Requested by Zorua_the_Adorable

I'm so sorry for the long wait on this! This is the Reverse Crush au you requested between Ladybug and Chat Noir— with more angst than fluff because... I so hopelessly enjoy writing drama hehe. I hope you enjoy it!

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Ladybug has done everything she can to avoid the mere thought of Chat Noir. But as her love for him grows stronger by the day, she decides that she's had enough of keeping her love for him hidden amongst the shadows.

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Ladybug couldn't stop twiddling her thumbs as she paced back and forth on top of a high roof, which towered over most of the other buildings and kept her hidden from civilian view. It was already dark outside, and she was sure no one would be out to see her at this time, but one could only be so careful.

But that wasn't the main reason for her intense worrying.

Chat Noir was late again. Which wasn't out of the ordinary—but lately, it was becoming a problem for her conscience. She wasn't sure why it bothered her so much. Chat Noir was always known for his late drop ins and his careless nature.

And maybe his carelessness is what worried her so much.

Chat Noir was her partner. Over the years, he became her best friend. Now... Ladybug was beginning to have feelings for him that she deemed impossible to have for the blonde dressed in tight, black leather.

But as far as her partner was concerned, they could never reveal their identities to each other.

When Ladybug had first asked him if they could reveal their identities to one another, Chat Noir had been pretty insistent on keeping it a secret. His reasons for doing so weren't invalid though—it was true that revealing themselves to each other could put themselves and even their loved ones at risk. Chat Noir always used the scenario 'what if hawkmoth captured one of us and tortured us into telling him who we were? Or what if our minds were controlled, and hawkmoth was able to find out who we were?' and sometimes, Ladybug found his logic to be reasonable. But other times, his reasoning made her wonder if something like that would ever happen. How likely would it be that Hawkmoth was able to capture them and control their minds?

Very unlikely.

When Ladybug began to realize her feelings for her partner, flirting became something she tried to do whenever they were together. She knew it was a distraction—especially when they were fighting an akuma—but she almost found it impossible not to flirt with him. And Chat Noir easily noticed it. Sometimes, he would chuckle and wave it off as if it had never happened.

And other times, he would get really really annoyed with her.

Chat Noir hardly ever got mad. But when he did, it was kind of a scary sight.

She stopped the flirting all together when he lashed out at her once.

It was nothing but an accident—Ladybug knew that. That day specifically had been a rough day for them both, but more specifically, for Chat Noir. He was never a sloppy fighter. But that day had been different. Chat Noir was out of his game, unfocused, and clearly distracted. Her intensions for flirting with him that day hadn't been to win his heart, but to see him smile.

Instead, it did the complete opposite.

When he did lash out at her, Chat Noir accidentally admitted that he loved someone else. The news shocked her— mostly because she'd never known that he had feelings for someone—but also because the news hurt her in more ways than she cared to admit. If Chat Noir loved someone else, then there was no chance for them to be anything more than just friends.

Ever since that day, Ladybug kept her feelings bottled up. She didn't show them or bother to talk to Chat Noir about them. Even though he was her best friend, he wouldn't understand how she felt. He wouldn't be able to help her even if she did tell him.

Because he loved someone else. Not her.

And that hurt.

A lot.

With a loud thump, Chat Noir suddenly landed on the same rooftop as she. Ladybug whirled around to face him, finding that he was already wearing the most ridiculous grin she had ever seen him put on. As relieved as she was to see him, she couldn't help but frown the moment their eyes connected.

And Chat Noir immediately noticed this.

His grin was replaced with a frown the moment he noticed that she was upset, and Ladybug immediately turned away from him, too afraid that her façade might crumble if she stared into his eyes for too long.

"Hey LB, what's wrong?"

Ladybug shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself as she stared off into the distance. She didn't want to talk about this with him; not now and not ever. Chat Noir would never understand. And worst of all, he could never make her feel better unless he returned her feelings.

Which was never going to happen.

