Chapter 22: Chasing the Stars (2)

21 June 2013 | kaiyang

The mellifluous harmony of music and singing, the resounding rounds of applause and the sounds of sniffling during the finale were now replaced by the light-hearted chattering, occasional joyous laughter and the clinking of dinnerware as the guests to my mini-concert mingled around the café whilst enjoying the scrumptious buffet.

Following behind Father and Mother Shen, we moved through the room, extending greetings and words of appreciation to Shen Yan's professors and teachers from the conservatory. In turn, they offered positive comments and compliments on my earlier performance. While I maintained a congenial smile on my face, my heart was trembling with trepidation at having to keep up pretences. Fortunately, Shen Yan's parents did most of the talking; and after a brief exchange, we politely excused ourselves to greet some of the Shens' relatives who were waiting nearby for their turn to heap praises on me.

The plate of food in my hand which had long grown cold teased my growling stomach. I could only steal discreet bites in between elegant nods and simple, tactful replies, while being mindful not to let any stray crumbs stain my champagne-coloured A-line chiffon maxi dress, which had ruffle sleeves and intricate sequin patterns along the trim.

As Father and Mother Shen were busily engaged in conversations that did not involve me, I excused myself to get a second helping from the buffet table. Taking a swift glance about the cafe, I spotted my friends standing around a cocktail table some distance away. Just as I was about to approach them, Cheng Yujin turned to look in my direction.

I paused for a moment, then nodded at him with a smile. Despite returning the smile, it could not hide the sorrow in his eyes. While I was singing my finale song "Con Te Partirò" earlier, Shen Yan's mother had tears streaming down her face as she leaned against Shen Yan's father, who also held tears in his eyes. Their sadness stemmed from a reminder that their beloved daughter was bidding farewell to them, while Cheng Yujin's was a different kind. His was a kind of melancholy that arose due to some distant tragic memories. Having seen those same sorrowful eyes during all my practice sessions, I could guess that this song was something that triggered those memories.

Seeing me approaching, Du Shanshan called out to me while waving excitedly. The cocktail table was small and with a group of six people gathered around it, it was already crowded, yet everyone shuffled closer to make room for me.

"Here comes our star for the night!" Gao Yi exclaimed, raising up a wine glass towards me.

Anticipating a toast, I halted him by raising up the plate in my hands. "Sorry, but I haven't had a chance to get anything to drink yet."

Chuckling, he extracted his hand before clinking glasses with Liu Haowen instead.

"Shen Yan, what's the meaning of 'We Who Chase The Stars'?" Tao Xiang asked, pointing to the title of my mini-concert printed on the cover of the program booklet.

"It's hard to say in one or two sentences," I started explaining, "but essentially, chasing the stars is like an expression for pursuing a dream. It's a difficult and possibly unattainable endeavour, but we still do it anyway. By holding this mini-concert, it's my way of declaring that I've always been chasing this dream of mine, and I'm doing all that I can to achieve it."

As the others nodded along, Gao Yi mused, "Oh, I thought it meant that you were the star and we are your fans who are your star-chasers."

I looked at him, tilting my head intentionally to signify my lack of comprehension. Then, Tan Qing chimed in while pointing to Cheng Yujin and Du Shanshan, "The three of us performed too. That means that we are stars too."

"Speaking of which, why were only you three invited as guest performers? Even Blue Stream and Deng Zixuan got to be a part of it. What about us?" Liu Haowen suddenly questioned, referring to himself, Gao Yi and Tao Xiang.

Not knowing what was the most appropriate way to reply, I grinned and shot back with the first thought that came to mind: "If there was no one to appreciate the night sky, then astronomy and astrology would never have come about, would it?"

He looked at me, puzzled, then glanced at Tan Qing, who gave him a teasing shrug, before looking at me again.

Seeing his response, I felt amused.

Cheng Yujin kindly stepped in to explain. "It means that we are stars, and you are the one chasing after us."

The crease between Liu Haowen's brows deepened. And except for him, everyone standing around the cocktail table erupted into laughter.

***

That night, Tan Qing, Du Shanshan and I held a sleepover after-party at my place.

Upon seeing me enter my bedroom after a shower, Du Shanshan immediately picked up her clothes and toiletries while expressing her excitement that she could enjoy our family's bathtub. She had even bought a bath bomb for the occasion despite Tan Qing's protests that she should be conserving water instead.

