Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

You are you.

And I'm crazy about you.

Cringe. With a frustrated breath, I crumble the piece of paper and toss it into the garbage can. It's my twentieth attempt at writing a sweet poem for the apple of my eye. Mika. My thoughts turn into goo when I think about her, resulting in every poem being cringy. It's so childish, but I wanted to spoil her in ways she has never been.

How else am I supposed to spoil a woman who can buy the entire world?

Earlier, I picked out the freshest flowers and assembled a homemade bouquet. Black paper with cut-out pink hearts is tied around the stems of the flowers, finished with a pink bow. In the morning, I woke up before my papa, so I had free authority in the kitchen without any questions. Using the help of Rosalina, my familia's personal maid, she offered to bake delicious chocolate goods for Mika.

I tap the pen against my forehead as I try to think of something non-cringy to write. My anxiety spikes as the clock ticks continuously, every minute getting closer to my session with Mika. Groaning, I debate over banging my head against the wooden desk in hopes of it knocking some sense into me.

My body jerks at the unexpected knock on my office door.

"Come in," I announce.

I hear the door open and close and watch Mateo approach my desk, a cordial expression on his face. He observes me with a concerned gleam, taking note of the squalor plaguing my office. Crushed papers are scattered all over the room from my failed attempt at being a basketball player. My body trembles with horror as Mateo picks up one of the pages and straightens it.

"Don't open i-." My protest comes too late.

"Pink, orange, yellow mix together to form a sunset. We mix together to form one set," he recites, chuckling like a manic. "Who the fuck has you writing poems? Shittys one especially."

My cheeks are burning. "No one. I was just practicing my English skills. You know, it being my second language and all."

He narrows his eyes, his lips curling into an amused grin. "Asiel, you're the worst liar on the planet. So why are you even bothering? Now, who's got my baby cousin turning into Shakespeare?"

Internally, I'm pounding my head against the wall. It wasn't like I enjoyed keeping Mika a dirty little secret, but I don't know how to explain our relationship. Also, the fact she was seen with Luka at his family gathering won't get her any points with mine. My head is spiraling from all the lies my cousins will spew to get me to cut ties.

If only they knew, it's just one-sided.

I swallow the nerves down my throat. "U-Um, I don't feel comfortable talking about this."

His mouth drops. "Wow, I'm hurt. I thought we had a tight relationship. I always tell you about my conquest, and you won't do the same?"

My eyes roll at him, basically forcing Mika into the same category as his one-night stands. "Mika isn't like one of your conquests. She's extremely special to m-." Realization dawns on me when his lips curve into a smug grin at my accidental reveal.

He performs a victory dance by shimming his shoulders up and down. "I knew that would get you. It always does. So, Mika, huh?"

It takes every ounce of my being to not make a run for it. Mateo isn't going to leave this office until he grills me and gets an answer for every question he asks. To my cousin, this is a big fucking deal. It will only be an epic uproar once the rest of my relatives hear the news. Every familia celebration is the same old shit with intruding questions like dónde está la afortunada? Or cuándo vas a presentar a tu novia?

(Where is the lucky girl? Or when are you going to introduce your girlfriend?)

My answers are always simple-- one day.

However, I wasn't ready for that day to arrive so soon. Introducing a girlfriend to a big, Christian cartel family is basically signing a death sentence. From there on, they expected marriage, and if the relationship fails, they will bring it up with every girlfriend after the fact. Mika isn't even my girlfriend, but I don't know how to get out of this situation. By lying? Or by speaking the truth of the reality of our relationship?

My body sinks into my chair. "She is just a friend."

Mateo arches his black brow with an arrogant grin. "Oh, I see. My baby cousin is experiencing unrequited love." He treks over to the desk and encloses his arm around my neck. Mateo chuckles, rubbing his knuckles in my hair to irritate me. "Asiel, I told you how to treat a woman. They don't like guys who do this snappy shit. They want a man, someone to protect them."

If only you knew Mika.

My head aches from his confining chokehold. "Mateo, I'm not going to put on a facade in order to win her over. If she doesn't like me for me, then there's nothing I can do."

