-MAD WOMAN-
twenty-one!

where there is anger, there
is always pain underneath
- eckhart tolle

now - 7x02!

To say that Emily Prentiss wasn't the least bit surprised that Wren Spader wouldn't so much as look at her was the understatement of the century. The brunette was capable of holding a grudge. Especially if there was more than one person involved. And to have three people that Wren cared for and trusted lie to her, feed her a narrative that damaged her psyche much more than she'd ever admit, and act as though everything was fine just because the bureau didn't fire them was more than enough for her to keep that grudge alive for as long as she pleased. 

Initially, she had thought that if she talked to the three of them and heard their points of view, she would understand or that it wouldn't hurt as much, but she was wrong. Despite the number of times Hotch had said to her 'it was about saving Emily,' Wren still couldn't understand why they had to think she died. He could fake a death certificate all he wanted and he could have a funeral for her. But the team knew how to lie and play the part. They didn't have to think she was dead to keep her safe. Only the rest of the world did.

And when it came to Emily and JJ, she didn't give them the light of day. Their explanations were worthless to her, along with their apologies. With JJ, it didn't feel like a huge betrayal like it did for Hotch and Emily, but it still hurt. Especially since she knew how Spencer dealt with his grief. And every time Wren looked at Emily, she didn't feel any sympathy for the supposed grief she felt for not getting to talk to her friends. It wasn't the same and she should have known not to compare it.

She passed by Emily and JJ in the hallway without as much as a glance toward them. She heard them muttering along the lines of 'she hates me' and 'no, she hates me' as she passed and only shook her head in annoyance. If she actually hated them, they would know it. Because instead of acting like they didn't exist, she would make their lives a living hell. If they thought Wren avoiding them was hell, that was on them.

But if she were honest, her anger toward Emily and JJ was nothing in comparison to the anger she held for Hotch. With him, it would be hard to make his life hell since he was her boss, but she wouldn't be civil. She knew that he would soon confront her about her attitude and when he did, he would face her wrath, but until then, she wasn't going to talk to him unless she had to.

Wren made her way over to Strauss's office and knocked twice on the door. The BAU had a case and she knew Garcia was presenting soon, but Strauss wanted her to meet the section chief's newest hire.

"Is he here?" Wren asked.

"He's putting some things in his new office, you can go find him if you like or you can wait until I introduce you," Strauss told her.

"We have a case so I can't wait around long," she replied. "Is he in my old office?"

The section chief nodded and Wren left the room and headed down the hall. But before she could enter the office she once occupied, she literally ran into someone. She was lucky she stopped before her forehead collided with his chin, but as they collided, the man dropped all the papers he was carrying.

"Oh, my god, I am so sorry," she apologized as she knelt down with him to help pick up the papers. Her one free hand scrambled around the floor messily while the other sat in her sling.

"You're sorry? No, I'm sorry," he said to her as he tapped the documents against the ground a few times so they were neat once again. "I've barely been here for an hour and I'm already close to butting heads with someone, literally."

Wren couldn't help but laugh at the nerves that radiated off of him. She understood where he was coming from. Transferring to Quantico was a big deal for a lot of agents. And transferring to be a section chief's second hand was an even bigger deal. She understood his anxiety.

"Try to relax," she attempted to comfort him as they stood up. "You're doing just fine."

"Right, sorry," he breathed out a laugh. Her gentle smile only brought him more nerves. It wasn't intentional on her part, but he couldn't help his heart beating a little bit faster when he looked at her.

"No need to apologize," Wren said before sticking out her hand. "Agent Wren Spader, interrogations specialist for the BAU."

"You-you're Agent Spader?" He asked in disbelief as he took her hand and shook it. "I've heard so much about you. I even read your paper on manipulation tactics in a hostage situation."

"I'd be flattered, but it's my most decorated paper and most people who have to go through the academy have to read it, so," her smile remained intact as he shook her hand for maybe a little too long. "What's your name?"

"Oh, sorry, Agent Theodore Allen, but everyone calls me Theo," he introduced himself. "Well, everyone did call me Theo when I was in Chicago. I don't have any friends here, yet."