While waiting for Du Shanshan to return, Tan Qing and I decided to pamper ourselves with Sulwhasoo sheet masks which she received as a gift from her aunt, who had recently visited Korea for a holiday. We reclined side by side, engaged in a discussion about skincare tips, when Tan Qing suddenly dropped a surprising question: "I don't believe that there are ghosts and spirits in this world. I don't even think that transmigration is real. But lately, it feels as if something extraordinary has been happening around me. Tell me honestly, you're not Shen Yan, are you?"

Her words caught me off guard and my heart gave a leap of surprise. At a loss for how to respond, I stared upwards at the ceiling as if searching for answers there, feeling slightly breathless. If not for the sheet mask, would my expression now have betrayed my state of fluster?

Collecting myself, I managed to utter, "Is that a genuine question?"

Tan Qing glanced towards me and laughed, somewhat awkwardly due to the mask on her face. "Since the day that we visited you in the hospital after your lift accident, something felt off. You look and sound like Shen Yan, but your speech and mannerisms are unlike hers."

My body tensed up as I was gripped by anxiety. Drawing in a long and shaky breath, I struggled to accept that at this moment, someone was finally uncovering my imposture.

"Although you spoke with a local accent," she went on, quite unable to stop; "I have occasionally heard a different accent. Although you seemed quiet and reserved in crowded settings like Shen Yan, you exuded a certain kind of confidence and determination when interacting with strangers. The Shen Yan that I knew would not have become friends with Mobius Band or Blue Stream so easily—otherwise, why did you think that you had never met them before your accident? There are so many more strange things that I can list—like the way you sing "Con Te Partirò". We were taught diction and how to pronounce foreign languages in school. I'm not sure where you had learnt to sing that song, but your Italian pronunciation was flawless. Shen Yan was good at French but not Italian. And let's not forget, your sudden foray into novel writing and the difference in your handwriting—"

Listening to Tan Qing, it felt as if she had been observing me all this time, gathering all the evidence to prove my guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. "Alright, the facts of the crime are clear, and the evidence is reliable and sufficient," I said, admitting defeat. "You're right, I'm not Shen Yan."

She sat up, her eyes fixed on me. Unexpectedly, there was a kind of intrigue and fascination in her gaze. "As I had expected, you are quite forthcoming. So, who are you?" she asked.

I got up as well, carefully peeling the sheet mask off my face. "My name is Lu Yujuan. I came from the year 2022 after an accident in a lift. When I woke up, I found myself in 2012, occupying Shen Yan's body which had already flatlined."

My revelation was met with an unnerving silence, but seeing that Tan Qing was waiting for me to elaborate, I continued: "Earlier, you said you don't believe that transmigration is real. Before this, I didn't believe that it was real too. I thought that it was only something that happened in fiction. I wondered what connection I had with Shen Yan that this happened to us, but even after spending six months here, I still haven't figured out why this happened to Shen Yan and I. My time is already running out. I'll never be able to find out."

"What do you mean by 'your time is running out'?" She enquired after a short pause.

"As you already know, this body is failing." Glancing down at my hands, I smiled weakly. "Why else do you think that I'm busying myself fulfilling Shen Yan's last wishes?"

"So, Lu..."

"Yujuan."

"Yujuan, in the future that you came from, did something happen to you?" Tan Qing asked, glowing with sympathy.

"Yes," I answered, sighing. "I was in an accident in 2022, and I think that my own body is currently in a coma. Because your friend passed away, that's why I was able to transmigrate into her body. I think that after I help her to complete her last wishes, I'll be able to return back to my body in the future."

"And after you fulfil her last wishes, how do you return? When will it happen?"

I was unable to answer that question even if I wanted to. Instead of attempting to answer her, I said simply, "You sound like you believe me."

"This..." she continued to consider my situation carefully, but her voice trembled slightly under the weight of of this information. "This is a lot of digest, but—you can't be Shen Yan. If Lu Yujuan really exists, and if you are really her, then all these strange things would make sense now."

An idea suddenly floated into my head. "While I can show you my social media accounts right now, I have a better way of proving that I exist."

"How?" Tan Qing asked, almost exclaiming.

I smiled at her eager curiousness. "In the summer of 2013, my 16-year-old self will take part in a choral competition organised by our—I mean, your conservatory. I'll take you to see me then. When you hear me sing, you will know that it is me."

***