Ellie

"So, I see you have a certain glow to yourself." Brandi beamed at me

I smiled back quietly and looked down.

"Mhm, I bet Chris be wearin dat ass out!" Brandi teased

I tried to suppress it to no avail. We were outside of a restaurant in the late Spring sun, taking it all in. After yet another wedding meeting, we were out for a couple of drinks and shopping.

"Can you keep it down?" I smirked, a little embarrassed.

"So how is he Ellie?" Amber asked excitedly

"He's great. Very sweet and nice. He's caring and funny."

They both shared a knowing look.

"Some one's in love." They chorused squealing

"I am not guys, cut it out." I murmured embarrassed.

"Well there has to be something there. You two are going to be together a year next week. How does that make you feel?"

Scared.

"I'm uh....I'm surprised honestly. I never had a year long relationship before." I said quietly to myself

Besides Gary...but we had been friends the first two and a half years, only dated for six months.

"Well there is a first time for everything." She smiled

"Yeah."

"So do you know what you guys are doing for your anniversary?"

"Not a clue." I said sheepishly

"I bet he takes her to this nice restaurant and everything."

"Yeah, knowing her boss gave her the weekend off and everything."

"Well he hasn't told me anything....so I guess we'll see."

My phone pinged in my purse and I grabbed it, seeing a text from my boss.

"I need you to come in tomorrow alright?" The text asked

"Sure Mr. Calavry."

Now I know what you're thinking, why the hell am I working for Leo now? Well actually I wasn't working just for him, I was underneath Caine. The other job prospects didn't work out. And trust me, this was my last actual resort, but with no other options....this was all that I had. Even if I had built the practice up, I had quit, and now I was just a simple associate. It kind of stung when I saw my name no longer hanging above the door way. But it is what it is, and it was time that I made the best of it.

"Is that Chris?"

"No, Mr Calavry. He want's me to come in tomorrow." I said annoyed

"I can't believe you have to work for him."

"Well what choice do I have? No one else would hire me."

"Well....you have a point."

"Yeah. And I mean, the money's good, I'm getting the same salary that I was when I was a partner....so everything's fine."

"And how does Chris feel about this?"

"Well he didn't like it at first, which is something to be understood. But eventually he understood."

"Yeah. You let me know if I need to straighten Leo out too. I'll clean his clock." Amber smirked

I laughed.

"No need for that. Nothing will happen. We're simply in a boss/employee relationship. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Ellie....just be careful. When we have our meetings I watch him sometimes, and I see how he looks at you. There is something still there. So watch your back alright?"

"Trust me, I am so done with Leo Calavry."

"That's my girl." Brandi smiled

My phone pinged again, and this time it was Chris. It was a picture message of him holding something that was in a box.

"What's in the box?!" I texted excitedly

"Oh I don't know, a present. But, you can't see it until next Saturday."

"Such a tease."

"I like to have my fun. You got Saturday off right?"

"Friday, Saturday, and Sunday."

"Excellent. Well baby I will see you later alright? You having fun with Amber and Brandi?"

"Yes. We're about to go shop and then I'm coming back to your place."

"Cool. Well I'll leave you to it."

"Wait. How was counseling today?"

"It went well. Dr. Wilsom is really helping me. I'm sleeping better now. Even on the nights you aren't here with me."

I smiled.

"That's good baby! I am so proud of you!"

"It's all thanks to you. If you hadn't pushed me to go back....I don't know how if I'd be sleeping now."

"Thank yourself. You actually did the work and went to get yourself help."

"Hurry home alright?"

Home.... I'm sure that was only a typo

"I will. I'll be there in a few hours."

"Alright. Love you amour."

I didn't answer that and just put my phone back in my pocket. To honest...I didn't know how I felt. When I was next to him, I felt warm, giddy, and safe. Happy, cherished, and cared for...not to mention exhausted (in a good way, if you get what I mean). But with all of those things and who he was....I just didn't feel it. It scared me, because he was just so sweet and caring and I was a mess. Dare I say it, I don't feel the way I felt about him that I did for Leo when we were together. And the very thought alone made me feel like the worst woman on the planet. Because Chris deserved someone that loved him. But hopefully I would come to feel like that for him one day, and on some level I did love him, just not as passionate as I had for Leo. The whole thing brought tears to my eyes when I thought about it.

"Hey Ellie....you alright?" They asked me

"Yeah...I'm fine." I sniffed

"What's the matter? Did Chris say something?"

"No... he's prefect."

"Then what is it?" Amber asked

"Guys... I don't love him." said quietly

The whole realization broke my heart.

"Don't love who?"

