Dear all,

I am sorry because I said I would post on Sunday, but it was not possible.

I had been on holiday for a couple of weeks and there was no free time to write; seeing how many of you worried, I should have written a message before. Sorry about that ^^

Here is the new chapter and given the fact it came out rather long, I decided to split it in two parts. It is an important chapter under many aspects and I think you'll understand what I mean.

I would love to post every week, but I can't promise about it: I work, I train and as you can see, my chapters are long and intricated, which means it takes some extra time. But I'll try my best :)

Once more, thank you very much for your support, for being wonderful readers and to enjoy my stories, to write me lovely messages: it's a honour for me.

I have posted a picture of Viola --> beautiful Lead Monster Bunny, because I like her character and I would like to better develop it. Also, here is a song that seemed good for Oleg and Anatoly.

I would like to dedicate this chapter to FrozenEscence, because I know how much you enjoy Oleg and Anatoly's story :)

Well, as usual let me know what you think of this new chapter and... shortly I will post the second part!

For now, enjoy it!

"If you give me wings I will soar for you, even if this whole land sinks into the water. If you give me a sword I will fight for you, even if this whole sky shot through with your light" by Tite Kubo, Bleach Volume 34

OLEG POV:

More days passed since that evening when Anatoly looked unsettled and I still had not been able to find the chance to talk to him. He was avoiding me to a point that it became rather unsettling for me and I could not rest quiet until I knew what had happened. There were no doubts that something had happened and my only wish was for Anatoly to trust me enough to talk to me openly. I did not want to force it out of him, because in my heart rested a rather selfish hope that Anatoly would come to me by his own will, a hope for him to always rely on me for anything he needed.

It has been another week very busy in terms of work and it helped to place such thoughts away, somehow pausing what I have been feeling in the past days. But it was only a short pause, because once alone and once free from my duties, my brain elaborated everything more and more. His words from that Sunday kept circling in my mind and if I associated them to his current behaviour, it was too clear that I had misunderstood the nature of his feelings. I had also underestimated the depth and honesty of his emotions and attachment, ignoring my own, too. My eyes stared at the ceiling as I was trying to fall asleep; it was rather late because I had to look into some papers and I also trained very hard. I needed the tiredness of my body to better relax, because this situation had become ridiculous for me.

Anatoly was the one taking not two, but several steps back and it was not all; he had also somehow shut me out and avoided me with all his might. I was starting to think, or rather, I was trying to convince myself that this was for the best and that it was good that Anatoly had changed his mind and somehow realized how all of this was out of place and not appropriate. I let out a dry laugh and closed my eyes. I was being purely hypocrite, because I had sunk to a level in terms of attachment where hardly a way back could be seen. In fact, there was no way back from it.

The truth was that I did not want to go back, for I have never found someone in my life like Anatoly. The truth was that the mere idea of him forgetting and breaking his attachment felt like a knife carving deep in my flesh, drawing out blood and leaving on my skin a scar that could never completely heal. He was very different than me in some aspects, but then, we were completely the same in many other ways. I was ignorant and not prepared when it came to love of this nature, because I never loved anybody in my life, and I never had the need to be with somebody. The affection and attachment I had for my few relatives did not count, as it belonged to another kind and sure did not come in help.

Yet I was not sure how to handle it and I was not sure Anatoly wanted to handle it at all, in the meaning that he actually wanted to confront it and solve it. The last thing I wanted was to force my own feelings and decisions on him. However I could not keep in this limbo for much longer. It was beginning to be unsettling and restless.

I had to sort everything out on my own and then eventually confront the punk, but that meant confronting myself with many other issues. The rain poured loudly outside and ticked on the window of my room, lulling my thoughts; therefore I indulged them on the object of my personal chaos, my own time bomb that threatened to shred everything in me. A long breath left my lips as my wishes embrace the image of Anatoly resting beside me on this bed, together listening to the rain, in completely silence, or simply listening to his words. My hand stretched to my side, as if somehow feeling him close, but my side was empty.

