Pay no attention unless you're you know who -varchies

Hello world! My name is Julia Madigan, and here is a collection of all the reasons I should not be put in a position of authority.

First, however, you should probably know who I am.

That as legitimately the most basic thing I have ever done, and you can quote me on it.

So now that we're past the smalltalk and boring stuff, we can get into the real reason you opened this magazine; to get juice on the selection. Heaven knows, you're not actually concerned about my hockey playing habits.

So the question is, "Why do you not think you'd be good In a position of authority, Julia?" Well I'll tell you in the most discreet way possible. You'll have to dig, so have fun. I'm kidding, I'm not an English teacher. I'm clearly not a writer either.

So, to start with a bang, the one item I brought from home is my hockey stick. Why? So I can play hockey. It's also useful for striking down the haters. Reason number one why I shouldn't be in a position of authority right there. Bang.

To get you in with the gossip, my favorite Royal is Zac, only for the fact that he talked to me like twice, which is pretty great. And he's hot, but what's new?

My least favorite is Cole, sorry hunny. I haven't talked to him at all, but his face looks annoying, so Cole, if you're reading this, hit me up and we can fight. Or if you play hockey we can duke it out, I don't care. Tally number 2.

If I were the queen or something, which I by no means should be, I'd be the people's queen. Probably because I've made out with half of you, but that's not the point. Let's get sappy for a second, though. So I, really into charities, like a lot, especially ones that battle depression, anxiety and other mental health issues, because I've been on the front line of that war for a long time.

And on a sappier note, here's some stuff for the folks at home.

To Dad, because even though you don't want me to kiss girls, you taught me hockey and that's just about the next best thing.

To Mom, who gave birth to me and forced me to read books, even though I still don't enjoy it.

To Alfred, and kind of David, I hope your wedding goes well, and thanks for sticking by my side, because I'm a mess.

To Rupert, and a shout-out to you here, because you still haven't gotten over how I forgot you in that picture of our family WHeN i waS tHReE.

To Andrew, I hope everything goes well with Cammony, and if it doesn't tell her your sister is famous.

To Nicky, you're a golden boy.

And finally,

To Olivia, who kept me from being a more awful person than I am. I only wish you could still be trying.

To conclude, I'm awful and the reasons counter got way out of hand. To get a better visual, I'm basically the female embodiment of Dwight from The Office. I'm kidding! Although you'll find I'm much more charming on the page.

Until next time!