Part - 22

"If I Had To Choose Between Loving You & Breathing I Would Use My Last Breathe To Say I LOVE YOU"

(KARTHIK' s POV)

"Baby, what's wrong?" I ask her, panicking. Just by looking at her face I can clearly say she is upset. I don't want her upset, mainly not on her birthday.

She stares straight at my eyes as if she could see though my soul. I cup her face with my palm and nod my head encouraging her to tell whatever shit is bothering her. When I stare deeper into her eyes I can see pure love shining for me, but I see pain too... why?

"You are cutting me to the quick here. Just tell me what's going in your f**king head" I ask, confused and getting pissed at myself for not able to read her mind for the first time ever.

My heart is hammering hard against my chest so achingly. I am so worried that I might lose her once again; I am worried she will take yet again a wrong decision. Mithra, please no, I can't take it anymore.

I know Mithra has fallen in love with me... yeah too late... but still I crave for her & I'm willing to take her back in my life. Yeah, I am crazy, I know but you know what? Love is the extreme height of craziness & I am standing at the peak point.

I love my Baby Brat so madly that it hurts me brutally.

I was living an empty aching life for the past two years away from Mithra but now? When finally my life is turning to its head my mom is fucking up things with her stubbornness to test Mithra's intention. Did she say something to Mithra? Did she say she is not the right one for her son? Oh God! No, please fucking no! I don't want Mithra to take back her feelings for me which just started budding.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..." Mithra whispers close to my ears & pushes me gently away from her and when I try to grab a hold of her she escapes. My eyes bore at her as she walks straight to the music band.

She grabs the hand mike & says "Karthik...Darling, this song is for you" she throws a flying kiss to me.

I chuckle & shake my head. I guess she has Bi-polar disorder. One minute she seems so fragile & vulnerable, like she will break down but the next minute she is so strong, tenacious & her mischievous eyes are dancing with mirth. She is hard to judge. But hold on... I know where this is heading too... didn't I say the same words to her & sung a song for her? Didn't I confess my love in the public & let her go from my hold by giving divorce two years ago? Is she going to say Goodbye' to me like I did? Is she gonna surprise me by showing my future wife & make my mother happy?

"What she is up to?" Sanjeev asks me. I turn to him & shrug my shoulder. I am equally clueless as him.

I really don't know what she is going to do next. I wish she never ends the song as I am not ready to face the next blow. I know she is going to do something stupid & f**k up everything but I am hoping against hope that she won't do anything stupid.

"I guess she is going to propose you like you did..." Sanjeev says & I beam at him. I would be on cloud nine if she confesses her feeling to me but I don't want her to do the shit I did after my love confession. I don't want to end things again with her. I don't want to marry anyone. I want Mithra.

"And..." Sanjeev drags. I look at him creasing my eye brows.

"She might say 'Goodbye' to you like you did" he laughs. I growl at him.

It's not a funny thing to say. Just by hearing him say that she might leave me, my heart falls to the pit of my gut.

"You Are My Sunshine" - Song lyrics

(Mithra is singing the song & the lines in between are Karthik-Mithra's silent conversation they make through their eyes and no expressed words.)

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

"Oh baby, I know how much you love me & I don't intend to take your sunshine away from you. I want to stay with you, darling, forever and more" I thought, my eyes transfixed on hers & she is gazing my deep dark eyes back. She is singing so sweetly & I can hear the love & longing for me in her voice.

The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping

I dreamt I held you in my arms

"Oh really? When I was around you, you never let me touch you?" I accuse her through my eyes with a smirk & she lowers her face in guilt as her voice dips a bit.

When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken

So I hung my head, and I cried

I notice a lone tear rolling down her cheek which she wipes quickly from the prying eyes. Mithra's tear is my weakness; it breaks my heart into pieces.

I just want to walk to her & pull her in my arms giving her a bone crushing hug and put her out of this misery.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

"Yes, baby, yes. I will make you happy all my life, just come back to me." I thought looking at Mithra & she nods her head slowly as if hearing the message I conveyed through my eyes.

You never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

"I do know how much you love me and I won't go anywhere, I promise" she smiles widely as she sings; I guess once again she heard my unspoken words. I am actually surprised to see her understanding my inner feeling without me expressing it. Maybe our hearts & souls are connected through our love, now.

I'll always love you and make you happy

If you will only say the same

"You want me to say? Don't you know that already?" I shoot my eye brow up. She looks guilty for even singing that line. "Of course I'll always love you & make you happy" I promising her wordlessly by placing my hand over my heart & pat it with my fingers. "You live here, baby, in my heart, safely and securely"

But if you leave me to love another,

You'll regret it all one day

"I won't because I can't love anyone but you. Trust me, baby" I smile. She sadly looks at my mother. I look her too. My mom is smirking at Mithra & then she cranes her head to my side & winks at me.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You never know, dear, how much I love you

What the hell have you done to upset my Mithra, mom? Why Mithra is singing this sad song? Is she going to end things again with me thinking I don't deserve her? I begin to panic.

