YiJun's POV

How much can one love another? Can love be quantified? How should I answer the question Xian had raised?

I felt lost.

Should I give a generic response and say that it's for me to know and him to find out? Or should I be more romantic and tell him that my love for him is immeasurable?

What if he doesn't like my answer!?

I couldn't afford that, could I?

I don't want him to think I don't love him enough, but I certainly don't want to make him uncomfortable by making him believe that I love him more than he can handle.

I feel like I have lost the battle without even having drawn my sword.

"Xian," I whisper, I know he can't hear me, "I love you. That's all I know. I have no one and nothing to compare it with, so how should I answer you?"

"Xian," I call louder, "Please open the door. I will tell you if you open the door." I lie, for I don't know what else to do.

I hear the door click and restrain myself from barging in. Waiting to be beckoned inside, I stand motionlessly.

The door creeks open just an inch or so, and Xian peeks outside. I can see the wetness under his eyes.

What made you cry, Xian?

"Will you tell me how you truly feel if I let you in?" He asks, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. He blinks and hastily wipes his eyes before the next batch can kiss his cheeks.

"Yes," I reassure, and he opens the door slowly; he takes a seat on the edge of his bed. "Tell me." He demands without even looking at me.

I walk towards him and kneel before him. His eyes widen and then narrow.

I smile and wipe a tear that had escaped his eyes without notice and take his warm, soft hands in mine.

"I love you, Xian. I will not lie to you today because I know it's important to you. But the truth is, what I feel for you, I can't quantify it, I can't measure it. Heavenly Father created me to bring balance, was made to go to war, expected to guard and protect this realm, and I was fated to serve heaven. I was supposed to kneel before the one and only Heavenly Father: the creator of this universe."

I pause to gather my thoughts and continue, "When I saw you, held you, I did not want to let you go. My conscience told me that I needed to protect you, heart told me that I needed to take care of your every desire. My mind warned me that you were in danger. Everything within me told me that you were mine. And I did what I felt that I needed to do. I rejected my fate and made you the center of my existence. Xian, you are my universe. Without you, I am nothing; if you are not next to me, there is no point in existing." I stop after pouring my heart out. I expect him to speak. I wait for him to give me his verdict, but he doesn't.

I start to lose hope; I find it impossible to look at his face.

Will it hold anger?

Will it hold disappointment?

Or worse, will it hold indifference?

Should I have borrowed words from a cheesy rom-com instead?

"Jun," I hear his voice reach me, as if from miles away, and I look up. "Did you say that I was your universe?" He asks softly, and I nod, "Yes." And just like the first drops of rainfall on the parched earth, his smile blesses my eyes.

I leave a breath I didn't know I was holding and return it. Xian stands and pulls me to my feet, and the next moment, the scent of vanilla and honey surrounds me. It seeps into my skin.

Xian wraps his arms around me and plasters himself to my front. Burying his face in my neck, he breathes me in, "I am your universe." He whispers, his breath caress the shell of my ear, and I nod, "Yes, you are my universe." I return the embrace and hear him sigh. "You are my universe as well, Jun. You always have been." He confesses, leaning away and looking into my eyes.

"I am glad we are on the same page." I state stupidly, and he chuckles, "Why are you like this, Jun?"

"Like what?" I ask; his question confuses me; he shakes his head and smiles impishly. "Nothing, forget that I asked." He dismisses and lets go of me. His eyes drop to my lips before moving up to my eyes. The things that had transpired between us over the past few days come back to me. Wanting me to sleep with him, threatening to leave me, asking about the women that I bed, suggesting to go camping, pulling himself close to me every chance he got, his heart racing when I was close or when our eyes met, getting furious with me for being called 'boy.'

'I am not a child, Jun!' His words come back to me, and I feel unprepared. It was one thing being a guardian and protecting him, but totally another to be with him.

Xuan had placed him in my care, after all. She had wanted me to protect him.

Would she be alright with US?

Will she feel betrayed if I were to act upon my desires?

