Requested by: alkvva

Prompt: #1

"I never stood a chance did I?"

"That's the sad part, you did once."

Warnings: Suicidal themes/mentions

Extra: I kept to you request pretty well, I did however, change the way she died just because I felt like it might upset some people and that's the last thing I wanted. It's still along the same lines just less traditional? Graphic? I'm super sorry for changing it but I really hope you can understand where I'm coming from. Enjoy!

Also Extra: If any of you are ever struggling and feel like you need someone to talk to who can't judge you or someone you don't have to face in your everyday life, I'm right here. I've been through things too, I'll understand.

~*~

(Y/n) should have made the first move.

It was the dominating thought in her mind as the laid on the hard ground of a warehouse. She was cold and warm. Her entire body hurt and yet there was a weird sense of peace within her. It was a peace that would last forever, she knew that.

(Y/n) groaned as she reached into one of her belt pockets, her fingers closing in around a folded up piece of paper. She readjusted herself, putting the hand holding the note over her stomach, the other one lying limply at her side.

She should have made the first move.

She loved him, God she loved him. She had loved him for five years, and yet she was too late. She didn't make the first move, she didn't imply she loved him, she didn't do anything. And that was why she was here, why she put herself in this situation.

With her free hand she pressed the insignia on her belt, turning her emergency tracker on. She knew it would only be a matter of minutes before Batman and others arrived. Dick would probably be there too. But she had calculated the times, no matter how fast they went, it would be too late, and them being too late was exactly what she needed.

She remembered back to the day this downward spiral started. It was only a week ago, still fresh in her mind. It started out as a relatively good day too.

She woke up on time, and made herself breakfast. She even had the day off of school which meant she could spend the entire day training at base or out on patrol. But, there was one thing that trumped everything else she had planned. She was going to tell Dick she loved him.

It had taken a week of Artemis and Barbara encouraging her and telling her that nothing could go wrong.

"He feels the same way, you should see the way he looks at you," Barbara stated.

So, when she felt confident enough, she left her apartment and stuck to the shadows of the alleys as she walked to Gotham's Zeta. Her hero costume always gave her reassurance, she felt amazing in it, but it didn't feel like enough today as she was shaking in anticipation.

"Rogue, B-0-12."

"Hey (Y/n)," Tim greeted as she entered the Cave.

"Hi," (Y/n) smiled, "How's training going."

"As good as it could be," Tim chuckled, "I don't know how you and Dick survived it."

"Well, Dick had past experience and I just practiced like crazy, when you're surrounded by superpowered people, you gotta work to make sure you're valuable. Which you are Tim."

"Thanks (Y/n)."

"Have you seen Dick?" (Y/n) glanced around the training pad, not seeing him anywhere.

"Yeah he's in the monitor room," Tim answered.

"Thanks Tim, you're the best!" (Y/n) beamed, running off to follow through with her mission.

She ran to the monitor room, where lo and behold, Dick was standing in front of the many screens, idly watching as a few members of the team were on a mission.

"What's the mission for?" (Y/n) questioned.

Dick showed no sign of surprise when (Y/n) spoke, instead he turned around with his award winning smile. Making (Y/n)'s heart melt.

"Just a recon against the Brain, nothing big. But, you remember how recon missions went when we were younger, something always ended up being on fire."

"Those were the days," (Y/n) laughed, nodding in agreement.

A comfortable silence spread throughout the room. (Y/n) shifted nervously before taking in a deep breath.

"Dick?" She waited for the man to turn to her before she continued, "Listen, we've been working together for years, and in that time I started to get a crush on you. I've always just brushed it off because I thought it would affect how we've worked together but I just wanted to get it out in the open and tell you. I love you Dick, romantically."

Dick stared at (Y/n) in silence for a few moments, before smiling again. This one wasn't award winning though, it was sad, apologetic. It was a smile that raised (Y/n)'s anxiety tenfold, because she knew what it meant.

"I'm sorry (Y/n), but I asked Zatanna out last week, we're dating."

"Oh," (Y/n) looked down at her boots, pushing her hair behind her ear, "I-I see."

"I really am sorry-"

"No it's not your fault," (Y/n) began to walk towards the door. When it slid open she paused, turning to Dick with tears in her eyes, "I never stood a chance did I?"

"That's the sad part, you did, once," Dick sighed, becoming upset himself.

"What?" (Y/n) whispered, expecting anything but that answer.

"I thought you didn't feel the same way, so I moved on," Dick explained, "I mean you never gave any indication so I never would have thought...I'm sorry."

