My heartbeat slams into my throat, and I crinkle the piece of paper in my hands. It feels like I've just been punched in the face, knocking all the air out of my lungs. My feet lock into place as if the universe chained my legs, dragging me to hell-- where I belong. I'm crumbling into particles of a disappearing soul.

Tears well in my eyes, making the name on the page blurrier by the second. My entire body trembles and I'm putting everything out in the open for Diablo to see. Not on purpose, but I can't stop. Who the fuck wants him dead? He hasn't done a single thing wrong. Asiel would give up the leadership. Why doesn't this person step up and ask him for it?

I'm speaking fucking nonsense.

My eyes flick up to see Diablo's numb gaze. "W-Who... Who was it?"

His lips tense for a moment, then finally he speaks. "Mika, you know I can't tell you that."

"Just this once." I gnaw at my lip, raising my pointer finger for extra emphasis. "Tell me who sent the hit."

His eyes soften as they float over me. "I can't."

Frustration seeps through my veins, fueling my anger as I rip the page into shreds. The pieces fall to the floor like fluttering snow. Bending over the desk, I aggressively latch onto Diablo's collar and yank him until we're centimeters apart.

"Eugene." My voice betrays me, but it's not like my actions are framing me in a good light. "Please. I never ask for anything. Please."

Diablo exhales deeply, his minty breath flooding into my nostrils. "No."

My grip tightens on his collar as I try to think of ways to torture the name out of him. Maybe I could just kill him for being such a nuisance to me. What's the point of keeping him around if I get nothing from it? All Diablo is a reminder of the dark shadow in my soul charging the evil demon.

Diablo sighs, rolling his eyes. "I won't tell you even if you torture me or threaten to kill me. I was the one who trained you. You know my capabilities better than anyone, Mika. Just like I know yours."

I close my eyes, trying to grab onto a single thread of dignity as the tears fight to escape. Why am I like this? When did I become so fucking fragile? My head sinks as I breathe in and out, trying to keep a rhythmic pattern.

"I can't. I can't d-."

Diablo cuts me off by covering my mouth with his palm. "Just do the fucking job. I believe in you."

"You don't understand," I protest, my voice conveying conviction. "I can't."

"Your life will be at stake if you don't. Take the job. The deadline is one month. A lot can happen in a month. Your whole little relationship could be done by then," he states casually. "If you cancel the job, whoever ordered it will find someone who can do it. Asiel could die in a week. At least, if you take the job, he died by your hand-- isn't that romantic. A grand finale for your first relationship."

His rant goes in one ear and out the other, as the only thing my brain focuses on is one month. Assassins are often given a timeframe to complete the job before losing the money. Enough time to research the victim's whereabouts. He's lifespan shortened to one month? This means I only have one month to ensure his safety. One month to find the fuckers that put a hit out on him and kill them.

But then-- I could just kill him.

Then everything would be over. All these conflicting feelings, my hesitation to kill-- all obliterated. I could go back to the way my life was before I collided with him. Channel the old, perfect Mika with an ambition to suck every man dry. Be Mictlantecuhtli.

How could I even think that?

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask, cocking my head to the side.

He clears his throat. "Are you going to take it or not?"

Beats of silence arose like zombies from the dead. The answer is crystal-clear. I have to do what it takes to protect him as his best friend, his girlfriend, his woman. The power needs to be in my hands. I'm like Ariel, giving up my voice-- my livelihood to be with the man I love. Reality isn't a perfect fairytale. I don't expect things to work out for us, but hope keeps us going. It's time to immerse my energy into something worthy.

"I'll take the job."

Like a robot being controlled by a computer, I loosen my grip on Diablo's collar and leave his office. An avail drops on my head, making me feel birds are framing around my head. My humanity shines on my skin like a fresh coat of lotion. But I feel nothing-- empty, robotically, useless.

A flake of the oxygen molecules floating in the air.

My breathing roughs up, exhaling through my nostrils. It becomes harder which each step. I grip my chest, feeling the mental pain shift to a physical kind. Anxiety claws at my nerves. My entire body tenses up as I slam the door to my private quarters. My head throbs as my body slides down the frame of the door, completely letting go of every hold.

All the emotions crawl up my throat, bursting the steel doors of the dam in my eyes. I don't hide anything. The screams, the tears, the pain-- the fucking pain. Agony spreads through my chest. I scream into my palm, trying to muffle the sound as I bang my head against the door. Agitation sinks into my stomach.

I do the only thing I can to release my pain.

With a teary face, I throw everything in my private room-- glasses, chairs, bedsheets, etc. I yelp, slicing my skin on a piece of broken glass. Red flashes across my vision. The shard sinks into place, blood dripping out. Rather than the physical, it was actually the inside that ached. External pain never matters as much as internal-- your mind always plays jokes on you.

A deep, sweltering pain sears through my chest and courses in my veins like I was being skinned and burned alive. That actually sounds nice. Better than having my boyfriend's faith left in the palm of my hands. I would die a hundred times before letting someone touch a hair on Asiel's head.

One month.

One month is all I have.

To either kill the man I love... Or save him.