Will she accuse me of breaking her trust? Of hurting her son?

Suddenly, I feel unsure. I close my eyes, and red eyes stare at me, mocking me, teasing me, "Take me, I am yours." I recall the words from my dream and remember how Xian's voice had the power to affect my will.

Xian was not what I had presumed him to be. He was not just part human and part angel. He was more, but how. I was still unaware of so many things.

A throbbing pain on my forehead drags me back to the present. I look at Xian, who is pouting, with his arms crossed over his chest, looking highly offended.

What did I miss!?

"Xian, " I start cautiously, buying time for my mind to prompt me of my forgotten blunder, when Xian huffs, "You heard nothing I just said, right?"

Once again, I decide to be truthful, "A Xian, I am truly sorry." I apologize and embrace him. He gets startled, but after a moment, he reciprocates.

I sigh and try to control my thoughts. Now that I know that we want the same thing, I realize that it will be harder for me to keep myself from acting on my feelings.

The first thing I needed to know was what exactly he was? Who or what was his father? What will happen if I were to abandon restrain and claim what he was offering so willingly, eagerly?

"Jun," He leans away and looks into my eyes, "You really love me, don't you?" He questions, and the fear and doubt in his words hurt me. I nod, "I do. I truly do... "

"But we can't have what we want." He guesses, reading my mind. I nod again, expecting him to get angry, throw a tantrum or push me out of his room, but he surprises me. He smiles and looks at his bed before looking back at me; I feel apprehensive and nervous.

What are you planning to do, Xian?

He chuckles and shakes his head, "Jun, let's go back to the backyard." He states and pulls me outside.

He sits on the mat and pats the space next to him. I oblige.

He takes my hand in his, "Jun, I can tell that you are worried about something. Will you share it with me?"

"Mn?"

"There is something on your mind. What is it?"

I shake my head and look around. I was distracted, and I knew Xian could feel it too. I expect him to get upset, but once again, he surprises me, "It's alright, I will wait. Jun, I need to- there are things I need you to tell me, and there are things I need to tell you..." He pauses; he is feeling cold.

I look at the late noon sky; it has gone darker. Something is not right. I was feeling restless since the time I had encountered The Unclean in the morning. The feeling had only intensified as the hours had ticked. And as soon as we had reentered the backyard, I couldn't shake the feeling of being watched; it was scaring me.

"Xian, it's cold outside; let's go inside, shall we?" I ask; he pouts, "I don't want to go in just yet."

"Xian, I am cold. You don't want me to fall sick, do you?" I state and crawl inside the tent. Xian follows me in.

"Something or someone is watching us," I whisper as soon as he enters; his body stiffens; his eyes urge me to elaborate, but I have no answers for him at the moment. I shake my head and beckon him closer, "Don't mention or bring up anything we talked about just now, alright? I am your boring guardian, and you are my charge. Whoever or whatever it is, is here to know what it can, about us."

Understanding dawns on him. He nods, and a second later, pulls himself in my lap and kisses my cheek. I try to protest, but he puts his palm over my mouth, "Shuuuu. Jun, I am getting rid of your aura." He informs, and without giving me a chance to process his words, he brings our lips together.

Recalcitrant...Tearaway... Mine.

I know I should stop him. For I knew whoever it was couldn't see or feel my aura, but I find my resolve slipping.

I stop resisting and place my arms around his waist, stroking it; he sighs. Leaning away, he catches my eyes, "Jun, you really want to, don't you?"

"Mn?"

He smirks, "You really want to have your way with me, don't you?"

My heart starts racing. I feel heat rise to my cheeks. I shake my head, "N..No, I don't." I stutter, making him chuckle again. Pulling me close, he whispers, "Lying is a sin, Jun. And you are a terrible liar."

{Note : That's it for today's update. Hope you will like it.

I know I haven't replied to your comments but that's because I have been very busy lately, my health is not upto the mark either. I will reply to all as soon as I can❤🤗

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