Closer

"We just want the world to love the little monsters that we are" - Atticus

• Baby •

Well this was... awkward
River was sat talking to Rocco about business apparently
I'm not sure where Rocco's extended friendship was coming from, and I'm not sure I wanted to know

What possible business could Rocco have with him?

Whereas I... was sat by the pool with Vincent
The dying sun was the only distraction from the tension sitting between us.

"I spoke to Knox earlier" he finally broke
I looked at him, and I think he quickly caught the surprise I felt
He spoke to Knox?
About what?

"Why?" I asked
"Because I wanted us to come to an agreement" he said, leaning his elbows on his knees as he looked out at the view
"And I'm guessing that didn't end well" I said
He chuckled slightly, pulling a cigarette out

"No, it did not" he said, lighting it between his lips
He looked... different in this light
Under the rays of the Italian sun
Sleeves rolled up to the elbow, exposing the many sins littered across his arms, binder together, scar and ink.
God like

"He'll come around eventually" I said
"I don't think there's any need for us to lie to each other Baby" he smiled sadly
"I guess not" I said, Knox would never accept him
We both knew that
And I couldn't blame him for it.

"So... in the spirit of not lying to each other, Knox tells me you've been seeing River" he began
I opened my mouth ready to explain myself, but he kept going
"And I'm only bringing it up because he put it in a way that sounded... more than it maybe is" he explained

I nodded
"Alright" I said, thinking of a way to word it
"I'm trying Baby, I am really trying to give you... space. The space you deserve, this past week, I have had absolutely no idea what you've been up to, and it terrifies me" he admitted, looking down as he twisted a ring over and over on his hand

"You normally... know what I'm doing?" I asked
"I normally... I don't know Baby, I just haven't heard much from you, you're home, your actual home, and then I hear you're seeing him, I just... it worries me" he said

"Vincent-"
"I know... I know I'm not enough for you, and I know that you can do a million times better than me, but I love you Baby, I love you more than anyone else in the world possibly could" he said, finally looking up at me.

"So if you were seeing him because you still have... feelings, then I understand, I can't tell you I will be happy but I will... I will try to understand" he said.

Seeing him like this. Maturing
Telling me he'd understand?
The last time he punched River just because of our past.

"Vincent, we didn't plan to meet up, it just happened, we talked... and we agreed... that we were friends. Good friends, there's no underlying romance, I promise you" I said
I'm not sure why I felt the need to promise him anything
The feelings I had for this man were expanding

Now I cared for his feelings more than I'd like to
I know I told him we would try. But there was an underlying defiance in me
One that didn't want to submit to this marriage
And yet day by day, I think I was slowly losing my resolve

His large figure shifted in the chair, he made everything around him look so... small.

"So Knox is-"
"Knox is trying to create something that isn't there" I said, he dropped his head slightly, looking at his hands once again
"I know how he feels" he chuckled, and I knew it wasn't meant in a horrible way.

But there was that feeling again
That... need to cheer him up
The care I felt for him and his feelings
I leant across, leaving a small kiss on his cheek, one that seemed to pick his head up rather quickly

He looked at me with an expression that was familiar
The one I would see him wear when we were kids
I never knew what it had meant before
But I think I see it now. It was some form of adoration for... me

"What was that for?" He asked
"You're not fighting a losing battle Vincent, we just need time" I said
"Yeah... time. Times a bitch" he mumbled, throwing his cigarette to the floor before crushing it beneath his foot

I stood up, ready to go inside for this no doubt hellish dinner
But Vincent's hand grabbed hold of mine as I tried to pass him
"I will do anything. Anything at all to be what you want" he said
I let out a breath, kneeling down to his height, but as usual he ended up towering over me anyway.

I took hold of his face with my palm, the other still in his hold
"I want you to be you, don't change, at all" I said seriously, he stared at me for a moment, before he nodded slowly

This man confused me beyond all repair
He was tough, most men feared to even meet him, let alone cross him
And yet he made himself vulnerable to me time and time again, he presented his heart to me and trusted me not to break it.

"But you said you didn't want me" he said
"I said you didn't know me, but I won't fall for someone who isn't real" I said
I needed to see scars and all

"Come on, it's dinner time" I said, standing up, he rose with me, never letting me gain height on the monster of a man in front of me
The monster who claimed to love me

We headed inside, and I realised our hands never parted.

•

"That was a waste of time" Rocco said, crashing down onto his bed
"Wasn't it just" I sighed, lying next to him
Dinner was weird without Knox there
Vincent and River were civil, but the tension had been clear in the room.

"Where's my dear brother?" He asked
"In my room" I said, fiddling with the blanket on the bed
I was nervous to go in there
I had god knows how long of sleeping beside Vincent here, I think it would be easier if we weren't in my childhood room

"So why aren't you in there?" He asked, I looked at him, and he rolled his eyes at me
"Oh come on Baby, you're married now, go fuck your husband, I don't know why you're so scared" he said

"Rocco!" I said a little too loudly, smacking his arm
"What? I know you want to, I see the way you're looking at him recently" he went on
"I'm not looking at him like anything" I said
"Yeah, sure" he chuckled, I gave him a look.

"And I'm not scared" I said, sitting up
"Of course you are, so is he, neither of you have had sex before it's natural to be scared" he said

"How do you know I haven't had sex?" I questioned
"Because Vincent knows everything, and I think if you had fucked someone he would have had a meltdown, plus you would have told me" he shrugged.

I sighed, getting up.

"Going to bed eh?" He teased
"I don't appreciate your jokes" I said, heading for the door
"Just give him a chance Babe, he's been waiting his whole life to fuck you" he said
"I'm walking away Rocco" I said over him.

"Yeah yeah" he dismissed.

• Vincent •

Maybe there was hope for us after all.
I waited. And waited
Lying in her bed that was way too small for me
Way too small for both of us.
She's been in the bathroom for ages now, I think she was nervous to come out.

To have to crawl into bed with me.
But the door eventually opened, and in the dim light she appeared, tanned legs glowing in the candlelight
Her night gown came just to her mid thighs, the rest leaving just enough to the imagination
She looked at me for a while, like a deer in headlights.

"Baby, are you coming to bed?" I asked
She snapped out of her thoughts, and began moving once more, until she reached the end of the bed, and slowly crawled on top to reach her desired spot, crossing over my legs.

Looking at her like that, in between my legs, her chest... right there... her bare legs and her hair draping over her shoulders as she crawled closer, finally nestling beside me, turned me on to no end

The single most terrifying effect she could ever have on me
Because now she lay here, right next to me, whilst I was hard as fuck
She got under the covers, I cleared my throat and blew the candles out quickly, facing away from her.

She didn't need to see that, not yet anyway.

"Vincent? Are you okay?" She asked, placing her hand on my bare back
Her touch was not going to help. Well it would... but not the way it should
"Vincent?"
"I'm fine" I said simply, hoping she would go to sleep, or that I would... go to sleep so to speak.

"You sure?" She insisted
I sighed
"You really don't want to know Baby" I said
"Is something troubling you? We can fix it whatever it is-"
"It... it's not... um..."
I didn't know what to say

I felt like that innocent scared little boy again
The one who shit myself every time she even looked my way
Every time she'd given me a problem like this in the past
And the guilt I felt every time I... took care of that problem.

I dreamed of having her in bed with me, stared like a moron every time she was in the pool
Or every time we crossed one another in the hallway at night, and that silk across her skin would tease me. Drive me crazy.

I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts, I hadn't noticed the movement beside me, and the next thing I knew, candles were lit beside us once again.

"What is i-... oh" she said, wide eyed.

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