Mateo halts his attack on my head and observes my genuine gaze. "Shit... You want more than a friendly fuck. That's even worse. Is that why you've been brain dead at every familia meeting? You aren't supposed to fall for girls. They should fall for you."

A hint of agitation slips through as I push him away. "If you hadn't noticed, I'm not anyone's number one choice. Love is a fantasy, but is it so bad to want it? Everything has been taken away from me-- my ambitions, my brother, my sanity. Why can't I have something?"

He leans his backside on the desk, resting against it as a long sigh departs from his lips. "Love isn't all it's cracked out to be. Baby cuz, you can want it all you want, but it isn't anything like the movies. It destroys you. We can't afford that. We need a leader that's heartless like your papa."

My mood sours at the thought of that disgusting man. Throughout his many years as Morterero's leader, Papa has accomplished tasks that altered our familia's position on the totem pole. They were deadly, bloody sacrifices, and family members respected him for it. He's got us to the top and handed it off to Ander, only to watch it crumble.

I want to repair our familia, but on my own terms. Regardless, war is war, and people will die. The innocence, however, should remain unscathed, untouched, unlike in my papa's war. He killed anything in sight. Mothers, fathers, children, grandparents- no one is an obstacle. Papa would've murdered my mama if it wasn't for my relationship with her. That's the only time he had shown a shred of humanity.

"I don't want to be anything like him."

Mateo rolls his eyes. "He isn't so bad if you try to understand where he's coming from. Tio Marc has and always will only look out for his family."

My eyes slightly narrow in suspicion from his lack of decorum. The only person allowed to call my papa by his given name had always been Gato. He is his favorite, after all. Has Mateo been toughening his relationship with my papa? What does he achieve from that? I'm the leader. I control everything against my papa's wishes.

"Since when have you referred to my papa as Tio Marc?" I eye him for a moment, observing the way his shoulders tense. "The last I remember, he only gave Gato permission. Be careful, or he might shoot a bullet through your skull."

His eyes dart anxiously as laughter ripples from his chest. "Tio Marc is only my advisor. I truly respect the way he manages things. I know he wasn't a picture-perfect father, but he's my hero. Everything I've shared with you has come from his playbook."

My mouth gapes slightly. "So, the Baherra idea I thought we came up with together was conspired by my papa? Have I accomplished anything on my own terms, or have you been using me this whole time?"

Mateo's eyebrows mar into a frown while a slight touch of anger gleams in his brown irises. "Woah, Asiel, it isn't anything like that. We're both amateurs at running a successful cartel. You entrusted me with guiding you in the right direction for the familia because I've been in the game longer than you."

He grips my shoulders, and any trace of anger is replaced with sincerity. "But I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. How am I supposed to tell you the person you believe in is as clueless as you? So, sue me, but I went to your father. Look, everything we've accomplished is because of you. Your strategic plans are what gets us to the next level."

Subconsciously, my shoulders lift to the heavens with ego-boosting through them. His praises might've clouded my judgment, but I don't question anything else. When every member talks shit behind your back, it feels like a weight is lifted off when one of them acknowledges me. I had Mika, but is it greedy to want more? To want everyone to admire me for staying true to my humanity?

I heave out a sigh. "Sorry, Mateo. My stress levels have been high lately, especially with the Diez ambush taking place tonight. Just please refrain from using my papa's tactics. They're inhumane, and something I don't wish on anyone. I won't tear familias apart."

Mateo ruffles up my hair. "I promise I won't bring another one of his strategies up again. Leadership is looking great on you, primo. I have no doubt you will outlive your father's legacy, but maybe forget the girl."

My knuckles clang against the wooden desk as I eye him warily, sharply, sternly. "Trust me, I've tried. It's impossible. I've fallen too deep in her vertex, and I won't be able to go without her. She's like my oxygen."

He nudges my shoulder with a boyish grin on his face. "Maybe you're fucking Shakespeare." Mateo leans his arm over my face, grabbing the tumbler of whiskey. "Be careful. A man's greatest weakness is the woman he loves. If they're smart enough, they will use the love against you."

Disbelief wavers on my face as I try to keep a straight-line smile. "No offense, but maybe stick to being my cartel advisor. I can lose her all on my own. I don't need you feeding me with laughable advice."

