My gift arrived in the mail on Saturday before my birthday party, addressed to me from Holy Cross. When I tore open the letter, there it stood in black and white.

"Oh, my God!" I cried.

Mom rushed over to me, not even bothering to correct my language. "What is it? What happened? Did you get in?" she asked in quick succession.

"No, not yet," I admitted, "but they invited me for an overnight stay."

"They changed their minds?" she asked, almost more excited than me.

"Yes!"

"Maybe someone canceled at the last minute," said Grandad.

He gave me a shoulder squeeze while Mom and I hugged each other. For once, I didn't even feel self-conscious.

"I told you, dear," said Mom, "the Lord acts in mysterious ways."

Indeed.

"Now who are you going to be staying with?" She screened the invitation like a hawk. "Who is this Helen Delaney?"

"Mom!"

"Remember what we discussed earlier, Carm?" asked Grandad in a gruff tone.

Mom gave me a kind smile. "I'm just making sure you'll be safe."

"She's one of the people who gives tours all the time," I replied. "You can even give her a call--"

Grandad and Mom exchanged a glance that fought an entire argument. One where he told her to stop fussing or she'd drive me away and she told him that she'd die if Helen Delaney killed me and dumped me in an alleyway.

He won.

Mom held her head high. "If she does these things all the time, I don't see the harm."

My eyes bulged. "Really? I can go?"

"You're eighteen now, Jess." Grandad looked at me from over the rims of his glasses. "Of course you can go."

I squealed and gave Mom such an effusive hug that I almost knocked the poor woman over. "Oh, my gosh! This is going to be so amazing."

"My brother was one of the Jesuits, you know."

How could I ever forget? You mention it every five seconds.

"He was such a bright young man. Skipped two grades." Mom draped her shoulder around me. "They'll give you such a great education. I'd be proud if you decided to go there."

Oh, brother! I'll look like such a dumb-ass if I don't get accepted.

I gave her a wary look. "Well, it's a tough school to get into."

"God will provide."

"You'll make it," added Grandad with a determined gruffness. "I believe in you."

I gave them a grateful smile. "Mind if I go on the computer to check my email? I want to make sure Care will be able to make it to the party."

"All right, but only for half an hour." Mom gave me that stern look that told me I couldn't stay even a moment longer. "This is a family day."

"Of course, but Care is family."

"That she is, dear. Go ahead."

Running down into the basement, I booted the computer and hopped online. Both Eric and Care had already signed in. I didn't even get a chance to write her a message before my computer dinged.

Little_Linguist: heyyyyy Jess! Happy birthday again! :D

CelibateForLife: hey! you coming today?

Little_Linguist: hellz yeah, sis! with a grandparent approved present. heh heh ;)

CelibateForLife: you didn't have to do that!

Little_Linguist: what, and show up empty handed?

Little_Linguist: remember they don't know about SANDMAN

Little_Linguist: did you hide it? :-P

CelibateForLife: safe and sound ;)

CelibateForLife: I started reading it after they went to bed

CelibateForLife: with my secret reading lamp ;)

Little_Linguist: well aren't you sneaky!?

Little_Linguist: did eric give you your present?

CelibateForLife: YES, and I'm going!!!!

Little_Linguist: whaaaaat????? 

Little_Linguist: lkjfadjlsfjskdaljfsdjdsjioweiurfeofjlsfdakdsfjl!!!!!

CelibateForLife: did your keyboard have a stroke?

CelibateForLife: or did Misty send her love?

Little_Linguist: that wasn't the cat!

Little_Linguist: that was me all excited

Little_Linguist: about you going to see ERICCCCCCC!

Little_Linguist: little lovebirds reunited at last!

CelibateForLife: dude!!!!

CelibateForLife: we're not lovebirds

Little_Linguist: yeah yeah yeah okay not yet

Little_Linguist: but no sex doesn't mean no cute lovebirdness <33333333

CelibateForLife: lovebirdness?

