Katniss

"You look so beautiful," Peeta whispers in my ear as we start for the grand ballroom of the Merchan ballroom. I smile at our joined hands and how he leans heavily on his cane as we walk. "I only wish I could properly dance with you." I shake my head and squeeze his hand. 

"There will be other dances as there have been before," I say softly. "I don't mind. I only wish to keep you safe with me. And you are."

"I was worried," He admits. "That you wouldn't be coming down the aisle. I know you care about me, but still, you seemed so unsure about this one thing for so long."

"I still can't say that I do know for sure that I really am certain of how I feel. I care a great deal for you and you truly are my very best friend," He smiles and kisses my hand.  "But I know that you love me. And that you would never betray me and that I am safest by your side. " I kiss his cheek and feel him run his thumb across my knuckles.

"You haven't had the time you need to come to a decision, " He says sighing. I notice his downcast eyes and feel my own heart breaking a little. 

"Peeta, you know this is hard," I say. "But I do care for you and I'm happy to be your wife no matter how unsure the future is. There is stability and kindness that I can find in a life with you and that is what I want. You want to make me happy and being your wife will make me happy. I am a ruler in my own right and I never would have walked down that aisle if this is not something that I wanted. " He nods and we continue to walk and are greeted triumphantly in the doorway. I let myself become outspoken in greeting people and working our way to the head table and sitting down next to my new husband.

We are served seven courses and there is a beautiful lamb stew  and chicken dumplings and all kinds of extravagant treats. I take them willingly into my flip flopping belly. I tentatively lay my hand on Peeta's knee and look up at him, a feeling of such shame written on my face for disappointing him. He glances at me and shakes his head. 

I let my hand fall and look down at my plate. This is my wedding day. Why does it feel so hopeless all of a sudden, having been so sure as I walked into that chapel? I let myself push further and continue to leave my hand on him. He doesn't remove it and I let myself move a little closer to him and kiss him gently. "Please, just give me some sign that you aren't angry at me for this. We are married. We promised to care for one another. I care about you so much, Peeta. I do love you in the way that my heart allows. Isn't that enough?" He  holds my head against his and runs his finger across my cheek to pull away a tear I had let fall. 

"I'm not mad at you, Katniss," he says. "I'm disappointed in myself for breaking our promise. That I would never ask more of you than you can give. If this is what you can offer to me, what you can say and feel right now, there is no reason for ill will or anger towards you for it. Because I love you Katie, and I never want to hurt you again."

I lay my hand up on his on the table with his and smile. "You're sure?"

"I am sure as I am that you saved my life not so long ago," he says. "I love you and never want you to feel the way you have through this dinner. Never again, Katie." I kiss his cheek trumpets sound as a parade of servants with gilded cages come forward. birds of every color and breed, two by two as though straight from Noah's ark. I look at Peeta again.

"What is this?" I ask. He smirks and looks at our hands on the table. 

"Your wedding gift," He says. "I know how you love birds, how you are my own, personal little songbird.  I commissioned for you an aviary. And here are the the feathered bodies that will fill them. 50 mating pairs of song birds, falcons, and owls. For hunting and enjoyment here in our country home." I smile and look out at them.

"May I?" I ask. He nods and I stand up as a servant comes forward with a raven. I carefully open the cage and he hops up on my hand. I smile at the carrion bird and slip him a piece of roast lamb. He takes it gratefully. I put him back and shut the door, smiling. "Thank you, Your Majesty. It such a kind, thoughtful, and generous gesture as always. " I walk up to the table again and  sit back down next to him, kissing him softly. I smile at him and hold his hand again. 

More wedding gifts are brought forth and I loose track of time. I just keep myself occupied with with playing with the sewn pearls on my gown and thanking each gift ever so gratefully. I carefully stand at the conclusion of the gifts as the chaplain comes forward to lead us to the chamber for the consummation.  I kiss Peeta's cheek as I am ushered away by my maids and he goes with his ushers. 

I am undressed and put up into a long white nightgown. I sit on the edge of the bed and wait for Peeta to come in. My stomach hurts, but I want this. I do. It doesn't matter how scary it is right now. I want to make this work with Peeta and I want to...

I want to be with him the way a wife is supposed to be with her husband. I have for a long time, in my own sinful way . He is very handsome. No one could blame me for the desires I feel for the man I am betrothed to, that I am going to have to have relations with him. I grew accustomed to his kisses and his gentle way of treating me. I am ready and excited for this. 

Peeta is announced and brought in. I stand up and come over to stand next to him as the bishops come to bless us, making sure to emphasize my need for readily and soon bearing a son of Peeta's blood. We get into bed and the servants pull the thick velvet curtains closed to separate us from the eyes but not the ears of those gathered as witnessed. I lay on my back, my hands folded on my chest to help me keep my calm. I hear Peeta let out a deep breath and look down at the ring on my finger. 

