Miles Dempsey

Scrambled.

That's what my brain felt like for a week.

I never pegged myself for an emotional dude but an overthinker? Well, let's just say it's not my best trait. While I've tried not to think about what happened between Nola and me that night at the hotel, it's the only scene that plays in my head. That was never supposed to happen.

When I took her over to the balcony all I intended on doing was calming her nerves. I'm not stupid. I know Nola well enough by now to know that she was still stressing out. She had a rough morning and despite all the fun she had with Kaitlyn on Cap's private jet, her thoughts from earlier were still overwhelming her.

Like I figured, I was right. I knew she would be good with some fresh air and an extra confidence boost. She could've done it herself, I knew she could have, but at the moment, all I wanted her to be, was okay. The girl has had me worried since this morning. Seeing her have a panic attack wasn't nice. It hurt me. I didn't like seeing her in that way which is why I tried to help her through it.

No one helps me through mine but myself so I figured I'd do an alright job at it.

I've been punching myself in the gut for almost kissing her after the day she had. Nola had a panic attack and she was well on her way to having another if I had never brought her outside. And then I tried to kiss her. I tried to fucking kiss her. God, I'm such an asshole.

Today marks one week since that night and I haven't spoken to her since the day after at my game. We didn't talk about it after it happened but the energy between us was clearly different. She gravitated towards JT for the rest of that day, focusing on him like he was the most interesting thing. I didn't like it. Not one bit. But I couldn't do anything about it.

Even after self-reflecting, I can't explain what I'm feeling. When I ask myself why I tried kissing her, I can't seem to find an answer anywhere. My mind goes blank. While I didn't want to think about the obvious reason, it crossed my mind. You like her. No. That's not it. One thing I can do is sit here and cancel that out. I don't like the girl. Not in that way at least.

Then why did you try to kiss her!

I will admit that I don't have feelings for her. But I'll admit that I'm a grown man. With eyes. Ever since I first saw Nola at Blazing Ice, there was an instant attraction. Her mid-length blonde hair. Dark blue eyes that sit under light, thick lashes. Pouty lips and a button nose. Tan skin and the sweetest fucking smile.

And don't even get me started on her body. It's a bonus to her gorgeous face. As much as I try to be respectful, I can't help but stare at her sometimes. She might not be tall but when she's skating, her legs look long and toned. That's not the only toned thing about her though. Nola is pure athlete and I can tell by looking at her.

It's impossible not to look at her when she enters a room and I look more than I'd ever care to confess.

Still, I don't know why I tried to kiss her.

It might have been from pure attraction. It might have been an in-the-moment thing. It might have also been because despite being around women all the time, I've never felt as comfortable around any of them like I do with Nola. I can't explain the weird pull I feel to this girl.

To this day, I still think about all the times we bumped into each other when neither of us wanted to. All the harsh words we both threw at each other. With how much I care about and like the girl now, it doesn't sit right with me remembering those times.

Then it also gets me thinking about all the harsh things she said to me specifically. Does she still think I'm a narcissist? Surely, not. I don't think she'd be around me if she did. That word crushes my soul more than anything and it's like she knew that when she called me it. If there's one word I hate being called, it's a narcissist. There have been too many times in my life when that word has been thrown at me.

For a while, it started making me believe I was one. If everyone was calling me it... did it mean I was a narcissist? I don't want to be one. I try to keep myself humble, especially with the lifestyle I live. The thought makes my stomach twist harshly. Thinking about this makes me queasy so I try and shake all the negative thoughts out of my head.

JT enters the living room helping me with my internal battle. "Hey, man. Can I ask you something?" The kid plops down on the loveseat, hanging his long legs over the arm of it. "Yeah, what's up?" I ask, making sure to erase any kind of previous emotion from my face. "You think you'll be good to drive to Oak Hill tomorrow after the game?"

My brows furrow. Oak Hill? Nola's hometown? "For what?" I question. JT places his hands behind his head. "It's her birthday tomorrow. I was going to give her the gift I got her today but she left home straight after practice so I couldn't. We won't stay long because Ember will be there and I don't want to make things weird. Or I could take the BMW off your hands if you're not up for it."

I don't pay attention to anything he says after it's Nola's birthday tomorrow. God, how could I forget that? We've talked so much about a lot of different things but I do remember her telling me her birthday once. It slipped my mind. Shit. "She told me you guys hadn't talked much..." JT pauses. "What's going on there?"

The kid eyes me curiously and I'm shocked Nola mentioned our distance to him. They're a lot closer than I thought they were I'm starting to realize. And for some reason, it annoys the fuck outta me. "Nothing. I've just been so busy, it's slips my mind to catch up with her sometimes," I lie. I'm sure if Nola didn't tell him it's because she didn't want him to know.

If he doesn't believe me, he doesn't show it. "So? Like I said, we're not saying because Ember will be there but I just want to see her on her birthday." He shrugs. Would she want me there? JT didn't mention anything about Nola telling me to join along. Again, it makes me mad, but I say nothing. "I'll drive." I nod. He smiles, "Perfect."

Since I most likely wasn't invited, I can't show up empty-handed. I also want to give her something. It's her birthday.

I rise off the couch deciding that the grey sweats and graphic tee I'm wearing are good enough for a quick outing. "I'll be back in a bit, kid," is all I say. "See ya!" JT shouts back. Thank God, he doesn't always ask questions.

***

We lost.

It had been a little while since we lost a game and today? We were handed our asses to us by the Ducks. Ironic considering it's Nola's birthday and when we first met, she lied to me saying that Anaheim was her favorite hockey team.

I can't lie, I'm pissed off. The whole team was off-kilter and we got more penalties than goals. Well, that's not hard to beat considering we scored zero goals. Thinking about driving almost two hours after taking a beating today wasn't fun. My ribs were probably bruised from the multiple hits I took from Jack Jackson, Anaheim's best D-Man.

