Woooooooooooooow

Last day of November and I have another entry to add to it, maybe December will turn out better for me mentally? Hopefully. That's all we can hope for at least?

I feel shaky and anxious, about a word one of my friends had used. It's probably dumb to get triggered and put into a panic attack but... Bare with me.

This word has another meaning, a triggering meaning and it didn't feel right for it to be used as a cute nickname? Like sure, you could denote from the original meaning but it just didn't sit right.

As someone who has gone through something like that, it brought back painful memories, which is why I pointed it out and ruined the wholesomeness of a nickname that came out of it. I just couldn't get passed everything and sunk me back in a hole, towards a locked chest that has chains as old as time. Usually, I don't care for words, they're words but this just struck something within me that I was burrowing and avoiding and pushing away; especially since it feels just like yesterday and something I can't overcome, even how hard I try

Should I have had left it alone? Probably. Most definitely. I shouldn't of even looked or said anything and just left the dead thought of "huh, that word looks VERY familiar in a bad way". But what happens if someone else heard that word used and connotes it to the negative meaning? I was just trying to lookout for em and I guess in the end, probably overreacted and should've went into it a lighter lighter than saying "this is probably going to ruin the mood, I am sorry bUT—". It's a word with a negative meaning that you turned into a positive one. Should the original meaning even matter at that point if that was never the definition being used?

Yes. Yes. I know. I am a fucking buzz kill. But Panic Attacking me didn't think about any mood and just wanted to inform. To forget. Should've left that thought at it just being empty space and kept doing what I was doing.

But damn. I ruin moods and don't read tones and atmospheres well so why should I even respond to anything at this point ? .')

I'll calm down eventually, my starfire is helping. I am going to learn not to get offended over a dumb word that someone says and get offensive over a topic since being triggered every time someone mentions something isn't going to do anything for anyone and not going to help any healing