When she felt his leather-clawed hand on her shoulder, however, Ladybug flinched. It wasn't even voluntary, but she knew that it would hurt his feelings nonetheless. Chat Noir retracted his hand immediately, and she knew that if she turned around, she would catch the sorrow in his eyes. Their relationship hadn't really been the same ever since his outburst, and she knew that he blamed himself for it.

"I'm sorry," Ladybug murmured, unwilling to look at him. She could feel him as he moved to stand beside her instead of behind her, his gaze copying hers as he looked out into the distance as well.

She heard him sigh heavily. "I don't know why you always insist on saying sorry when this is all my fault."

She wouldn't argue with that, because they both knew it was true. "Habit, I guess." She murmured in response.

Chat Noir turned his head to look at her, and from the corner of her eye, she could make out his sorrowful expression as he watched her. "You know I would never try to purposely hurt you, don't you bug?"

She chose not to respond to that. Lately, she wasn't sure what Chat Noir was capable of, or how far he was willing to go for her. She knew that he considered her as his best friend. But lately, their relationship had been far from that.

Ladybug had been keeping her distance from him on purpose, knowing that it would help with the rapid feelings thumping in her chest and fluttering in her stomach. It lessened the pain a bit.

But Chat Noir didn't understand that.

And the silence she gave him in return was less than assuring. "I wouldn't hurt you, Ladybug. I just wouldn't. I need you to understand that—"

"I'm trying, Chat." She whispered sadly, her bottom lip quivering as she tried to push aside all the thoughts that threatened to consume her mind. He told her that he wouldn't hurt her, but he didn't even realize that he already had... and that he continued to do so.

"You're trying what?" He asked her urgently.

She sniffled, wiping her cheek with the back of her gloved hand as a tear trickled down her cheek. "I'm trying to understand that. I really am... but I don't. I don't understand it at all."

He tried to reach out to her again. "What do you mean?"

But she kept the distance between them, shaking her head when she noticed that he was trying to touch her arm. Reluctantly, he pulled away. "I can't explain it, Chat. Doing that would mean I would have to share something personal. And you and I both know why we can't do that."

She was shooting his own words back at him. They were best friends to an extent—but since they could never share anything personal with each other due to the risk of revealing their identities, most of their conversations remained professional.

Chat Noir frowned, "C'mon Ladybug, that's not fair—"

"Please, Chat. Just drop it." Ladybug begged, finally turning towards him to meet his eyes. She could see the sorrow and hurt that laced his irises, but she felt no remorse for being the cause of it. "Let's just get this patrol over with."

She could see the hesitance in his eyes as he watched her, and she knew that the last thing he wanted was to put this off any longer. But after a moment of intense staring, he finally moved to extend his baton. As he jumped ahead onto the next rooftop, Ladybug detached her yo-yo from her side and hesitantly followed suit.

Neither of them said a single word to each other the entire time they patrolled the city, and Ladybug was half-heartedly relieved. She was in no condition ready to explain herself to him, and quite frankly she wasn't sure she would ever be. Chat Noir had made it blatantly obvious that they couldn't be anything more than just friends.

Friends who couldn't know anything about each other.

Friends who were sworn to secrecy.

Friends who could apparently tell each other everything, but really couldn't.

Friends who had each other's back, but only to an extent.

When Ladybug landed on the final rooftop, she couldn't help the way her shoulders slouched forward, indicating her exhaustion. Quite frankly, she couldn't remember the last time she'd gotten a good night's rest without so many negative thoughts running ramped through her mind.

Again, Chat Noir noticed... and she hated that he could read her so easily. "Can we please talk now?"

Ladybug shrugged, her back still faced towards him. "There's nothing to talk about."

"That's not true, and you know it." Chat Noir shot right back at her, and she could hear the evident venom in his voice as he hissed. Ladybug shrank away from him, despite that she knew he was only frustrated. "You and I both know there's more to it. You just won't tell me what it is."

