Ellie

After the completion of the ceremony, everyone walked out of the sanctuary. Leo came back next to me and I clasped my arm around his and we started following the procession of the wedding party outside as we stood around the new couple throwing rice as they gleefully ran to the awaiting car that would take them to the reception location. I was grinning from ear to ear as I watched her gleefully wave at us. I waved back excitedly towards her as the car pulled off. A few minutes later, I got a text from her:

"Talk to him. Let him be there for you."

"I will." I answered back

":) Only when you're ready. I know you've been through a lot. If you're not feeling up to it, skipping the reception is okay. Just remember to make sure you're taken care of."

"I'll be fine. Once again, congratulations Bonita!"

I peeked over at Leo who was in the moment, watching his best friend ride off into the sunset with my best friend. It was a very happy day indeed and I couldn't believe that Brandi was married, and to Josh of all people. Don't get me wrong, I thought he was actually a great guy for her. I just hoped everything with them ended up perfect.

"Hey, are you up to going to the reception?" Leo suddenly asked me.

"Yeah." I answered

He held out his hand towards me with a small smile and I took it. He gripped It softly and pulled me towards him, snaking his other arm around my waist.

"Is this okay?" He asked quietly

I nodded quietly. I always felt safe with him, I think I always would honestly.

"Look, why don't we just go somewhere, just the two of us? We could always stop in later on."

"You sure about that? Josh is your best friend, you should be there at least for the beginning."

"He understands. Besides he has everyone else there with him. We'll go there in a few."

"Maybe we should just go back to the hotel, you look like you need some sleep. You didn't sleep a wink last night." I said

"I'm fine. I'm more worried about you."

"Don't be. Let's just go back to Shellville, I'm not really up to being around a lot of people right now. Maybe later." I said quietly

We started walking towards the car.

"I'm proud of you though." He smiled

"Why? All I did was go to a wedding."

"I know. But you put on your game face and did what you had to do."

"Brandi's my best friend. I could be in a coma and I'd still want to be there."

"I know Els. Come, let's get back."

We both got into the car and started our journey towards Shellville. About thirty minutes left into the trip, I asked Leo to stop at a gas station to pee and to also get some alcohol. I really needed a drink.

After peeing and paying, I walked out of the store and immediately popped the cap on the wine, starting to drink it before getting back into the car.

"What's that?" He asked

"Wine." I remarked, taking another big gulp

"Give me that." He instructed

"No, I just paid twenty dollars for this, I'm drinking it."

"Alcohol is not going to solve your problems!" He snarled

"I just wanna be a bit numb. Just drive so we can get back please."

"We're gonna have a long talk when we get back." He commented after turning on the car.

I said nothing as he backed out of the parking space and got back onto the highway. The rest of the ride was quiet and we soon pulled into the hotel's parking lot. By this time I had drank most of the bottle and I was feeling a bit lightheaded.

"Let's go." Leo demanded

"Why so bossy? Sheesh." I slurred, getting out of the car

I took one step, still in my heels and stumbled to the ground.

"Oops, clumsy." I giggled

He sighed as he slammed the door and came around my side, picking me up. He took the wine bottle out of my hand and started walking with me.

"I wasn't finished!"

"You are finished." He simply said, dropping the bottle in a nearby trashcan.

I pouted as he walked with me. People stared at us, but I was too buzzed to feel even the slightest of embarrassment. In fact....I didn't feel anything. I wanted to be numb and I had gotten what I wanted.

 I guess Leo waited until we were back in our room to yell me. As soon as the door closed it was on.

"I'm not gonna let you ruin your life by becoming a drunk! I knew that little speech you gave me last night was not true Ellie! You can't lie to me, I know you well."

"I just wanted to be numb for a little while, that is all."

"This is not the way. Take it from someone who used alcohol solely because of the pain, it doesn't get rid of it. All it does is make you sick and worsen your problems! I'm trying to help you here."

"I can't be helped. I'm a train wreck! I hate being like this so much you have no idea how much I do. "

"There is help for you Ellie, I'm not going to let you give up on yourself either!"

"Just give up on me Leo. I'm not good for you and all you are doing is wasting your time with me. You should find someone who doesn't have all of the baggage I do."

The look he gave me made me want to disappear into a tiny ball. I have never seen him that angry. Dude looked like he could chew bricks if he wanted, or turn into the Hulk.

"Let's get one thing clear: you don't get to tell me who I can and can't be with. You don't get to tell me who I'll love or who I'll be there for. You don't Ellie, because you are not the one who is going to make my decisions. I'm here for you because I love you, I want you, and I need you. You need me, you need someone who loves you enough to finally realize that you are worthy of love and great things! Life sucks babe, I know it does. I know that what happened was not right and baby I'm sorry that happened to you, but feeling sorry for yourself is not going to help you heal. You gotta start accepting that there are things in life that you can't change, control, or be prepared for."

"I know." I muttered

He started walking towards me and pulled me close to him as we walked and sat down on the bed

"Besides, you aren't getting rid of me that easily. I'm not losing you again Ellie, I just want to love you past all of your pain and fears, let me."

His eyes bore into mine showing so much emotion and safety. I never wanted to leave him again. He swiped his thumbs across my tears. I hadn't even known I was crying.

"Look, like I have told you before, you are going to get through this, you can get through this! But you gotta believe that you can Els, that's the only way it'll work. When you realize that you are greater than the things that are put into your path, you can and will overcome them to get to where you need to be and should be."

"I'm scared." I whispered, bursting into tears

He gave me a thoughtful look and squeezed me. I all but crawled into his lap and he rocked me back and forth, shushing me.

"I know. But you have me if you need someone. You also have Brandi, Josh, Cairo, Evan, Jack, and Amber if you ever need someone to lean on. You have support and you have people that love you who want to be there for you. And they will if you let them. But if you shut us out or shut down on us, then it'll be much harder for us to be able to do that."

"I have a tendency to do that." I sniffed

"Trust me, I've noticed." He said, a smile in his voice

I had gotten up from his lap and backed away from him, swiping at my eyes angrily before hugging myself. 

This would be harder than I thought. 

I was so mad at how weak I was. But I had to face my fears and conquer my demons or else they'd utterly consume me. I vowed like hell that I would fight and fight hard.