All Began From The End By _untold-secrets

Thank you for requesting a review. I've read your first chapter and will give you a critique of that first chapter. In this case, there is no inline edit or proofread because this was a review request. I do recommend you request a critique to join the queue in order to get a line edit.

I really enjoyed your unique angle. More than that, I was taken in by the subject matter. This is a very important thing to address in life, an important thing that few people talk or write about. And the duality of the outside world and the inside world you present is pretty amazing. Unfortunately, I got lost along the way. Not much and not enough to stop my overall enjoyment.

You put certain scenes in bold and certain scenes in regular text. This was a great idea. And although I'm not a fan of talking about how people met in the first chapter, I have to say that you made it seem very easy here. The premise was great, the opening was great, and the execution, though not flawless, was pretty good, too. So why a critique and not a review of all three?

As I've said, the execution had some hiccups. Firstly, let me commend you for writing in a language that isn't native to you. That's exceptional, I almost didn't notice it at all. Your command of the language is pretty good. But as a Linguistics major, language is sort of my thing. The instances of 'what happened to cause this' was clear...for the most part. But the instances of 'friends gathering now' wasn't. I wasn't sure WHERE Dee was in the here and now. I wasn't sure WHO she was with or who held her hand. I wasn't sure where she was watching from. And because the 'now' was unclear to me, I wasn't sure if this  problem would persist in chapter 2 and chapter 3. Even though those parts were unclear to me, I could still read to the end of the chapter without complaints because the writing is beautiful. 

I love your prose. I love your premise. Keep it up.

(end)

P.S. (_untold-secrets )I'm not very good at making covers but I did fiddle with a few. If you like one, please let me know and I'll send you a link to the Google Drive to get it.

Personally, my favorite is this one: