Just a few minutes later, a small beetle car rolled up. The type that had two doors. Danmaula came sprinting out from the car. He was wearing a three quarter white jallabiya with different pairs of shoes. He must have ran here immediately after I called him. When he saw me he breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't say anything but just opened the car door for me.

He didn't ask if I was okay or ask what I was doing there at this time of the night which I was grateful for. I wasn't okay and I was tired of people asking if I was when they knew I was clearly not and I wasn't in the mood for talking. When the water works came. I didn't try to stop them from flowing. I didn't feel ashamed of crying in front of him. I allowed myself to weep and kept hiccupping and sniffing. He turned around once in a while to look at me and then turned back to the wheels.

"Take right" I said, he looked at me a bit puzzled but obeyed without asking questions. And that was how I gave him the directions to Kakani's place. His eyes lit up in recognition when we reached the house.

I opened the door and whispered a thank you.

That was the only time he opened his mouth to speak throughout the night. "You are welcome Hameeda."

I started walking away when he called me back.

"Fray and sleef (pray and sleep). I will come tomorrow in sha Allah. You are missing too much Hadda." I nodded and walked in. Thankfully the doors weren't closed. I went straight to the bathroom, did my ablution then prayed two Raka'ah Nafila. I cried to my lord and asked for His forgiveness. Right after I was done, I changed into my pajamas and like danmaula asked me to, I slept off.

I stayed in bed throughout the next day. I didn't even go out and greet Kakani or drink a cup of tea that would get cold before I finish drinking it. I stayed there cuddling my blanket since I hadn't brought my teddy with me.

I couldn't believe what I almost did yesterday. How could I be so careless? I wanted to forget about my problems. I forgot about them for a short while. And when I started remembering them it was worse. Instead of helping me what I did made things worse. I was more sad, angry and depressed now.

A knocked on my door took me out of my thoughts. It was Kakani's maid.

"Someone is here to see you." she announced.

"Me?" I foolishly asked. Like there's anyone else in the room. Of course she was talking about me. I put on a long hijab over my pajamas. I didn't even care about washing my face or brushing my teeth not to talk of taking a bath. I greeted Kakani first before going out. She acted as if everything was alright."Ina gajiya Hameeda, Kin tashi lafiya?"

When I went outside I saw a white beetle parked opposite the house. Danmaula was standing next to the door with his signature 3 quarter trousers and shirt that has sleeves that were neatly folded and his neatly combed hair. If I was in a good mood I would have seen how handsome he was looking. He smiled warmly at me and said "Assalama Alaikum Hameeda."

"Wa alaikumu salam," I answered him and took him in. I took him to greet Kakani, introducing him as my quranic teacher before taking him to the sauro where we would be doing our quranic lessons. The sauro was a little bit modern and looked like a veranda. It had two couches and a carpet.

We sat down opposite each other on the couches. He kept quiet staring at me for some minutes. He quickly looked down and muttered "astagrfirullah". He asked where I stopped in Hadda. I told him and he asked me to read it. I started reading it but I couldn't complete it. The last hizb I memorized had gone. I couldn't recite even a single page without mistakes as I hadn't been revising.

With the things going on in my life, I didn't revise at all. It was a pity. And with the feelings I was having that day I couldn't think well at all. He asked me to revise the last two hizbs very well before memorizing a new page. I thanked him and was about to leave when I heard the sound of the door opening. I looked up and my eyes met Khaleed's brown ones. He looked in between the two of us then hissed and walked inside.

"How are you" Najib suddenly asked. He asked a simple question that is asked hundreds of times every day but at that moment it felt so heavy. In nursery school we were taught the answer to the question; fine thank you. Throughout my life I had been using this answer but today I couldn't answer. For the simple fact that I wasn't fine and I was tired of hiding it. The way he asked the question made me felt like it was not the 'how are you' I was familiar with. It felt like he asked 'are you okay? Is there anything wrong? Do you need a shoulder to cry on?' I kept quiet not knowing how to answer.

