Author's Note:

I'm always trying to improve my ability to pull a person into a character's headspace or feel their emotions, and your feedback will help me know if what I'm trying for is working or not. Even an emoticon or button smashing tells me something useful and can influence what I write more or less of.

I respond to all comments and it's always fun to hear your thoughts ^^

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"How long has he been in there?" I asked, tossing the tablet side for a long sleeved shirt.

Couldn't help the frown while I tugged it on. Didn't need to remind Bucky of the bruises I sported.

'Ewww... this feels so warm....'

"51 hours."

"...Fif – What happened to the last two bloody days?!" I quickly hobbled my way to Bucky's room.

"You passed out for about 18 hours, and with your habit of losing track of time...."

"Bucky...?" I called out, knocking on his bathroom door.

It scared me, honestly, to find out what's on the other side of this door. I knew how the mind could twist everything. Thoughts that could tear one to pieces. His was likely far worse. 51 hours trapped with them, I had to wonder if my friend's still inside there.

After a minute or so, I tried again. "Bucky? You hungry?"

It was another long silence, but eventually, he spat out an answer. "No."

Followed by a loud grumble of his stomach disagreeing.

Hunger probably the way to start a conversation. That thing, I suspected, was likely to be a bottomless pit.

"I'm not hungry," he insisted.

"Okay." I eased down next to the door. 'At least you're willing to talk....' I could work with that. "You haven't hurt yourself, have you?"

It was another tense minute, before a muffled voice came through the door. "I haven't.... You?"

"Was in bed the whole time."

"You need to stay away from me. It's too dangerous."

I sighed a little. "This isn't a fully equipped lab. Kind of have to be in the same room to fix that arm of yours. I also have to check for the damage I did."

"No."

"...No?"

"No. You're not fixing the arm."

"Why the hell not?!"

"Do you need to ask that?! After what I did?! I'm a monster!! Why can't you see it!?!"

"Because you're not one?"

"Tell that to all those innocent people I killed!"

"...."

Yeah, okay, he's most definitely intimidating as fuck when he wanted to be. Pretty sure no unenhanced human could stand a chance with his strength and speed. Probably do fine against a bear with his bare hands....

"...Did you think they were innocent when you pulled the trigger?" I tried.

"What...?"

"You mentioned how they said you're a war hero. That they stripped you of the ability to remember anything. Probably meant that brainwashing and reprogramming wasn't enough for them to – "

"What would you know?!" Bucky practically spat out in a hiss. "You're just a kid!"

'Ouch?' I glanced at the camera in the hallway. "Eve, you talk."

He wouldn't believe what I have to say.

"I don't have information about reprogrammi –"

"I play dumb, Eve. I'm not an actual blithering idiot. You're the one who keeps my parents updated on Amber's research."

A long pause hung between us before a heavy sigh passed through the speakers. "You're not supposed to know of that."

"When it involves Amber's labs becoming a revolving door for imprisoned psychopaths, of course I'll know. Pretend I'm not here. You're talking to Bucky."

"...From Amber's research into manipulating a person's action to personality, adding a trait to a person has yet been successful."

"So I am a monster. All they had to do was point me at someone," Bucky's muffled voice mumbled.

"I suggest getting to the point before the details," I snapped.

"It's barely a step away from what the American military made you do. Things you did to keep your Captain's image pristine. Heroic and loyal. If they framed everything up correctly, you were theirs. They had to scramble your brains, tell you that you're on their side, that you're doing good.

"If you were the rare type of person who couldn't kill no matter the circumstances, then they couldn't have done anything to make you. None of the brainwashing techniques out there, cults, governments, not even Amber has been able to add to a person. People are complex enough that with the right combinations of traits repressed and brought forth, not even their friends and family can recognize them without the appearance. Altering memories removes a person further from who they were. Amber has yet been able to activate true emotions in psychopaths."

