a/n: hey loves! the chapters 1-6 have been rewritten but don't worry, the story line is the same. just a few changes in the scenes. Happy reading :)
And don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts.

Nirvana.

A week had passed. Several more incidents went on with him spewing insults whenever we were alone together. Maybe that was his way of telling me to back off for his relationship with his beloved. It was twenty first century, no one really questioned office relationships anymore. Just loomed over them as if they were the apple of their eyes.

While all I was greeted with was scorns and scowls. Nothing new, it was always the same. But somehow, things have started hurting nowadays. And it's always when he says it. It's always that hole he digs in my chest and just penetrates it further. But I couldn't will myself away from him.

Maybe it was because he was amusing? Or maybe it was cause,..I don't know. It's weird but I like to curve my lips and speak pleasantly with him. Even when I am not greeted with the same in return.

Is this the moment when I can call myself a sick masochist?

I drunk in the nicotine and let my fingers hover around on the keyboard. My lips sucked in on the chapped stick and let the smoke blur in my eye sight, though allowing some relief to me. Darkness loomed over and the flickering street lights showered over the concrete. The lamp lit the small room I sat in, the music blasting off in my ears. Maybe more like a lullaby to me.

I glance at the time. Minutes before the clock would tick to another day. Yet Jimin wasn't home yet. His phone was switched off and the guy had the audacity of leaving me on seen. Twice.

I flinch when a loud thud resounded the room. Alerting my senses, I grab the pen nearby and turn around to attack, but stop only to find Jimin crouched over on the ground, sprawled and wasted to hell. His plump lips reddened to the colour of blood, his cheeks flushed and his eyes drooped to numbness. But he wasn't blabbering nonsense, he might have sobered right now.

Immediately on my feet, I make my way towards him. Going down my knees, I place my hands on his shoulders and pull him up. He was as thin as a skeleton. I wonder if he was eating well.

"Ara." His cracked voice reached my ears as I pulled him up on my shoulders. Ara was his younger sister. He would often wander off about her, his only family. The way his eyes would sadden while talking about her made me curious about her current situation, which was that, she was in coma. For the last three years.  Jimin would send the trickling money we used to receive bit by bit to the hospital she was admitted in. Once I had caught him red handed and demanded an explanation since we were already short and him doing this was only straining our finances.

Reluctantly he had spilled it out. And I had never felt so guilty for doubting him for stealing. When we had our first lumpsum, I secretly sent it to the hospital expense and have been doing so, ensuring she got the best treatment, somehow sees the world after her coma. It wasn't really bad as they said, she was just hit hard by a car. Yeah, I had wanted to slap the shit outta them too.

I seat him down on the bed and allow his body to lay on the sheets. I glanced at my scattered belongings. Looking back at Jimin, I leave those things be and give my full attention on making him comfortable. He kept mumbling nothings, dried tears stroking his cheeks. I touch his forehead and sigh in relief that he didn't have a temperature.

I lean forward to arrange the haphazard pillows kept around. Jimin's eyes fluttered open slowly, moving up to meet mine.

"Ya need anything?" I ask when he didn't say a word.

After what seemed like a minute or two, he shook his head and instead took my hand in his. He clumsily shifted himself, uncomfortable with his blazer on.

"Fuck this shit." In a flick, he was up and had his blazer thrown somewhere in the corner of the room. His sweat drenched shirt left nothing to imagination as he flicked his tie off and ran his fingers through his hair. I raise my hands up in surrender and wait for him to sit quiet again.

"Wanna talk?" I wasn't in practice of this anymore. But he looked like he needed one. I awkwardly place my palm on his shoulder and squeeze it for assurance. He looked up, this time his guard down and the depression clouding his eyes. His real senses on the surface for me to see.

"Everything's wrong." He mumbled as a lone tear flowed down the side of his cheek. "Nothing can be right anymore. Everything is wrong." His whispers tuned down to whimpers, his shoulders shook as he hiccuped.

My eyes softened at his state. I allow my hands to glide around his shoulders and pull him closer to me. His head rested at the crook of my neck, slowly wetting my pajamas. His hands snaked around my waist, burying his face as if hiding it from the world to see. He pulled himself closer and tightened his hold, as if anchoring himself on me. I hesitantly stroke his back.

"She's, she's not...even after so many years, she's still.." He whimpered holding on tight to me. I let him drench my shirt, maybe he needed to get it out. He was there for me, I should be there for him.

