Dedicated to: evans_13 , kitkat_se_kittu, and Mochichimmy681

"I was born a girl, 

declared delicate and frail.

And yet, ironically,

the household runs on my strength.

The four walls of the house,

supposedly a haven, a fortress of love,

where warmth and care were never sparse.

Memories both good and bad,

cherished and dreaded flood my mind,

as the sanctity of vermillion, dawns upon me.

There were so many moments when

The only word I associated with home was asphyxiated, 

and yet today at this threshold that I stand,

home and its nuances start making sense.

Protection or encouragement,

support or love abundant, 

it was only at home that unconditional love was all I got.

The subtle shrill music of the pressure cooker in the kitchen,

and the quarrels that were a part of watching television each day.

The fights and arguments,

The mean words that did little to express my pain, masking my love,

sharp and cruel, threaten to deafen me.

Perhaps this was the journey that brought me here,

From one home to another, taking away love,

regretting the unexpressed remorse, 

the hugs that were left all in my mind.

Those unuttered apologies that died down in my throat,

and the four walls that loved me the most, my home.

I hold in my tears while I can, a woman grown,

on her journey to discover love and a family of her own.

The happy faces I grew up around wish me well,

as the nuptials progress, binding me to another.

Being away is going to be hard, I realise,

but then, can any other place that I live in equal

the warmth that home boasts of?

Will being home here be the same as being there?

Alas, I shall never know till I step away,

discovering the unknown,

seeking light in a dark tunnel leading

to the unknown future, inexorable and perplexing."

-Elegiac_Damsel

_________

10th March

Kolkata, India

Third person's point of view:

In the springtime, the birds pause to chirp and look around, glancing at the regenerating vegetation. The same branches that had been bare for months, showed signs of new life as leaves and blooming flowers filled the void, the sight pleasing to the eye. Basanta kal or the spring season, termed popularly as the best season of the year, had commenced in the City of Joy, bringing back greenery and beauty. The dry lifelessness that had been abundant throughout the autumn and winter seasons had been replaced by the embodiment of hope and rejuvenation.

It was the day before Anumegha's wedding. The Acharya household was bustling with business and excitement. The modest flat seemed cramped with multiple relatives and friends who had come over for the festivities. Gifts and flowers were strewn everywhere as the preparations progressed. Caterers and decorators were roaming about hither and tither as they complied with instructions coming from Debarghya and Debrishi, who were overseeing the decorations and ensuring the hospitality of the guests. Mrinalini was responsible for supervising the packing of gifts as Anumegha's friends helped Debjani to wrap and decorate the items bought for the to-be-wed couple and their family.

Debarghya's aunts, his deceased father's sisters whom Mrinalini had last met at her wedding months ago, were hovering near the kitchen as she worked relentlessly to cook for her sister-in-law's aiburobhaat, the last meal of her spinster life in her maiden home. 

"Our brother would have been so happy to see this day," the elder aunt exclaimed as she looked over Mrinalini's shoulder, silently keeping track of how much sugar had been added to the rice pudding. "She was always the apple of his eye, his favourite amongst the three children. Always loved and cared for. The effort Debarghya has put into her wedding is endearing to see. He would have been proud."

Humming to herself, Mrinalini nodded absent-mindedly as she stirred the rice pudding in the vessel on the stove. Cooking a spread for her sister-in-law was mandatory on the eve of her wedding. Traditionally, the meal is cooked by the bride's mother with love and affection in a bid to send off her beloved daughter to a new home with a new family, away from the loved ones who had given in every drop of love their bodies could muster to raise and care for her. Given Debjani's physical limitations, she had receded to cook a couple of dishes while her daughter-in-law had volunteered to do the rest. 

"I hear that the boy's family is quite well off," one of the neighbours commented, looking up at Anumegha's aunts, Baishnabi and Lakshmi, waiting for either of them to validate her assessment. "My daughter told me that the engagement ring the boy's family gifted contained a diamond on it, a solitaire."

"They are well off," Baishnabi affirmed. "Their family is quite good too. The mother especially. Debjani and Debarghya were quite sceptical about this being a love marriage, but meeting them helped them convince themselves. Brishti, being the family's only daughter, has always been very pampered and cared for. They would never pawn her off anywhere in a haste."

Having had enough of the stupid, aimless gossip-laden conversation that was bugging her, Mrinalini politely suggested her aunts-in-law step out and help her sister-in-law instead. "I am almost done cooking, boro pishima (elder aunt),"  she said quietly. "Why don't you go ahead and help Brishti di instead? It is so hot and stuffy here in the kitchen. You might as well get some air outside while I finish things here. I will be serving lunch soon for Brishti di."

...

