Hiding

"You are allowed to make a big deal out of things that are important to you"

• Baby •

"Hello?"
I sat there, letting the word hang in the air on the end of the phone
I felt so ashamed, so guilty
I ran away, like a coward.

And now I was stood in a phone box, miles away from the house as I called the only person I knew could help me
"Hello?..." he asked again, sounding frustrated
"Who the fuck is th-"
"Knox?" I asked quietly, watching the rain hit the side of the glass.

"Baby?" He asked confused
I knew he was at one of Adrianna's clubs, after refusing to come to the wedding, he'd stormed out the house altogether according to mama
And hadn't been back since.

"Can- can you come and get me?" I asked, voice cracking
"Where are you?" He asked immediately
"I- I ran away Knox... I ran- I ran away" I began crying
I felt so bad, so bad for everyone else.

For Adrianna... all the planning she'd done
Mama and dad...
Leaving Rocco all alone again
Vincent...
God Vincent hurt the most.

The thought of him made my chest physically ache.
I ran away
I abandoned him... I abandoned all the vows I made within a day.

I promised to try, to learn to love him but every thing had just got on top of me and I felt so overwhelmed
I just needed time to think.
"It's alright, it's okay, just tell me where you are and I'll come pick you up" he said, clearly trying to sound softer.

I looked behind me, at the car parked on the side of the road, at the lights all around me
"I'm in the city" I said, sniffling as I spoke
"Alright, give me a street name, an address, anything..." he rushed out.

"Um... R-Rose Dane Avenue" I mumbled, trying to control my breathing as I looked around
"I'm on my way, just stay where you are" he said, quickly hanging up
I stood there, tears running down my face, my hair long ago fallen down.

I felt drained
I felt weak
I was one of the mafia's best assassins, I was tactful and feared. I was ruthless
And here I was, standing on the side of the street crying my eyes out over hurting someone.

Not just someone... Vincent.
My... my husband

It took twenty minutes or so before I heard a car, before Knox ripped the phone box door open and pulled me into his arms
Ushering me into the car, leaving the other one abandoned on the side of the road.

It was silent. Deadly silent
Neither of us spoke as he drove
To where, I don't know
I just leant against the door, knees up to my chest as I stared out the window.

"What happened?" He finally asked, eyes dead ahead on the road, cutting through the silence of the vacant streets
"What always happens... we don't get our happy endings" I mumbled
"Did he do something?" He asked
I shook my head, the tears falling even more.

"No... all he ever did was love me Knox, and why?... I don't know why you hate him so much" I said quietly
"Because he's taking you away Baby, he's separating you from your home, your family, your future... and he's not even given you a choice, how is that fair?" He burst out.

He was right, no matter what Vincent felt for me, Knox was right
He was forcing me in a sense
Everyone was forcing me, without actually saying it
Polite persistence...

"I thought I could do it" I mumbled, more to myself than him
"And now you can't?" He asked, I sighed
"I don't know" I said honestly, looking out the window once again, only to see we still hadn't left the city.

"Where are we going?" I asked
"Somewhere they won't find you, you keep saying you ran away, so I'm assuming you didn't actually tell anyone, which means Vincent's going to go mental when he realises you've left" he explained.

"So?" I asked, still confused, I wasn't sure whether it was my hazy mind from all the crying or I was just being stupid...
"So... you obviously need some time alone, some space... so I'll take you to a safe house" he said.

"But mama and dad know where the safe houses are" I said, we all knew where the safe houses were, that was the point of them.
"I have a few of my own" he muttered
I gave him a look, and he side glanced me
"What? I'll be taking over someday, I have to have my own allies and sources you know" he explained.

• Vincent •

Vincent

I'm sorry, I can't do this. Please forgive me
Love doesn't solve everything

Baby

I scrunched the paper up in my hand, feeling every muscle and vein strain in my arms as my fists clenched
I was so angry... so... so hurt
I was angry with Baby
Angry at myself.

Devastated that she... she left
I yelled out in anger, punching the wall by the door, feeling the pain ripple through my knuckles and all the way up my arm as it smashed against the brick.

All I saw was red
I wasn't happy anymore
This wasn't a happy occasion
I needed Baby, she drove me crazy with my love for her
But it drove me even crazier when I didn't have her.

I thought that now that I had her back I'd be more restrained, more calm
But she wasn't here, she left
Because she hates me. She doesn't want to be my wife
Why would she?
I'm just a fucking monster.

A monster that forced her into marriage
That tried to force her to love me
Why would she ever love me?

I stormed all the way back to the reception
I couldn't stand it, I didn't want them here
I wanted everyone gone
I wanted to drown in my anger... let the sorrow completely engulf me as I flipped a table and the cake.