"This wouldn't have happened. All would have been fine if, if I had been—.."

"It's not your fault. Nothing's your fault." I shushed him, craddling him closer.

He shook his head vigorously, forcibly denying it. Pulling back, he gripped on my shoulders. His eyes puffed and red with the withheld tears.

"No." He gripped tighter, his nails digging on my skin. I hold the sting in and shake my head.

"Jimin, it isn't your fault."

"It is my fucking fault. You haven't seen, so you don't know. That guy she went on with, she was so naive to not know what laid behind that cinnamon roll face. She couldn't see his fake grins when she turned to scowl at me. And as a brother, I fucking failed in keeping her apart from him. Everything I did, would only end up in her screaming into the pillow while he could bring on that smile." He was lost in the nostalgia, so lost that he hadn't realised how hard he was clawing me.

"I let it be. And the drift was never cured. But the inevitable happened. He left her, and well, she went rash and, and—.."

He breathed in sharp and exhaled heavily. He shoulders rose and fell erratically. He blinked and pulled his hands off. I bit the inside of my cheeks to control the stinging pain on my shoulder. His shoulders caved in as he crumbled down into a ball. This time, he didn't suppress the tears, he allowed them to fall through. His guard was down, and he wasn't hiding himself. I pull myself up properly and pull him closer to my lap. The cascading tears didn't stop for a while he keep on mumbling incoherent words. He held onto the hem of my shirt and I let him do whatever he wanted.

Maybe he just needed a release.

Maybe coming to Seoul was just overwhelming for him. That must explain his jumpy attitude.

I brought my palm up to his cheek. My thumb slowly wiped away his tears. His lips parted as his sobs now toned down to blissful snores. He looked too peaceful, moreover he didn't seem he wanted to let go of my pajamas. I allow my fingers to stroke his forehead, upto the stubborn bangs that landed on his face.

"You're not at fault." I whisper. "Neither is your sister nor is that guy she went on with."

Looking up I sigh and lean back on the headrest. "It's the emotion that's involved. The relationship they created. The love they talk about which is at fault. That love which does things no one should, but easily gets away with, again in the name of love." I suck in a breath and close my eyes to move away the unwanted thoughts.

"It's not worth it. It's winter, but spring will follow." Dad used to say. Whenever things would seem like they were falling apart, he would whisper this to himself and with a smile, face it all.

But sadly, I couldn't.

I was in the breeze of autumn and winter seemed to be promising to stay long enough over me, long enough or forever.

_______

Jimin looked over at me, which he thought was sneaky enough but somehow, he didn't know that looking over at someone over the book was not in a least bit sneaky.

Finally having had enough, I walked over to him and slammed his book down. Leaning towards him, I raise a brow. He blinked once, twice, and then allowed a red shade flush his nose and cheek.

"You, ah–, I mean good morning?" He sheepishly smiled and looked away.

"So like a flustered teenager you thought it was sexy to sneak on a woman just to say, this?" Maybe that did a thing. His facial expression instantly darkened as he stood up tall, hovering over me. I lean back as I look up at him. His lips curved up in a smirk as he dominated and hovered over me.

My shirt which stayed up loosely fell back a little, garnering his attention. His eyes widened as he gazed at it. His marks, from him gripping that tight, still marked its existence. I clear my throat and step further back from him, pulling up my collar.

"Is,..that because of me?" He pointed at the point. "Yesterday..night, it was.." He trailed off as realisation striked him.

"It's alright. Hope you slept well." Though my neck wasn't really in the best shape. And let's not talk about those marks. They stung bad when touched.

"It must hurt huh." He sigh and walked up closer to me. With remorse in his eyes, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and rested his chin on my forehead.

"Thank you. For taking care of me yesterday. I wasn't really, um, okay I guess?"

"You were wasted."

"Ah, yeah I know." He chuckled sadly. "But,.." He pulled back to look down at me.

"I heard you. I heard you when you were talking about, love." I shift my gaze away and twirl a stray strand behind my ear. I knew where he could go on with it. And I didn't want to talk about it. I glance at the time.

"Oh look. It's already eight. Chop off unless you wanna miss your chance to drive again."

I prepare to scurry off when he held my wrist and stopped me at my place. I didn't turn around, closing my eyes in frustration.

"How long are you gonna ignore this?" He mumbled closing the distance between us. His head rested on my shoulder, his silky hairs tickling the side of my neck. His arms tightened around me, holding my arms and intertwining in with his.

