~Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don't fight them, Just find a new way to stand~

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Yasmeen:

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances. if there is any reaction, both are transformed. Either In a good way or bad

As time went by, I figured out that Ahmad is a well packaged lie I had fallen blindly in love with, And we all know that love is a glass which makes even a monster appear fascinating.

The more I got to know him, the more the love I have for him diminishes

Though I had not had the strength to shake off the spell that bound me to him, I had lost all spontaneity of feeling, and seemed to myself to be passively awaiting a fate I could not avert.

So with curious eyes and sick surmise, I watched him day by day, And wondered what would become of us in the near future, For I cannot tell to what red hell his sightless soul may stray.

Ahmad has always lived a life of pretense, not a real life. A simulated existence, not a genuine existence. Everything about him, everything he is has always been pretense. Never genuine, never real.

The only real thing about him is his pursuit for money, but the pursuit for money is sometimes empty and soul-destroying,

The most difficult thing for him is giving out money, especially to me. Spending money is the thing he hates the most, it's like cutting off a part of his flesh.

Beware of those who are stingy, for they would rather sting you than give you anything.

Me asking for money for our daily life necessities was when we started to have serious problems.

"I want beans cake for breakfast, come and see this one" Ahmad said, disrupting my line of thoughts.

He quickly unlocked his phone and showed me a picture of beans cake he has saved in it.

"A friend of mine made it. Her husband is a very lucky guy, she knows how to take care of men unlike you" he said, looking at me like a total failure

Though I have gotten used to being compared with his exes, sisters, friends or colleagues, I don't even know why I still felt offended when he did it for maybe the hundredth time if not more.

"Are you sure this is about beans cake? Because if it is, you have gone too far" I said

"How can you compare me with another woman and tell me that she is even better?" I asked

"Because it's the truth. So many people have warned me, but I did not listen. They told me that people from the particular part of the country you come from do not know how to take care of men, and it turned out to be true" he concluded

I don't even have an answer to that, I just watched him with my mouth ajar, rejoicing in his victory

The thing I dread the most is asking Ahmad for money or to buy anything in general. If I did, I never hear the end of it. But right now, it's better than this belittling insult, so I decided to end the conversation by asking him to buy what I needed for the beans cake

"We don't have beans. You should buy it please, so that I'll be able to make what you want for you" I told him

"Oh my God, how much is beans that you cannot buy out of your own pocket? Some women even help their husbands pay rent and furnish their houses. But here you are, not being able to buy a kilo of beans for yourself. What a miser" he retorted

"Just look at my sister "habiba" as young as she is, she goes out early in the morning and buy whatever she needs by herself. And most times, she buys all the things out of her own pocket. I'm so proud of her" he said, waiting for a reply.

When he didn't get one, he continued.....

"She is younger than you, but I am always amazed by how clever and strong she has become. You cannot do half of the things she does, You should learn from her" he told me

He kept on going, blabbing whatever nonesense he feels like, acting like it is my responsibility to take care of my everyday needs and also provide for the house. He also told me how wrong it is for me to ask for a single penny from my husband.

"If I had the money, I would have bought it. I used my money to buy other things for the house and now I'm tapped out" I said, when I got tired of listening to his bullshit

"What makes you think that I have the money to buy it too? Well, I don't. I am not a rich man" he said angrily

"I have been working for years like a slave, but I can't even remember the last time I bought something nice for myself" he spat out

"Oh no, sorry love. I think you should treat yourself this weekend, go somewhere you love and buy something you want no matter how little it might be. You'll feel good, let's look up beautiful places to visit" I said, full of excitement

"How am I suppose to do that with so many things on my plate? I have to fuel my car, pay for electricity, the dry cleaners, and the monthly maintenance charges for our house, which is a lot. I even defaulted last month and they are threatening to cut our water supply and what have you. I have been avoiding the landlords calls, so as to avoid embarrassment" he told me

"I don't even eat lunch in the office these days, because I can't afford it. There was a day when I kept licking chilly pepper just so I wouldn't lose my sense of taste and to get rid of the bitter taste on my tongue" he said, looking as if he was about to shed some tears

"The hunger, It shows in your eyes, And your attitude too. They say "A hungry man is an angry man" I said

"Do not insult me, or I swear you will regret it" he said, cutting me off

"But why put yourself through that? Why the torture? " I continued

"What choice do I have?" He asked

"You have a good job, and you earn a lot. Where does all the money go to? It's not like you spend it on me or the house, you barely even do grocery shopping. I mean, you can afford all these things with ease" I answered

"How dare you say that? What do you mean? How dare you ask me what I do with my own money? It's my money, mine alone. And I'll do whatever I want with it" he spat out bitterly

I couldn't help but remember the time when he asked me if my money was "mine alone or ours", and I answered with "ours".

Here he is today, telling me that his money is his own alone. Shameless guy, I thought

"Wow, women are really ungrateful. Even if you  would sell your soul to the devil in order to meet up with their demands, they would say you have never done anything for them. He said

"After all I have done for you? How dare you tell me that?" He continued....

"If this makes any difference, you should know that I'm saving for something big, and our next year's rent too. I can't spend money anyhow. But if you insist, we can move to a smaller house, maybe a one room apartment in the outskirts of this town. And I'll sell all the air conditioners you're busy enjoying to save money and buy beans for you. Is that not your problem?" He asked

"No, beans is not my problem. Actually, it's yours. I don't want ulcer to kill you, or some landlord crushing your ego and putting you to shame in the eyes of the whole neighborhood. I'm just a concerned wife" I said, with a shrug

"This is not concern, you're already putting me to shame. Why can't I have peace in my own house? Gosh, you're a very wicked and inconsiderate person. Just like I have been told" he said, giving me a disappointed look

"Really?" I asked, not being able to hide my anger

"Yes, really." He replied

"I've heard enough, I will be in the kitchen if you need anything" I said, walking away

The loud disturbing noise I heard made me stop. I turned around quickly, thinking that Ahmad was being stabbed by a ghost

"Don't ever walk away when I am talking to you, come back here and sit on the floor until I say I am done" he said, and by this time he looks like he was about to explode

I stupidly did as he told me to do, I sat on the bare floor waiting for him to dismiss me whenever he feels like it. He suddenly looked happy, he laughed at my misery to point of shedding tears.

He had his wicked laugh with a satisfied look on his face.

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