"Well, you have one now," Wren insisted, watching the smile grow on his face as he let go of her hand. "And you apologize a lot, did you realize that?"

"Sor-"

"Don't say it," she stopped him, watching as he let out another chuckle and looked at his feet for a moment. "So, have you gotten a tour of the floor yet?"

"No, I think Chief Strauss was-"

Before he could finish, their conversation was interrupted by Penelope calling for Wren as she turned the corner. The blonde stopped in her tracks when she saw who Wren was talking to her, her mouth wide open as she looked at Theo.

Wren held back a laugh before regaining Garcia's attention. "Did you need something, Penny?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm about to start presenting the case," the technical analyst stuttered out as she attempted to turn her gaze from Theo to Wren. The brunette nodded and looked back to Theo.

"Duty calls," she said and he nodded, a small smile dancing on his lips. "I'll come and find you when I get back and give you a proper introduction to the BAU and the rest of the staff on this floor. We don't need another Spader vs the BAU situation all because you didn't get to meet them."

"Spader vs the BAU?" He asked.

"It's not important," Wren dismissed as she walked over to Penelope. "It was nice to meet you. Good luck with your first day. Try not to let Strauss intimidate you too much."

"Yeah, t-thanks."

As she was pulled away from Theo by Garcia, she sent the man one last wave before directing her attention to Penelope. The technical analyst's face was red with both embarrassment and just feeling overwhelmed by seeing Agent Allen. Wren couldn't help but laugh at the flush in the blonde's cheeks, but she understood her reasoning. Theo was hot, she couldn't deny that. Wren was just glad she had an easier time keeping her cool around people she found attractive.

"Who the hell was that, and why was he staring at you like you were all the stars in the night sky?" Penelope questioned Wren as her free arm linked with Wren's free one. The brunette rolled her eyes as a smirk fell on her lips.

"His name is Theodore Allen. He's Strauss's new secondhand, and he was not looking at me like that," she replied.

"He totally was!" The technical analyst argued, watching the smirk on Wren's face grow into a grin. "He thinks you're hot and you know it, too. What I would give to have your confidence."

"Hey, you are an incredibly attractive woman," Wren reminded her, only for Penelope to shake her head in dismissal of the compliment. "Any man would be lucky to have you. Kevin is lucky to have you. He better tell you that every day."

"And he does," the blonde said as they approached the roundtable room. "But that's not the point. The point is that Agent Hottie back there was definitely into you and you need to get back out there."

The brunette couldn't help but laugh. "In the two years, I've been shot twice in the same arm, gotten a new job, been suspended from that job because one of my coworkers was holding a grudge, and believed one of my best friends was dead only to find out that she wasn't. The only thing I have to say for all of that is anger issues. I'm in no mental state to get into a relationship."

"But you haven't been in one since I met you," Garcia continued to argue. "And I'm pretty sure you haven't dated since Gio - which is valid, - but you are a beautiful, strong, and amazing woman. Besides, it doesn't even need to be a relationship. You deserve to have a little fun now and then. Agent Hottie is fun."

"Agent Allen," Wren corrected as she sat down at the table. They were the only two in there for the time being, and Wren wanted the conversation to be over before Emily or JJ entered. She knew that Garcia would try to include them in it and Wren didn't need them trying to be her friends. "And I'm not looking for fun or a relationship or anything. I need to be happy on my own before I can be happy with someone else."

"Amen, Birdie," Morgan agreed as he entered the room and sat down next to her. "Why are you two talking about relationships anyway?"

"Because Penny thinks that Strauss's new assistant profiler looks at me like I, and I quote, 'put all the stars in the night sky,'" she told him, noticing Rossi and Reid join the table.

"That's cute," he said, looking over toward Reid. When the pair made eye contact, Spencer went red in the face. Lucky for him, Wren was simply rolling her eyes at her teammates' efforts of getting her a date. "Why don't you go out with him?"