Little_Linguist: lovebirdness (n.) the quality of being head over heels and toe-tinglingly in love with someone

CelibateForLife: I had to ask, didn't I? *sigh* :-P

CelibateForLife: now remember

CelibateForLife: I'm officially going to Holy Cross to see the language labs and the library

Little_Linguist: *zips her lips shut* I know nothing!

CelibateForLife: all right, Colonel Klink, I trust you...

CelibateForLife: :-P 

Little_Linguist: it was Sergeant Schulz

CelibateForLife: nerd! ttyl

Little_Linguist: cu :D

One advantage of living with people in their later years was that their whispers resembled soft voices. They thought I had ears and eyes like a hawk. In reality, I simply wasn't ancient, which made stealthy reconnaissance missions easier.

"Stop with the laundry list of rules, Carm!" Grandad growled upstairs. "Let the girl breathe."

"You know how she is," Mom said. "She gets all excited, and we won't be able to afford it."

"She's eighteen now."

"I know."

"She's an adult. You need to give her space." He pushed in the chair with more force than necessary. "Make her get a job and pay for it herself if you're worried."

"Jess needs to focus on school and work later, Ted." Mom sighed. "I need to know she's okay, but I don't want her getting into trouble or racking up a huge bill or talking with strange boys."

"Sometimes, Carmel, you don't know shit from Shinola!"

"Ted!" She huffed. "Well I never...!"

I could imagine her incredulous, disdainful expression. It took all my willpower to stifle a giggle behind my hand.

All too right. She doesn't.

"She chats to Care for hours on that computer," she added. "If she does it with this, we'll be out of house and home."

Inside I screamed with happiness. Please, God! Let it be a cell phone!

Grandad had turned on full bear mode. His bluntness made me look like a damned diplomat.

"Carmel Kouris, why the hell did you let me buy it for her if you were going to kick up such a damned fuss?" he roared.

"For my own peace of mind," she replied with no small hint of snark. "Be quiet! She'll hear you!"

"Jess is smart." He sighed. "You taught her well. Let her live."

Mom called downstairs with a stern tone that would accept no backtalk. "Jess, ten more minutes!"

"Almost done!"

Since I didn't have a lot of time, I sent Eric an IM rather than an email.

CelibateForLife: guess what? great news!!!!!

AceofClubs: you can come??? :)

That may have been the first time I'd ever seen him use multiple punctuation. Granted, I didn't have a huge sample size or an eidetic memory. But he didn't show that kind of enthusiasm very often.

He likes you, doesn't he?

Oh, God! I hope so...

CelibateForLife: yes! omg it's a miracle!

CelibateForLife: please thank Helen for me.

AceofClubs: Helen's here at my place.

AceofClubs: I told her what you said.

AceofClubs: she says you're very welcome.

CelibateForLife: ty 

CelibateForLife: so what did you do last night? :)

AceofClubs: Helen and I went dancing at the club

AceofClubs: we had a great time

AceofClubs: didn't get back till 4 am

AceofClubs: she was so tired she crashed here.

AceofClubs: must have worn her out :-P

AceofClubs: what about you?

I did a double take and stared at the screen as my thoughts spun out of control.

Eric went dancing?

Eric? 

Went dancing? 

At the club? 

As in sweaty bodies writhing against one another in a dark room with strobe lights? 

And then Helen stayed over? And was still there the next morning?

Hold the phone! What did he mean by 'Must have worn her out?' What?!

What the hell kind of euphemism was that?

After the shock had worn off, my heart sank into my stomach. How could I have been so stupid? Now it all became clear: why Helen went to such trouble to help Eric.

They're dating.

I'm just a casual friend.

On my blog, Eric didn't mean he might want to date me! He meant Helen!

Of course he'd found another girl. Why in God's name would I expect Eric to wait around for my crazy ass? He'd gone off to an amazing college while I was stuck in stupid high school with bat-shit bonkers grandparents who'd grown up during the Middle Ages.