Please don't take my sunshine away

Please don't take my sunshine away!!!

She walks towards me from the dais & stands in front of me singing the last line twice caressing my cheek. Her eyes hold so many emotions at once but love is overpowering everything else.

Our eyes are locked in an intense gaze as we both get lost in our own world forgetting the crowd surrounding us. We jerk away hearing the loud claps.

"You sung so well, baby" I smile awkwardly for being center of attraction. She smiles back shyly holding my arms tightly not letting me move away from her.

After a beat, she abruptly went down on her knees making me jump a step back. She sits on her heels and bows down her head in front of me.

"Mithra, what are you doing? Get up" I order her gently as I try to lift her up holding her shoulders but she remains still. After a beat she looks up at me & holds both my hands firmly in hers.

"I LOVE YOU, Karthik" she says sincerely. I blink my eyes twice to check I am not dreaming because everything feels so surreal.

"I love you so much like you do... so damn much...but I won't set you free & let you go like you did. I'm so selfish Karthik unlike you. I can't say 'Go Karthik Go, lead your life happily without ME' like you said to me a year ago because neither of us can live happily without each other and I realized that now. Look, you are important to me as much as oxygen is important to live. 'I love you more than I love myself." she says & looks up at me. I don' know what to say. I am spellbound by her words. The words for which I have carved for years & finally she is saying them loud & clear, with love & sincerity.

"Mithra, first get up, let's talk this out in private" I tell softly rubbing my forehead.

"No. I won't. This is how you proposed so I should do the same. Did I miss something?" she asks me wondering. "I sung a sob song like you did..."

"You didn't play guitar while singing" Sanjeev pipes in and we both glare at him irately.

"I went on my knees & proposed you saying the same words you said, of course with some alteration... oh wait..." she slaps her head over her forehead as if forgetting something. It's hard to not laugh seeing her funny antics.

The whole crowd is watching us with so much interest. I am so mortified. I mentally face palm.

"I forgot to give you a return gift for the gift you gave me on my request two years ago" oh well, she is referring to the divorce notice I gave her as gift. 

She pulls something out which she has tucked in her waist band.

Ah! Our divorce papers! What she is going to do with these fucking papers now?

She tears it into pieces & thrust it into my hands answering to my thoughts.

"Hope you like my return gift?" she has the grace to blush. These damned papers f**ked up our life but now she simply tore it into pieces & handed back to me. She is unbelievable.

"I have my copy, baby" I joke.

"Let's burn it tonight together" she giggles. I love giggling Mithra. She looks cute.

"I am sorry, Karthik. If I hate anything in my life then it will be the day I asked you for divorce. I will regret that one single decision of mine forever. I was blissfully ignorant of your love for me & the pain I gave you for so long but finally I woke up from my slumber & searched for you, you were not there in my life, you were gone and that's when I realized what I had lost and I felt dead..." she choked a sob down.

"Mithra, please..." I beg her to stop crying. She quickly wipes off her tears and cleared her throat.

"Karthik, you please breathe life into my dead soul & take this zombie-me back in your life..." she pleads for one minute and the next minute she says authoritatively "Now, it's your turn" I look her down at her, impassively.

"What?" I voice out.

"Don't be so obtuse, Karthik. You know what to do now" she chides me.

"I really don't know what the hell you are talking about?"

"Didn't I jump in joy & hug you when you confessed and gave me divorce as our anniversary gift? Now, you should show the same courtesy" she scolds me gently. I couldn't help but laugh. I thought she was grown up and got some maturity but no, I was wrong. She is still immature & childish & I love her this way more.

"Am I looking so funny?" she asks, obviously pissed

"Yes" I nod my head smirking.

She sighs before blurting out "Karthik, Marry me!!" that doesn't sound like a plea or request to me. It was more like an order.

"See the audacity of this girl?" Sanjeev says in shock pointing his finger at Mithra. That makes my doubt surer that she didn't ask me but ordered me to marry her.

"Shut up, Sanjeev" Mithra growls at him making him jump and hide behind Deepa.

"Karthik, tell me quickly, will you marry me or WILL YOU MARRY ME?" she asks pulling my hands down to her but I didn't move. I couldn't move. I'm shocked.

"That's not an option" I point out. She is not playing fair.

"Yeah, I know. I am the only option for you, Karthik. Don't you know that?" she asks. I stare at her without blinking. She is right.

"So you are the girl you chose for me?" I ask her.

"Yes. I know I am not the best for you. I tried hard, really hard to make my little heart understand that I don't deserve you and tried to find you 'an aunty ape bitchy wife' for you but I couldn't" she says and pouts at her failed attempt in finding my dream wife.

"Even Radha aunty likes Tara & wants her to be your wife..." she says with trembling lips. I turn my head & look at my mom. She has a wolfish grin on her face. So this is her idea of testing, Mithra?

(Flashback)

"So you are not happy with the idea of getting married?" my mom asks. I nod my head slowly & walk towards her. I lay on the bed resting my head on her lap. She starts caressing my head in a way I love.

"So you still love, Mithra!" she says disapprovingly.

"How do you know?" I ask surprised.

"I'm your mother" she says as if I am missing the obvious.

"Yes, I will always love her" That's not going to change, ever.

"Does she worthy for your love, Karthik?" she asks.

"Yes, Mom"

Of course she worthy of my love, even more, much more. She is one pure innocent soul and I love her with all my heart.

"I don't think so?"

"Why do you say so?"

"If she had a pinch of love for you then she wouldn't have divorced you" my mom harshly.

"Mom, she was so young then. She couldn't see me as her husband. She considered my happiness and took the hardest decision of divorcing me thinking I will get my happiness by marrying someone else but that's where she went wrong but I can't blame her, she didn't have the maturity then. I had moved on her decision would have been right but I couldn't move on so it's basically my fault not hers." I defend my Mithra. I know she is innocent. Her motive behind her wrong decision was right. I know that. I always do.

"I don't blame her at all, for the pain I suffered. It's my love for her put me through hell when we got separated." I hug her waist hard.

"I don't want to see you in pain, Karthik" my mom says and leaning forward she kisses my forehead.

"I can't help. Mithra is the only cure for my pain"

"So you are not ready to marry the girl I choose for you?" she asks.

"For you I am willing to marry anyone because I don't want to hurt you... I do care for you, mom...but you please don't expect me to be happy with the new girl in my life but trust me I will give her all the happiness in this world because she deserves it for being my wife but the only thing I can't give her is my heart because Mithra owns & rules my heart." I whisper.

"So you want me to accept Mithra as my daughter in law again?"

"I'm not compelling you"

"Does she love you?" Mom asks me incredulously.

"She is head over heels in love with me" I say with a chuckle.

"You sure?" My mom wants reassurance

"Yes."

"So Manohar & Padmini were right?" my mom says. I sit up on the bed to look at her.

"What? They already knew about Mithra's feelings for me?" I ask.

"Yes. They said they find changes in their daughter like she was always thinking & talking about you. She even started spending most of her time in your apartment as she misses you badly... If she doesn't go to your apartment also she comes here & do her college work or simply watch TV in your room since you left to Singapore, maybe it's her way of holding on to you" Mom says with a small smile. Seems Mithra too had it bad than she showed it out. She really missed me. I can't help but grin like an idiot.

"They think their daughter has finally fallen in love with you..."

Bingo! I already knew it; in fact I take the pride of finding out her feelings for me first.

"Though Padmini said with conviction about her daughter's feelings for you I refused to believe her words. I want to see it for myself or hear it out loud from Mithra." she says & I stare at her with a frown.

"Rishu, I forced you to get married only after noticing Mithra standing at the door way when you came home this morning. I pushed her buttons and got the reaction I expected from her. She went frantic fearing she might lose you." she laughs.

"So it was an act?" I ask my mom in disbelief.

"NO! It was not at all an act. I never play with my son's feelings. I love you Karthik" she caress my cheek. I nod knowing it's true. "I am sorry, Mom" I whisper.

"I really want my son to get married & live happily. You can wait all your life for Mithra to come & confess her feelings for you but I can't, even Mithra's parents can't wait so I decided to force you into this unwanted marriage to trigger Mithra's feelings. I knew if she really loved you she would fight for you and if she didn't then I thought to convince you & get married to some other nice girl of my choice. A win-win situation." she shrugs & I nod understanding her.

"Mom, will you accept Mithra as my wife?" I ask my mom taking her hand in mine.

"You are asking me as if I have an option" she says and sighs, little dramatically if I must add.

"You have mom. You do have an option to say no." I tell her but hoped she doesn't say no to have Mithra back in my life. "You are the one who gave this life to me. You are the first woman I fell in love with, and you are everything to me so you can still say no" I tell her, sincerely. She smiles happily with a lone tear rolling down her cheek and I quickly wipe it off.

"I know Karthik. You will do anything to make me happy & I should do the same for you. I just wish Mithra makes you happy because you could do lot better than her" I want to argue with her that my Mithra is the best for me but I didn't.

"So you agree?"

"Yes... But I want to test her before approving her as my daughter in law" she says showing attitude like typical MIL.

"Test?" I ask my mom confused.

