(You have to listen to Rick Astley for this whole dance fight segment. You do not get a choice.)
Madame Clairvoya gasped at Luigi's sudden ascension to confidence (and his arm around her waist). "Um, Luigi? You might be a good dancer, but what happens if we lose?"
Overhead, the voice of the Whirlind Man sounded through the dark. "If we should win this dance contest, as we certainly shall, you will be forced to dance the hokey-pokey for the rest of the night, with no breaks," he informed them.
"Heh, see? That doesn't even sound too bad," Luigi remarked. "Now let's dance!"
"Just kidding," Lady Whirlinda said. "If we win you get your remains buried under the spinning floor."

TC #2: *spits out drink*

"You see?" Mappy snapped. "This is what happens when you don't read the terms beforehand!"
"I told you, it's hustling!!" Luigi whispered. "And speaking of... what spinning floor?"
His feet were stolen as the circular platform jerked out from under him, sending him reeling around the ballroom like a flea on a giant record.
From his pocket, Mappy sighed. "Why do you open your mouth??"
Luigi frowned. "Because I—
That was lost when he faceplanted back into the spinning floor and got a tongueful of tiles.
Clairvoya was going to fall as well, but then remembered she could float.
"Okay Luigi, this isn't an amusement park," she said, watching him get carried around the room like that teacup ride at Disney World.

Mansion: Excuse me. Are you suggesting I am a pleasant cup of tea?

Author: ...No.

Mansion: Good, that's what I thought.

Author: *cowers in fear*

Toad: Ha! This is basically the Tower of Terror, except it's way better because it's Nintendo.

Luigi: And it's not really a tower. Hey, maybe it's like one of those haunted funhouses with kooky mirrors!

Mansion: You just jinxed yourself, boy. From henceforth all mirrors in my house are portals to the realm of the dead, or something to that effect. MUAHAHAHAHA!! *lightning in background*

Mappy: I told you to keep a hand on that mouth.

Luigi: Oops.

Clairvoya sighed. "Luigi, are we gonna dance or what??"
"What am I supposed to do about it?" Luigi yelled, scooching himself slowly to the edge of the giant turntable. He almost made it when he tripped and faceplanted again, only his face landing outside the rotating floor. So for a minute Clairvoya waited while he was carried around the room, his face being scraped off on the ballroom upholstery.
When he finally made it over to her he had no face. "Oh, hello there, Madame. Would you care for a dance?" He bowed cheesily, causing her to groan at why she took this acting job.
I mean, uh, she took his hand and said "Of course!"
Moments later, when Luigi had grown his face back, he led her (except she was floating, so it was weird) to the edge where the floor was just normal and not moving. Then they proceeded to 'dance'.
I say 'dance' because there wasn't actually much space there to dance, so all that actually was accomplished was Clairvoya kept cutting through the wall like some awful 2002 model from an XBox game.

Luigi: *gasp* FORBIDDEN!! EEEEEEVIIIIIIIL!!

Toad*covering ears*: AAHAHHHHH—!

Author: Yes yes, I know we used the X word. But it was clearly only for the purpose of making a bad metaphor.

Toad: Imma have to wash out my ears with soap now!

Mansion: HEY!! Can we stop dwelling on the negative aspects of life and get back to the good stuff?!

