When I woke up on my eighteenth birthday, a little part of me expected that the Holy Spirit would awaken a hidden power inside me. That wisdom of adulthood that would make every answer crystal clear. Every last doubt of my asexuality resolved. 

Instead, my grandmother shook me awake at stupid o'clock, and I felt like I was the same girl I always was. "Happy eighteenth birthday, dear."

"Ugh...what time is it?"

"Can I leave you?" she asked. "Are you awake?"

My hand tapped the nightstand until I found my glasses. The blurry red LEDs came into focus and revealed the ungodly hour of six-fifteen. 

"I'm up. Thanks, Mom," I said with a groggy yawn.

"We'll do presents on Saturday," she said. "I've made a fun breakfast for you after your shower."

Eager to see what smelled so good, I rushed through getting ready for school. When I got to the kitchen, Tabitha wailed for a treat, lured by the scent of sizzling bacon.

I took out two of them and held them up in the air above her nose. Our little ritual. She'd get up on her hind legs and touch my hand, after which I put the treats on the floor for her.

You can train a cat, I thought with a wry smile. Most of the time they have no incentive to do what you want.

"Want me to help?" I asked.

"No, dear." Mom put the hot bacon on some paper towels to dab the grease and fried two eggs in the leftover fat. "This is your birthday. My treat."

When the timer went off a couple of minutes later, she took fresh biscuits out of the oven and put two on my plate. Everything steamed as she handed it to me with a mug of strong coffee made using her old-fashioned percolator from the fifties. 

"Happy birthday, dear."

"Thanks, Mom!" I said with a wide grin before I took my first mouth-watering bite. "It's delicious as always."

She smiled. "I'm glad you like it. The key to cooking is the timing."

Poor Mom had done everything humanly possible to carve me in her image and likeness. To train me in the ways of cookery, interior decorating, fashion, and more.

Nothing took hold. Must have frustrated her to no end.

She'd tried so hard to make a homemaker out of me. A respectable wife. An intelligent organizer. A fashionable lady. It wasn't her fault stubborn little Jess had refused to fit the mold.

Mom kept the birthday breakfast ritual as she sat down across from me with a cup of strong tea. She munched delicately on a piece of toast as I shoveled food into my mouth like an ogre.

"It's good to see you eating again, dear." She reached over the table for my hand and gave it a tight squeeze. "We were worried about you."

"I'm fine now," I said with a weak smile.

"You love Grandad a lot, don't you?"

That made me halt the feeding at the trough. "Of course. I love you both."

"You'll always be our little girl, you know that?" she said as tears welled in her eyes. "I'm so proud of the young woman you've become."

A faint blush crawled across my cheeks. "Aww, Mom."

"I mean it," she said with a bittersweet smile. "When you came to us, you were a scared little girl. No one could say the name Jessica without you jumping in fear."

"That was a long time ago," I said, squeezing my eyes shut at the unwanted memories.

"Look at you now." Mom gazed upon me, her azure eyes dancing with pride. "You read from scripture with strength and fight for your beliefs."

"You're crying?"

"They're happy tears, dear." She released my hand. "I wouldn't have given up these past nine years for all the world."

"Dang it! Now you're going to make me cry."

We both chuckled as tears trickled down our cheeks. "I never properly thanked you for all you've done," I continued. "You could have retired in Florida if not for me."

"Florida!" she exclaimed, flicking a dismissive wrist. "Who needs the hurricanes and humidity?"

"I'm serious." I shrugged. "You spent a lot of time and money on me that you could have had for yourselves. You sacrificed so much to raise me."

"And watch you suffer at the hands of that horrible woman?" Mom gave me an incredulous look. "Absolutely not!"

"I'm not even Chuck's daughter," I insisted. "You didn't have to do that." 

"I didn't raise you because I had to," she said, firmly holding my gaze in that intense way only mothers could manage. "I raised you because I wanted to."

My lips parted, releasing a secret breath I'd held for years. "I know I'm a bit much sometimes, and I'm sorry."

"They say water is thinner than blood," she said, "but nothing is further from the truth. You mean every bit as much to me as Chuck or Em. You're my daughter. Always."

I mopped up the leftover egg yolk with the rest of my biscuit so that I wouldn't have to meet her fiercely determined gaze.

