"Maya!" 

 Zayan's heart was beating abnormally fast with fear. The fear of losing yet another person in his life. He might not love her that way but the fear of her dying engulfed him causing shivers to run down his spine.

He snatched the bottle of pills from her hand and threw them on the floor harshly and watched them clatter on the floor. Maya flinched and looked up at him in shock.

He didn't know why but he had a sudden urge to embrace her, to feel her and know that she was okay. And he did just that. He pulled her into a hug and tightly wrapped his arms around her body.

"What were you doing Maya?" His voice quivered as he hugged her tightly to his chest. He didn't care about her reaction. He didn't give a damn if she thought of him as a disgusting person for touching her that way. All he could think of was the pills in her hands.

"Why do I keep losing every person in my life, Maya? You can't leave me too. You just can't fucking do that to me Maya." He said with his voice thick with emotions as his eyes teared up. Why always him?

"Z-Zayan, what are you talking about? I am not going anywhere." Maya said, feeling bewildered.

Her shoulders touched his broad chest as he had his arms around her. Her face was pressed to the side of his neck. Her heart beat picked and she swallowed deeply. It felt so intimate but she was scared that is she moved even a little he would get mad again and think that she didn't trust him at all.

"Stop lying to me Maya. Just because I fucking yelled at you, you decided to do this to yourself? Don't find the easy way out." Zayan hissed at her and released her from his embrace as he thought what would have happened if he had been mere seconds late.

The image of Leya lying on the hospital bed, pale and lifeless flashed in front of his eyes and a tear rolled down his cheek. He had prayed for her life and health but the Qadar of Allah decided otherwise. All his sleepless nights flashed in front of his eyes when he had cried and pleaded for her life. And here was Maya, taking her life for granted. How could she do that?

"What was I doing to myself? What the hell are you trying to say?" She asked frowning. Even though he looked kind of scary when he was so mad, Maya was not the one to back down. What was up with him all of a sudden?

"You think I am a fool? How can you get so low Maya?" He spat at her with anguish in his eyes. How could she do this to him?

"What are you trying to prove Zayan?" She raised her voice now. He was speaking in riddles that she couldn't solve. He was not even talking to her earlier, so what happened to him all of a sudden? 

"These pills. Were you going to give up already? I thought you were stronger than that." He scoffed and Maya's eyes widened as it dawned on her.

"Are you out of your mind Zayan? Are you trying to say that I was going to end my life? How dare you accuse me of such things?" She said outraged. That's what he thought of her? It hurt in an inexplicable way. She wasn't weak.

"Don't lie. I saw you taking those pills a second ago." He gritted out. He never thought she would fall so low.

"Those pills?" She laughed bitterly. Zayan stared at her, not being able to make anything out of her attitude. 

"Those pills are for depression not for suicide." She said to him and his expression morphed in realization. She wanted to slap some sense into him. How could he think so low of her? Did he think that she just cried about everything?

"No. You are lying to me," he said shaking his head furiously. She didn't have depression so why was she having pills for that? "You wanted to overdose yourself."

He bent down and picked the medicine from the floor and glared at it.

"I don't want you touching these medicine again." He clenched his jaw, still so shaken by what could have happened if he hadn't come here on time.

"See! The typical man in you is out now." Maya snorted. "Don't order me around."

"Just one person can lead you to do this." He scoffed, his emotions clouding his mind. He didn't see the hurt flashing in her eyes.

Maya stared at him in shock. Why was he being so heartless? Angry tears burned her eyes and her vision clouded.

"It wasn't one person. It ruined everything." She screamed through her tears. "It ruined my relationship with my brother and I got married to you. I wanted to live my life."

She swallowed back her emotions. More than his fault, it was her own fault. She was the cause of her own misery.

Zayan staggered back in surprise. Why the hell was she screaming?

"I didn't want you get married to you either." He glowered at her. Normally, he didn't let his anger rule him and he hardly got angry at anything. But when he did, he wasn't one to back down.

"You had a choice. You could have refused." She said, wiping her tears with the back of her sleeve. "I told you to."

"I wish I did." He spat at her. "I really wish I did."

Maya's eyes widened in shock. The tears stopped streaming down her cheeks and her breath hitched.

"You... you are going to leave me then?" She asked as her voice faltered and her heart drummed loudly in her chest in fear. What would her parents say?

"I'm not one to run away from things." He said. He hadn't given up when Leya left him, why would he now? "You were the one who was going to give up."

"I wasn't going to harm myself. Why don't you believe me?" She said as more tears stung her eyes. "That's how low you think of me? Suicide is haram. I would never resort to ending my life."

"But those pills..." He trailed off, feeling confused.

"Those are anti-depressants." She repeated.

"You weren't going to leave me?" Zayan asked in confusion. Her actions conflicted whatever she said. Wasn't she overdosing on these pills or was he just mistaken? How could he be mistaken?