Changing into a new sari after she had freshened up, Mrinalini combed her hair carefully, loosening her knotted tresses, lost in deep thought. The entire household was bustling with business, and there had been zero privacy in the last week leading up to the wedding. Having a few minutes to herself had seemed an impossible task. With relatives crowding every inch of their modest flat, it had been challenging to have a private conversation with anyone. Although her mother, Rai and her grandmother, Brindadebi, were both in town for the wedding, she had little opportunity to talk. Applying vermillion to her parting, she turned at the sound of the door creaking open as Debarghya entered the room looking exhausted.

"The decorators have driven me crazy with their tardiness," he exclaimed sitting on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hand. "Praise God for this little moment of privacy now that everyone has stepped out for the rituals. With the number of people moving around everywhere, I had forgotten that the two of us have a separate room of our own in this house." 

Smiling at him through their reflection in the mirror, Mrinalini nodded. "It is just for a few days. We will be over this overpopulated household phase pretty soon. Moreover, once your sister is gone, we might end up craving this business again. The household would be too quiet reminding us of the void she'll leave behind her."

"Perhaps," Debarghya replied solemnly. The realisation of his sister's impending farewell was yet to sink in. Irrespective of the several flaws that she carried, the spoiled and pampered attitude that had caused him distress, she was his little sister, who he had cared for deeply since childhood. "It is so surreal now that I come to think of it."

"It is how it has always been, Debarghya," Mrinalini said quietly, touching his hand softly as she approached him, straightening the lapels of the Panjabi suit that he donned. "We should step outside now. It is already 1. The guests will be eating only once Brishti di is done. Come along."

As she turned to leave, she could feel his hand touching the bare part of her waist in a gentle, absent-minded caress as he mumbled in a low voice, "You look beautiful, Mrinal."

...

11th March

"Ma, that is too much turmeric," Anumegha exclaimed as her mother applied turmeric to her face as a part of the Gaye Holud otherwise known as the Haldi ritual. Mrinalini along with a few more married women from the neighbourhood had risen long before dawn to get going with the preceding rituals, the Dodhimongol, Shakha Pola porano, and the Ganga Nimantran. The turmeric had been ground with oil by seven married women adhering to tradition and auspicious belief and mixed with the turmeric that the groom's family had sent over.

Given her mother-in-law's status as a widow and her handicap, several responsibilities had been pushed onto the eldest daughter-in-law of the Acharya household, Mrinalini. A newly married woman herself at the young age of 21, she had never seen or heard of most of the rituals followed in a typical marriage before her own a few months ago that seemed to have gone in an incomprehensible blur. Under the able, but scrutinising guidance of her aunts-in-law and mother-in-law combined with generous assistance from her neighbours, she had managed to put together what had been required. Standing aside, she smiled as the affectionate scene between her in-laws played out. Debjani smeared her daughter's face with turmeric as someone mercilessly teased the bride, reminding her of the dreary monsoon day less than a year ago when her carefree life as a young girl had been traded for that of a married woman with responsibilities. Rai along with her aunt, Srishti, had applied turmeric to her face and body, asking her to step on a slab of stone traditionally used for grinding spices and then getting her to crush a few upturned small clay cups under her foot. Her neighbours had then taken turns applying turmeric to her person as her college mates and friends made teasing remarks once in a while. A similar scene played out in front of her eyes as she brought herself back to the present with the turmeric bowl thrust in front of her face, indicating that it was her turn to apply turmeric to Anumegha. Stepping up to where her sister-in-law was seated, she took a dollop of turmeric in her hand, she smeared the same on her sister-in-law's cheeks, bending as she applied it to both the shoulders followed by her feet just as she had seen her mother-in-law and aunts-in-law doing some time ago.

The bride crushing the upturned clay cups under her feet

"Brishti di, you look truly ethereal," Mrinalini whispered in her sister-in-law's ear as she embraced her lightly. "I hope you always look as happy and radiant as you do today."

Anumegha smiled shyly as Mrinalini stepped back, lowering her eyes as the other women poured water over her body amidst the ominous blowing of a conch, washing off the turmeric, initiating a step towards marital bliss.

...

The terrace where lines of drying clothes usually presented themselves had been transformed into a beautifully decorated wedding pavilion. Bright and auspicious hues of red and yellow had been used to put together the venue. There were fragrant flowers and illuminated lights that added to the surreality.

"Debarghya has truly outdone himself in the wedding preparations," a neighbour whispered to Lakshmi as the wedding rituals proceeded. Mrinalini, who was standing in a corner with Rai and Brindadebi next to her aunts-in-law, looking on at her husband as he performed the requisite rituals for his sister's wedding, overheard the remark, pretending to be indifferent. "Ever since my brother's untimely demise, this family has suffered a lot. It is indeed a miracle how they survived instead of breaking apart. Both my sister-in-law and her elder son have managed to hold it together, especially Debarghya," her aunt-in-law commented, oblivious to the fact that she was quite audible. "In all that he did though, the poor boy lost a part of himself and his dreams. The job that he does isn't something he ever wanted to do. A kid with a bright future with incredible results in high school and college. He was barely a few months away from his CA accreditation when tragedy struck. We were worried then about how they'll manage, especially with his sister slipping into depression. Expenses skyrocketed and he left his dreams buried somewhere, underneath the debris and weight of familial priorities. My brother would have been proud had he been alive to see this day. This lavish wedding has been put together with immense effort and sacrifice. Do you remember how his wedding was? Put together in a haste lacking the grandeur?"

Mrinalini stiffened as she heeded the comparative analysis that was being discussed. Their wedding hadn't been grand and it had been put together at a short notice, but her family had genuinely tried to put together a wedding that had suited their economic status. She could agree with the fact that her husband had spared no efforts to invest all that he could to put together the wedding for his only sister, putting in all his savings and taking out a personal loan. She had been loved back home, but the situation had been different, the circumstances starkly dissimilar in every way possible.  She could feel Rai squeeze her hand lightly as she could feel the shift in her daughter's demeanour. "Don't pay any heed to what everyone says, Mini," she whispered wisely. 

"The girl he married is quite good though, don't you think?" The neighbour replied to what Lakshmi had said a while ago. The conversation continued, ignorant of the surroundings. "She is quiet, studious, and from what I have heard and seen, quite responsible. She started teaching the kids in the neighbourhood barely one month into their marriage, probably recognising the dire need for money given Debarghya's meagre earnings for their household of six people. You can buy grandeur with money, but you can't buy the sense of responsibility in a woman with that, can you?"

"I agree," Baishnabi, Debarghya's elder aunt replied in affirmation. "She has undoubtedly been helpful in the household. Initially, we were sceptical and worried when we heard that Debarghya would marry someone so young and naive, a modern girl barely out of college and not ready for marriage. I had honestly expected her to be more of a spendthrift, possibly even a demanding brat, like our Brishti, but she turned out to be quite the opposite despite her age and inexperience. Given his educational qualification, we weren't hoping that he would find someone like this. Girls nowadays are impulsive, hot-headed, and dreamy. It is quite fortunate that the girl is a graduate like him and not someone overly qualified. The age difference is manageable, but had she been more qualified than him, there would have been an inevitable ego clash and disruption in the household."

"Please don't say anything, Mini. Pretend like you never heard anything that they said," Rai whispered into her daughter's ear as she could sense Mrinalini's fists clenching as she shifted in her place. "Your sister-in-law is getting married. Why don't you go and check on her? She will be called to the altar pretty soon."

Nodding her head in defeat, she exhaled, retreating towards her sister-in-law's room, stepping away from the opinionated voices that were out to tarnish and ruin what was dear to her, inner peace. Perhaps her mother was right. One mustn't pay heed to everything that the world had to say. 

...

"Boudi, I can't believe it is all done now," Anumegha exclaimed, holding onto Mrinalini's hand as she was escorted to her room after the nuptials had concluded. There was vermillion marking the parting of her hair. "The anticipation and scepticism had been a lot, but now that it is done, it is a lot more surreal, unbelievable. Do you know what I mean?"

Nodding, Mrinalini smiled at her sister-in-law's flushed face and flurry of words. "It is just the beginning, Brishti di. There will be so many more moments in your life that would seem unbelievable."

"There is vermillion on my nose, Boudi," Anumegha pointed out as she looked at herself in the mirror, reaching for the handkerchief on her dressing table to dust it off. "That means he loves me and will love me, doesn't it?"

"Brishti di, don't be a child," Mrinalini chided in an amused tone. "You know that Srijit da loves you already which is why you both decided to get married in the first place."

"It seems crazy though to think of him as a husband now," her sister-in-law replied shrugging. "To imagine that the man who would wait outside the college for me will now be sharing my space, a room and that all the subsequent moments in our life would be intertwined is quite overwhelming. This... all this... seems a lot more permanent now and scary."

