Kining taw ara kaayo kakuti og hunahuna. Naay usahay palabian nilag istorya, og naa poy uban himo-himoan nilang istorya.

Guba na kaayo ko sa mata sa tao. Daghang na kaayo kog nahakot na award. Award na biskan kanus-a dili jud nahu ika-proud.

The scandal video still spreading, it goes faster every single day, just like the wind that silently blowing. Nothing can stop.

Daghan na kaayo kog basher kay mingdugang pa ning issue and notion na giilog daw nahu si Eros sa iyang Ex. Some people are mocking me; created a meme that is nothing to laugh about, and I keep on receiving words that humiliated my being. Like I deserve to die or worst I deserve not to share the air with them. Toxicity. If only they know.

I haven't heard about Eros too. He's been silent since the scandal become phenomenon. Even his social media has been quiet for so long too. I was wondering where he is right now, or does he think about finding me or trying to fight me against the whole world?

But what do I expect? Nothing is real between us. What happened to us is just part of the misstep that I should have reflected in the future.

"You're spacing out, Lu."

Nakapamilok ko og mingtan-aw ni Wyatt nga naa sa ahung atubangan. Ming duol siya nahu og mingkuha og tissue. Iyang gipahiran ang luha nga wala nahu nabantayan sa kalawm sa ahung gihunahuna.

I've been staying at his place since the outburst of my shamelessness in internet. He let me use this condominium while he went home to his house every 5 O'clock in Bagtikan, which is 1 hour away from here. He came here almost every day and spoiled me with books, foods and everything that I don't need. This set up is like a daily routine for him. But for me, every time the clock is ticking and every seconds drop until it turns into minutes, my whole life shattered.

Wala na pod ko gasulod sa klase namo, usa na kasimana. Yes, usa na kasimana sukad ang nahitabo. Og usa na pod kasima ahung absent.

"Sorry," ingon nahu niya og gisarado ahung laptop.

He keeps on saying me not to look at the side where people couldn't feed my mental development, but I can't help it. Something is keep on holding me back to this world where I know they could chasing my guilt and crash me again and again.

Mingginhawa siya samtang gaduro na pod kog hilak. Usa na sinama ahung hinilakay og mura man noon dili na jud mahurot ang ahung luha.

Kapoy na kaayo pero dili jud nahu ma-control ahung emotion.

Gigakos ko niya. Gipasagdan na pod ko niya nga muhilak sa iyang abaga. Mura adlaw-adlaw na jud ni namong gibuhat. Walay improvement.

"Lu, I know this is not the right time to tell you this but... Your mom wants you to go with me back in UK. Nabalaka na siya kaayo nimo. You're not answering her calls and emails."

Mingpalayo ko niya gamay. "She wants me to run, like what she did? And then what? Get married like everything can fix this mess?"

Na-stress jud kog samot.

Mingginhawa na pod siya og murag gamay na lang jud muluhod na siya nga mutakas diris Pilipinas.

"If that will fix you, then why not give a shot?" Iyang gitarong ahung buhok. Minglibot siya sa ahung luyo og gipugngan ahung buhok.

"Look at you, Lu," ingon niya samtang gaatobang me pareho sa among repleksyon sa samin.

"You emit braveness, Lu. You live far away from your mom and face everything without asking help. You're like the storm that no one can stop in winter. But even so, you need to give yourself a break. It's okay to put those armor down. Cause sometimes... Sometimes those armor that we've equipped for many years can be our weaknesses and help us to shake all the pain and breathe what we deserve... Just let me help you, Lu."

Gipaak nahu ahung lower lips. Gipahiran nahu ang luha nahu. Dili na nahu halos mailhan ahung kaugalingon. Dako kaayo ang kausbanan sa ahung physical appearance. Mura na kog bukog na panda.

My eyes screaming silently, and those tears that won't stop from falling are the voices of pain. Mingpiyong ko. This isn't me anymore. I've promised no one can break me, and maybe isolating to be free is not that bad idea.

Pero kung himoon na nahu, unsa nay kalainan nahu sa ahung mama?

Now look at her, she's happy with my stepdad, but the question is, does her past disclose her guilt? Her anxiety about living to fit the world was it healed? Does married and being accepted by the guy who doesn't see the way the society does is enough to forget?

Accept na ba niya ang nahitabo? NO! Siya na mismo ang ming-ingon na dili niya kayang dawaton ang nahitabo sa iya og sige siyag attempt og suicide every time ma-remember to niya.

I will never be like my mom. I will never let them take me down 'cause at the very first place they does not feed me or even spoon me with single grain.

"Help me not to run, Wyatt," I said desperately.

Without a single word gigakos ko ni Wyatt. Kanang gakos nga kahibaw ka nga proud kaayo siya sa imong desisyon?

"You're such a wonderful woman, Lu," he said.