"I thought maybe you'd actually respect my wishes and just drop it."

"Unfortunately, this isn't something I can just forget about. Especially when I can see how much it's affecting you."

Ladybug curled away from him, unsure of what else she could say to shake him off of her case. "Just leave it be, Chat. Please. I don't even want to talk about it... especially with you."

That seemed to hit a nerve—especially when she heard Chat Noir take a sharp intake of breath of air. She didn't bother to turn around and see his expression.

"Especially with me, huh?"

Little did he know that those words hurt her more than she would ever admit. He had no idea how much it hurt her to say those words to him.

"So... what? You won't talk to me about things anymore because of what I did?"

Ladybug shook her head softly. "It's not like we told each other much to begin with."

"Maybe not, but I know for a fact that we used to be way closer than this." He gestured to the distance she had put in between them, waving his hands around as if it would bring her closer to him. The only reason that she knew this was because she had gathered enough courage to look over her shoulder at him. And from what she could see, he looked far from calm and collected. Even through the darkness she could make out his frown, so deep that it almost looked embedded into his skin. "You've changed, Ladybug."

She turned only slightly to face him. "Everyone changes, Chat."

He scoffed at that. "Not like this they don't. Something else happened and you won't tell me what."

Ladybug shook her head, deciding that their was nothing else she could really say to defend herself... or deny his words. Something had happened, and maybe the pain that came with the reality of the situation is what changed her into the person she was now.

Chat Noir wasn't wrong. She had changed. His bigger concern, however, should have been what she changed into.

Not why the change had occurred.

Chat Noir must have noticed her twisted expression, because the concern on his face returned. "What are you thinking about?"

Ladybug shook her head again, and she closed her eyes, trying to hold back the tears that were so desperately wanting to spill. "Nothing. It's nothing."

"Stop telling yourself that, bug."

To that, Ladybug had the courage to look up at him again. Chat Noir was already entirely focused on her, his concern awfully clear even through the darkness. She could already tell that he was itching to move closer to her—possibly to pull her into an embrace and promise her that everything would be alright—but that was the last thing she wanted in that moment. As much as she loved being held by her partner, she knew the feelings that she felt for him were not mutually returned.

Which is why, keeping a safe distance between them was needed. At least for her.

Ladybug wrapped her arms around herself. "I-I was worried... about you." She finally admitted.

Chat Noir raised a confused brow. "What... why?"

Ladybug sniffled, directing her gaze out to the distance of the city once again. "Every time you show up late... I worry. I just chose not to say anything."

Chat Noir took a step closer, and this time, she didn't take another step back. "But why, LB? I don't get it... why are you so worried about that?"

As ridiculous as it sounded, was it really that hard to believe?

She cared about him too much.

She loved him.

That's all there was to it.

Ladybug sighed heavily. "It's just who I am, Chat. I'm a worrier. Always have been. Always will be."

Chat Noir gaped at her ridiculously, as if were to absurd to even be considered the truth. She frowned when she noticed his expression, even after he suddenly snapped his fingers, smiling at her brightly as if he'd found the prefect solution. "But I could easily fix that! I could call you every time I leave the house; maybe tell you my location so you know how long it takes me to get here?"

She shook her head silently. Of course, knowing where he was all the time would definitely erase whatever worry she had on his behalf. Being a superhero meant that villains were always on the loose... and ready to pounce when least expected. Ladybug was always worried—especially whenever she thought too much about Hawkmoth and what he could be planning for the future. That was all part of the reason why she wanted to know Chat's identity.

Chat Noir had his valid reasons for wanting to keep their identities a secret, but she also had valid reasons as to why they should reveal themselves to each other.

For one, what if Chat Noir was captured and was being held hostage under Hawkmoth's hand? What if Hawkmoth was able to capture him—or even her—and have the opportunity to torture either one of them? What if he was able to capture one of them and successfully take their miraculous? Who would be their savior then?