"No matter how old you are," she continued, "no matter where you live, no matter what career you choose, we love you. You're family. You have a home. Here with us."

Finishing the final drops of my coffee, I dried my tears. "Thank you, Mom."

"Go get your stuff, dear." Mom cleared her throat. "I'll clear the table."

When Mom dropped me off at school, Care was waiting in front of the stone wall of St. Stephen's. She bounded towards me as soon as I got out of the car with a present in her hand.

"Happy birthdayyyyyyy!" she shouted as we hugged. "You're eighteen!"

"Finally, ahhh!" I took the present that she waved up and down like a marionette whose puppeteer had decided to take up trampolining. "Thank you, Care."

"Open it! Open it!" Care's hazel eyes twinkled with mischief. "Do it before I give away what it is!"

Racing up the stairs, we headed over to a secluded area in the foyer. Care looked like she'd explode with enthusiasm. As though she were a balloon filled with too much air.

It was infectious. In one smooth tear, I ripped the fancy wrapping off the package.

"Whoa!" I gasped. "It's a German comic!"

"Turn it around! Turn it around!" she said, pressing both hands to her mouth.

"Oh, my God!" I cried. "It's the first Sandman in German!" I wrapped her in a heartfelt embrace. "It's perfect, Care. Thank you!"

"I took a page out of your book," she said, "and I saved fifty cents every day until I had enough to buy it. I prayed it would get here in time."

"It must have taken you weeks to collect enough—"

"Never mind that!" We hugged again and both squealed. "Do you like it?"

"Like it?" Tears welled in my eyes, no joke. Such a thoughtful gift. She would have sacrificed to afford it, too. "Care, it's the best gift anyone's ever given me."

"I thought it would help you learn German in a fun way this summer," she said. "Besides, it's got Morpheus who looks just like you-know-who."

"Voldemort?"

"Oh, did you start reading Harry Potter?" she asked excitedly.

"Yeah, I caved in," I said in a resigned voice. "To my absolute disgruntlement, I enjoyed it."

Care gave a more muted squeak now that we were in public. "I knew it! I knew you'd love it."

"It's official now: I'm a sheeple."

"A sheeple?"

"Shee-person? Sheep-erson? Sheep-person?" I shrugged. "Whatever the singular form of sheeple is."

She gave me a playful nudge in the ribs. "This time, you-know-who isn't Voldemort."

"Eric!" I shouted in a muted whisper. "He's gonna chat with me tonight."

"I know, I know! And then he's going to tell you all about his plan to—!"

Care clasped her hand over her mouth.

"What plan?" I chuckled.

"I promised not to tell."

"Aww, man!"

"Nope, some promises have to be kept."

"Technically all promises should be kept," I said, giving her a pointed look over the rims of my glasses. "What makes this one so different?"

"Well, yes..." She bobbed her head back and forth. "There are promises and then there are promises."

"Not helping."

"Yeah, well, just be patient!" she said with a hint of fake grumpiness. "Bye, sis!"

Care ran off before I could corner her any further.

The day crawled forward at the pace of a disoriented snail. Someone must have glued the hands of the school clock to a halt. No, not just one of them. Both of them.

When I got home, I couldn't hop on the computer fast enough.

"Don't you want to take a day off for your birthday?" asked Mom. "You work ever so hard."

"I can't, Mom!" I called up the stairs. "Got an essay to finish for Friday."

I'd already finished it a couple of days ago, but she didn't need to know that. My heart twanged at the out-and-out lie. Nothing white about it. If there was one thing I didn't want on my eighteenth birthday, it was to start an argument about Eric.

A ping jolted me from my thoughts.

AceofClubs: hey Jess! Happy birthday! :D 

CelibateForLife: hi Eric! thank you!

CelibateForLife: I can't believe we can finally chat without worries.

AceofClubs: seems like a miracle, doesn't it? :)

AceofClubs: does your family know?

CelibateForLife: I didn't have the heart to tell them.

CelibateForLife: not right when they're getting to that point

AceofClubs: what point?

CelibateForLife: of not totally hating you! :-P ;)

I cringed at my words. Idiot!

Of course, I meant it in a light-hearted way, but I didn't want Eric to think that I agreed with them. Or even worse, that I still let my family affect my decisions. 