The next day. I took a cold shower after 8 hours of sleep. I feel so light after talking a bath. I also eat every food that Wyatt delivered. Og karon ra nahu napansin nga kompleto kaayo ang iyang gipadala. Naay go, glow, grow foods, murag pagkaon sa elementary ba. But, I really appreciate his efforts even if he's busy sa iyang internship. Permi jud ko niya i-check through pm og ming-abot na pod siya sa ahung writing emails. He even sent me a bunch of selfies of him together with her patients.

If you are not asking, kining si Wyatt kay nagskwela og doctor sa UK and has a privilege to be here in Philippines to showcase his knowledge in medicine.

Ming-ingkod na ko sa lamesa kung asa nakabutang ahung laptop. I stared at the screen and the words "the end" in my story.

Yes. Even in my depression stage, I've managed to finish my novel.

Mingginhawa kog lalom. I plaster a big smile before I deleted the files that I've been working for one month.

I have no regrets.

If I want to move on, why not start from beginning?

I have to start a new chapter.

I want them to read a new story that not just circle about love and happy ending, just like how the company and collaboration want me to write. I want a new one that they will reflect on the reality and lesson that they will certainly relay on. True pain would be part of it, but the true happy ending with starting a happy "goodbye" and a silent hello.

Mingtan-aw kos ahung cellphone. Dugay-dugay na pod since the last time I opened. Og ambot lang og mugana pa ba ni siya. Gipalitan man gud kog bag-ong cellphone ni Wyatt, biskan wala ko nag-ingon ba. But I guess that helps me.

I charge my phone. I return my gaze sa ahung laptop og nagsulat na pod. I've been writing for more than 5 hours og wa na ko kamatikod nga nakatulog na ko og humuna-huna kung unsay sunod na scene.

Pag-open nahu sa ahung mata naa nay init nga pagkaon sa ahung atubangan. Humot kaayo ang lasa og mura jud kalit mingbangon ahung kalag sa kalami sa macaroni soup na gihimo ni Wyatt. Basta inganing lasa, kahibaw na ko na iya jud ning nilutuan.

"Be careful, it's hot," mingdool og kalit si Wyatt samtang gabitbit sa laptop.

Ming-ingkod siya sa lingkuranan, tapad nahu og nagngisi na pod nga nagtan-aw nahu.

"Your writing skill never failed me, Lu." Iyang gi-pat ang ahung ulo.

Pansin pod nahu nga nabasa iyang mata. Mingkatawa ko kay wala pa gani katunga ang novel pero sakit na kuno. It was a genuine feedback.

Nganong makaingon ko ana? 'cause he always drops a comment every single book that I've published. Constructive criticism man na or destructive criticism. He doesn't care if it's me or everyone. Mao ra na ni nga butang nga dili siya gentle but I like it that way. Gamit kaayo siya nahu para mu-improve.

"So, what do you think?" I ask him.

"Pain. Are you sure that this isn't one of those novels you wrote who have a worst ending?"

"Silly! Of course not! I think starting with pain will be good for carving a happy ending." I shrug.

He frowns and gives me an uncertainty look. "Everytime I read your novel, you're building my CTI."

"CTI? What does supposed to mean?"

"Character trust issues."

"Silly!" I scooped another one, "by the way, how's your day?"

"Speaking of..." He scratches his napes. "I saw your friend, Angel, earlier."

Nagpapitok-pitok ko. I haven't heard about them. I think I should have text them at least... Or maybe not yet.

"What about her?" I look so worried.

"Well, she asks me... Begged me to tell you that she's sorry for what she has done to you."

Napatando ko og mingtan-aw sa kisame kay mura man og kahilakon ko sa iyang giingon.

"She was not the only one I saw today. I also saw Eros..."

Mingtan-aw ko niyag balik. Gihubot niya ang iyang selpon sa iyang pocket og gipakita ang nag-trending na video.

"What's this?" Mura man noog di nahu kaya makita ni. Gikulbaan ko.

"Gisugod ang iyang father sa hospital tungod sa cardiac arrest after the surgery. Mga usa na pod kasimana, Lu."

Mura jud nahunong ahung kalibutan.

"Th-that's imposible. Baskog pa man to iyang tatay katong last time na nagkita me," ingon nahu.

"That's what I think too. I just thought ang pag-visit niya sa hospital sa UK katong didto pa ko kay nagbisita ra siya sa iyang amego. I never thought nga nagpa-schedule na d i siya sa iyang surgery."

"Unsa man poy giadto ni Eros sa hospital ninyo kung sa UK d i gisugod iyang tatay?"

Gi play niya ang video nga kuha sa usa ka-citizens. Nakurat jud ko sa ahung nakita kay nagluhod si Eros atubangan kay Wyatt. Nagpakilooy siya nga itug-an kung asa ko karon. Iya pod giamin nga si Loraine ang nagpakana sa scandal videos na mingkalat. Naa d i siyay spy sa school para i-monitor si Eros. Na-timing ra jod ang about sa library.

Then, I remember he told me nga guba ang CCTV sa Library that day. There is also no way nga naay tawo that day since it was the last day of preparation sa foundation week. Busy ang katawhan. Walay nag-log in una namo og wala poy nag-log out after namo.

Shit!