There was no one else they could call on expect each other—at least, if that trouble had to do with their double lives as superheroes. As unlikely as it sounded, there could always be a possibility that Hawkmoth could win. There was always a possibility that they could lose their miraculouses. Would their friendship suddenly end the moment they lost their masks?

Ladybug hoped not.

"Do you remember the first day we met?" She asked him softly instead, still not removing her gaze from the city.

Whether he noticed the way she avoided his suggestion or not, Chat Noir didn't bother to voice it out. Instead, he nodded. "Of course," He replied, and she could tell from the tone of his voice that he was smiling—probably recalling the embarrassing memory. "How could I forget? You practically fell on top of me trying to get the hang of your yo-yo, and then you ended up tying us together in the process."

She couldn't help the small smile that stretched her lips as she recalled the memory. Back then, she didn't exactly have the chance to practice being a superhero. Marinette was sort of thrown into the mix, unsure of what she was supposed to do now that she had another persona to keep up.

And when she met Chat Noir—her carefree, loving partner—she didn't expect to catch feelings for him right away.

But the moment she accidentally tangled them both with her yo-yo, their chests pressed against each other as they dangled from a building, she knew that she was in love with him.

And that was really all there was to it.

She frowned. "Yeah... I did do that, didn't I?"

Chat chuckled. "Yeah. We were both pretty clueless back then."

It was meant to be a joke—to lighten the mood a bit—but Ladybug didn't laugh... or smile. The irony in his words was more amusing than the actual joke itself. Clueless was a good word to use.

Mostly because Chat Noir was still clueless as ever.

She turned to look at him again, a frown still evident on her lips. "Do you ever wish you weren't chosen to be a superhero?"

There were times when Marinette wished she hadn't been chosen. Not being chosen to be a superhero of Paris meant that she wouldn't have had to meet Chat Noir. Although she loved him to pieces and was grateful for everyday she got to spend with him, it hurt her soul more than anything whenever he would mention that he didn't love her like that, or that he loved someone else. Someone in his civilian life. Someone that apparently didn't even notice he existed.

Chat Noir shook his head, and she didn't miss the way his smile faltered the moment he registered her words. "No, not really. I actually really like being a superhero. It gives me the freedom that I'm not able to have in my civilian life—living under a strict father and all. I wouldn't trade this life—my kwami or my miraculous—for anything else in the world."

Ladybug knew better than to assume, but she couldn't help herself no matter how many times she tried to convince herself that she was overthinking the situation. Chat Noir seemed to be happy with this life. He wouldn't trade his kwami or his miraculous for anything else... but did that same rule apply to their partnership?

To her?

It sounded more pathetic in her head the longer she thought about it.

"What about you?" Chat Noir asked her, breaking her from her thoughts.

"Sometimes." She admitted—because despite how much she wanted to say no, that would have been far from the truth.

Chat Noir's frown deepened. "Really?"

Ladybug nodded and turned to face him fully, her arms still protectively wrapped around herself. "Yeah. Does that surprise you?"

Chat looked a bit taken back. "Well—I mean yeah! I would have thought you liked being a superhero."

"Sometimes I do."

"But not all the time?"

Ladybug shook her head. No, not all the time. She hardly ever felt like being a superhero nowadays.

Sometimes, the simplicity of her life before becoming a superhero was something she longed to have back. Back then she was just Marinette, a simple high-school student who's main focus was upon her studies, friends, and side hobbies like sewing and baking. She didn't have to worry about keeping an entire city safe from a villain who was out to destroy the very existence of the dynamic duo of Ladybug and Chat Noir.

And, she also didn't have to worry about having feelings for someone who could never return them.

Chat Noir raised a confused brow. "Why?"

Ladybug shrugged her shoulders. To answer that question would be like confessing to him all over again, and the last thing she wanted to hear was that Chat Noir didn't feel the same way. She already knew how he felt. Hearing those words again would just make her feel worse.

"Is it because of me?"

