A/N: Heads up, when it gets to part 20, updates will be slow until I actually finish the story. Enjoy! Also I'm curious: How old do I look to your guys? Lol I'm 19 but I'm curious.

Ellie

The next morning I was awakened by the sound of groaning. Slowly I opened my eyes and saw Chris clutching at his sheet, eyes squeezed tightly shut. He was in a cold sweat and thrashing from side to side.

"No! NO!" He yelled

"Chris." I said, shaking him

"Jackson no, NO!"

"Chris!" I yelled

I shook him once more until he finally awoke. His gray eyes darted around frantically, fear etched on his face. He finally looked at me with tears in his eyes. I placed my hands on the side of his face.

"It's okay." I said softly

"Ellie?" He asked

"Yes, it's me baby. I'm here." I said in a quiet voice

He sat up and hugged me tightly, trembling slightly.

"Shhh...it's okay." I said soothingly, stroking his hair

"Bad dream?" I asked

"Yes." He murmured

"You're safe now." I said

I placed a kiss on his head. He let me go and got off of the bed.

"I should go shower and dress to get the supplies for today."

He seemed embarrassed and didn't look me in the eye.

Don't look at me....I'm weak. The look seemed to say

But he wasn't. 

I got off of the bed and crossed over to him. But he backed away slightly.

"Chris." I said quietly

I placed both hands on his cheek softly and looked at him, though he looked away from me.

"Look at me." I said quietly

He slowly looked towards me and said nothing.

"We're gonna have fun today right?"

"Yeah."

"There is nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm supposed to be strong."

"You are strong Chris. You're so strong." I said, hugging him and laying my head on his chest.

"You believe me don't you?" I asked, looking up at him

"I should go shower."

He unwraps his arms from around me and walks into the bathroom. I stand there a few seconds dumb founded. He comes back in not too long later and wordlessly gets dressed. I walk up behind him and hug him tightly. I feel him take deep breath and slowly lets it out.

"I'm sorry." He says quietly

"Don't be. You want me to go with you?" I asked him

"That would be nice. That way I can at least get the things you like."

He still hadn't put on a shirt yet, so I place my lips on his naked back, below his shoulder blade, just to show him that I cared.

"Well I'm gonna go shower and get ready myself alright? Give me about ten minutes."

"Alright."

"And don't go anywhere alright?" I teased

"Alright amour. But go on and shower."

I reach up to kiss him on the cheek quickly and then grab my things, heading into the bathroom. Once I'm done showering, I dress and come out of the bathroom to see him sitting on the bed quietly, looking down at his hands, twitling his thumbs. I knew he was embarrassed about earlier...but I didn't want him to be. He had no reason to be, he'd been through a traumatic experience fighting in Iraq. I'd never understand but I could tell that what ever he saw was not truly made for human experiences or psyche's.

"Hey...you ready?" I asked him softly

He looked up towards me quietly and nodded.

"Wait....don't get up yet." I said

I walked over to his bed and sat next to him. He looked down again and I placed my hand on his.

"Hey, it's alright to have bad dreams. But it's even better if you talk about them. When you're ready, I'm listening alright? Don't hide from me." I said quietly

"You'll leave." He said quietly

"Leave? What do you mean?"

"Because I'm not as great as other guys. Other guys don't have these problems, these nightmare's and paranoia."

"But other guys weren't as brave as you were for going to war in the first place. They weren't as caring of freedom as you were to sign up and fight for those they didn't even know. It takes a strong man to do what you did Chris. And it's because of men like you that I and you and everyone else have the freedom's that we do. You're brave because of who you are and you're who you are because you're brave. And I won't let you believe other wise."

"But screaming like a little bitch and crying about it isn't being brave or strong....it's me being weak. I was strong enough to go over there....I should've been strong enough to leave the experiences over there as well."

"Chris look at me." I said softly

He did so and looked at me with disgrace.

"Look...you've seen and experienced a lot over there, things I can't even imagine. But you fought against them, you even got a medal for saving one of your men that was in danger."

"You never leave a solider behind. Never."

"Right baby, and you saved him."

"But not all of them....not my best friend." He said quietly

"Was his name Jackson?" I asked softly

He shut his eyes tightly.

"Yeah. A father of two....best damn solider I'd ever met."

"Wanna tell me about him?" I asked softly

"He was a great guy. Nice, funny, caring, and most important of all, brave and selfless. He once took a bullet for a civilians child and his mother. We almost lost him then. Another time, he saved a woman from being attacked while he was on patrol one night. Got stabbed and a broken nose, but none the less, the other guy looked way worse. He was always busy saving everybody that he often neglected himself. And the final time he saved someone, he was saving me from getting blown to bits by a land mine. We were on patrol. walking and laughing, minding our own business, but I didn't watch where I was going. And once I heard the familiar click, I knew what I had done. Only these had timers, and I had ten seconds. He never even hesitated, he lunged for me, and knocked me from the brunt of the blast. But he wasn't so lucky....he used himself as a shield. Died right in front of me. I never got to say thank you, or tell him how much he meant to me."