"Tell me, all these years of living together, did you not feel anything? Was I the only one imagining this?" I look away, not wanting to say anything to break his heart. I really am not gonna lie and say that he was unattractive. He was a walking Greek God. Physically, mentally and spiritually. I mean it.

"You blame love, maybe because you didn't feel it the right way?" His hands travelled up from my waist upto my neck. Taking my jaw in his hand, he forced me to face him. Grimly, his hooded eyes stared at me, with sincerity and a promise. I gulp in a gasp when he leaned in with his lips spreading into a sweet angelic smile.

"Then let me. Let me show you what love really is."

'I really love you, Ivy. Please be mine.' Even Kim Taehyung had said the same words. And the naive VeeVee had complied to it. Believing it is love. His eyes were this sincere too, but he didn't mean it. Or maybe he did, but he just as fast fell out of it.

He would too, Jimin would too. He just needs time, time to see how wrong he was in loving the person in front of him. I was a grim reaper, tarnishing souls because my own soul was tarnished. But I would never touch a soul as pure as his. 

I tilt my head and inch away from him. He looked so hopeful. More like he was desperate for me to say something, something he wanted to hear. But I wasn't the one for him. I would never be the one he would want to shower his love over. I was a lonely, helpless, a broken sinner whose sins would just add as a burden on his shoulder.

But this face, something told me, today wasn't the day to do that. But the day was near. His heart was bound to be broken and it wouldn't end us in any good.

It's not that I didn't believe in love anymore. Being a lyricist and composer came with many emotions, some suppressed some wanting to be said. Maybe just, somewhere inside I was waiting for someone as tarnished as me. So that our souls could just swallow the loss and fill the gap.

"Today's not the day for this." I chose to say the truth. Lying would end up in hurting and I didn't know how to reject him with proper words. I pull his hands away and stand myself out of his grasp. A flash of hurt crossed his features but he quickly feigned it by pursing his lips. Nodding in understanding, he stepped back looking heavenward. Pushing his hair back, he glanced at his watch.

"Well then, I guess it's my chance to drive this time?" He dangled the keys from his pockets.

I smirk and pull out the spare pair from my pockets. "Offer's expired."

With that, I turn to walk off when he suddenly whooshed past me with the keys stolen from my hands. Whistling, he turned around to wink and walked towards the lamborghini. Aston's had it's chance yesterday.

"Bitch this' my car. I shoulda drive." I grumble as I tie up my seatbelt.

"Yeah, Bugatti's mine too. You seem to love it a lil more." He argued back. Though he was right, Bugatti is bae. Pressing the accelerator, we were off and about the corner, in full speed towards the office.

"That's higher than the speeding limit." I point out as my heart raced at my throat. Though the highways were clear and about, but the way he was speeding around was just too much.

"Woman, this is just below the speeding limit." He gave me a sinister grin as he slowed down to show the radar but then accelerated it again, making me fall back on the seat.

But seriously, where's the fucking traffic?

"You drive too slow bitch. Learn from me." He casually propped his elbow against the window and smirked at me. I give him a look and fold my arms, secretly holding tight onto the seatbelt. He laughed heartily and didn't stop until we reached the parking lot.

I could feel my head spinning, but anyway I was alive.

As we walked in, I look around at the suspiciously quiet atmosphere. Everyone was systematically working in their place. No one was gossiping or flirting around. No one was even looking up from where they are. It was never like this, not even in my office nor in any other.

On seeing us, they bowed and I acknowledged their presence back. I frown in confusion and lean in towards Jimin.

"What's today?" I lowly ask as we turn around the corner. But he didn't have to answer. The four pairs of bodyguards outside the boardroom was enough to tell.

The fucking president of South Korea was here. And we weren't prepared. Moreover, we were late. By a minute and two point four five seconds.

"Wasn't he supposed to come a day later?" Jimin shuffled through his tablet. "Fuck. Tomorrow one thirty in the morning, a mail from Jeon Jungkook." He whispered under his breath.

The black geared bodyguards bowed at our presence and muttered something on their microphone. Maybe announcing our arrival.

They shifted aside and opened the door for us to enter. Facing the window, Mr. Kim Namjoon sat with his back towards us. The pivotal chair revolved as casually crossed his legs against the chair stand. Jeon Jungkook stood at his side with his hands in front of him. Jinae stood a few distance behind with his team around, holding onto her files.