Ladybug bristled, her arms around herself tightening when she realized he'd figured it out. She was sure he could make out the visible way she tensed in the darkness, and it only took a matter of seconds before she heard her partner let out an airy laugh– one that sounded as if it was filled with nothing but hurt and sorrow.

"So I'm right then. It is because of me?" The hero in black leather reached up to run his fingers through disheveled, blonde hair. When she offered him no response in return, he let out another pained laugh to fill the silence in between them. "It's my fault that you're acting like this then—I ruined our friendship."

They way he blamed himself for her behavior hurt in more ways than she thought possible. None of this was his fault. He couldn't take the blame for something that he could not control. "It's not your fault, Chat." She shook her head, lifting her eyes to his once again. Her partner looked as if he was about to break down into tears. She knew that even if he didn't have any romantic feelings towards her, he still cared about her.

They were partners after all.

Chat Noir seemed stunned. "But it is because of me. You just said—"

"Yes, it's because of you. But it's also because of me." Ladybug stressed, eyeing him wearily. She needed him to understand that the guilt he had should remain unnecessary. If he loved someone else, she had no right to try and change his mind.

Chat Noir watched her confusingly. "Because of you? But you haven't done anything."

Ladybug laughed at that, but there was no humor behind it. Sometimes, her partner could be the most clueless person ever.

"Yes, I have." Ladybug admitted, her gaze lowering to her feet as she prepared to give him the news he so desperately thought he wanted to hear. "I'm the one who's ruined our friendship, Chat Noir, because I've been so selfish. I can't even keep my feelings for you under control."

Ladybug kept her head lowered to the ground when she was greeted with nothing but silence, and she hated that she could already anticipate what he was bound to say next. Chat Noir would tell her the same thing he always said whenever her flirting became too much for him to handle or it made him uncomfortable.

That he had feelings for someone else. That he loved someone else. That he only saw her as his friend and nothing more.

"LB, we talked about this..."

Ladybug squeezed her eyes shut. She knew what his next words would be.

"...I'm in love with someone else."

There it was. The award winning phrase that she had come to despise so much. He talked about how much he loved this girl, how much he wanted to be with her, and how much he wished he could tell her who he really was. But the problem was that this said girl didn't even notice him in his civilian form. From what Chat Noir had said about her in the past, she didn't seem to return his feelings– if she even noticed them to begin with. But he was certain he could win her heart. He was so certain that they were meant to be together.

But what if they weren't?

Chat Noir remained silent after that, as if he wasn't sure what else he could say to pacify her feelings. Unless he could tell her he felt the same way towards her, nothing else he said would matter to her aching heart.

But despite how hurt she felt, Ladybug was curious. If Chat Noir really believed this girl was his soulmate, why was destiny fighting against the union? Before he knew that his partner's feelings for him had been serious, Chat Noir had told her stories about his lady love. He told her how she was his classmate, completely oblivious to his feelings for her. She seemed unperturbed by his flirting, apparently. Chat Noir even openly admitted that he wasn't even sure if she liked him back.

"If... if she didn't exist... do you think there would be a chance for us?"

It was a silly and desperate question, but she had to know. His answer would determine whether she could ever have a chance to be with him, or if it really was a ridiculous crush that she needed to overcome. Maybe she really did need to just move on.

Chat Noir sighed and reached up to place a leather hand to the nape of his neck, and when he grinned—his sheepish smile wide, bashful and exciting—she knew he was thinking about the woman of his dreams. "You know, I can't even begin to imagine a world without her in it."

And that was all Ladybug needed to know.

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Yes I know, this is sad and angsty and somewhat depressing and it hurt my heart to write. But... not everything has a happy ending. This is completely reversed to when Ladybug tells Chat Noir she can't even imagine a world without "Adrien" in it, and I thought I would switch the roles. If you didn't know who Chat Noir was talking about, the woman he claims to be in love with in his civilian life is Marinette. Little does he know that they're the same person, huh?

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