He hung his head in shame and sniffed.

"He died and it was all because of me. He had a family, and me, I had nothing to go home to. It wasn't supposed to happen like this! I would do anything for him to still be here and me be the one blown up!" He said harshly, jumping up from the bed.

It broke my heart to hear him say that.

"You're here for a reason." I said quietly, standing to join him

"No. I'm here because I was stupid and some one died to save me."

"Because you were worth saving. He knew that Chris. He cared for and loved you enough to sacrifice himself. I know you don't understand, but he did it for you."

"Some worthless slack jawed idiot, that has done nothing with his life but get stuck in a minimum dead end job because he can't handle anything else."

"Right now you can't. But if we go see some one, eventually you will be."

"I'm nothing Ellie. The army won't even take me back after they found out I was suicidal. I have nothing now."

"You have me." I said quietly

"Ellie I'm fine. You need me to help you."

"My problems aren't that great."

"They got you into the hospital....yes they are. Look don't worry about me alright?"

"Saying that does not make me worry less."

"Well for now it'll have to."

I hugged him sideways and laid my head on his shoulder.

"Please....just talk to me." I said quietly

"I can't. Some things are just too painful revisit amour. I...I can't, I'm not strong enough right now."

"That's alright. Let's just focus on today and having some fun." I murmured, rubbing his back

"Alright."

I brushed some hair from his face and wiped the tear streaks with my thumbs.

"It'll be okay. Me preocupo por ti."(google translate did it lol)

I care about you.

He leans down and kissed me on the forehead, hand firmly on the back of my head.

"Te quiro Ellie. So much." He murmured

"I know. I know. Now come on, let's go find some goodies."

"Yeah, we should." He said with a smile

And then he was back to his happy, loquacious self. We got into his car and drove to the nearest store. First we picked up food and then a basket to carry it in. We got bread, ham, cheese, and turkey. Desserts, drinks, even some fruits and cheese. Yes, this would be good. And the next thing I know, we're sitting underneath my favorite tree in the park, eating the food and letting the Afternoon air wash over us, the tree giving us shade. We had been here all day just relaxing and sitting. Talking and laughing and teasing. We laid back on the blanket and made shapes with clouds.

"Oh, look, there is a bunny." I said happily

"You've said that five times." He laughed

"Well I really like bunnies."

"That I can tell Ellie." He teased

"Well why don't you try. What do you see?"

He looked up for a long time, squinting his eyes.

"Oh...I see a dog chasing talking bacon."

"Oh really? And just where is that?"

"There by the cloud that looks like a cat roller skating." He said

He pointed to a wispy stratus cloud and I saw nothing of what he described, but I pretended to anyway.

"Hmm... yeah, I think I see it." I teased

"And look, there's a unicorn and everything." He said with a smile

"You really have a knack for this huh?" I said

" I always appreciate every sun rise, sunset, and everything in between. Or, I could just be pulling your leg." He smirked

"Yeah, now that I believe. But yeah, that's a good mindset to have." I said quietly

He rubbed my back.

"Look, the letter I." He said

"Okay now you're just screwing with me." I giggled

He laughed too and pointed out more outrageous designs. We laid there for the rest of the day, and even when the sky got dark. And as I noticed not too long later, as it got lighter again. We had been here all night and had fallen asleep.

"Chris...Chris wake up."

I had noticed he was still asleep, having never moved from his from his spot. His face showed no signs of distress. Just my perfect man sleeping. I smiled and kissed his forehead. I saw his eyes move and they lazily flew open.

"Hey, you alright?" I asked him

"Yeah."

He yawned and rubbed his face.

"Man...I can't believe we stayed here all day and night."

"Me too. But you know something?"

"What?"

"You slept a  full night. No jogging, and also no bad dreams."

Realization hit him and he slowly smiled.

"You're right amour....I did."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better. I actually feel rested."

"Good."

"Mm, I might go back to sleep."

"No, we should get you home." I smiled

"Come on babe, please?"

"Let's at least go back to your place?"

"Alright amour. Let's get up."

I got up first and grabbed the picnic basket. He folded up the blanket and grabbed my hand, walking us back towards the car. We were back at his place in no time. I went into the kitchen to dispose of something's and put the juices and stuff in the fridge. I was about to pour myself a glass of water when I felt arms around me. I felt his breathing on my neck and his heart beat against my back. It was strong and fast.

"What?" I asked

"Thank you." He murmured

"For what?" I asked, taking a drink

"For not giving up on me."

I turned towards him and hugged him tight.

"I'll never give up on you, you know that."

I closed my eyes and took in the scent of him. He smelled like fresh rain, Earth, and fresh air. All delectable scents rolled into one. Maybe we should sleep outside more often.