Yes yes.
So after Luigi bumped into a chair and nearly broke a leg getting tangled up in it, Clair suggested they moved to the moving floor. And Luigi didn't want to, except the Floating Whirlindas yelled over "WE BETTER SEE SOME PIROUETTES! THIS IS A WAR, MAN!!"
Luigi gulped. "But I don't like war."
"You should've thought about that before you hustled," Clair said.
Then Luigi snorted. "Oh, but I love a dance war! Come on!"
Then he grabbed her hand, slamming down on it so hard his arm went through her and he tumbled forward onto the rotating floor. His rear pointed upwards, like an umbrella display in a store window.
"I DONT SEE YOUR DANCING!" Lady Whirlinda hollered from the darkness.
Clairvoya, who actually did not know how to dance, quickly grabbed Luigi and yanked him up. What she did not see at first was that she grabbed his ankles, so when she lifted him up he was upside down.
"You don't get out of your house much, do you?" Luigi asked from the floor.
"No. Do you?" She replied as a mean burn.
Suddenly Luigi backflipped himself upright, grabbing her wrists in one shockingly confident motion. "...No." Then he flung her in a circle around him, which the spinning floor replicated underneath with dazzling show. "But I did take dance from the finest instructors in the Provincia di Napoli." A cheer from an invisible audience arose.
Lady Whirlinda screamed from somewhere on the other side of the room, where she had vanished. "AGGHH!! How is he doing that??"
"I just told you," he said like it was first grade. Luigi looked down at his feet, which were now engaged in a tap-dance-like waltz/polka.
It's complicated.
Anyway, he was dancing so fast that the spinning floor didn't even trip him up anymore, because he was also lucky enough to have a floating dance partner.
"Do not worry, my lady. This gent will never discover our weakness!" Mr. Whirlind assured.
"Weakness?" Luigi perked up. "You mean you have a dance weakness?? Is it flossing?!"
"Luigi, you couldn't get me to floss if you revived me and killed me in an Iron Maiden again," Clairvoya scolded from where she was getting flipped upside down.
Luigi frowned briefly. "...Again??"
"It's too grotesque for your rated-E ears," she replied.

TC#1: Whoa. I didn't realize we were actually censoring stuff still.

Author: Actually, we're rated E10+ or Teen. But there is a line that we will not cross.

King Boo: Speak for yourself.

Everyone: ...

Mario: *pukes*

Author: NO VOMIT IN THE CHAT!

Toad: Can I get some Fs in the chat—

Mansion: NO SYMPATHIZING WITH THE VICTIMS OVER INSTANT MESSENGER!

Alright that wasn't too weird
On the other side of the room, a swarm of magic sparkles was gathering in midair, like fireflies. Luigi noticed them straightaway.
"Hey! Fireflies! Maybe they'll—
Instantly distracted from his one moment of dancing glory, Luigi tripped and faceplanted for the umteenth time, dropping his flashlight. The beam happened to fall right on the fireflies, which turned out not to be fireflies but the Whirlindas, who had been invisible. When the beam hit them, they were revealed like busted teenagers on private property.
"Hey! You're not even dancing, you're just floating in circles while flapping your arms like brainless seagulls! What gives??" Luigi pointed.
"AHHHH!! How could you have ever known the spotlight is my weakness?!" Mr. Whirlind screeched.
Madame Clairvoya crossed her arms. "Say hello to my boi Luigi," she informed them. "Not only is he a bumbling fool, he's got just enough power to stop you all the bad guys."
"You have violated the rules of dance combat," Luigi declared. Without warning, he jumped up, Poltergust lifted Skyward. "FOR JUSTICE!!!"
Then he went on the stoopid offensive, chasing the couple all over the ballroom for all of twelve seconds. He tripped like a bumbling fool over the spinning floor, but eventually his mad dance maneuvers of justice were able to corner them.
"What kind of dancer is allergic to the spotlight, ya fake fakers??" he said, sucking them away in one singular swoop. They went down together, almost like those conjoined burgers they used to have at Wendy's.
"NOOOOO!! WE NEVER MADE IT BACK TO BROADWAYYYY—!" Their screams were lost as Luigi emptied the dance floor of their footless filth. As soon as they were gone, Rick Astley stopped, making the place eerily quiet and depressingly Rick Astley-less.
"Sorry y'all," he said breathlessly. "But you know the rules, and so do I. I'm never gonna give you up."
Clair, who had already surpassed the flirty point of their relationship due to boredom, came up to him. "Wow. I was kind of bluffing when I said that about your power. Nice job."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Luigi said. Then faster than lightning, he grabbed her wrist again and spun her around, which was supposed to end their dance with an awesome pose, but he ended up throwing her into the wall instead.
"ALRIGHT! I WIN!!" he hollered. And then the lights popped on, sending the floor screeching to a halt. A moment later a magic treasure chest appeared on the floor with a poof.
"Wow, that was convenient."
Clairvoya hovered back to him. "And that's called plot devices. Well Luigi, you sure know how to show a gal a good time, but charming as this has been I must go."
"What?? I thought you were my new female lead!" he gasped.
"No. I have to go hide in my room while you do all the sweaty labor."
"But you're a ghost! Do ghosts even sweat?"
"Luigi let's get one thing clear. You have to make your own destiny, and no script can get in your way. ...Atleast, that's what the script said. I will show up to help only when it is needed."
"You mean you were just here to help me win the dance contest."
"No! I'm going to... uh... it's a secret. Just come back and see me when you find interesting objects. I'll help you then."
"Interesting objects?? You mean you're a cheat system?"
"If that floats your boat," she replied. "Anyway, you should stop by soon, because I actually do have something useful to give you."
"Yeah whatever. I wanna open that magic treasure chest! What do you think it's for?"
"Progressing through the mansion, obviously," Mappy spoke up.
"Progressing?...." Luigi stopped, thinking. Then he bent down and unlatched the chest, throwing up the lid as a suspenseful music began escalating in the background. A golden light shone up from within as he dug inside to produce...
A small key!
It floated brilliantly just over his outstretched hands.
"Wow! A small key! I wonder where I'm supposed to use this??"
"Probably that door in the corner," Mappy said flatly.
"Wow! This place is like a giant dungeon! I wonder if there's any potions or fairies around here to help me. I feel like that battle drained my hearts pretty good."
All at once Clairvoya whacked a hand across his head. "Alright Luigi we get it this game is based off Zelda! You can stop breaking script now!"