While the two of them hadn't shared a very close bond, Mrinalini knew that the flood of questions, emotions, and thoughts swirling in her sister-in-law's mind was familiar to the ones that she had experienced shortly after marriage when the permanence that it promised had dawned upon her. The sinking feeling of fear and nervousness in her gut combined with anticipation had been borderline nauseating back then. The vagueness of what lay ahead of her, unanswered and unpredictable, did nothing to soothe her nerves. "I know how you feel Brishti di," she spoke at length, pondering over and measuring her next words. "You have been in a relationship for years, but you are yet to share space. You have gone on long drives, movies, dinner dates, and so much more, but nothing has felt as intimate as it would be henceforth. No matter how many hours you have spent with him outside the home, marriage would be a different chapter altogether, but Brishti di, do remember that he is the same person you fell in love with, husband or not. There will be inevitable fights and adjustment issues, just like your brother and I had in the beginning. People say that it is easier when the person you marry is someone you know and love, but it isn't. Marriage is different and anyone who's getting married for the first time, irrespective of the number of years they have spent in a relationship, is new to it, and inexperienced. Just take it slowly and you'll be alright. Eventually, everything will fall into its place. Trust me."

"What if I am unable to adjust? What if I am unable to survive?" Anumegha questioned her sister-in-law, a woman younger, but experienced in this walk of life, regarding the marital aspect. "No matter what happens Brishti di, anticipate the best, and if you are unable to adjust or you feel threatened, oppressed or simply unable to survive there at any point in your marital home, we are here for you. This home isn't going anywhere and believe me when I say this, no matter what happens, your elder brother would never abandon you. We will be here for you. Always. This is your home and we are your family. You can come here at 3 am after arguing with Srijit da, and you can come here anytime you feel homesick. You will never overstay your welcome here. You have a right to be here irrespective of your marital status."

"Promise?" Anumegha asked her sister-in-law in a vulnerable tone, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "I promise, Brishti di," Mrinalini replied with no hesitation, a mild smile on her lips.

...

12th March

The atmosphere was solemn and heavy with emotions as the Acharya household prepared to bid farewell to their only daughter. Anumegha was preparing to leave her maiden home with her husband, moving onward to the marital journey that awaited her. She was blessed by the elders one by one as they fed her something sweet, causing her eyes to well up gradually, her vision blurring as the flurry of emotions flooded her mind. The reality that she was moving away to another house that would have to suffice as home, but with the man that she loved was comforting, but terrifying at the same time. She couldn't understand if she was ready to face what awaited her. Her mother and aunts had tried to pacify her and her friends had been comforting. Srijit, her husband, had attempted to explain to her that nothing would be different in their home post-nuptials, but she knew that no matter how warm her new home 

"Dada," Anumegha called out to Debarghya, clasping his wrist as he attempted to turn away. "Don't go away."

"I am right here, little sister," he replied reassuringly with a watery smile. "Rishi and I, we both are. He'll accompany you to drop you off at your marital home."

"Won't you come along?" she enquired, her voice quivering.

"Brishti," Debarghya sighed, cupping his sister's face affectionately. "You will be fine. I promise. I will be there tomorrow, but someone needs to stick around here and look after the guests, right? You do understand that, don't you? Your sister-in-law and Ma won't be able to manage alone. We'll meet tomorrow during your wedding reception."

Mrinalini witnessed the spectacle silently, a lump in her throat as she watched her sister-in-law crumble slightly into a debris of unrestrained emotions and her husband's feeble attempt at trying to excuse himself from the limelight where everyone could sense his vulnerability.

"This isn't easy for him, Mini," she heard Rai tell her softly. "Once your sister-in-law leaves, be sure to check on him and your mother-in-law. I know this isn't easy for either of them."

"Who was there for you Ma when I left home?" Mrinalini asked her mother softly, maintaining eye contact. "I have you, sweetheart. You'll always remain my daughter irrespective of whose wife you are or daughter-in-law. You might have left home, but nothing changed that."

"I wish it was that easy, Ma," she replied solemnly. "Falling asleep next to someone else that wasn't you, a stranger, a man, a husband I hadn't known for long. I wish things were that easy. And somewhere deep within, you know too that a lot changed when I left home and that no matter what we do, things would never return to being how they had been. You were a bride that had to leave her maiden home a long while ago. I know you understand what I am insinuating, Ma."

Rai was silent. For once, her wisdom had been beaten by her daughter's insight.

...

"Debarghya," Mrinalini called out to her husband, softly, interrupting the silent stupor that he had pushed himself into. Anumegha had left the home with her husband an hour ago. The farewell had been emotional. The flat was mostly empty now with Rai and Brindadebi along with Debarghya's two paternal aunts trying to comfort Debjani as it had taken a great toll on her to let her only daughter go. "You have been zoned out and quiet for quite a while. Do you want to talk?"

Sighing deeply, he turned to face his wife, his right palm covering the hand that she had placed on his shoulder. "I am fine, Mrinal. Did all the guests leave?"

Mrinalini nodded. "It's just us and our mothers, my grandmother, and your aunts right now. Ma was quite distraught with emotions and she had been sobbing, so they are trying to placate and distract her. Are you okay, Arghya?"