When I first visited Diablo's Paraiso, I questioned every single thing, especially Diablo's intention. While his intention remains unknown, I stumble into a world with an amazing woman. Looking back, it was probably his doing. Our relationship might've started because of an outsider force, but we're steering the wheels now. I could be picturing things, but I feel as if the real Mika repressed in her sex-goddess exterior is shining through.

Mika is truly inspiring.

If I successfully rule over my familia, it will be because of her.

He pretends to zip his mouth shut and throws away the key. "Whatever. I'll keep my never-failing charms to myself. Anyhow, I didn't come here to talk about your love life, lover boy. We need to talk about what's going down tonight."

Clearing my throat loudly, I point my lips at the tumbler, signaling for him to pass it over. "What? Is it being delayed? It might minimize our sales, but nothing we can't fix."

Mateo shakes his head. "No. Your father has made it pretty adamant about your role in tonight's operation. He doesn't want you to sit home and be pretty. He demands you to be on the battlefield."

My relaxed composure plunges into groundbreaking anxiety. "W-what? I can't. I'm only going to be a liability. I can't put you guys in that predicament again."

"Would you rather have your father drag your ass down there? I tried speaking sense to him, but he's not letting up. If you aren't with us tonight when we leave, I'm not sure what the fuck he's going to do."

Chills attach to my back, walking upward on its eight legs. "What the fuck are we going to do? If I join, everyone's position will change. I don't think I'm ready to be thrown back into the battleground."

My breath seizes, only coming out in bursts. A coat of sweat awakens, making my clothing cling to my skin. The churns in my head go overtime. It rustles, shakes, breaking into rusted old bolts of brain tissue. Every time my eyes close, an image of the dark, oozing blood collecting at my feet fills the darkness.

It's happening again.

My throat is closing up on me.

Mateo drops to his knees at my eye level. His lips move, but the only sound coming through my ears is static. His brown irises are widened, filled with fret as his mouth moves at an impossible rate. Water spills down my chin as Mateo forces the liquid, causing me to gag. It goes down the wrong tube immediately comes back up, and I hurl it on the floor.

The muffled sound effect finally leaves, revealing his unsteady voice. "Are you okay?"

I shake my head.

"Have you always suffered from panic attacks? Why have I never seen you act like before?" Mateo badgers, handing over a handkerchief to clean the excess vomit on my chin.

"It's not something I want to advertise to the world," I reply, my voice small, frail. "They don't come often, but when they do, it's grueling. I don't know if I can last the night without having another attack. You guys can't worry about my ass and our enemies."

Mateo thumps his knuckle against his clothed knee. "I don't know what to fucking do, Asiel. Your father will not rest unless you're there. Maybe if we explain these pani-."

My hands cover his lips. "No. He already views me as a shitty son. This will only fuel the fire. Besides, he wouldn't care. He wants to see me dead. No matter what I choose, it has the same result."

A crease mars his forehead. "Cálmate, Asiel. Tienes que ir, te guste o no. La familia te mantendrá a salvo, siempre. No tienes que preocuparte."

(Calm down, Asiel. You have to go, whether you like it or not. The familia will keep you safe, always. You don't have to worry.)

My shoulders fallen, broken like the shattered soul within. Why would a familia that doesn't respect me bother saving me? I have proven time and time again that I'm a failure. My skills might've toughened, but I suffer from heavy metal cuffs called humanity. I don't want to hurt anyone. Once I'm placed in the predicament, I freeze like a deer in headlights, clueless.

But there's no reason to fight against my fate.

"Y-you're right."

Mateo sports a charming grin. "Good. I'm going to get the guys so we can make adjustments. Clean up while I get them."

My stomach constricts with a bundle of nerves as the door slams behind him. All I knew was if I was going to die, tonight I had to see her one last time. Pulling my phone from my jacket sleeve, I pull up Diablo's contact and bid a number no one could beat.

With my gifts in hand, I use my elbows to open the door to Mika's private quarters. Stumbling in, Mika is preoccupied with a muddy, dark canvas and AirPods in her ears. She moves with poise, seamlessly effortless as the palette tilts on her arm. My heart swells with tenderness at how she's valued my lessons as much as I did hers.

