Chapter 13: Hiraeth

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Just another day in my miserable life going somehow okay. A lot has been happening in my life lately in a very short period of time. Before even I'm even given a chance to process everything that has been happening, moments end already and I keep losing small things in my life that end up creating a big change.

You might feel I'm overreacting or something and that's true too. But I am still a teen, just a teen who is yet to mature up. Even if I have not lived really a long life so far, I have still seen too many things that I can't get out of my head. Even if I am just another kid to everyone else, I have lost so many things that no one else has.

I know every single thing that i am writing is too dramatic. Even my parents will say I am wasting time thinking such stuffs which no one can understand a head or tail but trust me if you were me, you would be crying at the thought of writing such a letter.

I am crying right now real bad while writing this but I can't stop the pen in my hand from writing down these things. This could be my last letter to exist as all the rest has been burnt down to ashes. I hope someone reads it but I also hope no one does. Just the much I want people know what I have been feeling, just the much I don't want them to know because then they will be exposed to this so different side of me when they know me as a charming, happy and an excellent child.

My parents have suddenly decided to send me to a boarding school and I could be back from there any time soon or maybe never. I don't know for how long I am going to be there stuck up with no people I know or people who know me. The people who know every side of me or even atleast one side let it be the bright one.

It's sad isn't it?

It indeed is. After being separated from every person I loved, now I feel like my family is trying to send me away because I am nothing but just a burden to their heart.

For others I am that kid who is God gifted but for my parents I am that one unwanted kid no one would wish for.

Why? Simply because I have made them cry the most. But I swear I didn't mean to hurt them, not for even once I wished to do it. But it's just my presence that automatically does it.

However, it doesn't matter if I am at my own house or boarding school because none of them would feel like home. None of them would be glad to see me like my home does.

My house is not home. In fact I don't have a home. I don't want to go to boarding school but I will so that my parents won't have to shred tears again and let me know that I have disappointed them once again.

Just for once i don't want to disappoint them.

Anyways do you know why this could be the last letter? Because I think my story will end soon enough although there is a lot happen and go. She must be as tired and sick as I am. And this letter could be my last chance to impress her to keep the story going on for a little longer so that I will be able to find out Yoongi hyung after the last time I lost him in the crowd.

I want her to continue the story so that I can thank Jisoo Noona for saving me several times. I want her to keep going for a little longer so i can apologize Tae and Jimin for hurting them several times. I want her to hold on there for a little longer so that I get opportunities to tell Hoseok and Namjoon hyung how much they mean to me. I want her to keep on with the story so I get a chance to make Jennie, Chaeyoung and Lisa smile like they made me when I was sad. And lastly I want her to keep going so that for one last time I can let Jin Hyung know how much me meant to me and how much I miss him right now.

Just a little longer is what I need.

- Jeon Jungkook

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