Jasper melted down and cried for his mother half the night and we took turns staying up with him, though he was inconsolable. None of the kids ended up sleeping well.

"Mama shouldn't come back and upset Jasper like this," Shiloh had said in grave disapproval at two in the morning while we sat listening to the boy yelling "I want my Mama! I want my Mama!" over and over and over again while Leif and Halley tried to calm him. 

"I hate your sister a lot," Halley said mildly the next afternoon as she poured more coffee for us. 

It was three. Jasper was passed out on the couch with one of Hazel's sweatshirts hugged to him, and Leif snored in the chair where he'd fallen asleep with an open bag of dill pickle Kettle chips on his lap. Shiloh and Hank were next door with Leif's sisters.

"I know, right?" My eyes were gritty from being woken up so many times. Halley had the day off though and I didn't want to waste it sleeping. We'd already taken advantage of our rare alone time in bed.

"Maybe we can get a restraining order," she mused.

 I'd been considering it too. "Yeah, I'll find out." Not that she would respect one. 

She added amaretto creamer to our cups and handed me mine, slinging an arm around my neck in a half-hug and kissing the top of my head. "The good news is, I love you." 

The words made me hum a little, happily. "That is good news. I love you too."

"I know," she said. The cat jumped on the table and she pushed him off. He meowed and stood on his hind legs, reaching to paw at her cup. "Get out of here, you crazy cat," she told him fondly. 

Poe was on the fridge, where it was warmer, snoozing. He opened one eye to make sure he wasn't missing food and then went back to sleep with a little mutter.

I raised my cup. "Thanks."

"What's on head radio?" 

I grinned a little when I realized it was Stevie Wonder, though in general I was feeling pretty down after my sister's disruptive visit. "Isn't she lovely," I half-sang. "Isn't she wonderful?" 

"Aw," she said, her ears turning pink. "Says you."

PK jumped up again, started to slide off, and grabbed Halley's purse. He and it fell to the floor, spilling the contents everywhere. 

"That's it, out," she said, flicking her fingers at him. He was afraid she had water on them, as she sometimes did, so he ran into the other room.

My phone got my attention and I read the text as I knelt to help her pick up the billion things from her Mary Poppins-esque bag. "Gwen says the kids want to go to the children's museum, not that you probably want to."

She made a face. "What about Chuck E. Cheese's? At least they have pizza there."

I relayed this to Gwen, but the kids wanted the museum.

"Alright," she relented good naturedly. "Natasha told me they're doing the bottle rocket thing today that Shiloh liked before, so she'll be happy."

An hour later she was driving us there in the minivan. Jasper had woken up and refused to come so Leif and Ruby were staying with him. Ruby was his favorite person after his mother, with Leif as a close third. 

Therapist Sarah had gently pointed out how he had seen me fighting with Hazel too many times to feel comfortable loving me too much; he saw it as a betrayal to Mama if he fully trusted me. I got it, but it still sucked.

"I love these heated seats," I said, adjusting mine a little for maximum comfort. "How's Grandpa?" I asked Shiloh. My dad had just gotten home from a three-week haul the night before, from the looks of his truck cab out front. 

"Oh, he's fine," she said airily. She had pigtails, zebra pants, and a rainbow tutu that she was waiting to put on because it interfered with the straps of her car seat. "You know how he is. Made good money and then lost it all at the damn roulette table." She shook her head dramatically.

Halley side-eyed me with a grin. The light turned green and she waited before going as we always did, because people ran red lights all the time in our town. Sure enough, a white SUV raced through the intersection and we both shook our heads. "Asshole," she said under her breath.

"Wanna go in da yellatopter," Hank announced. "Da YELLAcopter, Annie Hay. Gon' drive 'em," he stated confidently. 

"Whatever you want, honey," she told him, grinning at me again. 

"We're here," his sister told him as we turned in and parked.

I realized I didn't want to be there, didn't have the energy to socialize with strangers and their kids. I shook it off and got out anyway, because what else was I going to do. It took a few minutes to get the kids unbuckled and into jackets that they would probably shed since the sun was out. Shiloh pulled her skirt on over her leggings and twirled to make the many-colored material flare out around her. 

