I felt extremely confused.

I hated Draco Malfoy. He was an evil bully who had made my life hell at Hogwarts ever since day one. He kidnapped my beloved pet for almost an entire year, humiliated me in ways that was beyond cruel and seemed to live to see me reduced to tears.

So why was it then, that every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was him?

"So what do you say, Neve?"

I blinked, tearing my eyes away from the Slytherin table to look at Seamus, who was sat next to me, his expression eager as he waited for my response.

"Huh?" I asked, realising I hadn't been listening to a word he had been saying.

"Hogsmeade? You and me? I was thinking I could buy your Trevor this cushion I saw when I was last there. It's shaped like a lily pad. And then maybe we could get a Butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks. Dean won't mind; I think he's considering asking Ginny Weasley to go with him, but don't tell anyone that mind, you know, just in case he chickens out."

He was speaking very quickly and seemed a little nervous. It suddenly occurred to me that he was asking me out out. And I felt awful, because I just didn't look at Seamus in that way at all.

Oh god, the last thing I had intended to do was lead him on. I mean, I didn't even know how.

"Um... okay," I said as panic rose in my chest.

He beamed so wide that I thought his face was going to split in two.

That night I couldn't sleep; panicking that I might end up becoming Mrs Finnigan, all because I was too afraid to ever hurt Seamus's feelings.

*****

"So I hear you and Seamus are a thing now." Harry said, frowning down at the large egg in his lap as I plonked myself down next to him on the common room sofa.

I felt my stomach twist unpleasantly; Seamus was not the prince I wanted. I mean, he was nice and all, but the thought of kissing him made me want to cry.

"Yeah, I suppose," I said heavily; resigned to my fate.

I tried desperately to look on the bright side; Seamus was good with Trevor.

And for some reason, my mind went to Draco Malfoy; the boy who had kidnapped said toad. And I realised he must have fed and watered Trevor in all that time. Which, in its warped way, was kind of sweet.

No! I needed to stop thinking about that horrid, cruel boy.

"What's up, Neve?" Harry asked, "you don't seem very happy. I thought dating was supposed to be a good thing? Just look at Hermione - she's been on cloud nine since the Yule Ball."

We both glanced over to where she was sat, book open in front of her as she looked dreamily out of the window; a small smile fixed upon her face.

Just behind her, Ron was glaring angrily.

I felt that familiar pang of betrayal. I had had high hopes for Viktor Krum. Now he I could picture kissing.

"I like Seamus, I really do," I sighed heavily, "but..."

"But you'd sooner spend an afternoon dissecting toads with Snape than get up close and personal with our little Irish friend." Harry finished for me, now lazily throwing and catching the egg. "I hear you."

"Harry, that's a little harsh!" I spluttered, before giving another deep sigh. "He just feels more like a brother, I guess. Not that I'd know what the feels like. Besides I'm only fourteen, I'm far too young to be thinking about that sort of thing."

Complete lie. I'd done all sorts in my head with Viktor Krum. And it hadn't made me feel squeamish in the slightest.

And then there was D- NO! Now that was wrong.

"Just be honest with him," Harry shrugged, "Seamus is a decent guy, he'll get over it. Maybe."

"But I don't want to hurt him," I cried, feeling frustrated by my dilemma. Why did Seamus have to fancy me? Nobody fancies me!

It was just typical of my life.

*****

"Would you like to hold my hand?"

I swallowed looking at Seamus, missing the innocent friendship we once shared.

We were walking down the rocky path to Hogsmeade when he had made the terrifying request.

"Uh, no I'm okay thanks," I said, trying not to cringe. "I walk better with both hands free."

I didn't miss the disappointment flashing in his eyes and I felt myself die slightly inside.

So I was going to hell.

"Oh look who it is!" I heard a horribly familiar screech. "The leprechaun and princess toadface - out making ickle Irish tadpoles!"

Okay, scratch that: Pansy was the one going to hell.

Draco and Pansy were striding briskly down the footpath behind us; my stomach giving a little twist as I noticed they were holding hands.

I couldn't help but recall how his long white fingers had felt clasped around mine when we danced, and my heart gave an involuntary flutter.

"Leave it, Pansy," Draco muttered, pulling her to the other side of the footpath so that they kept their distance as they overtook us.

His eyes briefly met mine and I felt that same crazy rush that made my heart beat unnaturally fast and beads of sweat form in the palms of my hands.

Seamus and I watched their retreating backs as they marched onwards into the distance.

"Stinking Slytherins," Seamus snarled. "The whole lot of 'em!"

I would have agreed, only I didn't think there was anything stinky about Draco Malfoy.

And I found myself shivering slightly as I recalled just how good he actually smelt.

"Are you cold?" Seamus asked, his face full of concern as he started to unwrap his scarf from around his neck.

"No!" I said at once, waving my hands out to make him stop. "Let's just go and get this over with."

And I quickly marched onwards before he could offer me his ear muffs.

*****