He was never your guy in the first place, my conscience retorted. Stop being a jealous, possessive weirdo.

Eric might have liked me back in high school, but that was ages ago. Why would he wait all that time for the mere chance of dating me?

We hadn't seen each other in over a year.

Although we discussed sensitive topics, they had the tenor of two colleagues discussing a topic of interest. They didn't contain anything a boyfriend would hesitate to show his partner.

I sighed.

Why did I always dream up impossible scenarios that crushed me when they didn't come to fruition? Why did my brain always misfire? How could Care and I have gotten it so wrong?

Fuck!

With a growl, I slammed the keyboard drawer back under the desk.

No.

Aww, hell no!

No way would I let some stupid boy ruin my eighteenth birthday. Or my overnight stay at Holy Cross.

Besides, this was my fault. If I hadn't read too much into his words or acted like such a selfish brat, I'd never have assumed Eric had meant he liked me. 

Who cares? I don't need him. I'll enjoy the language labs all by myself.

For eighteen years I'd sloughed off male advances like unnecessary ballast. I'd never gone crazy over boys, and I wasn't going to start now.

Rejection didn't matter.

Today my goal was to have fun, and Eric wouldn't get in the way. Not in a million years.

Fuck you, Eric.

See if I care. No man rules my life.

I pulled out the keyboard and typed like I was hammering nails into concrete.

CelibateForLife: oh cool

CelibateForLife: gotta go. :) party starts soon.

CelibateForLife: bye

AceofClubs: wait!

"Jess, dear! Come upstairs!" called Mom.

I signed off before I could say anything stupid.

Jutting my chin with determination, I went upstairs. I was going to damn well enjoy this day, and no one could stop me. Especially when an ornately wrapped gift lay where my plate should have been, covered in colorful bows and fancy curly ribbons.

Mom was a genius with decorations and gifts.

Mom and Grandad began to sing the "Happy Birthday" song in harmony. In an instant I compartmentalized Eric in the back of my mind, grinning like that crazy cat from Alice in Wonderland.

"Hope you like it!" said Grandad, raising his bushy eyebrows.

Mom grinned. "Make sure you take it to Holy Cross with you."

"Thank you! You're the best!" I gave them giant hugs before pulling a fake concerned expression. "It isn't pepper spray, is it?"

Grandad folded his arms across his chest. "Do I look like Chuck?"

Mom cast him an evil glare, and I chuckled.

"May I open it now? Or should I wait for Care?"

Mom smiled. "Of course. It's yours, dear."

At first, I attempted a modicum of self-restraint. When I realized it was indeed a gadget rather than boring clothes, I tore open the wrapping paper like a crazed gremlin.

"Oh, wow! What...?"

My breath rushed from my chest as tears pricked my eyes. "You got a Nokia 3210?" I squealed two octaves higher than normal.

How the hell did they afford this? And can I get a hallelujah?

"Now we have some ground rules," Mom said.

I nodded while I floated to my own little world. She could spout all the rules she wanted. It didn't matter to me. In fact, she bore a striking resemblance to the universal adult voice in the Charlie Brown cartoons.

Wah-wah wah-wah wah wah-wah-wah wah-wah...

The important thing was that I had a cell phone. Of my own.

No more surveillance from Mom. No more of her picking up another receiver in the house and listening to my conversations with Care. Or Eric if he ever decided to call me.

Freedom. Independence. Privacy.

As Mom's voice faded into the background, I read the specs on the box. An internal antenna. Awesome! Super-long battery life. I could even make my own ringtones. This model was one of the best and most popular phones on the market.

"Thanks, Grandad!" I shouted, interrupting Mom's continued monologue.

She gave me a sour look while Grandad curled his lip. "We picked it out together, actually. It was Carm's idea to get the best phone we could afford."

Say what?