Jungkook's eyes met mine innocently. But this time, I wasn't having it. I glowered at him, because he could have been putting his hands on my passion, my as well as my employees blood, sweat and tears into test, into potential danger I might say.

My heels clicked against the wooden floor as I reach for the desk. Kim Namjoon turned around with a grim expression. I couldn't point out if it was him being pissed or just the atmosphere. His hairs were gelled up into the perfect state that he displayed in every photograph. He was in his thirties, the youngest president of the world at the moment. His thick lips spouted theories and philosophies just like the brown leaves fell in autumn. His tanned skin with dimples on his cheek as he smiled was a feature which had many girls go uwu-ing and then drop their panties the next second. Don't pardon my language, it is what it is.

"It's eight hours and two minutes—"

"Plus point five three seconds."

He frowned at the interruption. "Yes, two minutes point five three seconds—"

"With the accuracy of a zero point zero zero zero one second, please add in a seven at the end. Though now the time must be three minutes point three four two seconds." 

He clenched his jaw at it. "Yes so, urm, we are at. . ." He paused calculating it.

"Sir we are at eight hours and three minutes point five six four seconds at the moment." I politely bow though inwardly enjoying this. This was the thing with the president. He liked smart people, especially the one who could outsmart him in any field. I wasn't a fool to sit back up for the last moment. I had done my research beforehand.

He sucked in deeply and breathed out a laugh. His dimples showing on his cheeks as extended his hand for me. I returned back his smile (awkwardly). Placing a kiss at the back of my hand, he bowed just as I bow in return.

"I like your attitude Ms. Kim. Though, you being late is pardonable cause this was a last moment decision on my part too?" He awkwardly laughed lightening the atmosphere. I glance at Jimin who gave me a thumbs up. When I was talking with Namjoon, I was basically giving him time to gather all the required materials together. I nod and look back at Namjoon who now sat comfortably gesturing us all to take our seats.

Jungkook and I sat opposite to each other. I sent him a smirk back to which he just shrugged. He didn't really look unpleased or anything about it. He looked unbothered on the whole about it and just focussed on Namjoon. I purse my lips and look at the screen.

"Okay. So firstly, hearty congratulations on your partnership." He started enthusiastically. "But today we meet here for an important matter; reason Euphoria and Symphony are involved in this joint venture of "Nirvana : awakening through music".

We all nodded in agreement. Euphoria and Symphony are known to be best music companies in the entire world. I've always had the love for music. My mum used to say that I was born for music. Dad used to call me the 'uncomparable prodigy' which was according to me an overstatement. Because I was pretty confident that I sounded like a crying whale.

It was still an honour that we were the ones chosen for it. I could feel the pride swell up my chest as I reminisce the days when we were as minute as an ant. Maybe I did something, at least to make my parents proud of me. Wherever they are.

"I am kinda impressed with the idea y'all came up with. And maybe that's a bit better than what I had had in mind. So, let's just look into the revised edition." Namjoon clicked on his presentation slides. "Nirvana is a drive or a movement by the Korean government, supported by UN to awaken people through music. We all live in a world where our coming generation is suffering from the epidemic of depression, reason being several in number. What we have observed is that people hate themselves and feel unloved. They feel lonely. They feel they are not worth anything."

I hum along as he went on. It was an holistic approach which I am glad they had decided to take up on.

"After all, music is the language that remains unspoken or buried, gripped with fears and anticipation of what might happen. It doesn't judge anyone, it just says what we might never had been able to say."

He continued on about it. Maybe ten or more minutes had passed and I was lost in the words he spoke. No wonder he was liked by all. His wisdom was something that I had grown to respect in our few minutes of encounter, I could just imagine the respect the residents of Korea would have in him.

I looked down on my notes and scribbled down my ideas that could possibly be beneficial. I look up to find Jungkook looking at me with an unknown expression. Realizing that I was staring back, he blinked away and went back on listening to Namjoon.

The next hour went on smoothly, with everything in set on our side and of course on Jungkook's side. Overall, we seemed to have made an excellent impact on him. He was more than pleased and elated to work on with us. While leaving I brought up with the part of being late, but he brushed it off saying we had greater goals ahead than pondering over the decimals of time of being late.

It was all well and good, until everyone vacated and Jungkook was finally alone.

I tap on his shoulder, earning his attention as he turned around.

"I think we have a little something to talk about."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*