What would Mr. and Mrs. Denisov think of this? How would they react? Mrs. Denisov seemed to have stopped observing me as she did in the past weeks, but I had not missed the quick look she discreetly spared. I was indebted to Mr. Denisov, no matter what he insisted repeating over and over, that the debt was overly paid and that they considered me as part of the family. If I had not met Mr. and Mrs Denisov that night in Novosibirsk, my life would have taken a completely different turn and not a good turn.

Would they find me ungrateful in their regards and unfit for their son? Would this unsettle Anatoly or not? This was my primary worry, because I had sworn to always look after him and be at his side, whenever he needed me. Thus, I could not stand the idea of being the source of his problems and confusion.

His words once more crossed my mind: "Oleg, I am not sure you understood me well. I don't give a fuck about mistakes you might have done and I don't give a fuck about crap like not being without stains or sins. You are you, and this is the deal. Do you understand what I mean?" and then:"I know how I see you and I know who you are and what you are for me. But don't get premature white hair: I understand what you think of everything and I shall not be a pain in the ass for you."

I suddenly sat straight on my bed, because his last words now placed every piece together. He was not taking steps back because he had changed his mind or because his heart had altered, but for the simple reason he had not realised the nature and consistence of my feelings and because, exactly like me, he had no idea how to handle everything.

Indeed Anatoly and I were very similar and indeed, it might be a problem given our natures. This time, it was the brat that had misunderstood me and for the first time, I realised that if I kept behaving as I did until now, I would lose him forever. It was about time to decide where my priorities stood and then to face all the possible consequences. But once more, I swore to myself that I would not leave Anatoly alone and that I would never let him carry or face troubles.

Tomorrow Mr. and Mrs. Denisov planned to spend the day and night at Mrs. Denisov's sister, as she needed assistance with a personal matter. Tomorrow was going to be the perfect moment to talk to Anatoly, because his avoiding me had been protracted far too long my patience and comprehension could take. Anatoly had to tell me what happened the past week and we had to talk.

ANATOLY POV:

It finally was freaking Friday, because this week had been a massacre in school. I have no idea what had gotten into the professors, but they pulled out surprise tests and shit like that. Damn, enough was enough and I just wanted to go home and relax. However, I had promised Viola to help for that stupid Halloween party and, all in all, it was not the pain in the ass I imagined it would be; for some reasons the party had been postponed in November and I offered Viola to help her. Adrian was often there and I could see he had questions about that day he had met Vince, but he didn't ask any and once simply asked how my "friend" was. To be honest, I hoped that bastard was fine, because he hadn't contacted me since then and nothing had better happened to him, or else I would go there and kick their sorry ass.

Shit, what was I saying?

They would kick my ass and big time and fuck me: what was wrong with me?

This reminded me that I kept avoiding Oleg like a vampire avoids the light of the sun, and now I was afraid I had fucked it up. But for crying out loud, I had no idea what to do and I still had no idea if the impassive bastard felt something or not; and, in the case he actually held emotions, if he would even consider "indulging" his duty-is-my-life and impassive self in that. Somehow "to indulge" seemed a verb that a man like him would use in this situation, especially someone like him so fixated with freaking duties and obligations. The more I thought about it, the more I grew confused and pissed, so my mind let it go for a short break; but it was not easy. Whenever I thought about him, my mind went around in circles, on and on, and it drove me insane. This behaviour of mine was terribly immature and I was aware of that, but for now I couldn't do anything else.

Yes, I had decided to let go and forget about Oleg, but freak...it was not something to do as easily as I thought. It was not easy to see him and it was hell to force myself away from him. Did I honestly wish to let go of him? Was I really capable of letting go and forget him? I wanted that man as fuck; I desired Oleg and I needed to talk to him and know everything about him. He tried a few times to approach me and I ran away, until he stopped to seek me out, probably tired of my dodging him.

I fucked it up. I knew it: I was a gigantic and stupid, immature moron.

I even had dreams about it and it was almost painful to wake up realising the bed beside me was empty. Oh God...I had become obsessed with him. I groaned out loud frustrated, punching a stupid stuffed-toy pumpkin and Viola shot me a questioning look, but she let go as I shook my head.

