Because of the comments and votes I got in the last chapter, I decided to update in less than a week. Yaaaayy!!! . Last chapter got the highest comments thanks to NieemarhCocoMeena Aeshatu18 Asmaaah_ cookie_bender and my other wonderful readers.

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I counted the ceiling squares in my candle lit room again and again. The room was so dim but what do I expect? The only source of light in the entire room came from one miserable looking candle. I rolled over to the other side of the bed and started playing with the candle lazily. Nothing in this life interested me anymore. I had become quite indifferent to everything around me. I reached for my phone and put on the flashlight. I started walking to the bathroom on the other side of the building, coming across a mirror on the way. You know that myth about looking at the mirror at night? I hurriedly passed the mirror without looking at it. Afraid that if I dare look, I might see a jinn. When I went into the bathroom I couldn't even use it. There were so many insects inside. That was how I came back and stumbled into the very uncomfortable bed. My very uncomfortable bed, for the mean time anyway.

I started playing four pics 1 word on my phone. I suck at it but I had nothing else to do. I know you're probably wondering how I still had my phone with me or how I was still alive. After hours of tossing and turning I finally fell asleep. That was what had been happening for the past two weeks. I couldn't sleep till after hours and hours of laying on the bed. Well who could in this God forsaken bed. Let's not talk about the things going on in my head.

I woke up with a head and back ache. It wasn't easy sleeping on this bed. I changed from my pajamas into a long atampa dress and put on some deodorant. I just didn't like using the old rustic bathroom. And in this early morning I had no intention of taking water from the well. I looked at my pale face, red eyes and cracked lips in the broken mirror before heading outside.

I met Kakani in her small living room eating her dumamen tuwo. She offered it to me but I refused to take it. She asked whether I would like to eat indomie or chips but I shook my head again. For the past few days I lost my appetite. I made half a cup of tea, sat down at the corner of the room and as usual zoned out thinking about my life.

"Drink your tea before it gets cold," It was Kakani that brought me out of my thoughts. I took a sip but it tasted so bitter. Not like the tea I used to have at home. What could be wrong with this one? It was the same lipton. The same peak milk and the same sugar but it just tasted different.

"Tomorrow is Sunday," Kakani stated. I nodded my head indicating I know. Well who wouldn't? Tomorrow is the day my family would visit. I had been counting down to this day since the day I came here. I came on a Monday so tomorrow will be the first day I will see them.

"Are you okay?"She asked again and I nodded my head. Both she and I knew I wasn't. But that's just how it was. The answer to an 'are you okay?' is always 'yes I am' whether you are or not. Even though I didn't tell her the real reason why I was here she knew I didn't want to meet Mama and my siblings.

I resumed drinking my tea with my heart beating fast wondering what would happen when they come tomorrow. I drank half of the tea and left the rest as I had lost my appetite for it. I was about to walk out of the room and lock myself in my room like I usually did when Kakani called me.

"Hameeda you can't stay like this forever. Without eating, talking or doing anything at all. You can kill yourself. Please at least eat something. I still don't know exactly what is wrong with you .I don't know how bad whatever you are going through is but please I hate seeing you like this. It breaks my heart. Go back to your old ways, I miss my old Hauwa'u that use to tease me endlessly and eat all my kayan dadi." I looked at my grandmother with tears in my eyes. I had so much to say to her but all that came out of my mouth was, "In sha Allah Kakani". With a fake smile I left the room. I went back to my room and did the one thing I enjoyed doing the most these past few days. I cried my eyes out.

Kakani was telling the truth when she said she didn't know how bad what I was going through was. That was why she wanted me to go back to my old ways. If she knew what I was going through she would never expect me to act normal. I was even trying. At least I didn't spend my whole days crying. At least I ate and drank water sometimes. At least I took my bath and brushed my teeth once every three days. At least I tried my best and smiled once since the incident. I doubt if it were you, you would even survive.

Come to think of it who could survive in a situation like mine? A situation where you haven't got a single person supporting you. Where all your family members are against you. Where your home doesn't feel like home, it's just a house with humans that don't talk to you. And where your mother, your biological mother, yes the one that carried you in her womb for nine months and then gave birth to you haven't said a single word to you for the past two weeks.