He swallowed his saliva. Why had he thought that she was going to resort to ending her life because she was having a hard time? Was it because thats what he wanted for himself when Leya had left him? Was it because he had become suicidal and depressed in those dark days that he had thought that Maya was going to do that too. She wasn't like him. She was strong and she knew how to fight her battles.

Maya stared at him with wide eyes. Since when did he even care about her being with him? The whole day she had been scared that he would end their relationship now and he was saying the exact opposite. 

"I wasn't going to leave Zayan. You were." She muttered in a low voice but he heard her. 

"Now who the hell told you that? We got married. Its not a joke." He said. He had really been trying, couldn't she see that?

"You weren't thinking of leaving me?" She asked uncertainly. From her experience she thought that men were not forgiving at all. Their ego was everything to them.

"No." he said firmly. "Not now, not ever." 

It was as if a heavy burden had lifted from his heart and he could breathe freely. He admired her strength.

"You weren't thinking of leaving me today?" She frowned.

"I-I was just very angry and hurt. I swear-" He started but she cut him off.

"I am sorry for everything I said. I wasn't in my right mind." She said quickly, hoping he would forgive her and not keep it against her. She swallowed back the lump in her throat and dabbed her slightly wet cheeks with the end of her dupatta.

Zayan smiled slightly. He knew that she didn't mean it all. He shouldn't have let his ego come between them. He wasn't that low.

"I know and I understand that you are a little insane." He said with a small smirk dancing on his lips. He just wanted her to be comfortable around him if they were to spend their whole life together. He hated it that she didn't trust him.

"Excuse me?" She screeched involuntarily.

"Excused." He said cheekily.

"I was so scared. I spent the whole day in the kitchen and now you tell me that there was nothing of that sort in your brain." She said with a weak smile. She had been so worried the entire day.

"Why were you doing in the kitchen?" He frowned.

"Sleeping." She rolled her eyes.

"So you were cooking for me?" He asked with a smile.

"Yup. I've heard a the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." She said, feeling better for the first time. She didn't want to show it to him, how weak she really was, so she quickly changed the topic to make a joke out of everything.

"So you were trying to make your way to my heart?" He asked with a smirk and a blush adorned her cheeks. She didn't mean that.

"That's not what I said." She said averting his gaze.

"That's what you meant." He pointed out. 

"You took it that way." She rolled her eyes. "Or is that what you want?"

It was Zayan's turn to groan. Maya's eyes glittered mischievously as she raised her eyebrow teasingly. She was feeling so light and happy, now that they were talking about something else. She wasn't really happy but she just faked it through her teasing and jokes. 

"So what's for dinner again?" He asked quickly, changing the topic.

"Biryani. And kheer too." 

Would he even like it?

"Have you eaten?" He asked her.

She shook her head no. She hadn't even left her room because she couldn't stop her tears. She couldn't get a grip on herself and she hated herself for that. She tried to stop her mind from falling back into the same phase.

"So you were waiting for me?" His eyes twinkled. "I feel like the luckiest man alive."

"Yeah, you should." She said rubbing her eyes. Her eyes were swollen and red, the aftermath of crying so much.

"Let's eat, I'm hungry." Zayan said as his stomach grumbled. 

They made their way towards the dining room and Maya served the food. They sat down and started eating.

Zayan relished in the taste of her food. It was different from his mother's. But it was still good. The biryani was scrumptious and spicy. Just the way he liked it. Leya didn't really know how to make all these complicated desi dishes. It felt good to eat your wife's cooking.

"She never used to make all this." He reminisced fondly, as a smile spilled on his lips as he remembered when she had tried to make it once on his insistence. Needless to say, it didn't resemble biryani in any way.

"Who?" Maya frowned, looking up from her plate.

Zayan realized he had said that out aloud.

"Areesha, I mean." He fibbed avoiding her eye.

"She didn't?"

"Not before she got married. She changed a lot after marriage. From her lazy self to a responsible person." He said softly. He missed his sister so much. She was his backbone, his anchor, someone who understood him like none other.

"Yeah. Things that love does to you." She said with a shudder which went unnoticed by Zayan who was engrossed in his thoughts. 

"Have you talked to them lately?" He asked. He hadn't even gotten the time to call Areesha and he felt guilty.

"Yeah. I talked to Ammi and baba too and they sent salam for you. And bhai doesn't even care so there's no point of talking to him." She ended with melancholy.

"You haven't even called Fawad once?" He frowned.

Maya swallowed deeply. She didn't want to tell him that, she didn't know why she had said it. What would he think of her?

She looked up and saw that he was looking at her expectantly, waiting for an answer.

"I didn't and I won't. If he wants to talk to me he has to call himself." She said firmly, more to convince herself. She was stubborn. If he wanted to make amends with her, he would do it himself. She wasn't one to take the first step.

"It was a misunderstanding and he has every right to be angry. He is your older brother and you have no right to give him a cold shoulder like that. Stop letting your ego come in between and call him. I'm sure he's making it an issue of his ego since he still didn't call you himself."

"He doesn't care about me. Whether I live or die is none of his concern." She said bitterly, not wanting to talk about it, but he didn't get the signal.