What was going on with her in these days? Viola hadn't been her usual self for almost two weeks and to be honest, I was beginning to worry.

She was eerily quiet and much sedated, as if something had sucked her atomic energy away. She greeted me with her usual doll-like smile and her enthusiastic cheerfulness, but the smile didn't reach her ears and she would listen rather than talk. Viola was a talker, maybe sometimes a rather tiring talker, but I grew used to it and somehow, I realised she never opened her mouth to say something utterly stupid or useless. She lived in her own world for sure, but I liked her because of that. She understood I needed my space and stopped jumping on my back as often as before; she had good taste in books I discovered, and V was smart enough to understand that reading was something I preferred to keep private. So she would simply send me a message on the phone whenever she finished a book that I could like and it turned out the skinny doll was right.

Now she was painting some figurine of ghosts for that party and that dumbass of Sergey was there helping, too. His father had chewed his head more than I imagined and forced him to be useful and see with his own eyes what it meant to have real problems and a shitty life. His father probably hoped it would kick some sense in his rotten brain, but I doubted it. Yet, who the hell was I to judge? I had sunk so low in the past years that I was in no place to judge. I had been blessed to get a second chance.

Viola told me that once a week they went together to one of those houses where kids without parents lived; it turned out that the skinny doll liked small kids and Adrian told me that they adored her, because she would read them stories, created stories for them out of the blue and she would be her enthusiastic and always cheerful self. I could not imagine that asshole there with kids and V, but that was the deal. Now he was painting some poster and it was crystal clear that this was pissing him off as fuck. Well, I could care less about that shithead.

I climbed the ladder, as I decided to do the "hard" job, and hung some more decorations on the wall and I quickly observed Viola. She was quiet; she was way too freaking quiet. I asked Adrian, but he strangely knew very little, saying he was concerned and that it was not normal for her. However, he told me how this probably meant that something had happened; he simply didn't want to force it out of her and waited for her to elaborate it. He explained me how that skinny and loud doll used to be bullied in primary school, and that she always kept it a secret until it became obvious. When I heard that, blood blinded my eyes and for a long moment I wished to kick those small fucktards in their ass. I glanced at her once more and noticed Sergey looking at her; I didn't like that, because he was a real bastard. I climbed down and went to talk to him, but V called me.

"Anatoly, what do you think of my ghosts?" She held up what she had created and I could picture her surrounded by annoying and loud kids adoring her for her creations. Viola probably still believed in fairies and that made her a freakish unique girl that I wasn't afraid anymore to call friend.

"That one looks lame," I deadpanned pointing to the one she held on her right hand. She looked at it and nodded.

"Hmm, you are right actually. This one needs another session of make up," she smiled at me but once more the smile didn't shy in her usual way.

"The others are not too bad, though. Do you want me to hang them for you?" The idea of her climbing up there didn't sit well with me. She looked too fragile.

"I'm happy you liked them, Anatoly!" I couldn't understand why someone like her had been bullied in school, but Adrian explained me that she always had that honest and spontaneous enthusiasm that would make her say she believed in fairies and in all magic creatures, triggering the meanness of stupid kids, because kids in school could be worse than demons. She walked to Sergey and I stiffened. "What do you think of them?"

He looked at her as if tempted to tell her off, but he simply shrugged and looked back to his poster.

"They look like ghosts, so what?" I rolled my eyes, because I honestly couldn't believe I used to go around with that idiot.

Viola then climbed on the ladder with her ghosts before I could stop her, ready to hang them on the ceiling, but as she reached the top of it, the ladder made a terrible sound and a leg gave in, making Viola lose her balance and throwing her down.

I reacted without thinking, throwing myself on the ground to catch her, cradling her thin body with my arms as my eyes caught sight on the ladder about to hit her head; I rolled to the side right on time to avoid it, having the stupid thing falling on my shoulder. Shouts erupted in the room and someone pulled that freaking ladder away from my shoulder. It was Sergey, who also had thrown himself to my great and unbelievable surprise to catch Viola. Everyone there gathered around us, asking if we were fine, probably more worried about blood been spilled on the decoration.