Mansion: Who in the What now?

Luigi: Aww, come on!

TC #1: Yeah, now that you mention it, this place does actually feel like one of those dark, agonizingly big and painful Zelda dungeons.

Luigi: The Legend Of Luigi!

Toad: I thought they agreed on the name Ghostbusters 2.0.

E.Gadd: As I recall it was Elvin's Mansion.

TC#2: Wouldn't it technically be The Legend of Mario?

King Boo: Didn't we already have this conversation?!

Mansion: THE WATER TEMPLE HAS NOTHING ON MY LABYRINTH OF IDIOTIC CORPSES AND BAD MUSICAL NUMBERS!! AAAAHAHA!!! *lightning strikes*

Luigi rubbed his head. "Alright, fine. I'll go off and adventure alone and probably get my head eaten off while you hide in your room like you probably have for 400 years."
Clairvoya rolled her eyes. "I'll see you soon, Luigi," she replied. Then she patted his shoulder, floated through the nearest wall, and left him alone in the middle of the ballroom, staring sullenly at the disturbing picture of the guy on the wall with freakish big eyes.
"I've been ditched," he said.

Author: Ahaha. Fear not. She will be back.

Toad: Just what we all wanted.

So, after what may have been an insensitive comment from Mappy, Luigi took his key and moved on. The obvious door in the corner of the ballroom took them into a small musty storage room that could have been used to store fertilizer, or the 1800s equivalent.
"Woah, not what I would've expected. This place is right out of the Wild West!" Luigi said. "We've even got a creepy hanging lightbulb!"
"Fascinating," Mappy said, not noticing the smirk on Luigi's reflection as they passed a hanging mirror on one wall.
"So if I can just find the switch..." Luigi walked into a pile of chairs, fell over, and a ratty mop fell on his head.
That's when he remembered that Mansion doesn't have light switches, and the electricity is entirely tied to the level of ghosts in a room.
(That's the best way to save on your power bill, kids.)
Mansion suddenly whispered in a totally not-audible stage whisper. "Red demon grabbers, go!"
All at once a couple of red gangly ghosts with difficulty staying vertical appeared in thin air, spindly arms reaching out to... obviously do something bad to our protagonist.
But just when they were about to do the bad things, our protagonist made a sudden good call and stood up.
And then he screamed. "AAHHHHHHHHHH!!"
The ghosts grinned evilly, thinking they had him.
Luigi screamed again, eyes staring wide. "AAAAAAAHHHH!!"
The ghosts started closer, reveling in the sound of human agony.
Luigi opened his mouth to scream again, but suddenly he stopped and frowned like a disturbed chicken. That's when the ghosts realized he was looking at something behind them. Confused, they turned around.
To be greeted with the appalling sight of Luigi's own face!!!
....!!!
....No? Okay.
It was just Luigi's reflection, reflected in the mirror on the wall (which you recall from earlier ^).
Luigi grinned. "That's right, ghosties! Say hello to my friend, uh... Luigi's Reflection! LR for short. He lives in the mirror realm, which means you can't even stand a chance against his all-seeing laser eyes!"
In his pocket, Mappy tried to do a facepalm. "Oh he's got to be losing his mind."
The ghosts, meanwhile, glared at him. "Did you just call us 'ghosties'? For your information, Slick, we are deadly assassins with the venom of five animals in our teeth."
Luigi gulped. "Well... tell that to him!" He pointed at his reflection, then turned, ran into the door because he was an oaf, and hit the floor.