I was still feeling ashamed of myself for what I almost did yesterday. Let's not talk about what's going on with my family. I remained silent playing with my fingers.

"Hameeda I know you are not okay. Flease just know that whatever it is that's wrong with you will come to fast(past) I promise you. Just keep praying."

I nodded my head and everything came back running in my head. Umar being a cult member, my picture in a bikini, Rukky showing them to Mama, Mama crying and not talking to me, Baba being disappointed in me, everyone abandoning me, Rukky's wedding invitation, and yesterday's party. I felt tears prickling my eyes and decided I needed someone to talk to.

I started by asking if partying and smoking is haram. He nodded his head and answered and before I even asked why, he said,

"As for fartying Allah said,

وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنَا ۖ إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاءَ سَبِيلًا

32. And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fahishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him).

He (SWT) said do not come near it not to talk of commiting it. And I believe an assembly of males and females dancing, flaying games and drinking is coming near zina, isn't it?

As for shisa eventhough some islamic scholars and most muslims believe it is not haram. I have a different view. And that's because of these three ayas. They talk about things harmful to your health are haram. And I am 100% sure shisa is poisonous to your health as many doctors have comfirmed that.

وَيُحِلُّ لَهُمُ الطَّيِّبَاتِ وَيُحَرِّمُ عَلَيْهِمُ الْخَبَائِثَ

wayuhillu lahumu alttayyibati wayuharrimu AAalayhimu alkhabaitha

""He (the Prophet Muhammed) allows them as lawful At-Taiyibat [(i.e. all good and lawful) as regards things, deeds, beliefs, persons, foods, etc.], and prohibits them as unlawful Al-Khaba'ith (i.e. all evil and unlawful as regards things, deeds, beliefs, persons, foods, etc.), {

Surah al-Ar''af (7): 29-30)

.......وَلَا تَقْتُلُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِكُمْ رَحِيمًا

وَمَنْ يَفْعَلْ ذَٰلِكَ عُدْوَانًا وَظُلْمًا فَسَوْفَ نُصْلِيهِ نَارًا ۚ وَكَانَ ذَٰلِكَ عَلَى اللَّهِ يَسِيرًا

29........ wala taqtuloo anfusakum inna Allaha kana bikum raheeman

30. Waman yafAAal thalika AAudwanan wathulman fasawfa nusleehi naran wakana thalika AAala Allahi yaseeran

".......

And do not kill yourselves. Surely, Allah is Most Merciful to you. And whoever commits that through aggression and injustice, We shall cast him into the Fire and that is easy for Allah"" {Surah an-Nisaa'' (4): 29-30}

.........وَلَا تُلْقُوا بِأَيْدِيكُمْ إِلَى التَّهْلُكَةِ ۛ

.....wala tulqoo biaydeekum ila alttahlukati

""...And do not throw yourselves into destruction.

(by not spending your wealth in the Cause of Allah),"

" {Surah al-Baqarah (2):195)

I started crying right away. "Oh Allah I didn't know. Ya Allah forgive me."

Najib kept trying to make me stop crying but my cries grew louder.

"Hameeda flease stop crying don't you know Allah is all forgiving, most merciful? You just have to sincerely ask for his forgiveness and He will forgive you."

I wiped my tears muttering, "Ya Allah forgive me"