"Anatoly, are you OK?" She turned in my arms and I breathed out as I realised she was fine and nothing had happened to her. "Anatoly, I'm so sorry! Are you hurt? I am so sorry, but it's good that happened to me and not to you."

"What the hell are you talking about, skinny doll? Thank God you weight nothing. And it's me asking you if you are OK and not you, you got it?" I sat up and checked her out. Freak...this had been close.

"Oh my God, Viola, Anatoly, are you guys OK?" Her friend ran over together with that shrimp-like guy, the Cameron dude that always looked like he was about to be sick whenever I made the effort to exchange a few words with him.

"We are fine, we are cool," I said quickly, because luckily none of us had been injured and because all of this fussing around annoyed me.

But had it been possible that the ladder gave in like this? What if I hadn't caught her on time? What if...what if I had been there? I swallowed down slowly and a doubt crept in my mind. This couldn't be just a stupid accident, because it was known I was the one climbing up and because too many little things happened around me and to me in school. Fuck...it couldn't be an accident. Was I really the target of some lunatic here in school? Given how I behaved in the past years it was not so unbelievable, but to get to the point of hurting me? Of actually almost hurting a friend of mine? That pissed me off very much and I honestly wished to discover the little moron and tell him a few words in the ear.

"I'm OK, thank you Anatoly, that was very knight-in-the-shining-armour like." She shivered a moment and it brought me back from my dangerous train of thoughts. I caught the expression of Sergey standing there and checking on her. No, it hadn't been that idiot over there and on this I had no doubt. He was not someone to use these petty tricks.

"Are you really fine?" He asked her. I widened my eyes and shot him a warning glare. Was he really OK and himself? That was the question. Had he hit his head somewhere?

"Yes, I am perfectly fine, but I am afraid Anatoly has been hurt by that ladder. Does it hurt? I'm so sorry, I was clumsy," she said staring at me with wide and worry eyes.

"Clumsy?" I asked. "What should you have done? Spread your wings and fly? Don't worry, nothing hurts, so no need to freak out about it, you got me?"

She giggled at my words, in her usual child-like way for the first time in days, and then she hugged me softly and quickly, murmuring a quiet and sincere "thank you" in my ear. It didn't bother me and for a super short moment I hugged her back, because she was still shivering. The asshole went to take her arm to pull her up, but I reacted first.

"Hey, no need to get touchy-feely," I warned him.

"What, Denisov? You changed your taste and now you aren't into dicks anymore?"

"You bastard, what did you say?" Blood rushed in my mind, as I pushed myself and Viola up, taking a step in front of her. People quieted down around us and somehow took a few steps back. Dimwits. "Beat it, Seryozha," I mocked his nick name and he looked like about to hit me, but the skinny doll stepped in between us; in that precise moment I realised my temper was about to take us into some trouble and I shook my head as if to cool it down. Once more Oleg was right about me. I had to check my temper and learn to control it.

"Guys, fights are a no-no," she said planting her bright eyes on us and accompanying the words with the gesture of her right index finger. "Thank you for saving me like a real prince, Anatoly." I shrugged at that and then she surprised me by stopping right before that idiot. "Thank you also to you, Sergey." I am not sure who was more surprised of us, if him or I: Viola tiptoed and gave the idiot a quick kiss on his cheek, leaving him there frozen and speechless like a statue. "Thank you for helping me and Anatoly," she said.

I decided she must have hit her head badly, so I took her hand and dragged her outside. She needed some fresh air. Once outside, with the chilling breeze of late October on our skin, sitting on the bleacher of the rugby field today empty, I poked her nose.

"What the hell was that?" She understood me immediately because she shook her head frantically and grabbed my hands.

"Oh please Anatoly don't misunderstand me! I am of course still mad at him for what he did to you and I told him that he cannot do that anymore and that it was very bad and that it made me sad, because you are my best friend."