"Got them damn good at faking it though..." I muttered rather bitterly. "Hang on. Hydra's methods...? They're advanced, going by the stuff in Bucky's arm. They've been at this far longer than Amber has, and I wouldn't be surprised if they've collected people on par with her."

"There are a few I know of. Hydra's network is always larger than you think. As for their work on mind control, it's based on the work of Johann Fennhoff also known as Viktor Ivchenko. They haven't figured out how to add things either."

"...I... I killed children...." His voice barely carried through the doors.

'They had him do what...? How the fuck do I untalk that?'

I couldn't figure out where to even begin with how they could have made that a sensible mission that Bucky followed through. Pulling out my phone, I quickly made a note to ask Amber if there was a way to make a person see a child as an adult.

"It didn't matter who they were.... They gave me a target, and I killed them. I don't even know why.... Can you really call me a hero, Valeriy?"

All things considered, and as a combative hero, "Yea – "

"This isn't real.... This can't be real."

'Oh fuck.... This is bad.' My fingers flew across the touchscreen keyboard of my phone. Door. Open.

No. was Eve's reply on the screen.

"This is a dream.... This is a dream... This isn't real."

NOW.

No.

"This isn't real!! Wake up! Wake up!!!"

'Is he...? That better not be his head bashing against the wall!'

I'm kicking my way throu

"I swear I'm going to leave you in a steel crate, Val."

And as I flipped her the bird, Eve opened the door to a surprisingly intact bathroom. Actually, it was pristine. Especially since it was his head he was knocking against the wall tiles.

Bucky immediately froze. Eyes widened like a deer in headlights. A moment passed, and fear took over. He scrambled onto his feet, matching my every step to keep distance between us.

A snap of the towel and I managed to wrap up his left arm with a flinch from him. A yelp echoed off the walls when the back of his knees hit the bathtub. His body toppled into the basin.

Without missing a beat, Eve unleashed the shower on him. Bucky gasped, and pure panic froze him in place.

'Oh those asshats probably just hosed him down.' Doubt they even bothered with any sort of warmed water.

We did not need him pulled back to that time. My body took the brunt of the freezing water. At least it wasn't pelting him. I reached for the faucet, and a high pitched blip told me that Eve caught on.

My eyes homed in on those terrified blue ones. My hands cupped the sides of his face. His muscles coiled in tension, but he held my gaze. Confusion peeking through fear.

"I'm sorry it's so cold. It'll warm up soon, Bucky. Use the water to keep you in the moment. Hydra doesn't have you. You're here. With me. You're free, Bucky. They don't have you. You are free."

A shuddering breath filled his lungs. He heard me.... He's listening. That's a start.

"We can't change the past. As much as it shapes who we are, the future is for you to decide. You're free to choose, Bucky, who you want to be now."

I could barely make out the tears mingling with the water that poured down on us. The doubt that greeted me in his eyes, it scared me. I knew just how hopeless this battle was. He could easily dismiss me as an illusion. Bucky's the only one who could fight it, and he's on the enemy side, ripping himself apart.

But I had to try.

"You saved that boy and mother from his father of your own free will. They're all alive. You didn't kill anyone there. You saved a girl from eight kidnappers, and all nine of them are alive. You didn't kill them either."

"You're not real. You can't be real." He struggled a bit, probably trying to sink through the tub. His head turned away from me. His eyes squeezed shut. "You can't be real. You're not real!!"

"That was an accident, Bucky, and it was my fault. You weren't the one who reconnected the wires. You never hurt me. Everything was just your arm on the fritz. You never meant for any of that to happen. Once your arm is all patched up, it'll be all good."

"I don't want it," Bucky mumbled with half a pout. "It's only ever killed. It hurts people."

"Ehhh, not anymore? It's helped me a bunch. To relearn how to love something that was once my world." I grinned brightly at the blue eyes that snapped open to meet me. "Somewhere between not blowing us up and finding the power source, I had fun. Your arm's not all bad."