We made our way inside and waited in line at the U-shaped counter. A model train ran overhead along its tracks, making both kids look up. When it was our turn, the girl recognized us and waved us through since we had a membership. We followed them to the huge outdoor area, stashing the diaper bag in the cubbies on our way out. 

I couldn't help but scan the area for Natasha, kind of hoping I wouldn't find her. She was over at the pretend vegetable market, though, and my heart sank a tiny bit. I mentally scolded myself. She didn't see us as we moved past all the flowers still blooming, and Halley jogged forward to lift Hank into the old red helicopter shell. 

"I think this is safe," I said, feeling the lush grass tentatively for dampness before sinking down into it. I patted the spot next to me. 

"Nice," she said, sitting too. Her hair was down, covering her back like a waterfall, and I tugged a gentle handful of it, earning that smile that dimmed the sun itself. Her eyes moved beyond me then as she lifted a hand to wave. "Hey, Tashi."

Tashi. We were onto nicknames now. 

I turned with a fair amount of dread in my stomach, forcing myself to not show it. What was wrong with me? Halley was not going to suddenly fall for someone else, no matter how pretty or friendly or normal she was. Regardless of what had happened with Caleb.

Halley is not Caleb, I told myself firmly as I had the other day, annoyed and tired of the invasive negative thoughts. I'd dealt with a lot of invasive thoughts after the accident, and the right combination of medication could usually get them under control. I had to call Therapist Sarah. "Hey," I said to Natasha. "How's it going?" 

She had a short denim dress on over leggings, which were black with tiny rainbows on them. "Good! No Jasper or Fancy Nancy today?" she teased, an eye on the half-dozen kids in the chopper. 

Halley shook her head. "They needed a home day." She was unwrapping a dark chocolate bar from her purse, and snapped off a piece for me. "Some people only like milk chocolate, poor suckers. So sad." She held out a piece to Natasha.

"Thanks, is this the hazelnut one?" She bit into it and closed her eyes momentarily. She was wearing a purple beanie with the Museum's logo on it, and it was her color. "So good."

"I know, right." Halley took a bite of her piece and propped herself on her free left hand. "It's from--" She yanked her hand back from the grass, jumping to her feet. "Oh fuck," she said. She held her hand up, looking astonished. "A bee," she clarified faintly, her eyes on mine, before sinking back down to her knees and reaching for her purse.

Shit! I knew she was severely allergic but she hadn't been stung since I'd met her. "Your EpiPens," I realized, trying not to freak out even as her hand went to her throat. She nodded, moving over to a different part of the lawn to lean against the tree there, trusting me to take care of her. I dumped her purse upside down, frantically searching through all the fucking crap for the small container that held the adrenaline shots that could literally save her life. "Where are they!" I said desperately, because they simply weren't in there.

We were drawing a small crowd, and Natasha said "Call 911," sharply to someone. "Tell them we have a bee sting allergy and she's going into anaphylactic shock." Then she took off running.

I searched harder for the yellow pens as I knelt there, adrenaline flooding me, knowing they were missing or I would have found them. Then I realized the container must have disappeared under something at home when her purse fell off the table earlier. "Oh fuck," I said under my breath, watching her struggling to breathe. It happened that fast. I panicked, knowing the ambulance wouldn't get there in time. "Please," I said to God, to the universe, to anything or anyone. 

"Mary," she said, her voice strained, her eyes frantic. "I'm scared." Her hand clasped her throat as if that would stop it from closing up and cutting off her air. She slumped and I moved to lay her down with trembling hands. "Please stay with me."

"It's okay," I lied. "I'm here. The ambulance is coming." Her good hand was icy between mine, the stung one already turning an angry red. The kids hadn't noticed yet, for which a small part of me was extremely grateful. "Just try to stay calm." Stupid useless words! Of course she wasn't going to stay calm, she could feel her life being cut off while her only hope lay under the fridge or some shit five miles away.

"EpiPen," she whispered, slurring, the red creeping up her wrist like a virus in a horror movie as it swelled. Her poor hand now looked like a glove that had been filled with water and my heart twisted, my own breath drawing short. Hard lumps began rising as the hives began spreading.