Fucking asshole.

A small scratch burns on the bridge of my nose from being plastered against the plexiglass multiple times tonight. I wish I could tell JT never mind but this involves more than driving. It involves her. Nola. And while we may not be on talking terms at the moment, I still want to see the girl on her birthday. Birthdays are kind of a big deal to me.

Since we just lost, I figured the car ride would be quiet but he and I talked almost the whole way there about everything that went wrong today. He watched the game on his phone and showed me every time we did something stupid or wrong, which was a lot of things. We're playing them again in about a week so we know what to do better now looking back at tape.

It was hard to focus since I was driving but the kid is good at explaining so I understood him. He may be a rookie but like me, JT has been playing hockey since he could walk. The way he understands the sport is a different level of smart. He's already making moves just a couple of months in and I know that'll continue for the rest of his career. I might need to buy his jersey and get him to sign it for me that way when he's retiring, I can make big bucks out of it.

When we finally make it to Nola's parent's place, more than ten cars fill the large driveway. I pull up to her familiar Range Rover, parking the car as JT calls Nola to let her know we're outside. "Yeah, sure. Okay, bye." He hangs up the phone. "She asked us to come in really quick so she can give us some cake," the kid says. I give him a clipped nod for a response. We grab the gifts we got her and walk over to the front door.

It's not even two seconds later that Nola opens up the door. Her smile is big and JT pulls her in for a hug. "Happy birthday," he exclaims, rocking her smaller body side to side. She giggles, her arm wrapped tight around his neck. I look away momentarily while they do their thing. When they pull apart she notices the small bag in his hand and gasps. "For me? You didn't have to," she says.

JT shakes his head, "Don't worry about it, birthday girl. You're older than me now." Nola smiles at that, slapping his arm lightly as he steps inside her house. Her dark blues land on me shortly after and I swear her face damn near falls. She holds a small smile though. "Hi," she speaks so softly. Her eyes flit down to the bag I'm holding this time. She's about to say something but I cut her off. "Happy birthday, Scott."

She seems to relax at my words and steps back for me to walk inside. The two of us walk quietly over to the kitchen where I'm assuming the kid is. When we make it there, JT's staring out of the window towards the backyard where there's a party going on. I'm sure he's looking for Ember. "I wish you guys could stay," Nola says genuinely focusing more on JT than me. He turns his head at her words. "Sorry," his voice comes out thick and he clears her throat.

Nola gives hin a sad smile as she cuts a large piece of the blue iced cake. "Don't be. She'll come around soon, I promise," she tells him. Instead of replying, he looks back out the window. I don't know if he's spotted her yet, but his gaze stays focused there. Nola wraps the cake up with tin foil and sets it on the counter.

"What did you get me, Jay?" she asks then, stealing his attention again. "Open it," JT says, handing over her gift. Her face flushes a light shade of pink as she opens the gift. I never asked what he got her. Nola pulls out a long black box, opening it up next. She gasps, staring up at JT who's smiling at her. "JT..." she pauses, looking down at the necklace I'm assuming. That's a necklace box. "I can't take this."

The kid tilts his head and walks over to her. "You're taking it, it's yours," he demands. He takes the box from her hand and takes out the necklace. I get a better view of the gold thing. The chain holds a small pendant with an N on it. It's beautiful, I can't lie. Setting the box down, JT steps behind her and moves her blonde hair over her shoulder.

My body stiffens as I watch them. She's smiling, the light pink on her face turning a shade darker as he puts her initial on her. Fuck that. "Perfect," he states, coming up in front of her to see. "Thank you. I love it," Nola says. JT swings his body in my direction now. "Your turn, big man." He wants me to give her my gift. "Uh, yeah, sure." I hand Nola the pink bag that carries the gift I got her just yesterday.

A phone ringing makes us all turn in JT's direction who's already digging inside his pocket. "Ah, it's my mom. She probably wants to know about the game earlier. I'll be right back." He disappears into the hallway, leaving Nola and I alone. Thick tension sits between us as she starts opening my gift, removing the blue paper that covers the actual gift.

Once the papers are off and she sees the gift, her eyes widen. I can't help the smile that forms on my lips. "Miles, no..." she starts, "you didn't have to! This is too much." She starts handing me the bag but I lightly push her hand away. "It's your birthday, Scott. This is my gift to you. You're acting like I just bought you a new car," I joke.

I can see her shoulder relax and she smiles a little bit at my awful attempt to lessen the tension. She dips her hand into the bag and pulls out the Apple headphones that cost me about $500. Why headphones cost that much, I have no idea but she'd been talking about those things for a while now. I even got her the pink color. "They're expensive," she mumbles.

Yeah, but who cares? She wanted them, so I got them. I shrug her off. "You're in debt, Miles," she jokes this time surprising me. We both laugh at that, easing the tension away. "Do you like them?" I ask as a small silence falls upon us. "Yes, thank you," she says. Another long silence and I notice she shifts uncomfortably on her feet.

We have to talk about it.

"I'm s-"
"About-"

The both of us talk at the same time. "You go first," she tells me but I shake my head. "You go ahead." Hearing what she has to say first will help me know how she's feeling. I've been dying to know for a week now.

She takes a breath before speaking. "I don't want things to be...weird between us after last weekend. Yes, what happened was weird but we can look past that and never look back, right? We're just friends who like each other as friends and nothing more. Right?" Something I can't decode flashes in her eyes after she's done rambling. I nod. "Right."

It doesn't take long for me to agree with her because she's right. We are friends. I'm relieved that she feels this way and also glad we'll be able to move on from it and act like it never happened.