"That's not what I am talking about, V." She looked at me confused and I rolled my eyes. I couldn't care less if she liked that idiot, even though I knew it impossible, but the point was that the whole thing was strange. Of course Viola was loyal and clearly being on my side, but it was not the point. Sergey was a gigantic ass. To make it short and embarrassing for me: I was worried for her.

"He's a fucktard, Viola. Stay away from him and for crying out loud: tell me what happened to you, because you are too quiet and it's starting to freak me out. What happened?"

She blinked once completely surprised and then a shy smile formed on her shocking-pink lips.

"I know that he is not exactly a unicorn and penguin lover, but he has helped me with those kids and before he had tried to help both of us."

"Listen, never mind that moron, I am just telling you to be careful when around him. Now, tell me what the heck happened to you."

Viola hesitated and I let her be for a few seconds. She looked at me as if searching into me and then giggled.

"I wasn't expecting this to happen, I mean, you worrying about me and asking me. This should be me, Anatoly!" She twitted and I rolled my eyes.

"You decided to be my best friend, Tinkerbell, so I cannot be a complete moron," I said sarcastically, but she giggled even more.

"I was sooooo right about you!" She clapped her hands together and she looked more and more herself, as she smiled in that very bright way. "Thank you, I feel better now. Adrian is right in saying that sometimes talking to a friend helps a lot." She kept quiet for another few seconds and I didn't say a word, because it was clear she was thinking about how to explain whatever had happened. "I met someone that seemed very, very nice three weeks ago. He seemed like a prince from a fairy tale, with long dark hair and blue eyes, very, very romantic at first and telling me that I am beautiful. We went out a few times together and I was very happy and I wanted to introduce him to Adrian and also to you, don't worry Anatoly." She offered me a child-like full smile as if to assure me of that. I sure was not going to worry, but I kept it for myself. However, I was waiting for the "but" moment and I hoped I didn't have to hunt down some lame dumbass looking like some retarded fairy. "So, he was very nice at first, but...but he wanted something more than a beautiful kiss on the cheek."

At her words something triggered in my mind and in my guts and I shot up at once, as if something had bitten my ass. The fact was that I couldn't tolerate the idea of someone forcing himself or herself on someone else not willing. It irked me to a point that anger blinded me completely.

"Did he do something to you? I swear it, Viola, if he did something to you, I will hunt him down and make it a nightmare for him. So tell me, what did he do?" I groaned out sounding like a rabid dog and seeing her shocked face set me back. I took a deep breath and quickly ran a hand in my hair. "Sorry Viola, I didn't mean to be an idiot, but..." She interrupted me by hugging me strongly, at least as strongly as someone with such skinny arms could. I heard her sniffing and I became a piece of ice. She pulled back and hid her eyes away for a moment. I really had to hunt down that piece of crap.

"Thank you, Anatoly," she said in a quiet voice as she turned her red eyes on me. A shy smiled formed on her face and I counted till thousand to keep calm. "It's not what you think, because he did not manage to touch me or do anything to me. He tried, but I said no. He tried another time, but we were at my place and my parents came home right then. He said that just kissing is boring and for kids," Viola bit and chewed her lower lip as she explained me, looking lost in some thoughts. "He...he then said that he made a bet with a friend. A bet about having...having sex with a naive girl," she looked away at those words. It was clear it all hurt her very much and it was clear I really wanted to punch that asshole. Making a bet for sex? What the hell was wrong with people?

"Can I know the name of this gigantic piece of crap?" I asked her, but instead of answering, she fired back another question that left me speechless.

"Am I really that boring and naive, Anatoly? Is it wrong to want to first know the person well before having sex? Is it wrong to want to have romantic little things at first?"

I didn't know what to say for a long moment, because I swear I never saw such a sad Viola and I didn't know if I could actually make her feel better, given my lack of experience and lack of empathy. But as my eyes stared at her sad face, my words came out automatically.

"No, it's not wrong. It's right. If it's what you want and what makes you feel good, it's damn right. Don't listen to that idiot, do you understand me? You are not boring: you are far from being boring, believe me. And what if you are naive? So is my brother's chipmunk, but they found each other and they are cool with that. That guy is just a dumbass, you hear me? A gigantic fucktard and he doesn't deserve someone like you. His loss, not yours. There is nothing wrong with taking things slowly...it makes you appreciate everything and the other person even more."

