Willy: Where's Wanda ?

Winston : Don't worry, I'll find them.

Winston , shouting: Laura sucks!

Wanda , distantly: Laura is the best person ever! Fuck you!

Winston : Found them.

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Willy: I'm bored.

Wanda : Wanna commit first degree murder?

Willy: Sure!

Laura , hearing them: No- Stop, don't do that! Put that knife down! Put Winston down!!

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Laura: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.

Winston , Willy, & Wanda : Okay.

Laura: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.

Winston : Bold of you to assume I have money.

Wanda: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.

Willy : Bold of you to assume I can die.

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Willy: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??

Laura: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

Wanda : Why were you microwaving a lemon???

Laura: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.

Winston : Did you burn an orange too? How???

Laura: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

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*Wanda drunkenly wanders around the house and Winston is drunkenly giggling*

Willy, completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the wold, Laura.

Laura, going to their room: Nope, just you. *shuts door*

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Winston : Laura, we're hungry!

Willy: Laura! What's for dinner?

Wanda : We're hungry, Laura!

Laura, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*

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Willy: *points at Winston * A human turtleneck, *points at Wanda * a narcissistic monster, *points at Laura* and literally the dumbest person I've ever met.

Laura: And who am I? Describe me now.

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Police: You're under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.

Willy , with Laura and Winston behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!

Police: Yes...three.

Winston : Oh, my God— What the fuck!?

Police: Wha-

Willy : WandaFUCKING FELL OFF!

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Willy: I just found out from Wanda today that when Laura died and the service did the 21-gun salute at their funeral, Winston said, "They should aim at the coffin to be sure."

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Willy, watching Winston & Laura panic : What's going on?

Wanda : Winston is having a midlife crisis and Laura is just having a crisis.

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Laura, teaching Willy to drive: Okay, you're driving and Wanda and Winston walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?

Willy: Oh, definitely Winston . I could never hurt Wanda .

Laura, massaging their temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

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Willy: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.

Winston : The cow??

Willy: What?

Wanda : Winston , W H Y?

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