(continued)...The pain and numbness did not stop finding me. From the shoulders , ribs to the hands , those legs ... My mind is spinning , consciousness is becoming a blurry day . I try to use the last bit of strength to try to curl up, but cover myself with my small hands, for the bleeding foot wound, or for the scratch in my heart?

For some reason , whenever I think back to that time , I always think of the little crow I met by the roadside when I was five years old . At that time, it was the first time that I knew the pain, the first time I saw the evil voice of my mother - the hands that grew and stroked my hair, gently patted me, comforted me, and sang lullabies to me every day. Paralyzed, how painful. Since then, has something changed in my mother...h..ha..or me?. Running out to the meadow near "home", I was startled to hear the *scrawl* of the bushes. A certain powerful force, constantly stopped me, held back my tears, I slowly moved on. where the bush is.

"Ah, ..t.. so it's a bird!"

"N..But why is it black, how strange???"

Even though the breath of that small creature is getting weaker and weaker, it still transmits so much warmth and vitality in my young palm. Back then, I was naive, simple, and stupid. The bird's small wings are still beckoning, as if he wants to be free again, to fly in the sky. How similar to me... But how pitiful it is.

"We're all like that... Right?"I mutter

From that moment on, it was a long, hard day for me - a five-year-old girl trying to save and hold that crow to life. Strange, with a miracle. Some miracle, that crow gradually recovered and got stronger every day. From that moment, fresh sprouts sprung up in me, the first light of life, also the warmth, the only consolation coming to me. After a long time I "became" mother - yes, mother ... she ... "taught how to be human" with strange lessons. Typically as:

" Good children must always obey and not argue with adults , even when adults - I am wrong, understand?"

"Even if you get injured, bleed or fall, you can't cry and cry, but you have to bandage yourself, or bear it yourself. Having grown up to this point, you still whine, nag, and complain. There's every little thing. If you can't stand it, you won't be able to do any great work in the future... It's so annoying."

But no matter how much I try, I still can't do it and just like deep inside of me, I can't understand, can't forget, those profound "philosophy" - the first lessons of my life. my mother taught me. Although I feel wrong, I don't dare to argue, after so many beatings, times of starvation, times of ignoring life and death. I have gradually gotten used to it. That's it. The little crow that day - now the little black has also grown up with me every day. Since then, it's been a year already - it's neither short nor long...

That day , the sun was scorching my skin , my heart was full of joy , strangely happy - because I was rewarded with a strawberry lollipop by my mother - how sweet it was! It's been a long, long time It's been a long time since I've seen that bright smile, and then I've seen those sparkling eyes. That glow looked at me lovingly . Perhaps , not because of the candies , but my heart to taste the sweetness ? But...

"But... but the little black left me... is it because you hate to denigrate a skinny, small kid like me who can't take care of himself but still wants to raise you?"

"Or is there someone who has more food for you so you should follow?"

"Or what if, you're lost in the sky where I can't find it?"

"So you are not cared for and protected anymore, so is the little black living in the pond now?"

Both happy and sad at the same time, God really knows how to make fun of people. I stood, bewildered for a long time, in front of the small house that I built for you, in front of the warm straw mattress that took you forever. always curled up inside - the place was still soft and empty. Holding in that feeling, my heart skipped a beat, painful but constricted, constantly tormenting me in waves:

"So , who will play now , will keep me company ? No one loves me , no one needs me ... Ah , I have a mother , that's right ... I have a mother ! she will definitely need me, she will definitely love me, today, she smiled at me!"

Then at that time, I was as crazy as a rabid child, like a numb child with a thirst for milk and looking for my mother, I rushed home. The distance to home is now far away, how far away! My heart now seems to want to jump out of my chest , as if throbbing , sobbing .Tears are also constantly waiting to greet but rolling down my cheeks . At that time , the only thought wandering in my head - or now . I never knew that I needed a place to take refuge, let me experience. THAT CAN ONLY BE MOTHER - because no one...no one needs me...

I don't remember anymore. At that time, I cried for a long time, I rubbed my mother's shirt, my tears flowed endlessly, and fell on her new dress. She - that was strange, again. caressed me like in the old days, words of kindness, lullabies again - that voice is sweet in the morning, in the early morning dew makes my heart a little cooler, the feelings also lessen, go away with the tears in my eyes...But in my memory, my mother's face at that time was expressionless, strangely calm, and strangely "stiff". act of kindness at that time.... is a question that has always bothered me for many years.

Lying on the wet mattress from the rain last night, my eyes were heavy again, strangely dim again. Tonight, I had a deep sleep, a beautiful dream - where my mother and I could urinate. back on my back to fly to a place far, far away, a place where my mother said to be extremely happy, there will always be delicious food and beautiful clothes, an extremely luxurious castle will be our new home , no one will bully me or avoid me anymore .... That night, was the most peaceful night in my life. It was the night I was sheltered in the warm embrace of my mother after so many beatings and scoldings.

But in the end,... she... she still can't go back to the way she was...

?