Hey guys-

A filler. But a very... shocking... filler... I hope you enjoy. This is the chapter that truly... starts it all.

Without further adieu, I present to you...

U N N E R V I N G 

amelie zabini

{8:12 am}

Zeno and I walked alongside one another down the spaced path of Hogsmeade; crisp, fresh morning air, dewy moisture, though it's bustling with wizards and witches even at such an early time. 

We stop in front of a small breakfast bistro - Sandwitches - Oh. How funny.

Zeno opens the door for me and gestures that I walk in.

"Ladies first," he smiles.

I grin as I walk into the bistro with Zeno following behind me.

At an instant, the smell of syrup and hints of cinnamon fulfill my senses; hickory smoked bacon, freshly brewed coffee, and even unsalted butter.

"Good morning!" the Hostess beamed, "Seating for one wizard and one witch?"

"Yes, madam," Zeno responds as he grabbed my hand gently, intertwining our fingers, "Seating for two."

Woah, hand holding.

I look up at him as he looks straight ahead, awaiting for the hostess to seat us.

"Splendid!" she cheered, "Do follow!"

The hostess grabbed two menus as she guided us through the crowd of many non-vacant tables; this placed seemed pretty popular on Sundays-. I mean, that's how it usually is in the muggle world, as well.

She seated us in a booth with a hanging light, looks like white capiz shell, hovering over the waxy and mahogany wooden table. After seating us, she placed the menus on our table, asked us what we wanted to drink, then said she'd be right back with them.

I chose orange juice.

Zeno chose a warm cup of coffee.

I quickly glance around the bistro as I notice families and pairs of people enjoying themselves; all smiling and laughing, ; projecting bright hues and such. 

Today's a good day.

I meet eyes with Zeno when he's suddenly already looking right at me - smiling.

"Like what you see?" I joked.

Zeno's cheeks turned rosy-pink as he looked down at the table and grinned.

"I definitely do," he responded softly as he looked back up at me, "Have you been here before?"

I shake my head no.

"I've never been to this one, no," I say, "Is it new?"

"It's been here for quite some time now-. About half a year maybe?"

"Ah.." I mumble.

Silence.

All we did was gaze at each other.

He'd smile every now and then, and I'd smile back.

"Zeno," I beam, "So why now?"

He stared into my eyes with confusion plastered onto his face.

"Now...what?"

"That you've decided to make a move."

He gulped.

Lips parted, though inaudible; finding the right words to compose, I see.

"Better late than never," he said as he smiled widely.

I rolled my eyes.

"You're going to need to elaborate, Xenophilius."

Zeno groaned in reaction to the full name.

"Call me that again and I swear-."

"What? What are you going to do?" I beckoned.

Zeno clenched his jaw.

"You... You know what you're doing, Mel," Zeno said lowly, "It's like you want me to frustratingly fuck you, is that right?"

Immediately, my face warmed up as I looked around flustered in hopes that no one heard him.

"Nervous, Mel?" Zeno smirked. "Go on. Ask me a specific question and I'll answer it truthfully."

I huff.

"You promise? I need you to answer it with all your honesty-."

"Go on ahead, Mel," he says confidently, as he sat back and leaned against the booth.

Hmm...

Think, Amelie. What do you want to know? What doesn't make sense to you that could possibly be answered right now?

"Alright," I announce, "First question. How do I know you want to actually form a relationship with me, rather than 'be with me' because of the 'sex'?" 

"Easy question," he muttered under his breath, "Since I'm under oath, I've always had an attraction for you, really."

Oh?

I would've never been able to tell if he hadn't made any moves.

"Is that so?" I stated matter-of-factly, leaning against my elbows on the table, "So why act now?"

"As I said, better late than-."

"No, Zeno. That's not what I meant," I interrupted. "You could have acted on it years before. Why now?"

"Well, we're both mature now. Older. Self aware. Aware in general. When I was in year 4, all I did was have sex. I could never just have meaningless sex with you, Mel. And on top of that, you're a year younger. So imagine me having sex with year 3 Mel-."

"Here are your beverages!" The hostess chimed in as she placed the drinks in front of us. "Would you like any creamer, sir?"

"No, I'm alright darling. Thank you," he beamed as she nodded, sashaying away.

As our eyes met once more, he sipped his coffee. 

"This whole thing is just somewhat difficult to grasp, y'know?" I said lowly as I stirred the straw of my drink, "Zeno Berkshire wants me?"

"Correct," he said confidently. "It's long overdue, really. I think it's time I stop, you know-. Being a, you know... manwhore and such."

"Is there a reason why you're so... sexually impulsive? Sexually active? There's always an explanation for som-."

"We can talk about that another time," he stammered as he looked down at his coffee nervously.

Hmm.. Strange.

"Is it bad?" I queried softly.

He gulped.

Zeno fiddled with his rings timidly as he looked down.

"It's... complicated, really," he said.

Silence.

"Though it's not really an excuse. I actually... don't know," Zeno added. 

Silence.

"I don't like being called manwhore. I don't think I'm a manwhore. I just-. Like pleasing women. I like making women feel good," he continues as he looks up at me. "But I just want to please one person now, Mel. Hopefully it's a forever th-."

"Why do you like pleasing women?"

He gulped again.

"Nothing could ever justify my actions-."

"Zeno," I interrupted, "You can trust me. I won't judge."

His guard slowly withered as his edges softened. He gripped onto his mug frantically as he bit his lip.

"I... can't live my life without constant reassurance," Zeno said quietly. "Sleeping with women makes me feel like... I am wanted. Like I'm appreciated. Or-. Or needed." 

As he continued talking, I listened with all my attention. I made sure he knew that I was paying all my attention to him. It definitely seems like there's a lot of things swept under the rug that needs to be said right now as we speak. I truly believe that this is needed; this talk is needed.