Zayan took his time swallowing the spoonful of rice before he spoke.

"Maya, stop being so harsh. In order to resolve the issue you need to woman up and talk to him."

"Alright. I'll woman up, but it's not like he cares or anything." She said hoping he would end this conversation.

"Good." He said with a small smile. Somehow, he felt responsible that her relationship with her brother was deteriorating and he needed to make things right.

"I'm tired." Maya stifled a yawn with the back of her hand, as she pushed her empty plate forward. "I think I'm gonna crash on the bed now."

"I'm coming too. Staying on an empty stomach the whole day is kind of hard."

"It's good now you will never get pissed at me." She said with a smirk and he rolled his eyes.

She picked up their plates from the table and leaned forward to pick Zayan's plates too. She was close enough to him and caught a whiff of smoke and her nose wrinkled in displeasure.

"Have you been smoking?" She frowned. He didn't smoke as far as she knew. How come she hadn't noticed it before?

He gave her a guilty expression.

"You got mad at me because you thought I was doing something wrong to myself. Can I get mad too when I know this stuff kills you?"

"It helps me with my stress sometimes." He admitted sheepishly.

"And its short lived. Temporary. You are going to get addicted to these." She said, her doctor side kicking in. She had seen enough cases of smoking addicts. Smoking causes a multitude of problems; from so many different kinds of cancers to heart problems. 

"I don't smoke that much." He defended himself.

"You shouldn't smoke at all." She said. 

"I'll try to remember that." He said with a smile. He gazed at her with awe. Respect for her bubbled in his heart. It didn't look like she had been crying her heart out just an hour ago. She really was strong. He could see that she was trying to move on and he vowed with himself that he would help her too.

When she returned from the kitchen, he braced himself and asked the question that had been pinching him all this while.

"Maya, why are you taking those pills?" He asked her softly hoping she would not close off again.

Maya glanced at him. Why was he asking her that?

"B-because I am becoming a depressed person." She replied curtly, without betraying any emotions. He was surprised that she had actually shared something with him.

"And how can you say that?" He asked softly hoping he would push her to close off again.

She sighed and closed her eyes. She didn't want him to know. But she was tired of keeping everything bottled up inside her. It was eating her up from the inside.

"My headaches don't stop, I feel as if I am worthless, I am becoming so pessimistic, I can't sleep at night, I used to love watching movies now I don't even like that." She paused and took a deep breath. "I feel like I am losing myself. What else is depression?" She stared at the opposite wall, not wanting to look in his eyes and witness the disappointment and pity in his eyes.

"You are not worthless. You are important to everyone. I want you to stop taking those pills. You can get addicted to them." 

"I can't help it. They make me feel better." She admitted. She was sharing her weakest point with him and she couldn't meet his eye anymore.

"And what about their side effects? After some time your brain will get tolerant to them and stop responding. And these pills inhibit the serotonin and there is a decreased concentration of this in the platelets and all." He said remembering how a psychologist had lectured him about it when he had started using medicines to combat his depression. "You are a doctor, you are supposed to know all this so why are you doing harm to yourself?"

"Because I don't have any option." She said dejectedly. She wished she could do something about it. She would spend hours doing nothing and just thinking that she should have stopped him somehow.

"You do. You have me and I promise, I will help you out of this," he said firmly.

Her eyes snapped to his brown orbs. She was no damsel in distress who needed a man to pick her up and tell her it was okay. 

She opened her mouth to retort that she didn't need his help but bit her tongue just in time. She really needed to curb her sharp tongue. If he had forgotten every bad thing she had said to him, she shouldn't make him angry again. Who knew what he would do next time. 

She dropped his gaze and looked away awkwardly. He was being sincere but she was a proud person and she didn't need his help for anything.

But she had to admit that he was such a supportive person and even though there were no feelings involved no their relationship, he still cared about her. She was glad he didn't look down upon her. How could she think bad of him, she asked herself. She really needed to change herself.

"So do I have your word?" He probed.

"Yes, I won't take them again." She muttered, not feeling sure about it. Zayan smiled at her, feeling glad that he could help her.

"By the way, how do you know all this about depression?" She couldn't help but ask curiously. She never thought of him as the sciency person.

"I used to take these medicines myself." He sighed as he remembered the time Leya passed away. He tried not to let those emotions come over again.

"You did?" she asked surprised. "Why? I mean what happened?"

"I'll tell you that some other time." he said. 

Maya fell quiet, feeling that she shouldn't ask about his personal matters.

Zayan hoped that their relationship would blossom further and the bad days were over. Only time could prove this right. Or wrong.

***

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Sorry if it didn't live up to your expectations....

A huge shoutout to Iman(@MuslimahForever13) for the most comments in the last update! 

Now here's a deal. The next update will be whenever this chapter reaches 200 comments. So this way you won't have to wait for other readers to vote and I absolutely love reading your comments. Also the comments should be about the chapter. ;)

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Assalam-o-Alaikum