"Chris." I said guiltily

Amber touched my hand and looked at me with sympathetic eyes.

"That's okay Ellie. Look you're happy right?"

"Yeah."

"And he's happy?"

"He says he is."

"Then what's the problem? It's not like you guys are walking down the aisle, you're only boyfriend and girlfriend, live a little."

"Yeah. For now, just enjoy yourself. Chris is an awesome guy. And he knows your past, so I think he'd understand your hesitancy. You could love him one day, It's just taking you longer. But that's alright, just have fun. You got a man that loves and cares about you. I like Chris, and I see that he makes you happy. I mean we can't tell you what to do, but it's your call doll." Brandi said

"You guys mind if I go to his house to see him?"

"Not at all. We'll have plenty of chances to go hang out."

"Thanks you guys, I owe you."

"Only your 5,000th I.O.U." Amber teased

I went to go hug both and then waved goodbye. I got into my car and drove to Chris's house. I saw his car in the drive way and knocked on the door. He answered it shirtless and with shorts on. I took my eyes off his stomach long enough to look at him.

"Hey Ellie, what are you doing here? I thou-"

I rushed and hugged him tightly feeling immensely guilty.

"Hey, you alright?" He asked me quietly, stroking my hair

I sniffed and he slowly backed us in, shutting the door.

"What is it?" He asked quietly

"You're the best guy in the world and you're so sweet and great...the best boyfriend ever."

"Did something happen?" He asked concerned

"No."

But something will....I just don't know how soon.

"Come sit."

He picked me up and carried me towards the couch.

"What's the matter?" He asked, grey eyes filled with concern, searching for an answer.

I looked down.

"You're too good for me." I said quietly

"Where would you get that Idea?"

"Cause it's true."

"No it's not." He said softly

He tipped my face up to meet his gaze and searched my watery eyes for some bit of clarity.

"What has you so upset?"

"I don't know how I feel. And I'm scared because I don't know. I'm just so confused."

"Confused about what? Me?" He asked

I nodded and more tears spilt.

"Hey, hey it's alright. Stop crying." He said soothingly

He wiped my tears and kissed my forehead, even kissing some of my tears away.

"Why don't I get you some ice cream huh? That'll cheer you up."

"You don't have to."

"I want to amour. I'll be right back. Get comfortable."

He came back not too long later with my favorite ice cream: cookies and cream.

"I got that for our anniversary, but I figure right now you could use it."

I just felt worse. He even took off my shoes and massaged my feet while I ate.

"You're killing me here." I said with a small smile

"I want to take care of my princess." He said back

"How are you such a sweet heart?"

"Because I love you and you're upset."

"I hit the jackpot." I admitted guiltily

He smiled at me, not a happy one, but one that knew something.

"Talk to me amour. What has you in such a tizzy?"

"I..i know our anniversary is next week. And I am so happy that it is."

"But?" He asked knowingly

"But....I'm afraid that my feelings for you just aren't enough."

"So you don't love me is what you're trying to say?" He asked, albeit a little hurt

It was a small amount, but I still heard it all the same.

"Yes." I said, tears welling up in my eyes.

"It's okay. You at least want to be together still?"

"Of course I do."

"Then that's all that matters. Let me tell you something amour: love can be such a beautiful thing. The thing about it, is that it's infinite. You can make and share as much as you can, and still have a lot left over. And I'll tell you, my love for you, is more than you can imagine. We have our short comings and flaws, but baby that's ok. As long as we have each other, nothing can stop us. To me, you matter, a lot. I care for you as you do me. We're gonna be alright. Trust me, I won't ask you to marry me anytime soon." He smiled

I slowly smiled back.

"Come here." He said quietly

I crawled across the couch until I reached him and he held me for awhile. I heard his strong heart beat and it soothed me.

"If it freaks you out...I'll stop saying I love you if that's what you want."

He said it with such soft pain.

"I don't want that. I mean....I do love you Chris...in some way, but maybe not in the way you need."

"You mean, not as much as you loved Leo right?"

I bit my lower lip in nervousness because that was exactly why I couldn't truly love him back.

"It's no reason to feel bad about that. He hurt you, I know he did.  But I know that and it'll be alright."

"You're a great guy Chris. And I'm a lucky girl."

"I'm a lucky guy. We'll get through this hun. I'm not going anywhere."

"I know."

He kissed my head.

"Want to stay for dinner? I'm ordering take out. And we can even watch a movie."

"That sounds fun. But I can't stay over though, I gotta go in tomorrow."

"No big deal. I'll try not keeping you here too late."

"I don't mind. I love spending time with you."

"Now that makes me happy."

I smiled and snuggled into his chest.