"I am, Mrinal," he replied. "The past week or so has been tiring. The workload is piling up. It is going to be difficult to rejoin work starting tomorrow. I need to go for a few hours tomorrow. I will be back early in the evening so that we can go to Brishti's marital home together. The only solace right now is that we will be able to sleep peacefully tonight."

"Debarghya," Mrinalini tried again gently, pushing him to take a seat on their bed as she took her place next to him. "You know that I wasn't talking about work or otherwise. Are you alright, emotionally? I know this is tough for you to let your sister go. I know how much she means to you and how much you love her. You have looked over her for years now, raising her for over a decade, stepping into the role of her father and elder brother simultaneously. You struggled to fulfil her dreams and wishes. You are the one who gave her hand away in marriage. It's okay to struggle with this emotionally. It is okay to cry."

"It isn't easy," he began after a brief pregnant pause. "It is difficult for me, Mrinal to accept that she is no longer going to live here. I wouldn't know if anything happens to her. I wouldn't know if she is sick or if something happened or if someone's bothering her. It terrifies me to think of her in a strange home with strangers. I know they are going to love her and dote on her as the new bride. I know the people who she is going to live with, but I am anxious nonetheless."

Sitting quietly, Mrinalini looked up at him, listening, encouraging him to continue. "I am aware of all the hardships that came her way. I am aware of all those things that she wanted that I was never able to afford for her. I know they are better off financially and that she would probably not face the same deficit that she did in our household, but does all that glitter represent gold? I am scared. I am going to miss her. I will miss her constant bickering and her pulling faces at me whenever I would change the channel during a weekend to catch the English Premier League football match. I will miss her accompanying the two of us to dinner so we could treat ourselves to non-vegetarian food outside the home. And I will miss all the memories that I made with her in the past couple and a half decades. She is more than a younger sister, Mrinal, and I worry for her. I worry that she'll never need me someday and that my little sister would let go of all of us here. Of me."

His eyes were glassy and he blinked rapidly, breathing deeply. Standing up abruptly, he made a move towards the restroom, hesitant to share one of his most vulnerable moments with his wife.

"Don't go, Debarghya," Mrinalini whispered, holding him back as she embraced him, his back touching her chest. "It is okay to be vulnerable and to feel what you do."

Touching the fingers of her joined hands that encircled him, he relaxed into her embrace, allowing his emotions to wash over him silently letting go of the saline drops that he had struggled to withhold since his sister's departure. She had thrown rice over her left shoulder into their mother's sari, sobbing as she had crossed the threshold of their modest home, letting go of her family, leaving behind memories and her maiden life. It had been difficult for him to witness what he did, to let go of the little girl that had insisted he play dolls with. She had outgrown pigtails and braids, dolls and dollhouses, and the petty doll weddings that she would indulge herself in, dressing up a dainty doll as a bride. The little girl had metamorphosed into a bride, leaving behind those invisible dolls that had imprinted on his memory, like footprints in the sand, just not transient.

...

19th March

With all the rituals and functions of Anumegha's wedding over, the Acharya household struggled to settle into their new schedule. Debrishi was staying till the 20th and his presence had helped Debjani cope with the loneliness and void that her daughter's departure had brought upon her. Debarghya was quieter and busy with work, struggling his way with stress, anxiety, and the remnants of the emotions that were yet to dissipate entirely after his sister's wedding. Mrinalini went about her work around the household normally, accidentally making an extra cup of tea that she had become accustomed to making for her sister-in-law in the few months since her marriage. Rai and Brindadebi had left Kolkata on the 13th, leaving her to her resources and work.

With ongoing or upcoming school examinations, she had a jam-packed schedule that required her to pay extra attention and care to all the students who came in for tuition classes. She put in a lot of time and effort to conjure mock tests and question banks with answers that she thought would be helpful for them all while managing to keep in touch with her studies. There were roughly three months now before she had to start applying to colleges for her postgraduation and appear for all the necessary entrance exams that came with it, so it was essential for her to review research papers and to evaluate herself once in a while with mock tests and quizzes. With Debarghya being extra fatigued and tired due to his strenuous working hours, the two of them barely had time to converse. Debjani, who noticed the distress and busy schedule that was demanded of her son and daughter-in-law, helpfully stepped in to help the latter with cooking, despite her physical limitations, perhaps even helping herself in the process by keeping busy and refraining from missing her daughter too much. She would diligently call up her daughter for a telephone conversation at least once a day, enquiring if she had eaten and about her health.

"Are you alright?" Mrinalini asked Debarghya as he lay on their bed, his expression pensive, his forehead creased. He looked like he had aged quite a bit in the past few days. He had also started smoking a lot more frequently than he had been, worrying a displeased Mrinalini who couldn't fathom what she would do if he returned to being a chain smoker like he had been before their marriage. "You barely seem to talk to me nowadays and you have been so tired, worried, and overworked lately. I just hoped we could talk a bit before you can leave for Guwahati tomorrow."