"Katniss?" He says softly and I turn my head to look at him. "Please tell me you are sure about this." I lay on my side and smile at him. 

"I am," I say. "I really want this. Don't you?" He looks down nervously. I realize that he is worried he won't be able to with his leg. 

"I do want this but," I sit up and lean over him. 

"Just try, " I say softly, kissing him. I feel his fingers in my hair as I move over to my side of the bed. He sits up and looks over at me. His blues eyes have a glint in the low light. He traces the line of my chin with his finger, slowly as though trying to picture my face better. 

"You look so beautiful, just like this," he whispers and I smile at him. 

"You look handsome, always," I say. "I need to remember that more often. You look like you belong among the royals." He chuckles and brushes hair away from my face. He kisses me gently and I reach my arms around him. He moves to try to get on top of me and stumbles a little. He groans in frustration and I reach up and touch his cheek. 

"I'm sorry," he says. "I wish I could." he looks so defeated and I sit up a little. 

"Just don't rush it, Peat Moss," I say. "Take your time and get your balance." He kisses me and I spread my legs a little to give him room to position himself in a balanced way. Peeta's arm starts to run down my body. I sit up and he kneels as I carefully pull my nightgown up and over my body. He looks at me and smiles. 

"This is exactly how I always imagined you to look, even if I'm not how I would have wished," he says. I sit up and kiss him fiercely. He holds tightly and I hold myself close to him. 

"I don't care how you look," I say. "As long as I can be with your beautiful soul."  His hands trace up and down my back. He kisses my cheek and slowly down my neck. I grip his nightshirt in my  fists and he pulls away from me enough to pull the shirt away.

I carefully run my hands across the planes of his body, envisioning him in the dark. I feel his own hands come up to my breasts. I shudder and he pulls his hands away. I kiss him gently and move his hands up.

"Its okay," I whisper. "I'm yours to touch now." He picks me up and holds me up against him. I I let out a small noise as I feel his member brush against my middle. 

Good Lord, this is really it. He is aroused and kissing me like this. I don't want to rush things but I also want to get this over with and have them out of my room so I can truly be alone with Peeta. I kiss him fiercely and tangle my fingers in the curls of his hair. He groans and I pull away enough to try to get him down over me again. He falls on top of me and starts sucking on my neck. I want so desperately now to have him with me like this. I hook my legs around his waist in an effort to guide him.

"Katie, I," he stops a moment before I kiss him again.

"I'll tell you if its too bad,"I whisper, "I want this, Peeta. I want to bare children that are half you and half me so that we might someday create something beautiful of this ugly world." He smiles at me and rests his head against mine.

"I want that too," He whispers. He positions himself between my legs properly and presses in. I feel pressure and a tearing as he takes my maidenhood. I gasp and grip onto him, whimpering. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart." 

"Its okay," I say quietly. "I'm okay. Just make love to me like I know you have wanted to for so long."  He kisses me and starts the slow, repetitive motion. I don't dare let on how much I hurt, not wanting for him to stop. I need this. We both do. I just keep kissing him ever so gently. He keeps brushing his hand against my body as he does what he can to gain leverage. Just as a pleasant friction begins growing, his injured leg gives out and he falls down on top of me. 

"I'm sorry," he groans, sounding so frustrated. He gets off me and lays on his back, running his hands through his hair groaning. "God, I am so sorry Katie." I sit up and look over at him. I brush the hair from his face and kiss his cheek. 

"Its okay, love," I whisper. I  get up on my knees and climb up on him, my legs on either side of his middle. I lean over and kiss him, rubbing the slit of my body against his shaft. "I've got this until you get your strength back." I reach between my legs and pull him back to where he is supposed to be. I bring his hands up to my waist and kiss him as I start to move on his lap. I take a moment until I can get a good rhythm that gives off the good friction that I had nearly lost. I start panting as I start exerting myself and I feel Peeta's breathing increase as well as his heart rate under my hands. He looks up at me with such adoration. He pulls me down to him and does his best to thrust back up into me as we breathe heavily. I lay my hands on either side of his head as I feel something inside me quaking in the most pleasant way. My body starts squeezing repeatedly and I cry out a mewling squeak as I realize that I have reached a high. 

"Oh, God, Peeta!" I cry out as I feel myself shake. Having been given a break, Peeta rolls me back over and proceeds to pick up his pace in an attempt to finish himself. I cling to him, whimpering due to the slight rawness I'm experiencing. He leans his head against mine, looking into my eyes.

"I love you so much," he gasps between breaths. I nod as he continues, hitting me so hard that it must be nearing the end. I grip onto him and he groans as I fill his warmth filling me. He rests against me, his hot breath on my neck. I feel an aftershock go through my own body and I hold onto Peeta's body as it lays over ine. I kiss him as he pulls off of me. 

"I love you too," I whisper. "I know I have to now." I kiss him gently and and lay down on his chest. "I will never let myself have those terrible doubts again."