Chapter 12

       I laid down on the floor feeling the most exhausted I had ever felt. I didn't even have enough energy to go to where my water bottle was even though I desperately needed a drink. Honestly, I wouldn't mind if I just died right here. At least I wouldn't feel tired anymore.

       Dagny crouched down beside me. "Get up. You need more practice."

       I didn't get up, nor did I reply right away since I was trying too hard to catch my breath. When I felt like I could talk again, I asked, "Could you get me my water bottle first?"

       Dagny got up and walked to where I left my water bottle on the bench. She grabbed it and brought it over to me, so I sat up and drank as much water as I could before I no longer felt dehydrated. When I put the lid back on the bottle, I laid back down.

       Dagny sighed. "You say you feel underprepared. You need to keep practice."

       "The competition is in an hour," I said. "If I keep practicing, I'm going to overexert myself and then I will perform a lot more poorly." I rested my arms over my eyes. "I've never felt so doubtful before a competition, especially before a solo competition. Maybe I should have given Rhys the solo."

        "Are you allowed backups here?"

       "Uh huh."

       "I can tell Rhys to do the solo."

       I removed my arms from my face and looked at Dagny. "I thought you would be more supportive and say something like 'No, it's okay, you can do it' or 'Rhys wouldn't be as good as you'. Encouraging stuff."

       "You said you should have given Rhys the solo. I respect your wishes."

       "I said I maybe should have given it to him. Not definitely."

       "If you want to tell him, you should do it soon. So he has time to prepare."

       I kind of wished my girlfriend was a lot more supportive but at the same time, I did like how upfront she was. I never had to wonder if she was saying something just to please me. Everything she said was truthful, no matter how brutal it was.

       It definitely gave me a tiny bit more confidence to still take part in the male soloist competition. I was a very competitive person, after all. I'd rather my twin brother not take over the solo. Again.

       Although the time he took it over when I hurt my ankle was totally my fault. I could have just put my ego aside and ask literally anyone else to do the solo. But honestly, I was glad I asked him, because it did give him a reason to show him how much he liked to compete.

       I felt rested enough to practice again, so I got up and told Dagny. She went over to the speaker hooked up to my phone so she could start the music for me. I would probably be only to practice the dance one or two more times, so I had to make sure I gave it all I got.

       Halfway through my practice, Dagny suddenly stopped the music. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at her. "Why'd you stop it?"

       "You're not connecting with the dance," she said. "You're only doing the movements. No emotion."

       "Yeah, because Rhys choreographed it," I said. "Not me."

       "Do you choreograph all dances?"

       "All my solos, yeah. This is the first one Rhys choreographed."

       "Team dances? You do that too?"

       "Not all of it. My dad does most of it, but it is a collaborative effort. I give my input."

       "But not choreograph the whole thing?"

       I frowned, wondering why she was asking that. "I don't. Why?"

       "You connect to those dances?"

       "Of course. I wouldn't be a dancer if I just did the choreographer without putting any emotion into it."

       "So why not Rhys's solo?"

       I finally understood what Dagny was getting at, and I couldn't believe how long it took me to realize it. Dancing Rhys's choreography was no different than doing the team dances where I didn't choreograph the whole thing.

       So my only issue now was trying to figure out exactly why I was having a problem trying to dance the solo. I had to think for a bit, but I finally came up with a conclusion. I think I was comparing myself too much to Rhys. We both did it all the time only because we got compared by other people all the time.

       It was hard being a twin, especially an identical twin, when a lot of people thought of us as one person, not two separate people. I mean, apart from my and Rhys's love for dance, we couldn't be more different. We had our separate likes and dislikes. I liked going out on weekends, he would rather stay in. I preferred TV, he preferred books. He preferred fruits, I preferred vegetables. We were two separate people.

       "You thought of something," Dagny said.

       "Yeah," I said. "I was getting in my head too much. Wondering what it would be like if Rhys danced this instead of me. Would he be better at it? Would people think he was a better dancer than me? Would everyone want Rhys to do the solos from now on?"

       "Do you think you're the better dance?"

       I shook my head. "No, I don't like to compare dancers and say who is better. Everyone has different skills. Some are better at telling a story through dance, some are better at certain moves, some are better are creating choreography. It's just hard not to think of people comparing me and Rhys since people do it all the time."

       "You can't stop other people. But you can stop yourself. Try dance again."

       Dagny restarted the music, and this time I tried my best not to think about how Rhys choreographed this. I just had to think about the dance itself and the music, no external factors. Dagny was right. I couldn't stop other people from comparing me to Rhys, but I could at least stop myself.

       It seemed to work because when I finished it, Dagny applauded. "Amazing! There's the dancer I know!"

       I couldn't help but smile at Dagny. "Thank you for helping me realize what's causing me to be in a stump. And for not letting me give up."

       "You are welcome. Want to run it one more time before competition?"

       I nodded, hoping that I was still able to dance it well again and it wasn't just a fluke. However, when I finished it, Dagny told me it was even better than before, so I felt confident enough to perform well during the competition.

       Unfortunately, when the competition rolled around, I ended up in second place. It, honestly, did take a toll to my ego, I felt better after Dagny pointed out that I just got the dance down about an hour before I had to perform. For someone who wasn't confident to begin with, second place was extremely good, especially since it was enough to move on to keep us qualified for the state competition.

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ugh i missed these two so much <3 i can't believe it took two years to update this when last chapter, i said it shouldn't take so long :( so thank you  Mariam_S28 for requesting an update! 

for anyone reading this, i say it a lot but i want to make sure everyone knows: if you ever want me to update a book, just request it on my profile! i always try my best to update it within a week of me seeing the request unless i'm busy, but there for sure will be an update in no more than a month! i think this one was the only request that took me a while to get done only because i was trying to get the winter book i was writing finished before december ended (i didn't succeed lol).