(Y/n) didn't say anything else, she just removed herself from the doorway and left. She didn't bother training that day, or going on patrol. Both of those held a chance of her seeing Dick, and that was the last thing she wanted.

That was when the downwards spiral began. She went home, changed out of her uniform, and just cried. There was nothing else she felt she could do. She lost her chance. The fact that she even had a chance in the past made her feel even worse.

A week earlier. Just a week, and maybe, just maybe, she could be with the man she had been in love with for the past five years. Too late, it was too late.

Since it was an extended weekend it gave her more time to wallow in self pity. Artemis and Barbara came over, assuring (Y/n) that Zatanna was always awful and that they would be there for her as she tried to get over the love of her life. But, (Y/n) tried to look at the bright side.

Only, there was no bright side. There was just pitch black darkness surrounding her. She was so upset that it was starting to affect her training and patrols. And because it was affecting patrols it was affecting her sleep which in turn made her start to stumble in school, making that pitch black darkness even darker- if that was possible at this point.

There was nothing for (Y/n) anywhere. Despite Artemis and Barbara doing everything they could to cheer her up, and the rest of the team catching on and doing the same, there was nothing. Not even when Bruce offered to plan her a vacation, anywhere she wanted, if it would mean she would be happier. But what was the point in vacationing alone?

What was the world holding for her when every time she tried to go to the Cave, or the Wayne Manor, Dick was there with Zatanna, the two acting like they had been in love for a lifetime. When it was (Y/n) who had loved Dick for years.

So, after a week of pure misery, she tried going on patrol once again. As she was putting on the suit she felt her misery increase tenfold, it just increased the memories of what happened that day, but she stuck through it until she had everything on.

"Alright, what mission possibilities do we have here?"

(Y/n) opened up her wrist-computer, looking over all of the tips and missions that Barbara was mentioning to the Bat-Family. She read through the vast majority of them until one caught her eye.

Mission for MULTIPLE MEMBERS OR JUST BATS but you know...He's Batman

Band of missionaries meeting at the Gotham docks for the past three weeks. Possible ties to the League of Shadows. Most likely armed, highly dangerous. If left to continue planning in peace, their track records indicate something of mass destruction. Though, they take time planning.

It was marked as middle level priority so there was a low chance that Bruce would be dealing with them tonight. Highly dangerous, armed mercenaries, likely to die in the process?

"Let's go out with a bang," (Y/n) muttered to herself spitefully, "Well if this is a suicide-mission I mine as well write a note for it."

(Y/n) found a spare piece of paper and a pen lying around her apartment and began to write. She didn't give herself a ton of time, because she knew that she would just drag on and then she would begin to rethink, and she didn't want to do that. There was nothing to rethink. Her downwards spiral had to end at some point, and the least she could do is choose when.

When she was finished she shoved the note into one of her spare belt pockets, making her way towards her window. As she opened it and put one foot out she took one last look around her apartment. She felt as if she should say some goodbye but she didn't really know how to do that to a living space, so she just moved on.

"Rogue, there's a robbery in progress downtown."

(Y/n) paused as she pulled out her grappling hook. She held out her arm, closing one eye to strengthen her aim before she shot off.

"Sorry Bats," she said through the com, "I'm checking something else out on the list."

"Checking something out on the list? (Y/n) we're spread thin, I need you on the robbery, it's priority."

(Y/n) swung across the city, turning off her com in the process. She knew Bruce would be trying to track her, but she made her own suit, so she knew there would be no trackers on her suit itself, her tech was another issue. She took her com out of her ear, throwing it to the ground below.

"No turning back now," she muttered to herself, "I'm dead whether or not I do this."

With only a few reloads from her grappling hooks, she was able to make it to the missionaries location within twenty minutes. She didn't bother trying to make a covert entrance, it wouldn't fit in with her plan anyways.

"Hey assholes!" (Y/n) yelled, the sound reverberating off of the walls.

The three mercs jumped up from their seats, drawing their weapons. Two with guns, one with a sword. Interesting mashup given the fact that mercs hated working with each other in general. Whatever (Y/n) was going to stop must have been worth it.

"Alright, none of us are getting out of here alive so let's just get into it," (Y/n) pulled her Jason-provided gun from her thigh holster.

She shot off rapidly as the men approached her. The two with guns began to shoot as well. She made a weak attempt to dodge a few of them before she gave up the fight, allowing three bullets to embed themselves in her leg, arm, and shoulder.

"Alright, deadly enough if I wait long enough," (Y/n) ran forwards and shoved the butt of her gun against one of the mercs heads, taking the shot when he fell, "Ow!"