"One, because I don't want to, and two, because I'm not ready to date," she repeated. "When I am ready to date, I'm sure there will be someone who will look at me the way Penny described."

"Oh, there will be," Morgan nodded looking over at Reid again. "Won't there, pre-"

"Rossi, didn't you say that you had notes for Garcia's pasta?" Reid interrupted him quickly, gaining chuckles from Derek as Emily and JJ sat down.

There was a conversation about Rossi giving Garcia cooking lessons before Hotch entered the room and the technical analyst presented the case.

"All right, mes amis," Penelope said as she stood up and started the presentation. "You are jetting to Durant, Oklahoma because, in the last three days, two women have been found dead after being sexually tortured and then blinded with a sulfuric acid solution."

She introduced the two victims. Both of them were teenagers and looked alike in multiple ways. They were both abducted from bus stops and dumped in an alley and a field.

"So he stapled their eyes open and then he blinded them," JJ spoke.

"It's about power and control. Maybe he didn't want them to watch while he hurt them," Morgan said.

"Then why would he waste the time of stapling their eyes open if he didn't want them to watch?" Wren questioned his theory. "The acid would've basically burned through her eyelids and blinded her anyway."

"It could be about shame," Reid brought up. "Perhaps the unsub's disfigured himself. Blinding the victims leaves them helpless, lost, totally dependent. It may be a manifestation of how he sees himself in this world."

"It is a form of enucleation, just without the scalpel," Emily added.

"His face is the last they see before darkness," Rossi stated.

"Garcia, come up with a list of jobs that would give the unsub access to sulfuric acid," Hotch instructed the technical analyst before speaking to the rest of the team. "The rest of us, wheels up in thirty minutes."

✦✧✦

On the plane, the team continued to talk about the victimology and possible motives of their unsub. They learned that the unsub had likely practiced on high-risk victims before moving on to his most recent victims. Hotch split the team up into three groups; himself and Rossi, JJ and Reid - which Wren knew wouldn't end well, and Wren, Morgan, and Prentiss. Both JJ and Emily sent hopeful smiles to Spencer and Wren but neither returned them. Instead, Spencer just looked over at Wren in hopes that she would reassure him it would be okay.

In the weeks following the trial and Emily's reinstatement, Spencer had only gotten more bitter. Which he had every right to do, seeing as he was only holding back on his anger initially to help Wren. And while Wren's irritation hadn't gone away, when she was with Spencer, her energy was directed toward making sure he had the tools not to explode as she had and likely would again. She was all for Spencer letting out his anger toward Emily and JJ, in fact, she encouraged it, but she knew that she had more leeway than he did. Her anger had been bubbling up long before Emily came back. The team was used to her being irritable and expected it. With Spencer, he would face repercussions if he let it affect his work.

When the plane landed, everyone else got off the plane before Spencer and Wren did.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked him after JJ finally left the pair alone. "Do you want to switch?"

"My choices are either Emily or JJ," he stated as he stared at the exit. "Either way, I don't imagine this going well."

"At least we're in the same boat," Wren tried to offer some consolation. "If you need to snap, then snap. Don't let her try to make you feel bad for having a reaction she doesn't like."

After Spencer nodded, Wren left the plane and followed Morgan and Prentiss to the SUV they were driving. Emily tried to make eye contact with the brunette, but it was no use. Wren wasn't going to give her the time of day. 

The drive to the disposal site was dead silent. Morgan didn't have much to say since he was trying to process Emily being back on the team, Emily knew that if she spoke Wren would chew her head off, and Wren just wanted to get this all over with. She knew at least one person would try to encourage her to talk to Emily, but she wasn't going to let that happen until after they found their unsub. She might've been pissed, but she also had a job to do. She was going to get the job done and then go home. Nothing more, nothing less.

At the disposal site, they introduced themselves to the detective. The woman guided the three profilers to the area of the alley where Beth's body was found and the group talked as they walked.

"So what do you have, Detective Bonner?" Morgan asked.

"Beth's body was found over there," she said as she pointed to a spot just past a dumpster.