"I am fine, Mrinal," was his insistent response that was barely convincing. "You know I am stressed out, but that is a part of the job."

"I know that having a job in corporate sales comes with a complimentary package of stress and fatigue, but I have seen you for months and I have seen you in this past week. I can notice a significant difference, Arghya, no matter how much you try to cover up and shield us from your situation," she replied, her concern apparent. "You look like you are ready to fall or suffer something catastrophic. I am worried. You don't look healthy and it is making me anxious. You will be gone for an entire week and I know that you never eat on time when you are working in the field. It is worrisome for me to know that you aren't fine and more so because you don't bother to share."

"I don't like sharing my professional problems with you or anyone else for that matter, Mrinal," he replied, sighing. "You have known me long enough to know that I do not like to carry my professional woes back home with me and that I don't appreciate work stress as a dining table conversation that I would like to have with my wife or the rest of my family."

"But you have been carrying the work stress back home, Debarghya," she chided him softly. "You might not vocalise what you are going through, but it is apparent from your face. You look dishevelled and tired. You keep tossing and turning at night, probably trying to convince yourself that things are under control while you assume I am asleep. You don't sleep well and you are visibly distressed. You have been working long hours, longer and a lot more bizarre than what I had gotten used to you working. You can't tell me you are fine and expect me to believe that when I can see for myself that you aren't fine."

"I know you are worried for me and that you care," he spoke gently, cupping his wife's face in his palm as he looked at her. "You know that my job is demanding and with the current financial year drawing to a close, it is a nightmare, but that isn't just my story, but the story of every single sales executive and corporate employee in the country right now. There's tremendous pressure and stress and the added worry from the EMIs that need to be paid combined with the debt from the personal loan that I took for Brisht's marriage. You won't understand all the details and semantics, but I want you to know that this is a tough phase and I am sorry for not being myself."

"Don't build up a wall between us, please," she whispered. "Can we please try to sleep, Mrinal? I have a flight in the morning."

His reply was short and clipped. There was silence and yet neither of them could sleep. They lay beside one another, tossing and turning, pondering over their problems and troubles, their thoughts deafening in the inevitable silence born from their reluctance and inability to express the demons that ate away a part of their conscience.

...

30th June

It was close to 11 months since Mrinalini and Debarghya's marital journey had commenced. What had seemed like a tediously exhilarating journey of discovery and love mere months ago had manifested into a regular monotonous routine that came to them naturally. They still talked and shared, drawing boundaries at points. 

They slept next to each other, fulfilling sexual needs and desires regularly, and yet despite the peace and the occasional spice due to domestic arguments arising from household requirements, something was lacking. They had little to no time for each other. Debarghya was out of town on work trips three weeks a month and in the one week that he would be in town, he would usually be busy with meeting irrational sales targets and promised appraisals that never manifested into actual balance in his bank account. Mrinalini on the other hand was still tutoring students, preparing madly for the entrance examinations for her post-graduation while balancing all the household chores that she was obligated to do. There was financial strain and constraints that had left her in dilemma for a brief period causing her to question her decision of pursuing higher education and investing more of the already fast-depleting resources comprising of her meagre income and her husband's modest salary that the entire household had to run on. 

It was close to midnight when the doorbell rang. Sighing as she got up from her desk, Mrinalini winced at the constant ache in her lower back, a result of backbreaking housework and long hours of sitting while studying or tutoring. Opening the door, she took in Debarghya's distressed form as she extended her hand for the overnight duffle bag that he had taken with him for his work trip to Asansol the previous day. 

"I'll heat dinner for you while you freshen up," she told him politely, excusing herself. 

"I don't want to eat, Mrinal," he sighed. "I just want to freshen up and go to sleep. I had something when the bus had stopped for a tea break near Burdwan."

 "What's your tour plan for this month?" Mrinalini asked him as they both lay on their bed half an hour later, fatigued from the day and all that it had demanded of them, physically and mentally. "I have a couple of entrance examinations in the next two weeks, both on Sundays. It would be great if I can synchronise our schedules beforehand."

"I have one trip to Assam and another to Ranchi in the first and third week of the month respectively. And there can be an overnight trip to Durgapur or I could be back on the same day sometime during the second week. That's pretty much it for this month. I will be there on the weekends obviously to drop you off at the examination centre."

"I'd like that," Mrinalini replied, smiling slightly. "It is so agitating sometimes that our life has become so fast-paced and busy that we barely see each other. You have started feeling more like a roommate who shares rent and food than ever before and neither of us can do anything to remedy the situation."