"Vincent?" Ma asked worriedly, everyone's conversations dying out.
"Everyone out" I said deadly calm, my hands gripping the edge of the table I stood by as the band slowly died out
"What?" Dad laughed awkwardly.

"Everyone out!" I shouted, grabbing my gun from my waistband and pointing it at the crowd
Everyone got the message and began scrambling to get out of the room.

No one in here was shy of a gun, but I had a reputation, a fear built up in the people that told them to follow my orders and fuck off.

"Vin what on earth is going on?" Ma asked, coming near me and snatching the gun from me
"She left" I snapped
"What?" Natalia asked surprised.

"She left!" I shouted, smashing anything in sight up
"Vincent calm down" dad ordered
"Fuck off, fuck all of you, what have any of you done eh? She hates me!" I shouted.

"She fucking hates me, why would she want to marry me eh? Why would she want anything to do with someone like me?" I shouted, breaking slightly at the end
She was all I ever wanted, all I ever needed.

I know I wanted her with me, that I wanted her... contained
But that's only because I worry for her, because I can't bear the thought of losing her.

But clearly I wasn't enough
She hates me.

But I can't... I can't do this without her
I can't live without her.
The thought made me tense.

"Find her" I said simply, making my way to the door
"Where's she gon-"
"If I knew that I wouldn't be stood here would I?" I turned and shouted at Rocco, before leaving altogether.

I needed to find her, I needed to ask her why
I know she doesn't love me, but I thought she felt something, I though she was willing to try, to give us a chance
Give me a chance to prove myself to her.

But she ran...

{ 2 weeks later }

• Baby •

I watched the drops of rain fall down the window pain slowly, it had been like this ever since I left
Cold... gloomy.
I was held up in an apartment, right in the middle of the city.

Knox dropped in every few days to bring me food, or to update me on what's happening, but other than that I'm left here, sat alone with nothing but my thoughts
And the heart racking guilt that keeps me awake at night.

I'd seen it at the alter, the undeniable love and faith Vincent had vowed to me
And I broke it, I ran away like a coward.

Apparently things haven't been pretty since I left, Vincent was dead set on finding me, resulting in the argument him and Knox had when Knox had returned to the house
Then leading to the black eye Knox was sporting the next time he'd visited me.

But he told me with great pleasure how Vincent looked much the same

I couldn't wrap my head around it, why was Vincent so determined to find me?
If he wanted answers I could understand
But he didn't, Knox said he was still 'head over heels in love like a little dickhead' in his words...

And the very thought of dad made my heart sink even further into guilt
He was sick, yes he was coping now but this was still time I was missing with him.

Time I know I'm going to regret when he leaves us. And mama and Lia made everything so much worse in my head
I abandoned my family, and for what?

What is this all for? For a marriage, I can't have just sucked up my emotions and dealt with it?
I honestly couldn't, I can't pretend to feel something I don't.
I can't lie to Vincent and give him false hope.

I may have loved him... one day in the future
But I also may have not
Should I have just taken the risk and found out? Or was I right to leave?
Cut it off now and not waste years of our lives on a lie.

Thinking of it all always led to this feeling
My head would start aching from all the thoughts, my eyes would get glassy threatening the tears, and my fingers would fiddle with the ring I still wore.

I couldn't bear to take it off
I was just... confused. So confused
Did I want this? Did I really truly want this?

Vincent treats me with nothing but respect and love, he looks at me like I bore the world.
Like the stars shine because of me
And really... I'm nothing
I'm just as bad as every other person in this world.

I have blood on my hands... too much.
I have the nightmares and the voices that haunt me, and yet... he loves me.

"Hey... I got you some breakfast" I turned my head to see Knox in the doorway, a bag in hand and a scowl on his face
"What's the matter?" I asked
"Nothing" he dismissed
"Knox" I tried, getting up from the long window sill to follow him into the kitchen.

"What?" He asked
"What's happened?" I asked
He sighed, putting the bag down and bracing his hands against the side board
"He's not giving up, he's sending men down here, they're going to scope the city" he said irritated.

I sighed, leaning against he counter behind me
"I can't hide forever Knox, I know I needed space but I'm not abandoning everyone, I'll have to face him at some point" I said softly.

The more time went on the harder it felt to think about seeing him again
I ditched him on our fucking wedding day, I can't even imagine how hurt and angry he must feel.

"No" Knox snapped
"You shouldn't have to answer to him, he's not your fucking keeper" he seethed
"And neither are you" I snapped back.

He wasn't the boss of me, I needed his help, not his bitter misjudged opinions of Vincent.

"Whatever, but when they come knocking, you either need to be prepared... or gone" he said.

Vote and Comment
Thoughts???

•