I then told him everything about what happened. I told him how I was a Miss world before Muklis' death. I told him everything I used to do. How I used to sneak out, how I used to change my skirt, how I used to go out with Abaya and remove it later. Things I had never told anyone. I then told him how I changed after Muklis' death. How I made a promise to myself to be a better muslim and how I tried my very best. I told him how I started changing gradually, how I started dressing modestly, how I started praying on time, how I stopped hugging and hanging out with my male friends. And with tears in my eyes, I told him how after I had started achieving my goal, Rukky found an old improper picture of me and showed it to Mama.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and told him how Mama was very angry at me that she stopped talking to me and answering my greetings. I told him how Baba was very disappointed in me that I saw tears in his eyes when he was talking to me and how the twins stopped talking to me too. I told him how I became a stranger in my own home and decided I couldn't take it anymore and moved here. Finally with tears flowing freely down my face I told him how I felt when I saw them yesterday, what they made Kakani believed and how I ran out of the house and went to the place I thought would take my mind off all those things, the place where everyone was so happy and appreciated seeing me, the place where I almost sinned. I told him everything. Well everything except the fact that what caused all these was Umar's story.

He kept quiet for some minutes and looked straight into my eyes. Still staring deeply at me, he opened his mouth and in his melodious voice recited,

لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ لَهَا...

La yukallifu Allahu nafsan illa wusAAaha (2:286)

وَاسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَاةِ ۚ وَإِنَّهَا لَكَبِيرَةٌ إِلَّا عَلَى الْخَاشِعِينَ

WaistaAAeenoo bialssabri waalssalati wainnaha lakabeeratun illa AAala alkhashiAAeena(2:45)

And translated the two ayas for me,

... Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope(2:286)

And seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer) and truly it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khashi'un [i.e. the true believers in Allah - those who obey Allah with full submission, fear much from His Punishment, and believe in His Promise (Paradise, etc.) and in His Warnings (Hell, etc.)].(2:45)

"That's all I can say to you. I have no idea how you are feeling. But I know Allah says He will not burden a soul more than its ability. And Allah says seek help in fatience and frayers.

I just nodded my head as there was a lump in my throat. I didn't want to open my mouth to talk and start crying.

"Your story reminds me of an article of Intisar Abubakar intisar_xxI read it a few weeks ago. I can't remember everything but what touched me was the fart she said, "Finally, I can see how silly it is that we humans seek refuge and healing in our fellow humans, when they break too. Isn't that the duty of Allah, the One Who created the heart?
If you ever find yourself in doubt, then stop and remind yourself that it was that same Allah that reunited Musa (alayhis-salaam) with his mother to suckle him after she had dropped him in the sea.
It was that same Allah that took away the wealth, health, sustenance and fame of prophet Ayoub (alayhis-salaam) that He may teach him patience, and then restored back to him (alayhis-salaam) all he had lost."

He smiled and continued,

"Alhamdulilah Hameeda, now flease smile. In sha Allah all your sins will be forgiven and everything will be back to normal before you know it."

I looked at him as if he had grown two horns. How could he expect me to smile in this situation? Was he crazy? He kept asking me to smile and when I got tired of it, I blasted him.

"Look Najib, nothing can make me smile. I am just not okay emotionally and all. I am depressed, sad and angry. I'm just not in my right state of mind and not in my best phase of life. So I will appreciate it if you just leave me alone and stop trying to make me happy because you cannot. Do you understand? Nothing you do or say will make me smile."

He pressed his lips tight then smiled. He was not serious.

"I know something that will make you smile, trust me. If it doesn't don't ever talk to me again."

I nodded my head while he made himself more comfortable on the couch.

"Imagine when we meet in Aljannah Firdaus in sha Allah. I would tell you we have survived that world. We have passed the test alhamdulilah. No more worldly temptations, no more killings, no more getting hungry or wanting to stool, no more sins. We will eat whatever we want and dress however we want. You would smile and say yes Alhamdulilah it's all over.

You would meet Prophet Noah (AS) and he would give you the story of the ship he built. You would meet Prophet Yunus (AS) and he would give you the story of how the whale swallowed him. You would meet Prophet Sulaiman (AS) and he would tell you about the throne of Bilkis. You would meet Prophet Musa and he would tell you about how the people of Fir'aun were drowned. They would ask you, who your prophet was. And you would answer, we are the Ummah Prophet Muhammad (SAW). They would smile and say ma sha Allah, you are the Ummah of the best prophet.