He's the sun. I'm the moon. Opposite each other determined to orbit around one another until the end of time. A collision changes the earth, casting shadows on parts of the world, dimming the sun's light. The darkness always wins. Maybe we are only meant for a night while the world floats around us so insignificant...

Maybe the universe is screaming at me to let go because the probability of us working out is zero to one.

Asiel had the shiny idea to paste glowing stars on his ceiling to glance up at through the night. It's actually quite beautiful. The stars give a stark royal blue tint to the atmosphere, reflecting off Asiel's skin. My heart swells with passion. His hair is tousled in the most perfect way, resting on his forehead.

Those perfectly plump lips I can't go without kissing. The way his two emerald eyes pierce into my pitch-black soul alters my soul. They're my weakness. Just like his lips. He's the honey, and I'm the bee, navigating towards him. I have one power move-- my sting before I die.

His chiseled chest is showered with my marks, leaving no skin untouched. The magenta marks trail all the way to his jawline, announcing to the world he's mine. My hand skims over the marks, careful not to wake him. I was pretty brutal tonight. But he loved every second of it.

My two identities debate like it was a live match for the entire world to fucking see. It isn't too late. I could slit Asiel's throat right now as he sleeps, making sure he dies painlessly. It's the only thing I could offer him. He can join his brother in the afterlife, and they can stroll around the gardens.

If I do, things go back to normal. Diablo wouldn't hold on to his vendetta. My list of hungry men is endless. The love dies with him like ripping a flower from its roots, ruining any chance of survival. All the chaos could be gone with a flick of my wrist.

Asiel sighs, shifting his body onto its side, and squeezes a pillow in between his arms. A small smile crawls across his face as he groans, snuggling his face into the pillow. He always enjoys holding onto something when he sleeps.

He's so beautiful.

Utterly beautiful.

Before I met him, I thought I was the most beautiful person to wander this earth, but I was so wrong. What was life without him? Asiel Morterero has a kind of charm that only someone like him could cherish. It's hard to even explain, but he's radiating. I wanted nothing more than to revel in the space consisting entirely of him. His cheeks always flush with that pink hue. The addictive smile that never leaves his face even while he sleeps. Everything contributes to the beauty, to the light beaming off of him.

But, no.

I can't.

Mictlantecuhtli doesn't hesitate for anyone. I have a duty, a duty that needs to be fulfilled. Nothing from this moment could be saved as memories--everything was temporary. An ends to a mean. If his time has come, then it's my obligation to bring him to the light.

Kill him-- the seductive side of myself whispers in my ears. The devil on my shoulders, putting his cards on the table. It's killed or be killed. All very tempting-- I always had a way with threats and urges.

Save him-- a whiny, desperate voice pleads in ragged breaths. It belongs to the angel on my shoulders, the unflattering piece to this table match-- Mika. The one that's fallen and can't get up. Her words are biased.

My mind spirals into a tornado of questions, swaying me left and right. To save or to kill? It's always been simple until this very night-- I'm lost in the beauty. I've always lived for it. But beauty is subjective. Slashing the victim piece by piece, filling the stark white sheets with cherry-red strains-- that's a masterpiece?

Beauty is the man sleeping on the bed, with no inkling of the harboring winds of thoughts going through my mind.

Beauty is the moments we shared-- the tears, the laughter, the happiness, the frustration, everything bundles into a colorful piece. Just because the word beauty seems lighthearted doesn't mean it's all light-- no, it's dark too.

Beauty can be the conversations shared before a person's demise. It's where their humanity shines, and they're the most honest. People become truthful because they're desperately trying to cling to survival. The way people unravel in your hands before their life leaves their eyes. It's amazing.

Two sides of a coin. Two different types of beauty. There's no clear winner. Maybe I should flip a coin and make my decision based on the side it lands. There's no time to waste with the clocking ticking the minute I took the job. Every single minute gives the buyer an upper hand.

All I know is I want to make a masterpiece with Asiel, but which kind?

My hand clutches the switchblade that I've hidden under my bed. I don't ever go anywhere without a weapon, especially when sleeping. That's a state where you're vulnerable, open to an attack. Danger exists everywhere, even with the people you love. Just look at me contemplating over killing the man I'm crazy for.

It doesn't matter what I have. A gun. A knife. A grenade. I'm always ready to cut a bitch up if they're messing with me. With an audible click, the switchblade flicks open, revealing the sharp, glossy blade. My barren face glistens in the reflection of the blade, falling into my soulless irises. I'm unrecognizable. As if a parasite is sucking the beauty from my veins, leaving me in shambles.

It's now or never.

Should I retain the beauty in his soft rosy-pink cheeks or slit his throat open, drowning the sheets with a dark pool of blood, making sure he never opened his eyes again? It would be a night to remember like the one earlier this year.

As the days go by, I wonder how everything got fused together. Was it fate? Sometimes I wished I was in Riley's place and died that day. Or maybe I should've ended my life when I murdered my parents-- save myself more years of suffering. Did God save me to lead me to this very moment? To test my morals before my time clock ends? How fucked up can that be? Making my life's purpose to kill the only person I've ever truly loved. God has to have a vendetta against me. Like he concocted this scheme as punishment for all my sins before taking me out.