Quietly, I place my presents on white laminate countertops and stride to a passionate Mika. She's fucking magnificent. Her hair is thrown in a messy updo, the baby hair lining her face in the best way possible. She wore a simple oversized white t-shirt with casually embroidered graphic denim shorts. Smudges of black, gray, and white paint stain her face.

It's like she's been engrossed in this project all day long.

My admiration for Mika skyrockets into a full-blown flower. Since Mika is preoccupied with her artwork, she doesn't notice my presence until my arms wrap around her waist. Instantly, her body reflexes, jolting in fear, causing her to accidentally stroke the middle of the canvas. With widened irises, she knocks the Airpods from her ears and cranes her neck to meet my gaze.

Any sign of fear washes away with a graceful smile. "Wow! Is it one already? I swore it was three, five seconds ago. Sorry, Muneco, I'm not wearing pretty lingerie for you. I'll make up for it next time."

My chin snuggles into her shoulders. "No hay nada mas hermoso que verte en tu estado natural. Estoy loco por ti a pesar de todo. Mi hermosa princesa."

(There is nothing more beautiful than seeing you in your natural state. I am crazy about you in spite of everything. My beautiful Princesa.)

Her gaze reconnects with the picture as her lips protrude into an endearing pout. "Fuck." Mika's finger trails over the faint black streak in her painting. "I accidentally painted an extra stroke when you scared me. It ruined the flow. Whatever, I didn't like it much, anyway."

My jaw drops as she slams the palette on the table. "Are you kidding? I literally have chills from how amazing it is."

Camouflaged in black, gray, and white paints is a murky, foggy image of a woman. Her face displayed a look of sorrow. The strokes are so mellow that it's hard to decipher the woman. The lady's chin is extra dark, as if shadows are swallowing her up whole. In a few days, she's dominated the dripping paint effect.

"What does it stand for?" I ask, highlighting every single stroke as I retrace them with my finger.

Mika shrugs thoughtlessly. "Something I envisioned in my free time. Artwork doesn't always have to tell a story, Muneco." She dabs a towel in the water and starts scrubbing the paint splotches on her face. "We're going to practice your aiming today."

She's too fucking cute.

The sanity, hopeless ship has left the dock and stopped at Mika's island.

Unable to resist her cuteness any further, I walk to her and engulf her in my arms. Strawberry mist fills my nose as I place a small peck on her head. Mika was caught off-guard, hesitating whether or not to return the hug. I don't mind. I needed another moment like this to feel her dainty, petite body against mine.

To me, this is more intimate than fucking her with my mouth.

"I'm actually not going to be able to stay," I reveal, loving the way her limbs relax against mine. Warmth against warmth. "My papa wants me to join my familia on an operation tonight, but I wanted to see you before then. You're my little serotonin boost."

Mika's chest rise and falls. "Why are you making it seem like it's the last time I'll ever see you?"

My body lowers itself, halting above her ear to whisper, "It's always a risk in this field, isn't it? Last time I got lucky, but I can't expect the same result every time. I'm going to put everything you taught me to test so I can come back to you. So, wait for me. Okay?"

She's rooted in her spot, her face digging into my shoulder blade as her arms finally make their way around my waist. "Your heart is beating fast."

I laugh uneasily. "I know."

"Everything is going to be okay, Muneco. Just don't do anything you wouldn't do," she whispers, tilting her face in the opposite direction of mine. "I don't really believe in God, but I'm sure he will send a guardian angel to watch over you."

My stomach turns at the mere prospect of this being our last moment together. How twisted would it be for me to die before fighting for the woman of my dreams? If I survive, I'll let everything go and SkyDrive into Mika's atmosphere.

I'm not holding back anymore.

Especially if my life has a ticking bomb strap to my back.

Omg!!! Guys, first of all I want to thank all of you guys for getting Mika to 66,000 reads like that's literally insane!! She reached it so fast that I'm literally so shook!!!

Onto the next topic, I think this is one of my top three moments of Asiel and Mika together written thus far!! (Omg what should their ship name be?)

Also what are your thoughts about Mateo and Gato? I forgot to ask that before.. I can't wait to hear all your thoughts...

Love you ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for every vote and comment!