~Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation~

**********************************

Aaliyah

With a wide smile plastered on my lips, I stood at the balcony watching the beautiful sky.

Even as a child, I had preferred night to day, had enjoyed sitting out in the yard after sunset, under the star-speckled sky listening to frogs and crickets. Darkness soothed. It softened the sharp edges of the world, toned down the too-harsh colors. The night was bigger than the day, and in its realm, life seemed to have more possibilities

I came into the room just in time to see Ammar flop onto the bed with a satisfying grunt, and I looked at him intently

He is raw and sharp and rich and throbbing with life. He is sweet blood after a long hunt. His kisses had been delicious and smooth like the brief comfort of chocolate, but they had never been enough.

I couldn't speak as I stood by the bed staring down into his handsome face. Nature had been spendthrift with this man, bestowing him with bold, princely features and eyes as brown and intense as the heart of midnight. The cynicism in those eyes was a fascinating contrast to the touch of humor that lurked at the corners of his mouth.

I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. But I was in the middle of loving him before I knew that I had begun

Ammar sits up, and when I try to duck out of reach, he advances like a tiger and flips me so that I'm lying flat on the bed. He presses his palms onto the comforter on both sides of my head, and his dark eyes bore into mine. My heart pounds wildly, and because I can't help myself, I reach up and touch his face, sliding my fingers over the rough shadow of his jaw.
He leans into my touch, and I love that I have that effect on him. I lick my lips, half hoping he kisses me, half wondering what would happen if he did

Propped up on his elbow, He stared at me for a moment, his wicked grin in place.

"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to see you on this bed?" He asked

"Nope" I replied in a seductive voice

The hem of my sweater rode up from our fall, exposing my belly button. Ammar traced circles onto the skin of my stomach, down to the material of my low-rise jeans. His touch sent a combination of tickles and chills through my body. My heart sped up and I struggled to keep my breathing normal.
His kisses curled my toes and now his simple touch rocked my body. Fear mingled with the pleasure in my bloodstream

"I need to go to bed, let me change into something comfortable" I suddenly said, getting off the bed and out of his reach

His look fell instantly, He looked so profoundly disappointed, like his whole life is a long preparation for something that never happens

I went to bed a moment after Ammar had fallen asleep

Panting, I sat up straight in bed with a thick layer of sweat covering my body in the middle of the night. Terrified, I found myself screaming

My arms groped forward to guide me when my tears blocked my vision in darkness. I sank to my knees and began to cry in my terror, I wanted Ammar

I suddenly felt strong arms around me. As my vision adjust to the dark, I saw ammars hands holdding me tightly.

I bent my head to bury it in his shoulder, trembling in the darkness. Whimpering like a small animal in a trap, I pushed myself closer to him and said in a choked voice, "I'm so frightened!"

"I know, my love," he said. "I'm so sorry"

His voice was cold and yet he responded to me with an unusual warmth. His too smooth hands massaging my back

"Who is jake and why are you screaming out his name in the middle of the night" he asked

"It's a bad nightmare" I said

"What's it about?" He asked again

"Nothing precisely" I answered, but I lied. I had a dream about Jake, my ex boyfriend and Everything I knew about him, about us, rushed through my mind like a tidal wave.

In my dream, I saw jake. I was very happy to see him. But suddenly, he started to take me away from Ammar. As we went father, Ammar started to fade away until he suddenly disappeared. As I was screaming out his name, a horrible creature came out of nowhere and swallowed jake whole. I was terrified

Jake was my soulmate and my first true love. He was the one that thought me how to love and showed me the true meaning of love. Before we belonged to anyone else, we were each other's. We loved with a love that was more than love

To every question I have ever had, or I thought I ever will have, jake was the answer.

He was in his late 20's, the time in a man's life when he surrendered the last vestiges of callowness and came fully to his maturity. No doubt women of all ages were instantly enthralled by him.

He is handsome In a way that made me resent him, simply because women were gravitating towards him from all directions like a planetary orbit

The chaos within him gave birth to a dancing star. Sometimes he express himself through his art and other times he uses his words because he knows I'm addicted to the sounds of his voice. His voice is the most potent magic in existence

We fell in love with each other, But we didn't just stay with each other by default. We always chose one other. Every day that we wake up, every day that we fight or argue or lie to each other or disappoint each other. We chose each other over and over again

I remember the last time we saw each other, We both looked into each other's eyes for one last time and turned our backs on each other and started walking in different directions. Each step we took were heavy, our souls try to hold them back, screamed and turned around trying to get torn away from our bodies and reach out each other's hand, to hug each other and never let go but we couldn't. The distance between us is infinite now.

There was a time when I terribly missed jake. As the days passed, I missed him more, not less, and my need for him became a cut that would not scar over, would not stop leaking.

Sometimes it's his fragrance that comes to me out of the blue. But more often, it's memories of us that cross my mind almost every lone evening. All I wanted was to lessen the pain I felt every night.

It's strange how many ways there are to miss someone. You miss the things they did and who they were, but you also miss who you were to them. The way everything you said and did was beautiful or entertaining or most importantly, How much you mattered to them.

Maybe we left as much memories of ourselves with each other because we knew one day we might not be together any more.

Jake and I couldn't be together because we practiced different religions. My father would only give me his blessings to wed jake on one condition, that he converts to my religion. And jakes latin father would only give jake his blessings if he doesn't convert to my religion. We were stuck right in the middle of this frustrating mess

And despite all that, Jake added salt to my already open wound. He told me that they are moving to another country and I should come with them, thinking he has found a solution to our problem. But I declined. 

Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into my life. Perhaps fate laid out my life for me like a dress on a bed, and I could either wear it or go naked.

When jake told me they were moving, I lost it. That day, my fate with Ammar was sealed. It was the day I drove like a maniac and ran into him and his girl

With the love and support of his Arabian mom, Jake found his way back to me against his fathers will, ready to do whatever it takes to be with me. Over the months, He has figured out that moving was all part of his father's scheme to keep us apart. But by then, I have also realized that I didn't want that kind of forbidden love, it wasn't worth it. Plus I was already promised to Ammar

I let go, Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter. Although at some point, I regretted letting him go

Something about first love defies duplication. Before it, your heart is blank, Unwritten. After, the walls are left inscribed and graffitied. When it ends, no amount of scrubbing will purge the scrawled oaths and sketched images, but sooner or later, you find that there's space for someone else, between the words and in the margins

Somehow, I hardly think about jake these days. But day after day, he floated through all the places that I loved going to, searching for me in a million lonely aisles.

************************************
Thanks For Reading 🙏👍
Love You All 😘😍🥰🤗
Don't Forget To Vote, Share & Comment 🌹