• Warning :- This chapter contains some reference to hard topics like bullying and suicide, so if you do not feel comfortable reading something like this, I would suggest you skip the text enclosed within the ** marks. Your mental wellbeing is more important :) •

" How're we gonna get in, Ryan? It's almost midnight. " I said, looking over at Ryan who was sitting in the passenger seat of my car.

We were parked in the parking lot of the Seattle Space Needle. Even though I was fascinated by it's view, I was not sure why Ryan had brought us here that too at this time of the day. Or should I say night?

" Don't worry Sunflower, I have my ways, " He winked at me and got out of the car. I followed him and stepped out. He walked over to my side and held his hand out for me. I laced my fingers with his as he pulled me in the direction of the tower's entrance.

" Is this a date? " I grinned mischievously at him and he returned it with his iconic half-grin. " Do you want it to be, Sunflower? " I shrugged, " Maybe, " I trailed off teasingly and he laughed. " No matter how much you deny it Eve, you are adorable. " He said and I scowled playfully at him.

We reached the entrance of the tower and I looked at Ryan. What was he planning to do? Break in? " Wait here, " He told me and then walked towards a small booth at the side of the entrance. He knocked at the door lightly and after waiting for a few minutes an old man came out from inside.

He smiled looking at Ryan and engulfed him in a warm hug. I was a little surprised to see this. Ryan said something to the old man and pointed over to me. I suddenly felt a little self-conscious. I was still wearing the dress I had worn to the club with Ryan's jacket around my shoulders. The old man stared at me for a couple of minutes as if trying to recognize me but then smiled kindly. I breathed a sigh of relief. I smiled back at him.

He then headed back inside and brought back a set of keys with him. I was shocked now. They both walked over to me. " Uncle Richard, this is Evelyn. " Ryan introduced me and I smiled at Richard. Looking closely now, I could see he wasn't that old after all, maybe in his 40's or so.

Richard then lead us inside the building and switched the elevator on. " Don't be too long kids, " Richard warned and then headed outside. Ryan held my hand and brought me inside the elevator.

" So you know everyone around here, huh? " I asked, cocking my eyebrow at Ryan playfully. He chuckled lightly, " Richard is an old friend of my Dad's. I've never used his favour like this before, since you know, I've never been on a date before. " I giggled, " So this is a date now? " Ryan laughed at that. " If you want it to be, Sunflower. " I laughed.

The elevator took us to the sixth floor where the observatory was. Stepping out of the elevator I took in my surrounded. A soft gasp escaped my lips as the sight of the Seattle skyline through the glass window filled my eyes. It was mesmerising.

The whole observatory was made of glass and gave a clear birds eye view of the city. I was looking around like a child in a candy shop. I had never seen something so beautiful before. Moving over to the glass window, I leaned my elbows on the railing, my eyes fixated on the city lights that looked like stars had descended on the earth.

I felt hands slide against my waist as Ryan hugged me from behind. I tilted my head above and saw that he had the same star-struck look on his face as me. I smiled at the feeling. It was one of those moments that you remember when reminiscing about good times. It was a first for me. I had never had someone to share such moments with before. Sharing it with Ryan somehow made this moment even more beautiful.

" Do you ever miss them? " Ryan whispered slowly. My smile faded away. I quickly looked back over at the city lights.

I knew what he meant. Before this moment, even thinking about my parents sent me into complete depression. I couldn't think. I couldn't sleep. I'd go days without eating anything and sit in my room crying.

But now standing here looking over at the city with his arms around me, I just missed them and it didn't send me into hysterics just yet. " Every single second of everyday, " I whispered back, tears welling up in my eyes as the faces of my mom and dad surfaced in my memory. God, I missed them.

Ryan squeezed me slightly in reassurance. " Would you tell me what happened to them? " I tensed up a little. I had never talked about this before. No therapist in the past had been able to make me talk about them. I always tried not to think about them. But in the past few days I had thought about them more that ever. I had missed them more than ever.

"You have to tell someone, Evelyn. I can see it's eating you up alive. " He rubbed slow circles across my waist. " You can't keep it all bottled up, love. It's killing you. " He whispered slowly. I laid my head back on his chest and closed my eyes.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks but I didn't bother to wipe them away. He was right, it was killing me. My nightmares were killing me. Not knowing what actually happened to my parents was killing me. Not having them here with me was killing me.