"Well, hey, you smell the urine?" the man asked his teammates as they encroached on the scent.

"I thought that was air freshener," Prentiss joked.

"There's drugstore food everywhere," Wren pressed on, ignoring the light-hearted comment from Emily. "And it looks like a spot where the homeless camp out."

"Abby was found in a shantytown as well," Detective Bonner added after Wren made that deduction. 

"So, our unsub hunts and travels through the area unnoticed," Prentiss continued once they approached the exact spot Beth was found. "He blends in with his surroundings."

"This guy's either homeless or appears to be," Morgan stated.

"He most likely has a car to get them from the abduction site to here," the detective pointed out and Wren nodded in agreement. 

"Just because you're homeless doesn't mean you're carless," Morgan acquiesced.

"It might explain his reason for choosing high-risk victims at first," Wren said, shifting both of her shoulders, attempting to make the arm in a sling more comfortable. "He was surrounded by them."

Bonner excused herself from the profilers to make a few phone calls and Wren was about to do the same so she could inform Hotch of what they found, but she was stopped by Morgan.

"Birdie," he called once they were around the corner from where Emily was standing. The brunette turned to look at him, her expression unwillingly to be lenient about anything. "You can't avoid her forever, you know."

"Look, Morgan, I know that you've never seen what's it like for me to hold a grudge. I didn't talk to my best friend in high school for six months because she broke one of my favorite CDs. Emily faked her death. JJ and Hotch lied about it. This grudge could last a while and I can avoid her as long as I damn please."

"They did what they thought they had to," he tried to reason with her, but she only scoffed.

"That's one of the shittiest excuses you can give me," she fired back. "And to be honest, you are the last person I expected to be giving me shit for being angry. You and I were in the same position five days ago. You know exactly where I'm coming from and yet you act like everything's fine. Like we didn't spend the last seven months grieving and seeking out revenge for something that didn't even happen. Just because she's back doesn't mean everything is perfect. It will never go back to how it was, and I'm sick of everyone trying to pretend it will."

They both stood there in silence for a few moments as Derek digested what she said. Wren's face was red from anger and when she noticed Emily's head peek out from around the corner, she turned on her heel and made her way over to the SUV. 

"I knew she was pissed, I just never realized how much," Emily admitted once Wren was out of earshot. Derek turned to face the woman, a sad expression sitting on his face as he thought about what Wren had to go through to heal and attempt to move on.

"She lost everything the day you died," he told her, watching Emily's face fall. "You might not have known how much you meant to her and she might not have known until you were gone, but losing you was one of the worst things that ever happened to her. Hell, it's probably tied with losing Gio."

Emily looked at him with wide eyes, shocked that he knew about him. "You know about Gio?"

"The whole team found out about their relationship the night you died," Derek explained. "But a few weeks later, Wren told me more about him in detail. She told me that he was the first person she ever truly loved and was able to show emotions to without feeling like a burden."

"If she had it her way, she would've married him," Emily muttered to herself.

"Aside from him, you were the only person who saw her potential. You saw her as more than just a kid fresh off of desk duty," he continued, making the woman look down at her feet. "She admired you in more ways than she could ever admit. And then you died. Wren lost everything when that happened and I know that you coming back still doesn't seem like a good thing to her. While Penelope is celebrating the fact that you're alive, Wren is trying to accept that mourned for nothing. She lost a part of herself for nothing. She couldn't see her sister and her niece because she was terrified that Doyle would do to them what he did to you. Wren isn't just pissed, she feels betrayed. And instead of being sad, that betrayal is manifesting itself in anger. And I sure as hell don't blame her for expressing that anger."

"But you told her that she can't avoid me forever."

"Because she can't," Derek said. "I don't know if it's worse for her to avoid you or for her to just yell at you and get it all out. But right now, her pretending that you don't exist is hurting more than it's helping."

✧✦✧

By the next morning, the unsub had left another victim. This time her mouth was burned by the acid, indicating that he wanted to destroy her sense of taste. Wren didn't accompany the group to the disposal site but by the looks on both JJ and Reid's faces when they returned to the precinct, she knew that Reid still wasn't enjoying working with the blonde.

