20 : Her grave

★★★

His steps faltered as soon as he spotted the graveyard. The reality of her not being in this world anymore becoming more real. He wasn't ready to accept it. He couldn't do it. He couldn't- how was he even supposed to face her? When he wasn't even there for her during her toughest time, when she needed him the most, he wasn't even there for her! Even though she pushed him away, he should have stayed. It was all his fault. He shouldn't have believed her. He shouldn't have listened to her. He should have stuck with her like always. So why did he give up on her so soon this time? Did he not love her enough?

Dragging his feet, he followed Maryam, coming to halt at one of the far corners of the graveyard. She pointed at a grave, "That is Laila's grave. I- I can't go inside so I'll pray from here and leave. You can go in if you want."

With slow and steady steps, he reached her grave, unable to decipher his own jumble of emotions. He didn't know what to feel. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to face her. Even though she wasn't there anymore, her soul was there.

"I- I'm sorry Laila... I'm so sorry... " Not knowing what else to say, he broke down, falling on his knees as sobs broke through him bitterly.

"You knew I love you, right?... Then why didn't you tell me about this?... I- Did you think... I would have left you... after knowing about your illness?... Why- how could you do this to me Laila?... How could you leave me alone?..." He buried his head on his knees as hiccups started accompanying him.

It was a hot day, the sun scorched down on them, soaking him in his sweat entirely. He didn't know for how long he sat there while pouring his heart out, and he couldn't care less about it. She was the love of his life, the one with whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life. And now she was gone. Never to return back. Without even informing him.

"Did you hate me that much Laila that you didn't even want to let me know about your death? That I don't even have enough time to mourn for your death." Resting his head on the grave, he mumbled quietly, feeling drained as the shock wore off and fresh tears obscured his vision once again.

He let himself get lost in his memories once again as tears streamed down his face. He didn't have any plan of getting up from there anytime soon, his devilish state stated that. In fact, he finally felt at peace there, after a long time. He finally felt like being reunited with his love, although it was too late. But along with her, it was his home too now.

And no matter the circumstances, he would be visiting this home many times. No one could stop him this time. No one could object to him this time.

She was his Laila and he was her Usman. Their love wasn't going to fade away just because he lost her in this world. They were meant for each other, in this world and in the hereafter.

★★★