Bodies fall like flies. Those steel-blue eyes pierce into my soul, pleading for a second chance. My finger trembles on the trigger as sweat rolls down my forehead. The stark white sky fades to black, blurring my vision. The fire of a bullet rings in my ear as a body slumps down at my feet. Smoke collects at the barrel of the pistol in my hands. My mouth falls open as a hole forms in his head, leaking with blood.

Luka's eyes are bloodshot, wide with uneasiness as his blood pools at my feet, building, and building like a tsunami wave. His body evaporates in the ocean of blood. Something latches onto my ankle, dragging me further into the blood with air bubbles left in my wake. My hands flap around like a fish out of the water as I try to swim to the top.

After what seems like years, the person releases my ankle, and I swim to the top, gasping when I'm out of the water. I'm hyperventilating, glancing at my bloody hands. My throat clogs up as five versions of Luka appear in front of me with the nasty scar. They all express different emotions-- sorrow, mischievousness, cruelness, concern.

"You have to live with my blood on your hands."

"Who would know, the picture-perfect Asiel is a cold-blooded killer."

"I didn't kill him, Asiel, I swear. I loved him more than anyone else in my life."

"Can't wait until you visit me in hell."

It was endless. All versions of Luka scream phrases in vain, making my heart accelerate. I don't know what I believe anymore. But if I didn't react, then Mika would've died. I'm sorry. Forgive me, my lord and savior-- I didn't want this to ever happen. I collapse to my knees, covering my ears with my hands as I try to silence the voices.

I did the right thing.

It was for Mika.

Aren't you happy, Ander? I delivered your lover to you.

A loud gasp escapes my throat as I jolt forward, gripping my throbbing chest. The blanket sheets stick to my body from all the sweat. My stomach recoils, bubbling with acid as the image of Luka's dead body stains my mind. The fucker haunts me from beyond the grave. It's my fifth nightmare straight.

My eyes float to the orange, bright numbers on the digital clock resting on my bedstand. Three in the morning. At least I managed to sleep for four hours tonight. That's an hour more than the days before. That's a new record. Once I'm up, I can't go back to bed. Removing my blanket, I stretch my tense muscles and hop into the bathroom.

After performing my morning routine, I toss on my gym attire and my bag to go, fight the demons in my head with physical activity. I'm overdue for a session. I had to take a few weeks off for my shoulder, but the doctor cleared me for physical activities. Tie-toeing out like a high schooler sneaking out of his house, I slip through the front door and hop in my Jeep.

My finger drums against the steering wheel as I take a sharp turn into the parking lot. There are about ten other cars parked for the muscle heads. The fellow worker greets a good morning before returning his attention to his cell phone. Instead of focusing on strength training, I'm going to apply effort to my cardio.

A red punching bag hangs on the ceiling of the empty studio with a pair of boxing gloves on the shelf. Dropping my gym bag, I tie a white cloth around my wrist and begin striking the punching bag. Jab. Swipe. Jab. My anxiety streams off of me like my own personal aroma. Sweat drips down my forehead, causing my hair to fall over my eyes.

Fucking Luka. Why do I feel guilty for killing him? I didn't want to, even if it was the only way. Taking a life isn't always the answer to anything. Especially when I couldn't be a hundred percent sure he murdered Ander. The evidence is loud and clear, but his irises spoke volumes that night. He loved Ander, and I'm not sure he had the capabilities to kill the man he loved.

But it could've been a ploy. To get all in my head and to let him live. The thing was, if he didn't kill Ander, then I stole a soul from the world. No. Stop it, Ander. Regardless, he went after Mika. And I'll commit a sin every single time to protect her. My muscles tense at the thought of anything happening to her. She's the most important person to me.

The door swings open, slamming against the wall to reveal a dark-skin woman in her athletic attire. She hides in the corner of the room, spreading her yoga mat on the floor. Maybe there are more gym rats than I thought. Taking a break, I dig through my gym bag and pull out my water bottle. After squirting water on my head to combat the sweat, there isn't enough for me to drink.

Leaving the room, I head to the water fountain and place my bottle under the filter. I thrust my fingers through my wet hair, flinging water everywhere. My eyes divert in all directions, noticing every odd thing in the area. These days, I can't be too cautious. With Velazquez familia out of the line, there are plenty of others desperate to fill their spot.

My stomach twists into knots of distress. If it isn't any of the rival familias, it's the fucking ghost of Luka tormenting me. The only moment of clarity is when I'm with Mika. The sky could be midnight-black with gray mist clouds, but Mika shines bright. She's the sun in my solar system, and we're all gravitating towards her.

My eyes widen when I'm brought back to reality because of the water overfilling my bottle. I grab it, drink the water on the top, and seal it shut. Now, I'm going to exhaust my body to the point of no return. Or at least until I can fall asleep for longer than three hours.

"Asiel?" My eyebrows mar at the mention of my name, glancing around the room. A pair of waving hands catch my attention coming from Mateo in a blue tee. "Bro, I know I'm short, but I'm not that short."

I shake my head. "Sorry, Mateo. I've been in my head all morning."