When my mom saw that picture I expected her to shout at me, slap me a million times, beat the hell out of me, but she did none of the above. She fell down and cried her eyes out. I knelt down next to her and begged her forgiveness telling her it was in the past and I had changed. But she didn't even spare me a look. And from that day on she didn't say a single word to me. In fact not only did she not talk to me, she didn't even look at me, talk about me or act like I exist at all.

The only time I heard her talking about me in those two weeks was few days after the incident. Baba came back from his trip, It was around 12am in the night. I was thirsty so I went downstairs to drink water. I heard shouts and cries coming from my mothers' living room. I moved closer to hear what she was saying and I wished I never did.

"Is this the tarbiya we gave her? I tried my best. I gave her everything she ever asked for and in return this is what I get. What will we tell our Lord when He asks us about this Muhammad. We didn't teach her to be a good Muslim? Why Muhammad? Why? This is all your fault! You are the one that spoiled her. This is your fault. I don't know what I will tell my Lord when He asks of this," she was crying hysterically. Baba was trying to comfort her but she started pushing him away and breaking things saying it is his fault. I ran back to my room and cried my eyes out. But crying did nothing to ease my pain. No, all it did was increased it. The next day I decided to come back here. I packed my clothes and asked Baba for permission and he agreed.

My father was very disappointed in me. For the very first time, I saw the other side of him. The side he never displayed at home. The side I only heard people talk about. The side that looked like Kawo Yahya's. Actually it was worse than that. He was so angry and disappointed. At first when he called me, he started advising me, telling me about the rules of hijab, the importance of hijab, about halal and haram, about how Allah will reward the good doers with Jannah and the evil doers with Jahanam. It later turned to shouts. He started shouting at me for not being a good muslim and a responsible child. He kept shouting while I knelt down in the carpet and let the tears flow. Before the end of it, if I wasn't mistaken I saw tears in his eyes. He was saying what an irresponsible father he was, how he was always out of town and spoiled his children. He started asking himself what he would tell his Lord when he asks of this.

The twins didn't know exaclty what I did wrong but they knew our parents and sister were very angry at me so they automatically stopped talking to me too. At first only Hussain stopped but later on even my best sibling joined them. Whenever I talked to them they gave me short replies and soon they stopped talking to me at all.

You must be wondering about the she-devil I called sister. She was still alive and in good condition planning to marry the 'love of her life'. Whom I didn't give a damn about now. She should go and marry the head of Mafia for all I care. I couldn't believe she was the cause of all this. If I knew this is what trying to help my sister, trying to protect her from a dangerous marriage, trying to be a lovely sister would cause I would've never tried. Sometimes I thought she felt a little guilty but she didn't for once apologize. And of course she stopped talking to me too.

Khaleed had already left and was nowhere to be found. Uncle Nour was very busy in Sudan. Danmaula was well, I knew he would feel guilty if I tell him and I didn't want to burden him with my problems. So I assured him I told Rukkaya about Umar and she said she would l find out. My friends were just not the right people to tell. So I was absolutely alone in this world.

I felt like a contactable disease because whenever I sat in a room with any of my family members they left the room immediately. It was as if I would infect them with a disease. They were so disgusted with me that they didn't even give me a second glance. I felt like someone with Ebola. I think it was worse than having Ebola. At least if it was Ebola I had they'll pity me. That was why after a week I decided to come back here, Cikin gari (my grandmother's place). I slept in an uncomfortable bed, used a dirty old bathroom and toilet, ate tuwo for breakfast, lunch and dinner but it was still better than home. At least they were people that didn't hate me here.

I finally understood why people commit suicide. I would've too, if it wasn't haram. I finally understood what depression means. I needed to start taking drugs for depression too. It was as if I was not alive. My body was here but my soul was somewhere else. I was not just feeling sad, down or empty. The whole world didn't matter to me anymore. Nothing mattered. I strongly thought dying is better than living like this, No one deserves this kind of pain.

When people say they are heartbroken after a break up with their boyfriends, It is not really broken. It is just a small crack. This was what broken felt like. My heart was broken into a million pieces and I had no one, no one on this earth that could mend it. Or so I thought.

As the last tear dropped I remembered they were coming tomorrow, and a set of fresh tears appeared again.

A/N

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I have some unedited drafts, keep the votes and comments flowing and I will edit and update tomorrow or next tomorrow. And sorry this chapter is not as good as the last one. The next one is probably as boring as this one but I love the one after that. Can't wait for you too see it.