Viola stayed silent for a few minutes and then finally cracked that usual bright and wide smile of hers.

"Thank you, Anatoly...I'm really happy we are friends and I am really happy you said those words...I agree with you," she said quietly and then she suddenly jumped up. "Ahhhhh!" Her piercing voice screamed.

"What the heck, V?"

"I have been far too depressed recently and it's terrible! I made you and Adrian worry about me: absolutely terrible!"

"Yeah, you should talk to your brother. He'll be a better one in this, believe me."

"What are you talking about, Anatoly?" Her lashes batted making her resemble to a Barbie doll. How much time she spent for her make-up? I had an idea that it was better not to ask. "You are very good at this and you know how to make people feel good about themselves."

Her head had probably hit something too hard, because I sure was not a person to make people feel good. I was the complete opposite; at least so I have been in my past years.

"You hit your head, Viola." I got up and somehow felt like smiling there in front of her. An idea hit me out of the blue. "What about ice-cream in that new place you told us about? Let's call Adrian."

It was the least I could do for her and in all honesty, I didn't mind it one bit. She had saved my ass a few times in the past weeks, avoiding getting me involved into fights in school and she had stuck to me knowing what I had been. Therefore my afternoon was spent in her and Adrian's company, for then being joined by my brother and his chipmunk, which made that now hyper doll very happy. Even though I was not going to admit it in front of them, the time spent in their company had been rather enjoyable and the chipmunk surprised me when we talked a bit about movies and games. He didn't have as bad and cheesy taste as I thought, and to be fair, he was a rather quiet and timid person that was not annoying or idiotic.

OLEG POV:

Anatoly spent the day out with friends and I was immensely happy that he was blending in his new and real life so smoothly. I had witnessed his sufferance in the past months and saw how he was being eating from the inside; the fact he had gone back to his real self filled me with impossible to explain joy and warmed my heart that for many years had been coated by deep and barbed ice. The idea of meeting or finding someone capable of filling my veins with such burning attachment and desire never crossed my mind. It was more than I could deserve.

I asked Mr. Denisov if he needed my assistance during the weekend, but he simply replied to take some time for myself as he would personally drive to his wife's sister's place. I thanked him and thus spent some time in training and some time in reading articles related to international trade and international politics. Once I heard Anatoly getting back, I gave him some space and time, but then I decided to break this situation, given my patience in this had reached its limit. Not talking at all and avoiding each other was not the solution and, even though it was all Anatoly could probably think of in the spur of the moment and in his position, if I understood it well, it sure was not the way to deal with our issue.

In the past days it became clear to me that I had to face it and then take the right course of action, facing whatever responsibilities or consequence I might encounter. It also meant talking to Anatoly and to discover what had happened to him. He probably felt the same, knowing him a bit, but he did not know how to act. I sure would not let him take it once more in his hands, because what happened had been enough.

The house was very quiet, granted that also Dmitri was away, spending the evening at his partner's place for dinner. Since nobody but Anatoly was around, it was acceptable for me to wear something more casual, like a normal pair of jeans and a more comfortable shirt. I walked the stairs and went to knock on his room, but as I was about to do it, the door opened alone and Anatoly stood there staring at me completely speechless, his eyes roaming me in their usual eager way, looking at me clearly showing that he did not expect me there. My eyes would have possibly stared and studied him even more eager: they would have been hungry. It was very hard for me to comprehend and accept the fact that Anatoly had such effect on me and he only could ignite such feelings. It made me feel somehow uncomfortable because it was a complete shadowed area and I had no knowledge on the matter. A former Lieutenant from the GRU somehow wrong-footed by this punk here in front of me: the irony of the situation was beginning to be nearly amusing, were not involved his feelings and my position and role in this family.