The ghosts turned to glance briefly at his reflection.
It was still there.
"Hey there, how's it going," LR said.
The ghosts screamed.
Luigi screamed as well. "AAAAAHHHHH!!"
The ghosts looked at him in confusion and back to the mirror.
Luigi's Reflection crossed his arms. "What's the matter, never seen a man in a mirror before?"
"I was just bluffing!!" Luigi wailed.
LR gave a sly grin and stepped back. "Well it's your lucky day. Now listen, I'm going to do something disturbing and unpredicted..."
Luigi and the ghosts screamed again.
LR snorted. "Look, I'm trying to help here!"
"And why would I believe that crackpot claim?" Luigi asked.
"Because I have your awesomely good looks, I wouldn't lie to myself, and I can do this!" Without warning, the reflection turned and punched a button on the wall somewhere in his mirror-realm surroundings. Looking around, Luigi realized that the button was a reflection of one on the wall behind him, which he never would have noticed without the aid of a mirror.
All at once the walls began to shake. The red ghosts looked at each other in panic. "STRANGER DANGER!!" they hollered, hightailing it out of there.
Luigi ran up to the mirror. "Hey! What's going on? Let me in!!"
Luigi's Reflection rolled his eyes. "Idiot. You can't come into the mirror realm. Only a weightless reflection can pass here."
Luigi gasped at the mirror. "Are you callin' me fat??"
"No, he's calling you naive," Mappy supplied.
Luigi stood back and groaned. "Why is it that even my own REFLECTION thinks I'm a loser??"
LR grinned down on him. "Now now, I don't think that. You're just... burdened with a glorious purpose."
He jumped. "Really??"
"Well, actually you're burdened with opening that hatch over there." LR pointed to the other end of the room.
The button he'd pushed turned out to activate a hidden moving wall, which had now extended to reveal a metal hatch in the floor. A large poster on the wall above it said WARNING!
Luigi glanced up at it. "Hm. This looks fun."
"Tear it off," LR instructed.
Luigi did as he asked. Sure enough, another button, a big red one like the kind in giant evil labs in kid movies, was underneath.
"Push it," LR commanded.
Luigi paused. "I don't know... should I really be taking orders from myself in an alternate dimension? How come I've never met you before?"
"Luigi, if you can't trust me, who can you trust?" LR asked.
"The people on the Internet," Luigi said without blinking.
"Well played. But I'm the one at stake here! If you die, I stop existing!"
Luigi gasped. "Really? That's dark!"
"Yeah, because I am your living reflection. So don't die!" LR hissed.
"I wouldn't bet my milk money on it," said Mappy.
"Well, the milkman just left the station," Luigi replied. "TOUCH." And he pushed the button.
Lights and buzzers went off on every corner as the metal hatch suddenly slammed open. Eerie purplish smoke started spewing from the hole in the floor beneath, like a cheesy special effect in a middle school play.
Luigi backed against the wall and screamed. "WHY DOES EVERYTHING I TOUCH EXPLODE??"
"You ASKED for it," Mappy replied, before Luigi clamped a hand over the pocket. Petrified like a flea on a shaved animal, they cowered as a deep, creepy voice echoed forth from the hole in the floor. "WHO'S THERE? WHO DARES DISTURB OUR NETFLIX BIN— I MEAN SLEEP??"
Getting a stoopid idea in his brain, Luigi grinned smugly. "It's ...the Milkman!!"