"It is just a matter of few months maybe, Mrinal," he replied carefully. "Once the rigorous preparatory phase for the examinations get over and you get enrolled in university, things would be different. And I am hoping this hard work that I have been putting forth bears fruit in some way or the other and that I receive a decent paycheck. You know they have been delaying my salary for the past couple of months. I need to get the figures or they'll just chuck me out without a single glance."

"Your company has been laying off people without any rhyme or reason for the past few months now. Why are you getting so worried day by day, Debarghya? You have survived so many years working here. I am sure you'll pull through. I know you haven't done anything to get on their radar and there isn't any other red tape that they can find on you."

"Perhaps you are right, Mrinal, but the fear is very real. There's so much dependant on that one job and the monthly paycheck. Our household expenses, your University fees starting from next month, Debrishi's education, Ma's health expenses, and every other miscellaneous expenditure. There's a lot at stake and if I don't work myself hard enough, then I can see potentially all of this."

"And if you continue overworking yourself, slogging over and over for hours every day of every week, we'll lose you someday owing to hypertension or cardiac problems or some other malady that stress would eventually pave the way to," Mrinalini interjected him. "I have told you time and again that you should try and look up alternative job offers. And maybe this isn't the right time for me to get admitted for my post-graduation. I should try for some job or the other, perhaps backend or otherwise. I can always enrol myself in distance learning or some other program shortly."

"Mrinal," he started in a soft tone. "If you don't do this now, we don't know if you can do this later. This is your dream and I promised you this. We don't what the future has in store for us, do we? So while there's still a paycheck that I can encash, I'd rather help you do what you want to do instead of waiting in anticipation of the day that I'll out of a job. And you already manage your miscellaneous expenses with whatever little that you earn from tutoring the students in our neighbourhood. You don't need to stress yourself any further. I am trying for other jobs too, but juggling interviews, tests, and a full-time job, no matter how transient it might seem right now, is no child's play."

She nodded at him understandingly, her eyes running over his features once as he closed his eyes, attempting to seek comfort amidst the chaos in peaceful sleep. There were creases near the corners of his eyes and his lips were downturned, pressed together while his eyes seemed sunken into their sockets from all the fatigue and stress that he had been subjected to recently. Pressing her lips gently against his closed rough lips, his beard and moustache tickling the softness of her face, she sighed deeply before settling on her pillow and closing her eyes. Marriage had been a tough pill to swallow, but it had been just the beginning. It was at this moment when she could see her husband's hard work bearing little fruits that Mrinalini silently wished in a fervour that their lives would be a little easier, oblivious to the storm that was yet to wreck her.

...

31st August

The month of August had been quite eventful in the Acharya household. In the same month that Mrinalini completed twenty-two years since her birth and one year of her marriage to Debargha, she managed to celebrate by gifting herself a step closer to fulfilling her dream. She secured admission to Jadavpur University's Masters of Science in Organic Chemistry program, a difficult feat given the high competition of the highly reputed institution. She had squealed aloud on reading the acceptance mail and had proceeded to embrace her startled mother-in-law in her delight before making phone calls to her mother, husband, and cousin. 

Classes had begun for her barely a week ago and although managing a full-time degree and household chores along with her self-employed job of tutoring students in the neighbourhood was difficult, to say the least, she was determined to make it work. Debjani had been supportive of her daughter-in-law and had taken over a fraction of the kitchen duties to relieve Mrinalini while she attended classes at the university. Travelling from Shyam Bazaar to Jadavpur in the other end of the city was yet another new experience for her. Debarghya had helped her map out bus, auto, and metro routes while explaining to her which route was more convenient to avoid traffic at peak working hours. Another news that shocked the entire family had been Anumegha's announcement during her visit home on the occasion of Mrinalini and Debarghya's marriage anniversary. She had recently discovered that she was expecting and although it hadn't been their plan, as she had confided in her sister-in-law later, they were happy and excited. 

Today, being the last day of the month, Mrinalini had received the modest fees that she charged for conducting tuition classes from her students. She carefully counted the total cash that she had received in carefully sealed envelopes sent by the parents through their wards as she put the notes away in the little wallet that she used to store her savings. The month had been quite eventful and despite the hugely demanding stressful schedule that she had ahead of her, it had been a good month. Debarghya had gifted her a stationary set that was relevant and useful as she was starting at the university pretty soon and he had taken her out to dinner to celebrate her birthday. For their anniversary, she had managed to put together her savings to gift him a moderately expensive shirt that he could wear to work while he had very thoughtfully brought her a couple of novels of the thriller genre that he knew she would enjoy reading. Anumegha had rolled her eyes at the gift that her brother had gotten for his bride, reprimanding him for being stringent and for not getting her something more expensive. Still, the truth wasn't something Mrinalini was oblivious to. He had thoughtfully gotten her gifts that she would like while he was struggling financially behind that stoic, neutral facade of his that refused to give away what he was going through. Moreover, books meant more to her than any other gift that he could have gotten for her and she was content with what she had. 