He wore a lose pair of jeans and a white tee shirt, and I understood that Anatoly, exactly like me, did not mind the cold much. We stared at each other a moment in complete silence, simply looking at each other, and then he broke the silence first, shifting his weight from one foot to another, trying to control his reaction. I was beginning to understand that we both wrong-footed one another. None of us somehow expected to find desire, attachment and possibly pure and peaceful love in each other. I sure did not and, from the way Anatoly reacted, I started to think that perhaps he experienced the same surprise.

"Well, this is freakish to say the least," he mumbled appearing clearly nervous, moving his eyes away from me. "I...I was about to come to your room."

His words surprised me and it probably showed on my face, because he let a shy smile rise on his face and stepped aside, letting me in his room. I left the door open, because we were alone in the house and nobody would have listened to us.

I had thought about what to say, but for once I decided to speak what was on my mind and what I really felt. Anatoly was not a child and we had to stop to avoid each other as he did in the past weeks; as I did almost a month ago. It had brought nothing good so far.

"You really were about to come to see me?" I asked assessing him with deep and curious eyes.

He simply nodded and once more I felt his stare resting on me in a way that triggered something I had never felt in my entire life. My eyes gave him back the same stare and once more silence dropped between us and once more, the air around us felt as if cracking of unreleased electricity, as the air had been sucked away from the room. We both felt it and in that moment none of us had doubts any more.

"Yeah, I wanted to see you and talk to you, Oleg." It was almost the first time he said my name in such clear and direct way, directly staring at my eyes, showing that confident side that I had discovered in him only recently. I liked it very much.

Yet, he still looked tense and nervous, as if not knowing how to start, what to say first. I smiled shortly and did something dictated by my instinct and not by my mind, wanting to ease it down for him. I rested my hand on the nape of his neck and his eyes once more darted at me and silently looked at me, gifting me with a soft smile.

"Anatoly, it is good if you were going to see me and talk to me; I had the same intention," I said calmly, noticing how he instinctively moved closer to me. What I felt for him was really inappropriate and out of place all considered? Doubts and hope slowly started to erode my belief and certainties. Being around Anatoly made me irresponsibly think there was nothing wrong with that and nothing really misplaced. Being with him made me think that perhaps God had once more looked down at me. "Now you are the one taking not one, but a few steps back," I told him.

Anatoly's eyes widened for a short moment at my words and then sharply adverted from me. Had I said something that upset him?

"What is it, Anatoly? Have I somehow failed or..." he interrupted me by looking back and once more resting his head on my collarbone. I took a deep breath; this punk here had no idea how such simple gestures had the power to crash my own world and almost shred my restraints.

"Don't say these bullshits, Oleg...you failing me. Give me a break," he sighed out loud and moved even closer, as my arm now rested on his shoulders. It all looked so normal and so peaceful. "I'm sorry for this and for many other things," he began, but I stopped him, reading into his words all too well as the memory of that Sunday surfaced in my mind.

"Do not say you are sorry, Anatoly. You have nothing to be sorry about, do you understand me?" But from his reply it was clear he had not heard my words or, at least, he had not let them be processed by his brain.

"I don't want to lose you, I'm freaking scared of losing you, Oleg, I..." I sighed out loud and he stiffened, once more misunderstanding my reaction.

We had a lot to understand about each other. We had a lot to discover about each other. I pulled him closer and, clearly ignoring rationality and every calculation of behaviour I had previously planned, my arm closed around his shoulders firmly.

"I do not understand what you mean, Anatoly. I thought I had made myself very clear on the matter: you will never lose me. You need to let it get through your stubborn and thick head. You will not lose me and you have my word about this," I said in a tone that let little room for reply or denial, but I felt him shaking his head.

"You don't get it, impassive bastard, you...shit...I hate this, but, fuck, I feel good with you, I feel myself," he said sounding somehow upset and almost growling the words out. He had no idea how those words made me feel. I closed my eyes a moment and waited a few seconds, letting my head and body adjust after hearing them.

"I also feel good with you, Anatoly," I admitted in all honesty and I wondered if he would still think the same of me after knowing my past.

"What?" He almost barked out, pushing away from me to stare at my eyes. Indeed, we had a lot to understand and discover about each other.