The merc with the katana had taken the chance and stabbed her through the spleen. The pain was unimaginable, but, for once, her mind was off of what had happened with Dick. She stepped forwards, feeling the blade against her insides.

As she turned she couldn't help but groan in pain. The katana man seemed surprised that she was still standing. Using this surprise to her advantage, she took the head shot with him.

"You aren't gonna leave here alive," the last merc stated, gun pointed at her head.

(Y/n) couldn't help but grin, "Neither of us are, I've got friends that would track you down and make your death even more painful if you did."

And with that (Y/n) shot the last merc point blank. With a strange sense of peace, she allowed her body to fall backwards, increasing the pain for a few moments. But, it was a more comfortable position so it was worth it in the end.

That's where she was, thinking about how she should have made the first move. She grabbed her piece of paper and activated her tracker, closing her eyes as she waited patiently.

And her wait paid off.

~*~

"Dick, we need to talk."

"Sure," Dick looked up from his phone, turning to Zatanna with a smile, "What do you need?"

"I want to break up," Zatanna said immediately, "I didn't think you would take this relationship seriously and frankly, you haven't. You've been too hungover (Y/n) to really pay attention to me, so, I found someone else."

"Found someone else," Dick whispered, "You cheated on me?"

"Well, not in the physical sense, but yeah, kind of," Zatanna rushed to defend herself, "I only did it because in the end you're in love with (Y/n), not with me, so you kind of cheated too."

"Don't turn this on me," Dick fumed, "I wouldn't have asked you out if I loved (Y/n)."

"You asked me out to prove a point to yourself," Zatanna poked Dick's chest with her pointer finger, "To prove that you didn't love her, but you do! You love her Dick, and that's okay, because both of us deserve to be happy."

Dick's phone lit up with a notification. He glanced down at it, his brows furrowing.

"There was an emergency track sent out," he stated, "We're talking about this later Zatanna."

Already in his uniform, Dick left the Cave and zeta-d to Gotham. He followed the directions to an abandoned building. There, there was already the GCPD, and the rest of the Bat-Family. Whatever happened here must have been big.

"What's going on guys?" Dick asked the family as he passed by the police tape.

"Nightwing," Barbara covered her mouth to muffle a sob, "(Y/n), she went in there alone. I put on the list that it was supposed to be more than one person and she still-"

"What happened to her?" Dick's voice was full of worry.

"She's dead," Bruce stated, clearing his throat to keep his voice steady, "She dropped her com so we couldn't track her, she turned her emergency tracking on when her vitals were dropping, but they were already so low, it was like she was waiting."

"Waiting for what?"

"Waiting for it to be too late," Tim mumbled.

"We found a note, in her hand," Jim Gordon approached the group, "I thought you'd like to take a look at it. I'm sorry, she was a great hero. Gotham will be holding a service for her."

"Thank you Jim," Bruce took the note from the detectives hand, waiting for him to walk away before he opened it, "Holy shit."

"What? You never swear, swearing is my thing," Jason took the note from Bruce, looking it over, "Holy shit is right."

"What is it?" Tim grabbed the note as well, "Oh my God, it's the note. It's a suicide note. She did this on purpose?"

"Why would she go against these people knowing she wouldn't live through it?" Dick questioned.

Barbara lifted her head, glaring holes into Dick's body, "Because of you! You rejected her! You told her she was too late! Do you have any idea how awful she felt after that? She went on this downwards spiral. This is your fault!"

Dick grabbed Barbara's wrists before she could slam them against his chest. He felt a pit in his stomach at her words. Was he really the cause of all of this pain?

"Here," Tim held the note out to Dick.

The first thing I'd like to say is that I'm sorry. This is probably disappointing to you all, and I know that. But the spiral had to end at some point, and I was going to end it myself on my terms.

I'd like to thank all of the heroes. You guys were my second family. I loved you all more than you could ever imagine. You mentored me, trained me, fought with me. I couldn't have asked for better people to guide me.

Tell my parents I'm sorry as well. Tell them nothing that happened was their fault. It was no one's but mine for being stupid.

Dick, I love you. I know, you've moved on. That's fine, it's okay. I loved you to the end.

With much love, and sorrow

~(Y/n)

Dick closed his eyes as a few tears escaped and fell down his face. The vigilante felt his heart hitting against his ribcage like it was trying to break out. It was trying to find it's other half. God, its other half was never Zatanna, it was (Y/n). It was always (Y/n). He knew that, but he was too scared to wait for the best thing of his life to happen.

So as the heroes mourned their lost friend, and as the world mourned their lost hero, Dick was left with one thought in his head. The same thought that led (Y/n) to her death.

"I should have made the first move."