It was a Friday and after an eventful week at the university, she was looking forward to the weekend. There were football matches of the English Premier League and the Champions League that she was looking forward to watching, an interest that she shared with Debarghya, having grown up in a football-enthusiastic neighbourhood in Kolkata. This entire week due to time constraints, she had had little time to cook well and they had been freezing and reheating a dish for two consecutive days. She planned to go grocery shopping and cook a few dishes beforehand on Sunday to reduce her household chore load at least till Tuesday.

In the one week that she had attended classes, Mrinalini had made acquaintance with quite a few students on campus who were of the same age group as her. There were some doctoral students as well who had been warm and welcoming, their ideologies and bandwidth matching immediately, initiating conversations. In the entire newly formed group, her marital status made her the odd one out. She wore normal decent clothes like any other girl, preferring to wear Kurtis over saris, but the thin streak of vermilion that marked her parting without fail distinguished her from most students in her class. Debarghya had accompanied her to the university on her first day and she had felt significantly uncomfortable at some judgmental glances that had been thrown their way. Although most of her acquaintances refrained from asking her anything about her marital life or her story, it was apparent that she had piqued their curiosity and interest for the wrong reasons. Being a reserved person, she had refrained from sharing any details about her family and had evaded most of the intrusive questions that had been thrown her way by summing up her situation briefly, ensuring that she mentioned Debarghya in a good light and about the support from her in-laws. 

"Hi," Mrinalini looked up noticing Debarghya as he entered their room, loosening the double Winston knot of his tie, his expression distant. "I didn't hear you ring the doorbell. Did you carry the extra set of keys?"

He nodded absent-mindedly, sitting at the edge of their bed as he proceeded to unbutton his shirt. Moving to face him, Mrinalini touched his fingers as he worked on the buttons, gently taking over as she looked at him, undoing each button carefully.

"Where is Ma?" he asked her. "I didn't see her anywhere."

"She has gone over to the neighbours' on the first floor. I helped her climb down the stairs. She said she'll call me when she's ready to come back home."

He nodded, sighing in response as she stepped back, his shirt unbuttoned now, revealing the white vest that he wore underneath. He bent to roll down his socks, his silent demeanour oddly ominous. Mrinalini could almost sense the tension that radiated off the stiffness of his back and shoulders and in the way that he was clenching and unclenching his jaw now and then, exhaling deeply.

"Debarghya," she called out, gulping anxiously as she noticed his head drop into his arms. She noticed that he was sweating slightly, droplets of perspiration forming at his nape despite the cool monsoon evening breeze that made the weather quite pleasant. "Are you okay? You are worrying me. Do you feel sick?"

"No," he replied shortly before he looked up at his wife, desperation and helplessness apparent in his glassy eyes that met her anxious gaze. "I am not sick, Mrinal. I am not."

She gulped, noticing his demeanour. "Tell me what is wrong, Arghya. Please."

"No amount of hard work could help salvage things, Mrinal," he began hoarsely. He swallowed audibly as his Adam's apple bobbed in a foreboding manner. "I lost my job," he revealed in a helpless whisper, leaving her stunned in the deafening silence of the uncertain future that awaited them.

...

To be continued...

Published on: 24th December 2022

Author's note:

Hi everyone! I hope you all had a great year and that you are in the best of health and spirits. Christmas is barely a few hours away and I hope that the day brings you and your loved ones joy, well-being, and good fortunes. 

New year's around the corner and yeah it has been a tough year in so many ways. I am sincerely apologetic for not managing to write as often as I would like to and to leave you guys hanging and disappointed. I am truly grateful though for the unwavering hope and support that each little comment and vote on this story never fails to instil in me. Thank you for everything and for making my life better and happier by being a part of my family here on Wattpad.

I hope the forthcoming year brings all of us reasons to smile and to be there for each other in this wicked, selfish world. United, we can do so much. What has loneliness ever given to any of us? So with this hope of seeing a peaceful, healthy year ahead, I would like to wish you all in advance:

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Do take care and I do promise that one of the new year's resolutions I'll be putting down on my list would be to manage to finish writing this book in 2023 and to give Mrinalini's story the closure that is much sought out.

Take care, everyone!

Love,

Elegiac_Damsel

P.S. Stay healthy and happy and never give up hope.

P.P.S. Please do VOTE, COMMENT, and SHARE if Mrinalini's story has managed to make a place for itself in your heart.