"You had not guessed it?" He shook his head and a smile spontaneously formed on my lips. "Why do you think I had allowed you to spend time in my quarters and why do you think I had let you spend the weekend in my personal place?"

"Because you knew I needed it and because you are an impassive bastard that watches my back," he replied staring me even more intently, as if wanting to read into me. I wondered if he was capable of doing so, but I doubted it, given the way his eyes tried to pierce me.

"Yes, partially this is correct. Of course I always am here for you and you can always count on me, you know this and I am glad you are aware of it. But partially it was because of my very selfish and inappropriate desire to spend time in your company. I am very similar to you and I appreciate time alone, but your presence does not disturb me, it does not make me wish to be alone," I spoke with calm but rather assertive voice, as it was clear that it was the only way to make him completely understand it and accept it. It was indeed surprising for me to see that I could voice such emotions freely and with true spontaneity.

He swallowed down and took a step closer to me, staring at me as if wanting to be physically closer, as if...but he shook his head and surprised me by hugging me with both arms. I rested my forehead on his hair and we stayed like that for a long and peaceful, silent moment. This was enough for us now, because none of us had yet sorted out what to do; I would not step farther than I already did before having made due order in my head and with my duties; I owed it to him and to the Denisov, who welcomed me as a family member, giving me a chance that I never dreamed or hoped of being blessed with in my life.

"Selfish?" He let out a sarcastic, dry laugh. "You are the last person I would call selfish, believe me, but I didn't know it. I really didn't know it and to be honest, I didn't get it. You are no open book," he admitted and I felt his fingers gripping my shirt almost afraid to let go, digging into my flesh through the fabric of it.

I commanded my heart and blood to regain the necessary composure and control, because this proximity and the feeling of his hands on me had a rather dangerous effect on my desires. It was almost suffocating and it tried to rule over my rationality, whispering sweet and alluring words in my ears, telling me to shred his and my clothes, hissing to give in and take Anatoly. At this point, I doubted he would have retracted or opposed at that, but in this situation we would have both regretted it because only overwhelmed by a momentary burning desire, still being in a not resolved situation. I had a feeling that acting in that impulsive way would have cost me losing Anatoly, throwing him in an inner chaos that would have pushed him away. It was the last thing I could tolerate and admit.

Not yet, Lt. Azarov. First, sort out your mind and your heart, face the consequences and manage the role you have in this house. Let Anatoly adjust on his own pace to these new circumstances. This I commanded to myself and this restored the much needed composure and control in my senses.

"Now you know it and before I lose my patience for having to repeat it over and over, remember and accept the fact that you will never lose me," I said after having delicately moved him away to directly stare at his eyes.

"Spasiba, Oleg," he said. "Now I do understand it."

"Kharashò, Anatoly," I replied and he finally looked no more tense. "You said you wanted to talk to me and to be frank, I had the same wish. You looked worried a couple of weeks ago and I did not like it. Tell me if anything happened, Anatoly," I almost commanded and he hesitated a moment, thinking about what I had no idea. Maybe going out to eat something together would have eased it for him and to be honest, it was something that I also needed right now. "Would you like to eat something out? You can tell me everything then."

"You mean out for dinner?"

"Dah, for dinner. Is there a place you particularly like?" He shook his head.

"I don't honestly care about the place," he said.

"I do not give much thought about it either," I confirmed, but then he suggested the place we went to last time.

"But with my dark babe this time," he fired as his eyes brightened up at the idea of riding his Ninja Kawasaki. It was almost as if he could taste the adrenaline on his tongue and I understand that sensation very well.

"How about you try to follow me, punk, and maybe we go somewhere to ride after dinner?"

"Bring it on, impassive geezer. I'll show you what this immature brat can do."

Author's chit-chat:

So dear all, what do you think? Any thought about this?

Were you expecting this change in Oleg? This turn of events in school?

Alright, give me a few minutes and I shall post part 2, so stay tuned!

And of course, let me know what you think of this chapter with your amazing comments and messages!

Lots of love, magic and Meows,

-TheWitchAndTheCat-