His words echoed in my memory as they'd done a thousand times since that fateful day. As long as your family hates me, we have no future.

AceofClubs: hahaha

AceofClubs: pray tell what brought about yon transformation? ;)

CelibateForLife: probably the realization that I'm eighteen

CelibateForLife: and that they can't control me forever

CelibateForLife: also I might have yelled at them

CelibateForLife: a lot lololol

AceofClubs: a scary prospect ;)

CelibateForLife: for real!

CelibateForLife: Grandad called me a spitfire

AceofClubs: is that so? ;)

CelibateForLife: yeah :D

AceofClubs: mmm

No one could dream up a crazy scenario faster than me. Seriously. All he said was Mmm, and my brain created a more suggestive meaning for that sound. 

No wonder why I'd thought I could never be asexual. Jeez!

My imagination took control as I pictured Eric cradling me from behind, gently swaying to music at my senior prom as I leaned my head against his chest.

His deep hum echoed in my mind, sending waves of tingles through my body.

Whew! Change the subject...

CelibateForLife: so what have you been up to?

AceofClubs: lots of studying

AceofClubs: some partying

Who are you and what have you done with my Eric?

CelibateForLife: what? partying? you?

AceofClubs: hey, don't sound so shocked

AceofClubs: I have a life too, ya know. :-P

CelibateForLife: I know!

AceofClubs: my friends have parties that I enjoy.

AceofClubs: six people max

AceofClubs: with movies and pizza

AceofClubs: and a beer

CelibateForLife: pizza and beer. ewww!

AceofClubs: give it a shot. you'd like it

CelibateForLife: nah, I hate bitter things.

AceofClubs: gotcha

CelibateForLife: didn't know you drank

AceofClubs: if you consider drinking a can of beer "drinking"

AceofClubs: then, yes. I guess I do "drink" once in a while

AceofClubs: caffeine is my drug of choice, though ;)

My heart clenched as I swore under my breath. Why did I have to be so sensitive about alcohol? It was a normal initiation, a part of everyone's college experience. Still the very word brought back powerful latent fears, ones I'd hidden away for years.

No, Jess! You're an adult now. Time to act like one!

My mother and Chuck didn't have any power over my life anymore. I had no reason to be scared.

CelibateForLife: sorry, I didn't mean to sound that way.

CelibateForLife: of course you should have fun with friends

AceofClubs: seriously, coffee and smoothies are my weakness

AceofClubs: you have nothing to worry about, Jess. :)

Nothing to worry about, he said. As though he cared what I thought. 

Did Eric consider us friends or something more? Why would he care what I thought about his partying behavior?

Unless...he was interested in me.

Like that?

Breathless, I stared at the screen and willed myself not to interpret hidden meanings where none existed. Oh, stop setting yourself up for a fall.

AceofClubs: Jess? are you okay?

CelibateForLife: yes, of course. sorry!

AceofClubs: anyway, about your birthday—

CelibateForLife: yes??? :D

Tried though I did to curb my enthusiasm, a tiny squeak came from my lips. I slapped my hand over my mouth to mute another squee of excitement.

His birthday present! What could it be?

AceofClubs: I have a surprise

AceofClubs: if you agree

AceofClubs: now that you're eighteen

AceofClubs: hopefully your family will let you go

CelibateForLife: go? go where?

Now my heart beat furiously against my chest. Was Eric going to ask me out?

AceofClubs: do you remember that I told you

AceofClubs: that my school has an amazing language program?

CelibateForLife: yep, that's why I applied!

AceofClubs: you did???

AceofClubs: ah, that's great!

AceofClubs: you'll love it here, I'm sure.

CelibateForLife: yeah, we took a tour through some of the buildings

CelibateForLife: and the library

CelibateForLife: and I was sold immediately

CelibateForLife: they don't show you the language labs though :(((

CelibateForLife: or the library. just the façade. :(((

AceofClubs: about that...

AceofClubs: how would you like

AceofClubs: to see it up close and personal?

My jaw dropped. No way! That had been my dream for the past few months.

CelibateForLife: WHAT???? You mean an overnight tour???

