Love me, can you even love at all?

Show me, show me what I ought to know

Mirror, mirror mirror on the wall

Tell me, tell me that I'm beautiful

It tells me I'm a freak

Drains me

The monster inside of me

-Molly Sandén, 'Freak'.

"Bear?" Fang talked to me in his manner, in his room. I looked at him. "I missed you." He kisses my body. God, how will he react when he knows I'm practically a whore? My body's been exploited too much, but he need not know that.

He kissed my lips, the kiss full of passion. Slowly he reached for my blazer, taking it off. I immediately stopped. No. I don't want to. My body has been used too much. I shook my head. He gave me a paper to write what I want to say as he doesn't know sign language. Stop. I don't want to.

"Why?" He asked, looking hurt. "I just want to make love to you. I thought you loved me..."

I do!

"Then make love to me."

There are many ways I can do to prove my love for you without doing this. I can't.

"Why can't you?" Fang asked, getting furious. "I just want to love you! It's you I want! I could just get any other boy to do it, but no! I chose you! Because I love you!"

If you love me, you'd respect my wishes. 

"I don't want to cheat on you. I want to stay faithful to you. You can't do this to me!" I doubted. I know he truly loves me and I love him. Really. I nodded and Fang's face lit-up a thousand watts. 

Fang went to kiss me, furiously and with passion. I kissed back just as hard. Our tongues battled for dominance, which I grant him access to travel mine. He slid off my pants and his pants. He threw away my hat, my shirt, and his shirt. He pushed me to his bed.

"Baby, I'll make you want more," He growled, making me face to the side, kissing my jawlines furiously. He had his fingers running through my hair.

He inserted his middle finger to my arse. Then his index. Then his ring. He whispered seductively to my ears, "get ready for the big one..."

Damn, he's good. He placed his hard dick to my arse, kissing my neck and shoulders from behind.

"Fuck, you feel so damn good, Bear!" He moaned. I smiled, I know. I didn't bother to sign back. He moved up and down and moaned again as I feel something wet and hot up my arse, I know he had cummed in me. He didn't warn me but damn it felt so damn good as I cummed too. He pulled away and made me face him, laying me down on my back before he kissed the crook of my neck.

"Fuck. Has anyone told you you're so fucking hot and irresistible?" 

I pointed at him. He did. So many times.

"Sadly, that's it for today's episode." I closed my eyes as I tried to contain a shudder, she liked to say those exact words herself. "We should shower."

I nodded as Fang showed me where the bathroom is closest in his huge manor. I stepped in the shower, placing the clothes I wore prior on the dry part of the sink before turning on the shower knobs to let the water run through me. As I lay down here, I start to think about my decision. If it's right, why did it feel wrong? I love him, but why don't I want to make love to him? Why don't I feel the pull anymore? Why don't I feel the exact rush I felt on my first time?

I exited the bathroom, wearing the same clothes I used. Fang gave me a soft peck before he left the room for the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I sat on the study across the bed, grabbing a clean sheet of paper and a pen. I need to confess to him what I did behind his back, I let everything out. Afterwards, I stared at the paper. 

I have a mental illness. I'm bipolar. I've been sexually abused by my mother.

I heard the door creaked open and I hid my paper. I saw Fang in just his towel, dressing up in front of me with no shame.

"What's up, boy?" He asked me. I blushed, handing him the paper.

"What?" He asked me, reading. When it was over, he stared at me in shock.

"What are you going to do about them?" Fang asked. "Are there medications you're supposed to take? Why don't you tell me earlier? Are they supposed to change who you are?" I started writing the answers.

I'm working on healing, meeting with my psychiatrist every Sunday. Yes, there are, I'm taking them. I just knew at Kuala Lumpur. No, they should not. I answered each of his questions. He kissed me.

"I love you, we'll get through this. Together." Fang smiled. "But what's the part about your mother? Is this true?"

Yes, I wouldn't write it if it weren't. But I still love you, believe me.

"Mothers will never. I mean, mothers are angelic. She can't hurt you. She's your mother."

You don't understand. She birthed me but I'm not a thing owned by anyone.

"She's your mother! She can't hurt you!"

Kaizo's your brother, he still enslaved you.

"That's a totally different matter!" Fang defended himself. "First thing's first, he's my stepbrother. I'm adopted. Second of all, he regretted it!"

How do you know? I keep writing furiously, not once looking at his way. Did he call you? Sent an 'I'm sorry' card? Sent a gift? Has he ever come here after your betrayal? Your 12th, 13th, 14th birthdays, where he at? He only gave this manor and disappeared like the wind. Face it, he doesn't love you. He doesn't give a shit about you. HE HATES YOU!

"Don't talk shit about my brother!" Fang yelled. "You know what? I don't know you. I don't recognise the boy in front of me now. You're a stranger and strangers aren't welcome in my manor." Fang pointed at the door. I stomped my way out.

"MAN-WHORE!"