I've failed, you
and I know what I did was wrong,
but what's happening now, is so cruel,
I just can't get along.

Now you're gone so far away,
I can't reach you, there's no way.
How am I supposed to live?
When you're... The reason I exist.

You were the sun, and I was the moon,
And I should have been Morganas doom
but instead of this, I lost you too soon.
And now I'm all alone, singing, my lonely tune...

I want to sing our melody again,
and I still know, that I'm the one to blame.
but you can't sing one, with just one tune,
and now the sun, is missed by the moon.

I was your moon, you were my sun.
I circled around you, but now you're gone.
The moon can't shine without his sun,
but you're so far away, so what have we won?

Now you're gone so far away,
I can't reach you, there's no way.
How am I supposed to live?
When you're... The reason I exist.

I know it's right, to send me through this pain,
when I was the one, who had brought such a shame.
A shame on my kind, a shame on the world,
the one you were supposed to rule with words.

It's my destiny, at least that's what they said,
but I'm so weak, I'm not sure if I can wait...
But there is just no way, to get out of this place,
and you don't know how I miss, your silent grace.

Now you're gone so far away,
I can't reach you, there's no way.
How am I supposed to live?
When you're... The reason I exist.

I know it is not what I deserve,
but please come back and I swear I'll serve,
I'll serve you better than last time,
And my king I swear, I wont let you die.

Now you're gone so far away,
I can't reach you, there's no way.
How am I supposed to live?
Without you... There's no reason to exist.

Merlin finished the poem, song or whatever one liked to call it and while tears where streaming down his cheeks, he ripped it into pieces, little pieces and threw them to the fire. Just to pull them out with his magic, mere moments after that. He made it whole again and thought bitterly: "I wish my magic could do that to me." Not sure if he meant the part where the paper was gone for such a short time or the part where it was whole again, not damaged at all.
But his magic could do neither the first nor the second thing, just as nothing else could. He had tried many things, so many things over those endless years. But nothing worked. Nothing could make him whole again. And nothing could end his life. But he couldn't, he could not bear this anymore. By this thought, he burned the paper one last time, this time without repairing it, stood up, and made the fire grow smaller and smaller with his magic, till it was nothing but a small flame, burning over his hand like a candle.
Then he left. Left and headed towards lake Avalon.
"It's either Arthur coming back, or me joining Avalon!" he yelled and when there was no response he nodded. "Fine." he hissed, his voice barely audible, and went into the lake. He knew, from personal experiences, that drowning would never kill him, but he also new what could. A weapon forged in Dragons breath. And he knew where to find such a thing.
He dived deeper and deeper and his lungs where in such a pain that it felt like he was about to die...
"Maybe, just maybe" he thought "My wish will come true easier than I thought.". But when he was about to let himself float in the lake, simply trying to drown again, he saw it. He saw the sword. His eyes lightened. He wanted to grap it, but then... Then there was Freya, strong and wise Freya who looked at him in such sympathy, a single tear streaming down her face. "I am so sorry Merlin." she said, swimming closer to embrace him and when his body went limp in her arms, she whispered: "I'll hide this sword and I know this must seem so cruel to you, but Merlin you'll live. Just hang on a little longer and I swear you, you won't be alone anymore. King Arthur is about to rise. Your pleadings were not unheard. But if he would wake now, it would cause him a lot of damage. Just a little longer Merlin and your going to be fine." she twitched when she heard a sob escaping from the lips of her long lost friend and she winced in empathy when she heard his trembling voice. "I can't do this Freya. I can't live without him. He is my reason. How could I live without him?" "I promise you, you shall not wait long for his return." she tried to sooth him. "What does this mean? Not long?" Merlin screamed. "He is my reason, my reason to live, to feel, to love Freya. I can't bear this!" "I know Merlin, that is the reason we are preparing him. But this needs some time. Nothing like what you've been through, but if you want to have him back, to see him again, you need to hold on, to wait, just a little longer." Merlin nodded weakly and let himself float in the see. Freya brought him up to the shore, where Merlin remained. He didn't know how long he had to wait, but with the reassuring that Arthur would return soon, he not wanted to leave the place, where he would see his beloved Arthur again. Not only for a second.