You would meet Nana Fatima, Nana Khadija and Nana Aisha (RA). They would hug you and kiss your cheeks congratulating you for making it to Jannah, having an everlasting happiness. And imagine listening to the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) as he recites the quran to you. Or listening to him as he gives you stories.

We would eat variety of food and drink different types of milk and honey. We will be adorned in bracelet of gold and pearls and our garments will be made of silk. We will eat and drink in happiness. The greetings in there will be salam (peace). In sha Allah we will be in the midst of garden and rivers in seat of truth near the Omnipotent King (Allah the all blessed)"

"And do you know the best part? "

I shook my head.

"We will dwell in there forever. In sha Allah in Aljannah we will finally find the happily ever after."

I didn't know when I started smiling and before I knew it tears of happiness were rolling down my cheeks.

"We just have to be patient and endure a bit for Jannah,"

**

That was how Najib cheered me up from my depressed state. He brought light to me. He made me smile when I thought nothing in the entire world would ever make me smile again.

He visited at least three times a week. I grew fond of him; he became my brother and my best friend. Without him I wouldn't know what to do. I would probably be dead by now if I hadn't called him that night. He saved me. He was my knight in shining armor or should I say shining jallabiya. I smiled as I remembered what he said the other day.

"I want to run away, will you follow me?"

"Where are you going, Abuja, Lagos, Ibadan?" I asked,

He shook his head "farther from there"

"UK? France? Saudi?"

He shook his head again, "farther"

"Jupiter, mars?"

He smiled "somewhere near there."

I looked at him with confusion written all over my face and he explained, "I want to go to the center of the universe. I want to forget about the problems of this world and just be watching everything from there. Just the two of us. Away from all the troubles of this earth. Will you come with me?"

I felt my heart melting. A knock on my door took me out of my warm thoughts.

"Come in"

"Malam Najib is here"

Think of the devil, the angel rather, and the angel appears. I smiled to myself before putting on my hijab and taking my qur'an and phone. I finished my hadda, I memorized the pages wonderfully Alhamdulilah. He was giving me stories about Marwa when my phone started ringing.

When tomorrow comes
I'll be on my own
Feeling frightened of
The things that I don't know
When tomorrow comes
Tomorrow comes
Tomorrow comes

As you can see I was obsessed with changing my ring tones. Today it was peach perfect 2's flashlight. It was Leena so I just rejected the call, making up my mind to call her back later.

"Why do you always change your ring tone?" Danmaula asked.

I shrugged off my shoulders.

"Don't worry this one will last. I won't change it soon. I love the song do you want to hear it?"

He shook his head but I instantly went to my music making the pleas that he doesn't want to hear 'haram things' fall on deaf ears. I put the music and sang along.

When tomorrow comes
I'll be on my own
Feeling frightened of
The things that I don't know
When tomorrow comes
Tomorrow comes
Tomorrow comes

And though the road is long
I look up to the sky
And In the dark I found, I stop and I won't fly
And I sing along, I sing along, then I sing along

I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night
Can't stop my heart when you shinin' in my eyes
I can't lie, it's a sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night
Cause you're my flash light
You're my flash light, you're my flash light

I see the shadows long beneath the mountain top
I'm not the afraid when the rain won't stop
Cause you light the way
You light the way, you light the way

I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night
Can't stop my heart when you shinin' in my eyes
Can't lie, it's a sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight

You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night
Cause you're my flash light
You're my flash light light light, you're my flash light light light You're my flash light light light light light ohhh
I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night
Can't stop my heart when you shinin' in my eyes (shinin in my eyes)
Can't lie, it's a sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight (you're my flashlight)
You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night
Cause you're my flash light
You're my flash light, you're my flash light
You're my flash light light light
You're my flash light light light
You're my flashlight

When it finally ended I looked up at him and saw him staring back at me. I smiled and he smiled back. I then whispered to myself "You really are my flashlight"

******

A/N

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