050:

And while she was waiting, her phone beeped that another call was coming in. She shrugged and answered it. "Melia?" A calm voice, one she was coming to know rather well.

"Hi, Robert." She said, and felt a funny twinge inside. What was it she felt? Worry? Concern? Obligation? ...Interest?

"I wanted to thank you for coming to the funeral. I haven't had a chance to talk to you. I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me?"

"Oh, om... well, in case you've forgotten..." She was acutely aware of Ryan on another line, and had the funniest impression that he could hear her answer somehow.

"You're married, yeah, whoops, I did forget. How about dinner with you and Rye?" He laughed a kind of sad little half hearted attempt at a laugh. Melia's heart went out to him. It was so hard to go on, those first few days were such a blur. She knew his whole life had to be redefined. And it had been easy for her to set everything aside when he was dealing with his dying wife, but now... he was a single guy, and she was... unavailable.

"Well, actually, me and Rye are working on different projects at the moment, and he's in LA working, and I'm on Catalina at my house, om.... Relaxing...." She explained. "Where are you?" She wanted to deflect anymore personal questions. She wanted to help Robert; in fact it was paramount on her list. His well being was somehow connected to her own grief therapy. She recognized that.

"On Catalina? I didn't know you had a place on Catalina. You're relaxing you say? I didn't know you knew how to relax!" He was referring to her always on the go persona. "I -- you didn't tell me you were out there, I thought you were at the beach place."

"Yeah. I am taking a break for a couple of weeks until the baby comes."

"A couple of weeks? Is Ryan staying there too?" Of course that would concern him, she thought vaguely, uneasily, he worked with Ryan, and Catalina wasn't exactly an easy commute.

"No. Om... didn't you see the tabloids? We're splashed all over the place."

"Oh." He said and she could hear his movements.

"Where are you?" She had to ask.

"I'm at.... I'm just coming out of a convenience store. I'm going back inside. Yeah, I see you all over the front page of the tabloids now. What the heck? What is this all about?"

Now it was her turn to sigh. "It's nothing." Which was a stupid thing to say. Did she want him to pry it out of her? She'd led into this conversation in the first place. But today had been the funeral. Something said they should be talking about that.

But Robert persisted. "You and Matthew? You and Tom? You and Tobey? Why do they show you with all these guys?"

She was confused. "What are you looking at? Me with all what guys?"

He laughed, spoke briefly to someone at the convenience store and then obviously got back in his vehicle. "Okay, well, you can't have dinner with me, that's too bad. I was hoping to talk to you. I feel kind of... like what do I do now? You know?"

"Oh, definitely. You're right. You can om... come out here whenever. Or, yeah, let me call you back." She looked at her phone that was beeping. " I might be able to go to dinner with you." Her phone beeped and she glanced at the cover to see that it was indeed Ryan. "Ryan's calling me." She said, also seeing that it had been ten minutes since he'd got off the phone with her.

"Oh, sure, okay. So, I'll call you later." He clicked off and she felt a strange sense of having done something wrong, like not handled that the way she really intended to, and that made her more confused and sad.

"Hi." She said, a little more annoyed than she wanted to.

"What? Are you mad? I had to take the call, it was Alicia. We're going to be working together; she wants to get together with me."

Melia let her brows rise in irritation. "Sure, Alicia. Not Alison. Are you trying to get back together with me, or just hang out with her?"

"Not like you never hang out with guys who you're working with." He answered.

"What? No, you're right, I have. I'm sorry." She said. "What were we talking about before? Oh yeah. You want to come out here and explain why you ignored me so thoroughly the first five days we were married."

He sighed. "I don't know, Melia. Maybe you're just not ready for this."

She shook her head in dismay. "Ready? For what? Marriage to you is like a roller coaster ride. You're up then you're down, I can't make sense of anything."

"Well, I need to be with you to explain it." He said and then seeming distracted asked if it was okay for him to take another call.

"You're kidding, right? Why don't you call me when you're not so busy?" She clicked off and sat there staring at the fireplace.

There was something wrong. Roller coaster was a good analogy for what she felt like she was going through.

She held the phone in her hand. It was warm, her eyes closed. Just click it... you need to finish that conversation. It is more important. "Hello?"

"Melia? I didn't expect to hear from you again. I thought you'd just written me off." Robert's voice was surprised and sad.

"You did? You thought I could be that callous? I'm not. I was really concerned, but I-- I had to take that call. Me and Rye..."

His sigh was heard over the miles. "Yep, I know. I don't want to stand in the way of true love."

Melia was amazed at his sudden sarcasm, and amused by it as well. "Robert?"

His toneless chuckle told the story of his annoyance. "Well, that's what you have isn't it? True love?"

Melia held the phone tightly to her ear. "You warned me, you did."

"I don't need your confession." He gritted. "I need your logic, and your hope, and your religion, and your faith."

"It's a hard night, isn't it? Is everyone gone?"

"No, they're around. I won't be alone. But it isn't them I want. They haven't been here, they don't understand."

She knew that was true. She hadn't wanted anyone directly after Jared's death. Not then, and not for quite awhile. She'd never wanted to hurt anyone, or make them feel bad, but she felt like screaming her annoyance inside.

She started to talk about it for the first time, explaining the need for solitude, or the connections she felt and then how they went away like feathers on the wind, ethereal and subtle. Nothing really had shape or focus.

"It's like walking in a cloud." He agreed.

Melia felt that throat clogging rip in her chest. "If you need a distraction, I can come there."

"Nah, that would be too much trouble." But his voice had sounded hopeful.

"My mom is here, she could watch Hannah for a little while. It wouldn't take me that long. I could have one of the guys down at the docks take me across."

A long silence met her ears.

"Robert."

"Mia."

"Robert..."

He blew out his breath. "Yeah, come. Meet me at the pier." He clicked off, and Melia leaned back, pulling her sweater over her protruding belly.

*******