So… My day had started VERY early… I woke up in the middle of the night, TWICE. And there was no reason… The first time was my dad having a problem with our dog, Chance, and well… Chance just kept growling at my dad for no reason. My cat, Sassy, tried to attack Chance, and I grabbed her before Chance could actually hurt her. That would hurt me more than I am…

    But, I still have nothing to help. I was going to play Beat Saber yesterday/last night to destress, but I got home late since my dad and I had a little Daddy Daughter thing. I had drum lessons, sooooo. Yeah. We went to a gas station to get gas, and we each got a pop. He got Pepsi, and I got the limited edition Vew Dew Mnt. Dew (which was mystery flavor). We talked on our way to the gas station, and to my drum lessons. It was how I’m like him in a way and that he understands what I’m going through. After my drum lessons, we went to a Starbucks, and we talked more. I got a large Mocha Cookie Crumble, I highly recommend. We even bought smores’ flavored cookies, and caramel apple flavored oatmeal cream pies. Then we bought some frozen pizzas.

    In all, yesterday wasn’t so bad… I mean, it was throughout the day until I was with my dad… I explained everything that my mom wouldn’t really understand, let alone actually understand it in general. 

    I even told my dad I’m more comfortable in typing my problems on here so you guys could give me your input, given you guys don’t really read this and don’t comment. But, he understood. He’s apparently the same way. He thinks it’s easier to talk to people online, in which you don’t know them, than the people you can actually see. I’m that way too. So… I may really be bipolar and have depression. If I’m this way, and so is he, then it has to be… That has to be the reason I the way I am. I’m the girl that feels broken because of those reasons… That would explain it…

    He even understood how hurt I feel… though, I’m sure if she’ll actually believe that part. But, he is my dad. He tires to protect me when he can. He even said if my mind says something and I just feel like shit, I can text him and we’d get coffee. He’s really trying to help me. 

    On to the whole, she thing. We all know who I’m talking about. The girl I still like, and am still willing to actually meet and try again. I’m not going to give up until she does. When she finally gives up on me, I’ll give up on… well… dating. I know I won’t find that happy relationship with someone in person. For me, that person that makes me happy is her. That’s why I feel hurt from what I did.

    Also, mind you, I typed this in my Creative Writing class since I finished the story I had to do. It was dinner party thing, and I’m thinking about changing it since I added the whole problem in… honestly, it’s really the only thing I can think of still. It was only a few days ago, and here I am writing every time I think about it. I guess this is another one of my dumb coping mechinisums… just like self deprecation, this is a way I cope with how I am. 

    This is getting long and it’s still not lifting the pain from my chest… nor the weight. I need something to calm my mind and help me relax, but that’s hard to do when at school. At least for me. I honestly can’t really talk about this stuff to my real life friends since they wouldn’t understand or would just brush it off. 

    I’m gonna stop typing this now. It’s up when I’m in homeroom.