The genius had stood next to where Wren sat on a desk while they gave the profile to the officers. And he remained as close as he could to her while they worked through the case, but when he was asked to grab a file from the conference room, JJ followed him. 

"This isn't going to end well," she muttered to herself, but Rossi heard her and looked to where her gaze pointed.

"He needs to let it out, right?" Rossi asked her.

"Yeah, but not here. He's trying really hard to not let his anger consume him and I know that her confronting him about it here, while we're on a case, isn't going to go the way she wants it to."

"You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro-expressions at the hospital and you weren't able to detect our deception," JJ's voice carried through the two rooms and Wren's mouth sat agape. For someone who was once considered Spencer's best friend, did she really assume that he was that shallow? That all he cared about was that he couldn't read them? Anyone else in that room would've told her that wasn't true. 

Wren wanted to walk over there and yell at JJ herself but the way the blonde started to tear up as she looked at Spencer, she knew Spencer was doing a well enough job of getting the point across.

"You think this is about my profiling skills?" He asked in disbelief. His voice was low enough that Wren and the rest of the team couldn't hear what he was saying. "Jennifer, listen, the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I trusted you. I came to your house for ten weeks in a row crying over losing a friend and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth."

"I couldn't," she said, not meeting his eyes.

"You couldn't? Or you wouldn't?"

"I couldn't. Because if I told you, then you'd tell Wren."

"Of course, I would've told Wren," Spencer exclaimed, still in shock by her reasoning for everything. "She deserved to know, too. Hell, it would've made sense if she were in on it from the start."

"I couldn't tell you or her. I couldn't tell anyone," JJ insisted.

"What if I started taking Dilaudid again, would you have let me?" He asked.

"You didn't," she replied.

"Yeah, I didn't because Wren stopped me. Everything that you should've done as my best friend, she did. She kept me from relapsing, she held my hand every time I cried, and she was there. But she shouldn't have to have been. You shouldn't have lied."

"Spence," JJ called after him, gaining the attention of the rest of the team. "I'm sorry."

"It's too late, all right?" He responded as he left the room, not bothering to look at the team.

"Reid," Emily called, but Wren started walking away from the group.

"I got it," Wren muttered to the woman as she followed after Spencer.

Emily turned to face Morgan. "Did she just talk to me?"

She watched as Spencer walked into the men's bathroom and stopped herself for a moment. There was a possibility that he might have wanted the comfort of Morgan. But instead of letting that thought stop her from comforting her friend, Wren knocked on the bathroom door. "As much as I hate the smell of the men's bathroom, I am not afraid of breaking in."

A small chuckle came from the other side of the door and he opened it, his mood immediately lighter because she was in front of him. "Do you want to go somewhere else?"

"Up to you, smartie."

Spencer led the way out of the precinct and the pair turned a corner before Wren started talking. "You have every right to be mad at her, you know that right?"

"You tell me that almost constantly," he reminded her. "Or at least some version of it. You always tell me that I'm allowed to feel what I'm feeling-"

"Even if someone else thinks you shouldn't," she continued and he nodded, glad to hear the phrase from her. "Do you want to talk about what was said between you two? I heard the micro-expression part."

Reid repeated the conversation to her, only leaving out the parts where he talked about the brunette. As much as Spencer didn't want to admit it, he found himself talking about Wren more often than not.

"Okay, before I say this, I want you to remember that I am on your side always," Wren stated once he was done repeating the conversation. "But did you try to use your addiction against JJ?"

"I guess so," he muttered after a few seconds, already knowing where she was going with this.

"Out of everything that you said to her, that's the one thing you need to apologize for. Your possible relapse wasn't her fault."

"Then who's fault was it?" He asked.

"No one's, smartie," she said. "You were grieving and it almost happened."

"It didn't happen because of you," Spencer reminded her and she tried to hold back a smile "You helped me a lot."

"Yeah, well the same can be said for you," Wren replied. "We're in this together, no matter what."

