A/N- so by now if you see this, you know what's up... Mature Content Ahead

Raff

A knock on the door made Raff pause, and when he turned around to find Dorea standing in the doorway, he set the clothes he was folding down. She walked- well waddled would be a more appropriate word- to the bed and sat. Giving him a hard look, she patted the space next to her.

"Dorea, we'll have plenty of time to speak on the trip home. I need to finish this so we can go."

"About that," she began, twisting her skirt between her fingers, "I'd like to stay for a little while longer."

He froze. Bile rising up in his throat at the thought of leaving another one of his people behind. And no matter that he'd only met her a few months ago, Dorea was one of his.

"Why would you want to stay here? After everything they did?"

"First of all, it's not everything they did. It's what Nerida and her followers did. I'm not going to damn an entire people group for her mistakes, and secondly, don't you remember? I was working for them too."

"What about the baby? If you have him here, he's going to be an outcast."

"That's actually why I wanted to talk to you. I'll come back before he's born, and if something happens before that, Valencia has agreed to make sure the baby gets back to you. I need to know that you're going to be there for him, Raff."

"Dorea," he groaned, lowering himself onto the bed. His stomach tied itself in knots as he looked at her swollen belly. Right now, it only served to remind him of the plans he'd made with Meribella, and the fact that no matter if he got his revenge or not, another life would be taken from him.

"Raff, I've talked to Lincoln and Thorne. I know where your head is at, and I need to know that my son is going to have someone to care for him. I can't leave this world in peace otherwise."

His shoulders sagged. "I can't promise you anything right now. Lincoln and Thorne would be better for him. They'd be able to give him a family."

"So that's it, then? Fine. I never thought you were such a weak man."

She started to leave. Raff caught her by the arm, his grip light.

"If you knew the strength it was taking for me to remain human right now. To remain present, you'd never say that."

"Oh, Raff, that's not strength. You're holding on so you can get revenge, and then you're going to let go. That's why you're still here. Strength is knowing it's going to hurt like hell every day to get out of bed, but you'll do it anyways. And you'll hate that it gets easier each day, and you'll feel a punch in the gut every time this baby looks at you with eyes that look just a little bit like hers. But it'll also bring you peace because it'll remind you that people are never really gone. We carry them with us."

She kissed his cheek and left without giving him a chance to respond, which was fine. Because he didn't have one. He knew she was right. Knew Lincoln and Thorne were right. What he was planning was no better than what Meribella did, and if Thorne's theory was true... maybe he was even worse.

He knew his mate, and if she somehow found out Nerida's life force was tied with her own, she would've acted without thinking things through. Meribella acted rashly. She was impulsive and headstrong, and after years of independence, she struggled to think of how others fit into her decision making.

A chuckle escaped him as he thought about their summer together. After he returned from his own brush with death, they'd been glued at the hips. Eating, sleeping, exploring- always together. Until one day, they didn't. For two days he called her, wondering what he'd done to make her so upset. It was only when Thorne messaged him that Meribella was sick that he knew she hadn't been ignoring him out of spite or anger. She'd just never thought to ask for help.

Raff gripped the bedding and himself to hold onto his rage. He closed his eyes and relived her death over and over again. If he let himself understand or forgive, he wouldn't be able to stay angry. He would have to feel sorrow, and it would break him.

A tingle went across his skin, and his eyes snapped open. He looked down, afraid he'd started to shift only to find the fertility marks had returned. They shined as bright as they had the first day.

With a strangled cry, he stood swiping his hands over his arms as if he could wipe them away. He'd not even thought about them since Meribella died, but seeing them suddenly return was too much. They reminded his body of all the things his heart was trying to forget.

Blood welled up where he scratched, but the markings didn't fade. In the back of his mind, a familiar presence stirred, and he pushed back at its attempts to soothe him.

This was it. He'd snapped. Before morning, he would be feral, his human mind trapped by grief.

Then, he smelled her. Jasmine and saltwater. It swirled around him, choking him until he thought he might pass out. His hands stilled, and he sank to his knees, dragging in gulping breaths, wishing he could store scent like memories.

"Raff."

Gods, he really was gone. Her voice echoed around him. Every syllable as rich and pure as if she were whispering in his ears. Smell. Sound.

Then touch. He could feel the silkiness of her skin against his. Feathersoft fingertips trailed along his self inflicted wounds, pausing to inspect them. Then they moved to his face and brushed over his eyes, pulling them open.

The world tilted.

Had her eyes always been so bright and brilliant? Or was it because she was a phantom conjured by his mind? Everything about her seemed more vivid- ink black hair, olive skin, lush berry lips. Water dripped down her body, making her skin flicker and spark. He thought it strange he imagined her this way. Wet and draped in the burial shroud. But he would take whatever his subconscious gave him, and if this was what awaited him as a feral beast, he would go gladly.

With a tortured groan, he pressed his lips against hers, eliciting a gasp that became a moan as he plundered her mouth with his tongue. He wasn't gentle, and neither was Meribella. She grabbed at the neck of his shirt and ripped, exposing abs which she greedily explored while he nipped and kissed his way down her neck.

Unwilling to take her on the floor, he slid his hands beneath her rear and stood. She latched her arms around his neck and rocked against him, pushing her breasts against his face and her hot center against his stomach.

"Meribella." He said her name like a prayer before lowering her onto the bed.