"Reassurance? I mean, what more reassurance could you need? You-. You have a lot of friends, and a lot of friends who are girls. You have a loving family-."

"Ah, you see-. That's-. That's where you're a tad bit wrong, Mel," Zeno interrupted. He sipped his coffee once more, breathed in, then breathed out. "It's complicated, Mel. We can talk about it some othe-."

"You told me you wouldn't hold back, Zeno," I stated sternly. "Believe me. I can understand."

Zeno huffed and rolled his eyes.

"I told you to tell me that you love me because I have trust issues, Amelie," he said quietly.

Trust issues?

"And it's not that I don't trust you because Mel I trust you with everything. I just-. Need to know that I'm-. That I'm loved."

"Zeno," I say, "You are loved. Trust me. Your friends and family-. Even I love you. You know this already, Zeno. We literally grew up with one another-."

"I know that. I just-." Zeno stammered. "It's complicated."

I sighed.

We looked at one another with consoling eyes. 

It was hard for him to really talk about what's truly bothering him, so why should I force it out of him? He'll tell me when he's ready-.

"My father doesn't really love my mum," Zeno protruded. 

I'm sorry-. What?

"What...?"

Zeno sighed as he scooted closer towards the table.

"My father," he said, "Doesn't really love my mum."

"Why do you say that?"

Zeno took another sip of his coffee.

"You swear not to tell Lola? Or anyone? Not even the bloody Malfoys?"

I nod yes frantically.

Zeno took another sip.

"I love my father, Mel. I love my mother, too. They love one another. Though I don't think they love one another enough."

I reached for his hands as I intertwined our fingers; preparing for whatever was about to come out of his mouth.

My intuition is telling me that this has never reached out of his mind. It was going to be intense.

He grasped onto my small tender hands tighter and flashed a quick reassuring smile.

"Mel. My father doesn't love my mum like he-. Like he loves my aunt Lucille."

Hold on-. What in the bloody fuck?

"What?"

"He gave me his diary and-. And he forgot to rip out a lot of pages. A lot. He would talk about my aunt constantly. He's in love with her, Amelie. He loves my mum, but it'll never compare to the type of love he has for my aunt," Zeno stammered. "And I can't even get mad at him because-. Because that's his heart, y'know? I know he loves me. I know he loves my little sister. I know he loves my mom. But it's like-. If I were in my mum's shoes, I wouldn't know what the hell to do. She has no fucking clue that my father doesn't love her enough. And my mum is bloody fucking psychic or something, so it's a shock that she hasn't picked it up yet- that she hasn't picked up the fact that my father doesn't love her like he loves my aunt Lucille."

Zeno took another sip.

"And so I grew up watching my father love my mum with such small amounts. Don't get me wrong-. My father loves Lola, Prince, and I with every bone in his body- and it was naturally. It wasn't forced, no," he continued, "But with my mum? It breaks my fucking heart to see the small amounts of love that she receives from him-."

"So that's where-. That's where the trust issues formed."

He bit his lip nervously and nodded 'yes' slowly.

"Mel-. If we're ever together-. Will you promise not to give me small amounts?"

How could I give small amounts of love to him? I've known this boy for all my life-. How could I give small amounts? 

"I would give you my all, Zeno," I said softly.

Zeno looked up at me as his green eyes glistened onto mine. He stared deeply, seeking reassurance and affirmation. 

"Amelie, I slept around because it was my form of reassurance. It makes no sense, I get it-."

"No, it makes sense Zeno. I promise. It does," I assured him.

He grew up in a home where his father didn't love his mother as much. As a result, he grew up constantly questioning his position in other peoples' lives. The sex was a coping mechanism. 

"I don't want to keep sleeping around like that, Mel," he said. "I just want to be with one person. Mel, I'm having a really strong feeling that the one person I want to be with is you."

I gulped. My throat tightened and my body instantly went into flight-or-fight mode. 

"I mean-. We could-. Make it work."

"Mel, I've never felt so strong about anyone like this before. I truly think that this will work."

"Just when you thought you knew someone after growing up with them your whole life, they go on and unravel deeper information. Zeno, there's a lot more I'll have to learn about you-."

"And you will-. Mel, trust me. You will," Zeno stammered, holding onto my hand tighter, "That's how dating works, Mel. You learn more and more about someone, in which forms the bond stronger. Closer, even."

The sound of commitment scares me. The thought of being in a relationship seemed very hectic and complicated. It sounded like a lot of work.

But I can't sit here and ignore my rapidly growing feelings for the one and only dreamy Zeno Berkshire.

Plus, he's seen everything about me. Underneath it all.

"I've never... been in a real relationship before, Zeno," I said quietly.

"I haven't, either," he said softly.

Zeno lifted my hand and pulled it towards his lips.

He placed a gentle kiss onto my hand and smiled.

"There's a first time for everything, am I right?: Zeno softly chuckled.

"You're right," I grinned.

Silence; admiring presence.

"Would you like to be my-. My girlfriend?"

We glanced at one another with unnerving tension.

It just got very serious.

I had to dip my toes in the water somehow. That's a part of growing. A part of life.

"Um-. I'm sorry-. Fuck. Was that question too soon? Shit-. Sorry, Mel-."

"Okay," I said softly, "I'll be your girlfriend."

*****

AND SO IT BEGINS.

HANG TIGHT. EVERYTHING WILL UNRAVEL-. AND I MEAN UNRAVEL. SPICE, DRAMA, THICKENING OF THE PLOT, SPICE, AND SPICE WILL BE COMING VERY VERY VERY SOON. STICK AROUND, WHY DON'T YA?

D I S C U S S I O N