"Thanks, Mom!" I said, giving her a hug. My eyes fell on a small package next to it. "Oh, what's this?"

"A SIM for your phone," Grandad replied. "It won't work without it."

"Awesome, thanks!"

"Remember: only call our home phone with this," Mom said. "That's free, but other calls cost money. So use it sparingly."

"She gets it, Carm."

"You mean I can't talk to my friends?" I asked, crestfallen.

"It's an emergency phone, Jess."

"What about Carolyn?"

"You only get thirty free minutes a month to make other calls," Mom insisted. 

I gave her a crooked smile. "So I do have free minutes to call Care."

"Don't sass your grandmother," Grandad said. "We have to keep the costs manageable."

"Sorry, I was just teasing."

"You'll call us twice a day when you're at Holy Cross," Mom said in a firm tone. "That's the kind of thing that it's for."

"Twice?!"

"Once in the morning and once before bed, or there's no deal."

"All right," I said, staring as I unboxed my new device like Gollum with the One Ring. "I love it! It's perfect. Can I try it now? Just to make sure it works?"

Grandad acted like he was getting a new gadget for Christmas too as he put in the SIM and handed it to me. We checked out all the features, ringtones, and games like Snake while Mom looked on with a wistful expression.

"Oh, my God! This is awesome."

"Jess, language," Mom said in a firm tone.

"Sorry, Mom. I meant gosh."

"Right, call the home phone to see if it works," Grandad said, his eyes twinkling.

I dialed, and our phone rang. Grandad answered, pretending it was a real call.

"Hi, Jess. Where are you?" he teased. "Better not be with a boy."

"Ted!"

"Don't worry, Grandad," I replied with a grin. "I'm safe from the evil gender."

Grandad hung up the phone with a mischievous grin. "It works. Haha!"

"Hooray!" I said, jumping to my feet. "I'm going to send Care one little text. That way she has my number."

"Texting may not be included," Grandad said.

"What's a text?" Mom asked.

"Like a mini e-mail."

"Just send her an email, Jess."

"I can't send personal information via email," I said.

"Fine," Grandad said. "Just this one text as a birthday present." When Mom gave him a stern look, he shrugged. "That way she knows it works."

"All right. I suppose. Just this once."

Grandad gave me a wink, and I wrote Care a message. Before I clicked send, I showed Mom.

"See, it's harmless."

11:00 401-555-8455
Hi, Care. It's Jess.
Just got a new cell
for my birthday. Come
on over. CU XXX

"What's XXX?" Mom asked, suspicious.

"Means friendly hugs, that's all."

She scowled at the message and gave me a curt nod. "Don't rack up a huge bill, or we'll cancel the phone contract."

"Don't worry, Mom."

A cute little ding informed me that Carolyn had sent me a reply.

11:05 401-555-3982
OMG, Jess! That's
awesome! <3 Does
that mean we can
talk like this now?
- Care :D

"What's that weird noise?" Mom asked.

"It's a notification. Look." I showed her the text, and she hummed with wonder. "See? It's awesome. Like a portable computer."

"Let her know that it won't be your new way of communicating."

"I know, Mom."

While I played Snake on my phone, Grandad tried to convince Mom they needed one as well. "We wouldn't have to be home or at the computer to talk to Jess when she goes to college."

"Ugh, I'll think about it."

"It's time we joined the twenty-first century, Carm."

"The contracts are expensive." She grabbed the SIM packet. "Thirty dollars a month for thirty minutes? It's ridiculous."

"It'd be free to call Jess since we have the family plan, and we can contact her from anywhere."

Mom huffed. "Maybe."

Grandad and I exchanged our secret look. The one that said, Don't worry, we'll bring her 'round.

So many possibilities. Best of all, I was headed to Holy Cross.

Hello, awesome language labs.

My heart thudded against my ribs at the thought of going to a college overnight. Mostly I daydreamed about the opportunity of trying dozens of new languages.

Screw you, Eric. I don't need you.