With shaking hands, he unwound the white cloth until she was naked before him. He couldn't take his eyes away from her. He'd been so certain he would never see this again. Forced to suffer through his remaining years with only the memory of the way she looked when her body was flushed with desire. And that memory would fade until it was only an imperfect echo.

When he had stripped away the rest of his own clothes, he climbed onto the bed, holding himself above her body with his elbows. She gripped his face and drew him down for a breathless kiss.

He was content to remain in this position. Touching her. Tasting. Smelling her desire. Seeing the love and lust mingling in the eyes when she opened them only for her to roll them back in her head as his fingers dipped between her legs. She moaned, so faint a human would've missed it, but he heard it all the way to his soul.

But then she moved, arching her back and gripping his shoulders as if to destroy all that separated their bodies. Her hand went between them and guided him home. He tensed as his head pushed into her warmth. All of his instincts shouted at him to stop, but when Meribella wrapped her legs around his waist, locking him against her, he thrust forward, sheathing himself inside of her body.

It was his dream after all.

A beautiful one that sighed in completion. And then those sighs turned to pants as she urged him to move faster. The bed rocked beneath them, and he felt a stinging pain as her nails raked down his back.

Sweat dripped over his forehead, and he pushed his face into the space between her neck and shoulder as he increased his pace. Her arms went around him, and he nearly came undone when he felt her body stiffen as she came around him. A hundred times he'd brought her over that edge, but it had always been a solo journey. Forced to watch as the pleasure flashed through her, but now, it pulsed between them, connecting them as it never had before.

"Meribella," he said, slowing his thrusts until she stopped quivering around him. Her limbs finally relaxed, and she felt almost fluid in his arms.

"Don't stop," she begged, pushing against his shoulders.

He let her lead, falling to his back as she straddled him. Hands flat against his stomach, she began to undulate her hips. It was a slow, teasing grind at first. She kept her eyes open and locked on his, but soon, the glow in her eyes intensified as she neared her peak again. Gripping her hips, he took control of the rhythm.

And when she shouted out, he followed her over this time. The silver on their skin ignited and surrounded them like mist, and when they fell apart, Raff could see it still, tethering his heart to hers before fading into nothing.

"Holy shit."

Raff couldn't agree more and nodded with a grin. And then that grin slipped, and he sat straight up. Turning slowly, he looked at the woman beside him. He'd almost expected her to disappear the moment after, but either his subconscious was holding on tight... or...

"Meribella."

She pulled a sheet over her breasts. A dream Meribella wouldn't be concerned with modesty.

"That sounded like the bad way you say my name."

He scrambled away from her. She was alive. Living and breathing in his bed, and he'd just screwed her senseless. Part of him was furious. If he'd known, he would have been far gentler with her during their first time. Instead, he'd gone about it like a rutting animal.

The other part of him was terrified.

"What did we do?" he demanded.

"Well, I thought we'd talk first, but you had other ideas," she replied, reaching for him, the teasing gleam in her eye fading as she took in his panic. "Raff, look at me."

"How is this even possible? You've been dead for three days." A terrible thought crossed his mind. "Was this another fake out?"

"No, no!" she shouted, jumping out of bed. He flinched when she touched him. "I was dead. I still don't understand all of it, but they sent me back."

"W-who sent you back?"

"Celene, Astra, and Amphrit. And I guess Aurora had something to do with it, too."

"The goddesses?" He turned away and put one hand over his mouth and the other on the wall. Had she been given back to him only for him to kill her again? He was going to be sick.

"Well, about that... we can go over that later, but yeah. You see, Aurora bond-" Her hands rested against his shoulder.

Raff spun back around and grabbed her by the shoulders. He threw her onto the bed and pinned her arms above her head. She couldn't touch him. He couldn't bear it right now.

"Why did you do it?"

"I'm sorry," she said, not struggling to escape his grip. "Nerida told me she couldn't be killed unless we both died, and I acted. All I could think was it would never be over if I didn't go too."

So, Thorne's theory was right. And so was his. He relaxed his grip and then stepped away from her. She watched him go, her eyes wide and uncertain.

"I can't do this, Meribella. Wh-what just happened between us only happened because I thought I was going out of my mind. I thought I was feral, and it was all some fevered daydream. Why didn't you stop me?"

"Raff, if you'd just listen to me!"

"No," he growled. "Don't you see! That's the problem. I would have listened if you'd given me the chance. You act without thinking about the consequences to other people. It was bad enough thinking you'd killed yourself, but now I'm a murderer."

"How is this my fault? You practically jumped me the moment I walked in, and I'll take responsibility for what I did before. You're right. I could've waited, but I panicked. That's on me, but what just happened here- that took two of us, buddy. So don't you fucking come at me with how it's my fault."

They stood across from one another, both heaving. Anger and hurt and lust coalesced into a sickly sweet stench. Raff wanted to know how he could feel so many conflicting emotions all at once, but even though he could feel Meribella inside of him- her essence was seared into his bones- there was something damaged between them.

Meribella pulled a shirt out of his suitcase and dragged it over her head. Pulling her hair back from her face, she stomped past him, stopping only when she reached the door. "You can quit freaking out, by the way. You didn't knock me up. You didn't kill me. The old curse between us is broken, but then again, it looks like so are we."

With those words, she left.

And he let her go.