Bucky's shoulders shook under my arms. His cheek nuzzled against my hand. A whimper escaped him as he curled into himself. Made himself tiny. But there was no resistance when I forced his left arm back out of the water. Neither of us needed to be electrocuted in the tub.

Gathering him in my arms, I whispered into the side of his head, "This is real. You're real. I'm real. We're friends. We shared sandwiches. It's all real. Please... this is real, Bucky."

"Okay," he mumbled into my neck before breaking down into heart wrenching sobs. His right arm wrapped around my back and pulled me into the ball he made of himself.

I held onto him tighter, hoping that he'd find some anchor in the now. I went back to the head scratching he had liked when he had forgotten everything. Anything to give him some form of comfort.

I had no idea how much time had passed but eventually, Bucky's arm loosened up and his head pulled back. I peered down at him and offered a soft smile to those bright blue eyes.

"You with me, Bucky?"

He silently nodded, pulling a larger grin from me. The long wet hair made him rather similar to an abandoned puppy left out in the rain. His eyes dropped from mine to his arm and he quickly backed away, letting me go.

A laugh escaped me, and I flopped down next to him in the tub, staring up at the shower head for a second before I decided it hurt my eyeballs.

"Eve... why the fuck is the water still so cold?" It wasn't freezing but it wasn't exactly room temperature either.

"This is the regular temperature Mr. Barnes showers at."

"...What...? Yo, we have hot water. Why are you showering in cold water?"

"I was saving the hot water for... for...." Bucky's brows furrowed in confusion. "I don't know.... I can't... can't remember...."

I wrapped my arm around his neck, pulling him a little closer. "Maybe you'll remember in time. But for now, you can use all the hot water you want, 'kay?"

Eve seemed to have clued in. The water started warming up.

"This is so embarrassing..." he mumbled, hiding his face behind his right hand, to which I started poking at his muscly bicep for whatever reason. Maybe to ease the heaviness in the air just a tad.

In response, he lightly swatted at the poking. As if shooing a fly.

"Hey, Bucky?"

"Hmmm?"

"Should probably figure out something you can do easily that Hydra wouldn't let you. So you can use it to remind yourself you're not with them."

This time I couldn't resist, running a thumb across one of his furrowed brows in an attempt to part them. The pure confusion that bloomed on his face from that was priceless.

"Anything would do. Something you want to do. Probably something you weren't allowed to. One of mine is being doused in cold water," I said, motioning to the shower head. "Kind of shocks me back into the present. It's safer than doing stupid shit while sky diving? Or trying to beat my record on the off road biking trail...."

A thoughtful half frown, half pout pulled at his lips before he said, "I want to go outside."

"Alright then." I turned off the shower and sloppily got onto my feet, holding a hand out to him. "Let me put the plates back in, and then you can go wherever you want. How does that sound?"

"Sounds g –...." He glanced at his metal arm and shook his head.

"It's going to be safe. Just keep your arm relaxed and nothing will really happen. Got to test this, but my theory is that the power increases depending on your commands on the arm. Like when you tense it, it'll be whipping out power more than relaxing it."

Bucky looked up at me, then at my hand and gave me only his fingers to hold. He got up on his own power before I could even try to tug him up.

I yanked on his hand to the side. Since I physically couldn't pull him to me, I stumbled into wrapping my arms around his ribcage, squeezing tightly. He practically turned into a statue from how much he tensed up. I rubbed his back a little with my hand, trying to ease whatever he was feeling.

"I believe in you, Bucky," I half mumbled into his chest. "That you don't want to kill or hurt people."

It was a couple seconds before he shifted forwards, his arm winding around the back of my waist. The next thing I knew, I was probably a foot off the tub, and with a little bounce from him, he stepped onto the tub edge. Instead of just dropping me, he gentle lowered me onto my feet with another bend of his knees.

"It's easier if I just lift you over my shoulder. Less risk of hurting you," he stated, taking a couple steps back and out of my reach.

"Bucky...? That was a hug...."

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Author's Note:

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