"Yes, I want to see her love for you."

"What you going to do?" I ask.

"You will see." She smirks.

"Mom, it's her birthday so please try not to do something that will end up hurting her"

"I don't care if she gets hurt or not. I just want to see the depth of her love for you." she says bitterly. I can tell she still has her doubt on Mithra and her feelings.

"Mom... please"

"Stop whining, Karthik, will you?" my mom slapping my arms. I chuckle.

"I love my baby so please go easy on her mom" I plead. My mom smiles and nods her head.

(Flashback ends)

"Even Radha aunty likes Tara & wants her to be your wife..."

So Mom asked Mithra to choose Tara for me? God! This is one hell of testing Mithra's intensity of love.

"Omg! Do I really have a chance in marrying Karthik?" Tara jumps in from nowhere.

I know she is joking because we are more like brother & sister since I got married to Mithra and came to know more about her close friend and even after our divorce Tara and I share the same bond so we never have and never will have any feelings for each other but this is not the time to joke.

My poor baby is kneeling down on the floor & making love declaration but here, all are playing wicked games with her. Tsk! Tsk! Too bad!

"No Tara. You don't have a chance, not in this birth, never in any births. Karthik is mine, only mine!!" Mithra says angrily through her teeth and gave a 'back-off-now' stare to Tara. She is being possessive. Good! I love it!

"Radha aunty, sorry I couldn't choose the best of best wife for your son, but trust me I won't be that bad" she says to my mom who is standing beside me now.

"I know" she laughs. "I thought you will sacrifice your love..." before letting my mom complete Mithra says "I'm not like your son. I am little selfish, no I am actually little more than little selfish. But trust me, when you said you like Tara, I was wondering whether she was the right one for Karthik. I was even contemplating whether to confess my love or not, with that dilemma I descended down the stairs & head straight to Karthik for help & as ever he showed me the right path. The love I saw in his eyes for me...the care & concern he showed me seeing me upset...all made me want him more and more and made me desperately fight for him. I lost him once but not again, never again."

"I am so happy you made a wise decision, Mithra" My mom says with a smile. Mithra beams at her for winning her heart. I look at Mithra's parents & they seem happy at the same time eager to know my answer.

"Karthik... My legs are paining" she whines. I chuckle & pull her up in my arms & hug her tightly, cradling her head on my chest.

"I love you, Karthik" she whispers hugging me back.

"I love you too, baby. I always do." I whisper back & kiss her forehead.

"Don't let me go ever again" she whispers.

"I won't" I promise her.

"Will you marry me?" she asks.

"Now you are asking me?" I ask grinning.

"Just tell me nah, Karthik?" she asks blushing profusely.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! I will marry you" I literally yell those words and pepper kisses all over her face. She squeals & hugs me almost knocking me over.

Once we pull apart, Manohar uncle & Padmini aunty walks forwards holding two rings. I look at them surprised so is Mithra.

"We are so happy Karthik for giving Mithra a second chance. Hope she values it" Manohar uncle says.

"I will, dad" Mithra promises.

"Well, then here you go, put the rings to one another & get engaged. We will fix the wedding date later" Padmini aunty says. I look at my parents & they nod their approval. Both the rings are plain gold band engraved with the letters "KM"

"You sure about this, Mithra, because this is your last chance to bail out?" I ask her for one last time.

"Yes."

"You ready to be my wife in all sense?" I ask.

"Yes"

"No backing off and no regrets" I warn her gently.

"No. I will never regret this decision of mine. I am just glad to win you back in my life, just glad to know that I didn't lose your love... I don't know how I would have survived if you hadn't wanted me back in your life... "

"I don't want you to ever think back about our past. Let's leave everything behind & start our life a new from this moment." I tell her.

"Sure" she agrees. "And you too don't look back at our past & please don't regret this decision of giving me a chance"

"It's in your hand. I hope you will never give me a chance to regret giving you a chance."

"Trust me, Karthik, I won't. I will love you as long as I live & beyond that too"

"Today & always, I need you by my side, as my friend, my baby brat, my lover, my wife & my forever soul mate. Will you be?" I ask her with a smile.

"Would love to be" she says shyly.

"Love you, Mithra" I say & slip the ring in her ring finger. It fits so perfectly on her thin finger.

"Love you, Karthik" she smiles widely & slips the ring in my finger.

I open my arms for her to hug me & she does & we both share a quick kiss. "Proper kiss can wait for later. Now, let's cut your birthday cake" I whisper & Mithra nods, happily.

"This surely will be the most memorable birthday of mine." She smiles at me & I return her smile. Mithra looks at me before making a wish & blowing the candles. She cuts the cake & feeds the first piece to me & I feed her back & hold her close to my chest and pose for the snap taken by mom.

... To be continued!!!

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