How the fuck did I let myself get here?

I drag the tip of the blade on Asiel's face ever so slightly. He scrunches his nose, moving away from my touch before relaxing. I don't want to hurt him yet. Bending forward, I push his hair out of the way and press a long kiss on his forehead. I move to the rest of his face, showering him with butterfly kisses.

Lastly, I connect my forehead with his, gripping his cheeks as a single tear escapes my eye. I want to savor my last moments with him before I take everything away. A sweet little goodbye.

A deep seeded torment builds in the center of my chest, spreading to the rest of my body. It's like I'm being stabbed repeatedly in the heart. It's simple. The weapon is in my hands, placed around Asiel's neck-- all that's left is for me to slit his skin. Just do it. Be done with it and go on living your life.

Yet, my finger pressing against the sharp edge of the blade trembles, struggling to glide it across his neck.

Why am I hesitating? This should take a second, but I'm warping it to minutes--hours. Closing my eyes, I take a shaky, deep breath and drive the blade closer to his neck. I love him. Before I finish the job, I take one final, prolonged look at Asiel. He's so calm, so trusting. His chest rises up and down in a steady rhythm because he doesn't realize the monster sleeping beside him. His smile, a permanent stain on my memories.

I love him.

Another shaky breath rolls through me as I force my finger harsher on the blade an inch from cutting his skin. My greatest sin, my greatest betrayal-- the murder of my epic love.

I love him.

Shut up, Mika.

Everything goes haywire like a three-way car crash on the highway. The blade poison with my venomous love slices into the skin, collecting all the cherry-red seeping blood. Swift and hard. No regrets.

I love him.

I love him.

I love him.

I love him.

I'm in love with him.

I'm in love with Asiel Morterero.

It's done.

My heart splits open in half as I struggle to muffle my sobs. I collapse onto the floor, covering my lips with my bloody palm as tears drip down my eyes like Niagara falls. Instead of plunging the knife into his throat, I slit open the wound on my palm. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill him.

For the first time in my life, I'm glad I failed.

Where's the magnificence in life if I don't have him by my side anymore? Asiel gave my life purpose again. I'm not just some piece in his climb to higher ranks-- he loves me for me. Killing is what I've been conditioned to do, but I don't want to do this anymore. I want to change for him.

But most of all, for myself.

I chose love because I love him.

A tremor racks through my body as my sobs intensify, breaking my insides and turning them into mush. Tears rush down my face like a faucet, a nonstop stream. It's salty like the sea--like my love. The mattress creaks as I see Asiel's frame stretching in the corner of my eye. Anxiety pools in my stomach as I push the blade under the bed and try to dry my eyes.

"Mika." My heart skips a beat at his hoarse, raspy voice. "What's wrong?" He kneels in front of me, cupping my cheeks in his palms, and kisses my forehead. "Shh... Everything is okay. I'm here. I'm here."

"I-I'm sorry." My voice cracks, my lips trembling as I leap forward, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Asiel, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." My chest heaves, my body shakes with heavy whimpers as my tears coat his neck.

Asiel rubs soothing circles on my back, whispering, "Mika, why are you apologizing?"

My arms grip him tighter-- I can't believe I thought I could do it.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, hating myself for keeping so many secrets.

But they're unforgivable. I can't ask for forgiveness because I don't deserve it. Apologizing was easier than explaining everything that's happened thus far. There are too many betrayals. Too many sins I need to be punished for that putting it into words would take forever. No matter what I do, everything I've committed overshadows any of the good I could do.

They aren't on the same scale.

"Did you have a bad dream about me? You don't need to apologize for that. It's okay, Mika." Asiel mutters into my skin. "I love you. You're so amazing-- nothing can change my mind. I don't deserve you at all." He moves back, his emerald gaze piercing into mine. "I'm the lucky one-- remember that."

I don't deserve him at all.

I'm the lucky one-- not him.

His irises widen with concern as his finger drags over my lips, touching the wet moisture on my skin. Blood. "Mika, you're bleeding. Where is it coming from?" Worry washes over his face as he inspects every part of me. "It's your hand. It must've opened while you were sleeping. Come on, let's go disinfect it."

It's decided.

I'm going to save him, even if I lose him in the process.

Because that's the right thing to do.

The question is, where do I start?

So sorry for this really emotional chapter. I think I teared up writing certain parts of this chapter🥺. Like the push and pull with Mika's consciousness... heartbreaking...

I wish these guys had a break... seriously... I feel bad 😂😂😂🥹

Random question: if you guys could only save one and NO CHEATING(😂) you can't say both! You have to pick one who would you save if one had to die, Mika or Asiel? Who deserves to live a long life? 👀

You guys better pick one 😂😂I just want to know... though I think I have a good idea on who you will pick, but I might be surprised.

Thank you guys for all your comments! I freaking love reading all your reactions and connections to my characters! They make me so happy and my heart filled with love!

I love you ❤️💜❤️💜❤️

Enjoy the chapter 🤭