He nods, tossing his bottle in the air and his hand. "Oh, that's why you're up at four in the morning." Mateo steps closer, scrunching up my hair like a kid. "It's a miracle to get you up before twelve."

A small smile crawls across my face. "Gosh, I miss mornings like that. I would do anything to sleep like that. Or even a nap."

His eyebrows furrow. "Is everything okay? We haven't had any time to catch up." Mateo licks his lips, raking his fingers through his brown hair before placing his snapback back on. "You know I'm here for you, Asiel. Everything has been different since Mika entered the picture, but that's my fault. God, this is kind of girly, but I felt like you were replacing me with her."

My eyes widen. "Really? I might've been too harsh lately. Especially when you were only looking out for me. You have to understand-- I love her. Nothing can change that. I'm protective over her. It's the only way I can fight for her. Just understand that."

"I do." Mateo flashes a small smile. "I'm happy for you, primo. These days, it's impossible to find your soulmate. Look at me, single my whole life. Though I'm not really the marriage type. I like having my choice of whom to fuck for the night."

"Wow. Classy," I joke.

Mateo nudges my shoulder. "Serious talk. What's keeping you up at night, Asiel? No offense, Jefe. But you look like you have been hit by a semi-truck-- a million times over."

I sigh, moving out of the way and sitting on a bench. "Every night I've been experiencing the same nightmare-- how I offed Luka. All I can think about is his pleading words before I shot him. What if what he said was true? That he didn't have anything to do with Ander? Then I'm just carrying this person's blood on my hands for no reason."

He grimaces. "Don't stress, Asiel. The time would've come, eventually. It's a way of our lives. You can't beat yourself over saving Mika and getting revenge for Ander. The guilt will go away as you collect more kills. Trust me."

Dread sinks in. "No. I can't. I don't want to ever do that again. Fuck. I can forget about sleeping at all if I kill anyone else. You don't understand-- the guilt is suffocating me. I feel like weights are constantly falling on top of me. Or like I'm drowning in a never-ending ocean. I can't take it."

He releases a sigh. "Did you mention any of this to Mika?"

My eyelids grow heavy with the urge to cry. "No. I can't. Everything is finally perfect. It's like the stars aligned just for us. We're so happy. I'll just ruin everything. Give Mika another thing to worry about, as if she doesn't have a hundred already. I can't burden her. I need to figure out this shit myself."

He shakes his leg, vibrating against my own. "I think I have something that could help."

I nibble on my fingernail. "What?"

Mateo glances around as if he's checking for any sign of surveillance and tilts his head towards the bathroom. He strides first, entering the bathroom with his bag slamming against his hip. My mind fusses with turmoil as I debate following him, ultimately going in. His arm leans on the wall while his eyes are wide, alert at the door.

"Why do you want me to go to the bathroom?"

"So, we can have a dance party." Sarcasm laces his voice like a velvet rope. "Dumbass, I don't want the cameras to see what I'm about to offer." My heart beat clogs my airway as he grubs through his bag, pulling out a small plastic bag.

"Mateo... what the fu-."

His eyes narrow with irritation. "Stop being such a perfect prince. Isn't it exhausting to always play the confined rules of the savior? This is my best bud, Heroin. Any nightmares will be gone in a snap of the finger after this."

A chill speeds down my spine. "I don't know. Isn't heroin known for being addictive?"

"Yeah, for little girls," Mateo exhales with a muffled laugh. "It's nothing, Asiel. Why would I offer you something dangerous? You're like a baby brother to me. I only want the best for you, and these will help you. I know with experience."

I clear my throat, observing the powder in his small ziplock bag. "W-What does it feel like?"

His eyebrows raise with interest. "It gives you a type of rush that's unexplainable. You feel like you can do anything in the world. It helps the guilt disappear for a few minutes--enough for you to fall asleep. It's my secret weapon."

Curiosity invades my brain, extending through my nerves like a tapeworm. "Mama always said drugs weren't the answer. Maybe I need a therapist."

Mateo clicks his tongue. "What therapist will keep their mouth shut about our extracurricular activities? This is your best chance of curing those demons lurking in the shadows. Trust me." My face must've been a dead giveaway, and he sighs, dumping the drugs in my hand. "Okay. Take this as a test run. You don't have to do it, but it's an option if things get worse before they get better."

My tongue digs into my cheek as I glance at the drug like a baby ogling a new toy. "Um, okay. I'll keep the window open. Thanks for the advice."

He slaps the nape of my neck before rubbing the forming red mark. "Of course, Asiel. I'll always look out for you. Now, don't overwork that shoulder. We don't need you back in the hospital."

I laugh. "Don't worry. I don't plan to go back there until I'm old and gray."

My poor poor Asiel 🥹 he's suffering internally... I wish I could take all his suffering Away...

Also someone hold my earrings 😂I have to fight Mateo for offering drugs to our little angel. Do you guys think Asiel will grow curious to try it or refrain from doing it? Do you think Asiel is doing Mika a favor by hiding the fact that killing Luka is messing with his head?

I can't wait to read all your comments! 💜❤️💜I love ya and thank you for all the support❤️💜❤️ you guys spoil me with love and I'm so grateful