"No matter what," he repeated.

A few moments of silence washed over them before Wren spoke up again. "I'm still not over her thinking you were mad because of her micro-expressions."

"My profiling abilities aren't that important to me, despite what she may believe," Spencer chuckled lightly, though Wren was now lost in thought about the unsub.

"Micro-expressions," she whispered, the genius turned to look at her, brows furrowed. "You thought that he might be physically disfigured, right? That's why he was burning his victims."

"That was my theory," he agreed.

"Okay, what if he's not necessarily physically disfigured but maybe he has a mental disability? Not one that's completely debilitating but one that he could use to his advantage."

"He trusts that his potential victims won't look past that disability and won't see him as a threat," Reid continued, understanding where she was going.

"He can hide his motives behind his expression," Wren concluded as they started walking back toward the precinct.

"And you call me 'smartie,'" Spencer said to her as a smile broke out on her face.

"Hey, if you come up with a nickname for me, feel free to use it."

Once they entered the police station, the duo rushed into the conference room to explain their new theory to the team.

"It's possible we aren't dealing with a typical homeless person," Reid spoke to the group as he and Wren stood in front of them. "He's good with chemicals and has a car."

"The only mistake in our profile was assuming there was something wrong with his physical composition and reducing him down to a stereotype given to the homeless," Wren continued. 

"You think it's only his mental state?" Rossi asked.

"I think he might be smart enough to use his disability to his advantage and come across as harmless," the woman said. 

"Then when he's alone and the victim rejects him, he goes off," Morgan added, agreeing with the new theory.

"What if he doesn't live on the street? What if he's in a halfway house?" JJ suggested.

"It's possible, but most halfway houses start moving members out once they have a car," Wren informed them as Hotch called Garcia. "But he could definitely be on one of their lists."

"Garcia, I need a list of halfway houses and mental health centers in the unsub's comfort zone," the unit chief instructed.

"Okay, five are being sent to your phones," Garcia said.

"Were any of those around in the eighties?" Wren asked.

"There are two in your area."

"Morgan and Prentiss, take the first. Dave and I will take the second," Hotch told the group.

"What about us?" JJ asked, in reference to herself, Reid, and Wren.

"Stay here and check VICAP for similar M.O.s and signatures," he told the blonde before looking at Spencer and Wren. "Reid." Spencer walked over to the unit chief. "If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me."

"I can't. I didn't come to your house crying for ten weeks," Reid said, leaving Wren and Hotch alone.

But before Hotch could even say anything to her, Wren spoke. "I can be mad at you and I am. That doesn't mean I'm going to talk to you about it."

She left the room without giving him a moment to respond.

✦✧✦

Another day had passed and by then, they had found out who the unsub was. His name was Cy Bradstone and he had kidnapped his own niece, Tammy because she looked just like her mother did when they were in their teens. Wren spent the beginning of the day consoling Lyla Bradstone, the target of Cy's aggression. She coached her on how to talk to Cy when they got him on the phone and held her as she cried after Cy hugged her. Wren knew the woman felt disgusted after having to be held by the man who took advantage of her as a teenager and the brunette did her best to help her feel better.

Once they had Cy in custody, Wren's interrogation skills came to use as she sat in a room alone with the man. The man agreed to tell them where Lyla was if he got to talk to his brother, Matt. And when Matt was in the room, Cy confessed to taking away Tammy's sense of touch because Lyla didn't like how it felt when Cy touched her. After that, he confessed to recording what he had done to Tammy and the other women he had tortured and killed.

Tammy was alive when they found her, however, her hands were burned severely due to the acid. They were lucky that the surgeon was confident he could bring back the sense, despite the damage But still, the Bradstone family thanked the BAU for their help in finding her and for making sure Cy would never hurt anyone ever again.

On the plane back to D.C, Wren sat alone on the couch, her earbuds in as music forced any other sound from disrupting her thoughts. She was at peace. Even if it was just for a few moments, Wren wasn't thinking about what happened to Emily or what she went through in an attempt to heal. She felt like she might be okay again someday.

