black and blonde hair now completely black in a shitty dye job, she looked thoroughly uncomfortable in a long beige coat with a black lace dress beneath. Looking at her and how Rafe pushed her hair back in appreciation made Haven's skin crawl. This was the Arden Kim he was so obsessed with, not the pogue version of her, the girl JJ loved ― this was Rafe's very own perfected doll.

They watched helplessly as Rafe hissed something in her ear then stepped aside, allowing her to frantically crawl into the truck and pick up Logan.

"JJ!" John B cried and latched onto him again. "Just wait, man."

"Look at her, bro, he's fucking dyed her hair," JJ said, red-faced and burning with anger. "I can take him."

"Oh, yeah?" Haven scoffed, voice catching in her throat as the truck engine rumbled and Rafe's door slammed behind him. "And what if he has a gun?"

"What the fuck am I meant to do then?" her cousin rounded on her next, a single tear falling from his eye before he could stop it. "I'm meant to be Arden's boyfriend, Logan's dad, and you want me to stand here and let... let fucking Rafe Cameron take them from me?"

"We'll figure it out, okay?" John B said, glancing from JJ's defeated form to the truck slowly pulling out of the drive. "Sarah's still in there, she might've heard something."

But Haven was no longer paying attention to them. She was watching Pope. Not once had he said anything since seeing Arden leave the house a shell of her former self. The moment the truck got close enough, he leapt into action, ignoring Haven's horrified shout of his name as he took off running and grabbed hold of the back door.

"Pope!" JJ tried and failed to follow after him.

It was too late, though. The truck was long gone, Pope and Arden along with it, and Sarah was being led out of her house unconscious and slumped over in Rose's arms.

"Oh, fuck..." Haven gasped, ducking down alongside the boys when Rose's eyes moved to scan the yard cautiously. "What the fuck have they done to her?"

With Sarah out to the world, it was easy for Rose to shove her into the backseat alongside Wheezie. They set off quickly down the road, prompting the pogues into action. Haven's fist slammed against the glass beside Rose's head, the boys pounding on the back doors desperately.

"Wheezie! Open the door!" John B shouted, to which they saw Wheezie scream in terror.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Rose?" Haven tugged at the locked door handle. She was stumbling over her feet, struggling to keep up with the vehicle that was slowly picking up speed, but she refused to stand back as both her friends were snatched away from her. The Camerons had taken so much, but not this. Not them. "Let her out, Rose! Stop the fucking car!"

In the end, their efforts were in vain. Rose reached the corner of the driveway, hit the gas, and was gone within seconds. Haven felt her legs give out as she narrowly dodged Rose running over her foot, forcing JJ and John B to hang back and help her up.

"Come on!" JJ cried, tugging at her wrist as Rose's headlights faded into the night. "Let's get to the twinkie! We can chase them."

Crammed into the backseat with a panicking JJ while John B took to driving, a thought occurred to Haven the further away they got from home. Whatever the Camerons had planned, it didn't involve Outer Banks. They had the cross, the gold, not to mention Sarah, Arden and Logan. There really was nothing left for them in Outer Banks, but Haven was an entirely different story. She had her mother waiting at home, she'd gone M.I.A yet again on Brec, Leo and Allison. Was she prepared to throw caution to the wind again? After everything that had happened the first time, and after?

Haven was going to have to make an impossible choice.

And she didn't have much time.

But looking at JJ, it struck her that she'd follow him anywhere. She squeezed his hand once, watching as he forced a smile for her before squeezing back, and she knew.

Maisie was right. Haven was always looking for a sign. Something to tell her she wasn't making a mistake, that she was in too deep and just needed an excuse to back out, to protect herself from the final impact.

Haven was tired of looking for signs. For once, she'd decided what she wanted, and he was sitting there holding her hand; the boy she called her brother.

JJ hadn't realised it yet, and perhaps he never would, but Haven knew. She'd follow him anywhere.

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A/N: Okay if you're wondering why there's so much written about Haven and JJ, I was rereading earlier chapters today and crying about how far my babies have come. From strangers to acquaintances to family, I just love them so much and I really wanted to show that Haven is more than just another pogue or the main character's love interest. She and JJ are probably the most important relationship in Lovejoy, and I don't think I've shown it nearly enough. Anyways, that's all for this chapter. I'm so close to the end and I'm both happy and sad about it. Be sure to let me know what you think! The next chapter will be coming soon :)