"I think they fell out at home," I admitted, hating myself for ever rescuing the fucking cat! Her eyes widened in panic and I thought to address the crowd. She couldn't be the only one with life-threatening allergies. "Does anyone have an EpiPen? Please! Anyone?!"

Heads shaking was my only answer from the useless strangers with uncertainty in their eyes.

My raised voice got Shiloh's attention. "Auntie Mary? What's happening?"

"Stay there, Shiloh," I told her in a Mind Me voice. I watched helplessly as Halley's hand pulled from mine and went to her chest, making a weak fist there. "I'm sorry, baby, I'm so sorry, it'll be okay," I promised, my mind searching frantically for a solution. But in this world everything can change . . . just like that, played ominously in my mind.

"Hurts," she breathed, her eyes still on mine but her eyelids drooping. She was wheezing now, the air whistling through what little space was left to allow it through, and it was a terrifying sound because of what it meant. "Please," she said, as if I was waiting for the magic word.

"Halley!" I said, giving her a little shake, hoping it wouldn't worsen it but afraid to let her fall asleep. "Halley, c'mon, look at me, just hang on one more minute!"

She's going to die too; you can't save her, you can't save ANYONE. The thought blasted head radio into an exceedingly rare silence.

She struggled with keeping those beautiful turquoise eyes open but was losing the battle when Natasha came running back. "Here! Here! I've got one!" She fell to her knees next to me, hard, and thrust the pen into my hands. She'd removed it from its plastic casing. "I already took the back cap off too, it's ready to go. Do it!" she urged.

I froze, paralyzed at the thought of fucking it up and ruining our only change at saving Halley. I tried to reach for it but (can't save anyone) my hand refused to move. I could clearly visualize hitting the wrong spot, almost as if I was watching it happen in front of me, and the picture crippled me into incapacitation.

"Auntie Mary!" Shiloh's wavering voice called distantly. "Auntie Mary I want to come over there!"

"I can't--I'm not supposed to--" Natasha started, then glanced at Halley's closed eyes and red face and took the pen from me. "Okay," she said grimly, to herself, and brought the device down firmly onto Halley's upper thigh, holding the button down while she counted to ten out loud, slowly. "Okay," she said again, taking it away and holding it awkwardly so it didn't stick anyone. 

I dimly heard sirens and Shiloh and Hank but I was crawling to hold Halley's head in my lap, my paralysis broken, tears falling onto her face from mine. Looking at her ballooning, hive-studded arm made me lightheaded and I scorned myself for being so weak. "It's okay, baby, you'll be okay," I promised again, smoothing her hair back into a ponytail, barely noticing as Natasha shoved everything back into the discarded purse.

Then the EMTs were moving me aside and shouting things and I answered their questions as best I could as they deftly lifted her onto a stretcher, taking her purse with them. I wanted to go with her more than anything but Shiloh hit my legs, wailing, and Natasha approached with Hank, and all I could do was helplessly watch them wheel her away at high speed. "I'll be right there," I shouted after them, feeling like the worst person in the entire world. I couldn't even be there for her in the ambulance, what if she woke up and was frightened and alone and--

"AUNTIE MARY WHAT IS WRONG WITH AUNTIE HALLEY!" Shiloh shrieked, clinging to me as Hank started crying too. 

"She's okay!" I said loudly, hugging her and resisting the urge to run after the paramedics. "She just got a bee sting, they're giving her medicine." I reached to take the baby from Natasha, to whom I owed Halley's life. "Thank you," I said hoarsely, words that were so small and meaningless and insignificant. Gooseflesh covered me, my scalp crawling with it. 

"I'll walk you guys out." She got the diaper bag and my purse and took Shiloh's hand as the ambulance wailed away. "Let's go get in the car, try to be calm for your auntie, now. C'mon." She helped me buckle them in and shut the door, then took my arm before I could get in my seat. "You okay to drive? Take a deep breath, Mary. She'll be fine, they have everything she needs in the ambulance and at the hospital." She raised her eyebrows. "Deep breath," she coached. 

People were staring through the chain link fence.

I nodded and did it, opening my door. "Thank you," I said again, touching her arm as if that could convey the feeling behind the expression. "I don't know what I would do without her."

Truer words were never spoken.