But that feeling went away when Hotch sat down next to her. 

She could've pretended he wasn't there, but she didn't. She was well aware that he wasn't going away any time soon and he was always going to be there, reminding her of what he did.

"Do you need something?" She asked him as she took out one of her earbuds. Her tone was disinterested as if anything that he had to say was irrelevant to her and unimportant.

"Rossi is hosting a get-together for the team tomorrow," Hotch stated.

"I know."

"You're going to be there," he told her and Wren almost laughed.

"Is that an order?" She questioned, her eyes dark with anger as she looked at him.

"If that's the only way I can ensure you'll be there, then yes, it is," he replied as she gave him a resentful nod. 

"I'm going to ask you a question," Wren told him before he could continue to say whatever it was that he wanted to. "And if you answer honestly, I will go to the party. If you don't, you won't be seeing me for anything that doesn't have to do with a case."

He nodded, allowing her to continue.

"Who all knew she was alive?"

Hotch hesitated before answering. He knew his answer wasn't going to make her happy or even make her feel better in the slightest, but he also knew that she deserved the whole truth. And that included who he chose to tell instead of Wren.

"Myself, JJ, Emily's parents, and Clyde Easter," he told her, causing the brunette to scoff in disbelief. "He was her former superior and he helped us find her, I couldn't not tell him."

"That is the worst thing I've ever been told," she responded, the irritation coursing through her body now wanting to spill out. "You know, with or without Clyde, we would have found her. I knew just as much as he did and if anyone deserved to know that she didn't die that night, it was me. Not him. You just had to tell him? Did you value his mental state over mine and the rest of the teams'?"

"You're allowed to be mad at me," Hotch said, watching as Wren clenched her fist in an attempt to hold back the pain that threatened to erupt. "I deserve it."

"You're damn right, you deserve it," Wren exclaimed, almost more upset that he didn't show a single sign of regret than she was that he lied to her. "I can't even count the number of times I found myself in your office trying to work through my grief. I trusted you, Hotch. You knew that I truly believed that I should've died in her place and you did nothing."

"I know that you're hurt, but you have to remember that it was about saving-"

"Don't even get me started on the 'it was about saving Emily' crap," she cut him off, well aware that the rest of the team was now listening to her speak. "You can say that it wasn't about you and that it wasn't about me all you want, but the reality is that it was about me. I was a part of the situation and instead of telling me the truth, you lied to me. You helped make me feel like it was my fault that she died. Her death might not have been real but everything I felt and everything that happened after was. And you can sit here all you want and say that it's fine that I'm angry with you, but the truth is, I'm not angry with you... I'm disappointed in myself because I let myself trust you."

She stood up from the couch and spared Emily a glance that only lasted half a second before looking at Hotch again. 

She stood up from the couch and spared Emily a glance that only lasted half a second before looking at Hotch again. "Remember when we met and you didn't trust me to help you find Foyet? Remember how you felt when you looked at me and just saw someone you were forced to work with? Well, that's how I feel every day now. I'll go to the party and I will pretend to have a good time. Hell, I'll even work with you, Hotch, but I'm not going to be civil or pretend like everything's fine, because it isn't. I am not fine."

AUTHOR'S NOTE

any time i say that wren is angry, i want her monologue at the end of this chapter to be remembered. she doesn't trust easily, but she trusted hotch and it's going to take a while for him to regain that trust. 

god she's going to go through so much shit before this fic is finished it's not even funny

but anyway she kind of had a meet-cute at the beginning yayy

wren is the epitome of 'if they wanted to they would' when it comes to her relationship with spencer <33

also morgan is the no. 1 wren defender idc what anyone says, even him

i really love my girl and in reality, she has all of my healthiest traits and viewpoints. despite everything, she is well-adjusted and does her best with what she's been given. wren spader is everything to me and i stand by that every day.

okay, thank you for reading, i hope you enjoyed it. i can't wait to write the emily and wren confrontation it's going to be crazy xoxo

with love, robin!