AceofClubs: yes

CelibateForLife: I tried so hard to get a tour

CelibateForLife: but they were all booked out

AceofClubs: normally that's true

AceofClubs: BUT

AceofClubs: my best friend Helen does them

AceofClubs: you can stay in her dorm room :D

AceofClubs: I trust her with you.

AceofClubs: your family would approve too

AceofClubs: she lives in substance free housing

AceofClubs: she doesn't invite guys over

AceofClubs: she's super friendly and knowledgeable

AceofClubs: Helen can show you everything you'd want to see

CelibateForLife: but will she be able to do it?

CelibateForLife: if they're booked out?

AceofClubs: yes, if you know the coordinator ;)

CelibateForLife: omggggggg seriously???? :D :D :D

AceofClubs: I asked Helen for a favor

AceofClubs: as a birthday gift to you

AceofClubs: she pulled a few strings

AceofClubs: and now she can host you

AceofClubs: not this Sunday and Monday, but the following weekend

AceofClubs: if you can make it.

Incredulous laughter tumbled from my lips before I could clamp them shut. Care was right. His gift was as good as hers.

CelibateForLife: OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!

CelibateForLife: I'M GOING TO DIE OF HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!!!

CelibateForLife: Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AceofClubs: hehehe

AceofClubs: so that's a yes?

CelibateForLife: and the letter shows that a woman will host me?

AceofClubs: absolutely yes.

AceofClubs: with a contact number

AceofClubs: so that your grandparents can call and get to know her

AceofClubs: and they'll know you'll be safe and sound

CelibateForLife: Ericccccccccc!

AceofClubs: Jesssssssssss!

CelibateForLife: I can't believeeeeeee ittttttttttt! :D

CelibateForLife: thank you! thank you! thank you!

AceofClubs: you're more than welcome :) :D

CelibateForLife: and...

For a long time, I stared at the screen. Unable to ask the question burning inside me. Mom had always taught me to let guys make the first move.

AceofClubs: and...?

Shit! What do I do? Do I say anything? Do I wait? What if we both wait until Kingdom Come?

My heart thudded against my ribs like a snare drum as the blood rushed in my ears. From the time I was a small girl, I had it drilled into me that guys should control these things. Always. 

If they're interested, they'll say. 

That might have been the biggest, scariest rebellion I'd ever fought.

CelibateForLife: What are you doing on the 9th to the 11th? :)

The question hung in the air for several seconds, no one daring to react.

AceofClubs: I have no plans as yet.

Jesus! Surely, he knows what I mean...

Does that mean he doesn't want to meet up?

CelibateForLife: so, if you have no plans...

AceofClubs: I would be theoretically free.

CelibateForLife: theoretically or practically?

AceofClubs: both. either.

Awww, dude. Come on. Work with me here.

AceofClubs: I'll be in the language labs Sunday morning.

AceofClubs: if you're interested in seeing them...? :D

CelibateForLife: YES!

CelibateForLife: OMG YES!

It occurred to me that came across way too strong. So I softened it with an explanation so as not to scare him away.

CelibateForLife: I live for language labs! :D :D :D

AceofClubs: hehehe

AceofClubs: I guess that's a yes then

CelibateForLife: a definite yes!

AceofClubs: they have a whole list of movies you can watch

AceofClubs: as long as a student checks them out for you

AceofClubs: I can do that if you like ;)

CelibateForLife: would you like to watch a foreign film with me?

AceofClubs: any you like, absolutely

CelibateForLife: and can we see the library too?

AceofClubs: with Helen or me, whatever you prefer. :)

With you! Oh, God! A thousand times with you!

CelibateForLife: either would be great! but if you have time...

AceofClubs: I'm sure we can work something out ;)

AceofClubs: so you like your birthday gift?

CelibateForLife: seriously, I thought nothing could top Care's gift

CelibateForLife: I mean she got freaking SANDMAN in German!!!

AceofClubs: hahaha ;)

CelibateForLife: looks like I was wrong.

AceofClubs: it's not a competition ;)

AceofClubs: you can like both presents equally

AceofClubs: but I'm glad I made you happy :D

My heart did so many hooble-de-flips that I could hardly breathe. Oh, gosh! I always knew he would be cultured and not drag me off to some God-forsaken football game on a first date. 

But I couldn't think of anything more perfect.