Sorry.

Sorry I am posting in this book but I feel like I have a heavy weight on my chest.

Do you ever feel like a friendship is drifting away and you can tell by the way a friend talks to you (as in, uses a more annoyed tone with you) and you don't know why? They seemed happy and fun weeks earlier leading up to this and suddenly, they become moody and don't want anything to deal with you. Why? What? How? You ever just feel like leaning across the table and having your worries washed away and them saying they had a rough day; however, your heart is screaming, "you're probably overthinking again?"

You ever feel that whenever you vent, there's favoritism that goes on with how someone comforts another person and when it gets to you, it leaves a weird taste that not everyone cares about you as much compared to another person? That everyone can shower an individual with love but when it gets to someone elses's turn or yours, empty silence or one response? What happened to the cheerful person commenting and giving love when they're online but when it gets to someone else, it's meh. Ik not everyone feels comfortable with every subject of venting; however, if Person A vents about school and gets praised and loves and then Person B vents about school and nothing, does anyone help Person B? What if you were person B?

Idk what I did to someone but they're trying to distant themselves away from me and it's kinda becoming a bit hurtful that they don't wanna talk out the beef but rather do that. Idk if it has to do with my characters or maybe I am causing the rift in the friendship,

I just don't know.

I just don't know.

I just don't understand and give space.

I try to be helpful during vents but with being homeless and money issues, fighting and not fitting in at school, it's stressful and places me on edge.

I am probably not the world's best therapist, I used to be so helpful when I'd give advice and help my friends, now my own thoughts and feelings seem to leave me chained away from that, chained away from trying to give insight, chained away from helping making a person feel better because there are people that do it better.

Maybe this is just an insecurity I have.

Maybe the growing uncomfortableness that I pushed away when a ship or topics being talked about are finally short circuiting and that being shot down is just fueling my anxious fever.

Sometimes I like to wonder what happens if I scrap all the hardwork I put into this world and adoptable and design ideas others helped me with; however, would it be worth burning all that hardwork, the 2+ years I spent working on it and having fun?

Sorry.

Sorry I am posting in this book but I feel like I have a weight on my chest.

For those who read this, you can't silence this anxious fever, just like I can't silence yours you have towards me or whatever I do. I just ask that you talk to me before blocking, throwing friendships out of open windows or distancing yourself, I've been through toxic friendships and there's ALWAYS a way to fix em (not saying we have one, I just don't want it to develop into one). I just hate it when my feelings have no words and I wanna talk to someone and bond like the good old days; however, they're probably busy. They probably don't like you and they probably talk behind your back.

Once again, this isnt directed towards anyone, these feelings have been here for about a month and I am finally speaking up about em since honesty is good in a friendship ;;;;;

Also probably doesn't help that I have hives on me and I don't know what caused em and neither do doctors to get rid of them and my legs being torn up and stuff soooooooo