"I.... I don't know how to, Ryan. " I admitted. It was true. I didn't know how to talk about them without panicking. Thinking about them only increased my nightmares at night. A small sob escaped my lips. " I know, baby, " he said slowly and then turned me around to face him.

Cupping my face in his large hands he slowly said, " I know it hurts, believe me I do. I know you think you can't talk about them without having a panic attack, but you need to let it out, sweetheart. "

I looked up into his sad eyes, " You need to let it out too, Ryan. You need to talk about it too. " I knew that he knew what I was talking about. He sighed heavily. " I know, " he whispered back in a weak voice.

I nodded and leaned my head against his shoulder. We were both fucked up in our heads. People and events of the past had ruined us. We were the same. Hiding a world full of hurt under our fake smiles. It wasn't because we didn't want to let anyone in. It was because we didn't know how to.

Almost ten minutes passed with us standing there looking at the cityscape, engulfed in each others arms, silent tears of our losses falling down our faces, when he decided to break the heavy silence.

" Her.... her name was Clara, " He said, his voice barely over a whisper. I tilted my head up to see that he was staring straight ahead as if in a trance. " She was... she was my... my best friend, " a small sob broke through his lips and I tightened my grip around him.

I didn't know how he was doing it, but I was proud of him for trying. His chest was heaving under me but I didn't let him go. "It's okay Ry, " I whispered, gently rubbing calming circles on his back. " But it isn't Eve, I was her best friend, her only friend, but I never realised how much she was going through and how much it was breaking her inside. She lived right next to me, I saw her everyday but I never realised. " Silent sobs raking through his body.

I lifted my head and cupped his face in my hands, " What happened, Ryan? "

**

He looked at me through his blurred eyes. The guilt and remorse inside his ocean depths broke my heart. " She... She was my best friend, Eve. She was like a little sister to me. She was an art freak even as a little kid, " A small sad smile appeared on his lips, " After we both graduated high school, she wanted to attend the Cornish College of Arts here in Seattle but, her parents couldn't afford a dorm for her. Seeing this my dad suggested to let her live at this house, that he had lived here in before moving to L.A. I agreed to move in with her to take care of her. But I failed, " He lowered his head and tears streamed down his face. I rubbed his arms lightly to comfort him.

" She was bullied all through high school Eve, and I tried everything in my power to stop it. I used to pick up fights for her and more often than not, ended up in the Principal's office because of it. She hated that I did that but I never stopped."

"We thought it would all stop once she goes to college. We thought it would be a new start. But even at the college, kids troubled her. They body shamed her because she was not like them, but she never said a word to me. She was scared Eve, and I didn't even know. I used to ask her how her day went, everyday, but now I realise that I never asked her what she really wanted someone to ask her. I never asked her if she was okay?"

"One morning I woke up and prepared breakfast for her like I always did. I went upstairs and knocked at her door to wake her up. But she never opened the door, Eve. She never woke up. Doctors said she overdosed on sleeping pills and I never even knew. She died that night in her room. The room which was just next to mine and I couldn't even stop it. We found her suicide letter at her desk later. My Clara took her own life, Evelyn, because I forgot to ask one stupid question. I forgot to ask if she was okay? I killed her. "

**

I pulled him into me as he broke down into heart wrenching sobs. Silent tears for his loss were streaming down my face too. It broke my heart to think that he blamed himself for Clara's death. " Ryan, it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known. " He pulled me closer to him and buried his face in my neck. " I should've asked, " His voice broke.

I understood everything now. I understood why he kept that room locked always. I understood why he had broken down when he saw my self inflicted wounds. I understood why he was so protective of me. He didn't want history to repeat itself and that broke my heart.

" She's in a better place now, Ryan. Away from all the hurt of the world. Away from all the people who used to trouble her. I'm not saying what happened was okay. It wasn't. She deserved better. But you need to stop blaming yourself. You need to let her go, " I whispered while rocking him.

" I don't want to let her go, Eve. "

" I know Ryan, I don't either. " I said in a small broken voice.

We both had people we had lost and didn't want to let go of. People who were the most dear to us. People who we would never be able to hold in our arms again.

Life wasn't fair. Not fair at all.

**********

• Author's note •

This made me tear up while writing. My heart goes out to all those innocent kids who get bullied on a daily basis. Bullying needs to stop.

To all the people who are reading this, please know that you're beautiful the way you are and some random person saying otherwise does not mean shit. You're strong, beautiful human beings and you're loved. Always remember that. ❤❤

Much love

M :)